hey everyone i'm back again with another one shot to add to the pile. This one hit me when i was watching what you see is what you see last year and has only really come into its own in the last month so when i was sprung from hospital i decdied to post it i hope you like it!
This was just meant to be a Mac-centric fic showing his proggression through season 1 and 2 but a bit of Mac/Stella snuck in though i guess if you blinked you'd miss it...enjoy
Disclamier: Come on i wish... Oh and the song is by Mariah Carey s no i don't own that either
Warning: odd mentions of 911 read with care
Hero
Mac watched his lab working through the glass doors of his office knowing that he was slowly fading into the furniture as life went on without him and he had no idea how the hell he was going to stop it.
He stared himself in the mirror in the morning and he was finding more and more that it was terrifying because he had no idea who it was that he was seeing in the mirror every time he looked in it.
He knew there had to be something human still inside himself but deep in his heart he had to admit that it was becoming harder and harder to find.
He had sunk deeper and deeper into Detective Taylor in the hopes that it would dull the pain that would not ease. But all it did was make him less human and work harder the pain didn't go away and he was starting to think that it never disappeared only lessened with him but still five years later the pain was still there.
And he doubted that it would ever truly go away. But he knew it would better. It had too. He had to accept that no amount of pain was ever going to bring her back but now, as time went on he was starting to realise that he was starting to fade away.
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart you don't have to be afraid of what you are
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
And that sorrow that you know will melt away.
He often wondered if he was even human at all and then decided he had to be because it hurt too much to be anything else. He'd tried putting his life back together and he couldn't.
There were too many ghosts in his past to do that simply. But he knew that soon he would have to try. He remembered the day his life changed forever, the day that he lost the one person he loved most in the world. He'd been at the lab when everything had caved in around him and the whole of the NYPD had fell into confusion with the rest of the city.
Mac had suddenly become one of the many thousands of families that waited for news wondering whether their loved ones would survive. He was used to telling families that their world's would change and on that day he realised exactly what it meant. He'd felt helpless and he never wanted to feel that way again. Now four years on he wondered if he could possibly start to move on.
And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
Stella had asked him only the day before why he kept his wedding ring on, why he hadn't taken it off and he'd looked at it and told her it was because he didn't want too but now he looked at it again and realised it was more than that.
After the twin towers when it became clear that Claire wasn't coming home again he'd cleared out her stuff in a rage. A rage of despair he had known how unfair life was his whole life revolved round death on a daily basis but Claire had been his little ray of sunshine. His shield against the darkness that he worked in all day long and when she wasn't coming home again.
His shield had disappeared and he had known even then that he would end up the way he had now, watching life pass him by through the glass windows of his office.
The only things he had left of her where the beach ball he couldn't bring himself to throw out the last of her life was still in that beach ball. And his wedding ring. His last connection to his wife that had gone out to work that Tuesday morning and never come back.
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you.
He looked down at his ring. He knew that four years was along time but he often felt that leaving his ring on would mean that a tiny part of the spark Claire had once brought to his life would remain.
But since Stella had asked it had got him thinking. He dealt in death so much, he knew how quickly life could be given and taken away and he needed to live for now. He smiled as he thought of Claire if she could see him now she'd probably be tearing her hair out. She'd never been one to mope and yet she had lost in her life.
She accepted death for what it was and moved on. And Mac had always thought he'd be that way but he never thought he'd have to loose Claire either. The grief was like a sickness a sickness that had taken him four long years to get over.
And it if he was truthful he still wasn't sure he was over it. He figured it wasn't something you got over, simply something that faded with time always there but less painful. Now looking at the number he realised it was time for him allow the pain to fade even just a little.
It's a long road when you face alone
And no one reaches a hand for you to hold
You can find love if you search within yourself
And that emptiness you felt will disappear.
The case he had been in had started a catalyst of things. He'd been right in the centre of a shoot out and it had made him realise just how quickly life could be taken away. He was sat in his office staring at the phone number Rosemary; the lady from the coffee shop had given him. His wedding ring touched it every now and again and he found himself wondering what would happen if he was to meet her.
Truthfully he knew that if Claire could see him now she' probably be tearing her hair out. It was one date. She wasn't asking for a lifetime commitment simply a date. He was contemplating it when Danny walked in the door.
"So Mac my phyc eval. I went." "I know." Mac said quietly. "Everything seemed to be okay." Danny hedged. "Okay." Mac said. Danny turned to leave and then turned back again and said, "how about you and me we alright?" Mac looked at him and said, "We'll see." Mac pretended not to see the hurt flash in Danny's eyes as he repeated what Mac had said and then wondered away.
As Danny disappeared up the stairs Stella came up them looking very nice in a black cocktail dress. He looked up. "You like?" Stella asked smiling. Mac nodded smiling. "Hopefully my date will too." Stella said smiling.
She looked back out the office door and said, "You talked to Danny about the evaluation?" Mac nodded. "He's trying but…" He lost the words to explain and then because it was so complicated he changed subjects.
"And then this comes across my desk." He handed Stella a file. She opened it and read down it. "Hawkes wants to go out into the field. I guess we should have expected that." She looked up. "What do you think?"
Mac looked down at his wedding ring and then at Rose's card and said, "I think it can wait until tomorrow." Stella looked up and smiled. "There's somewhere I've got to be." Stella smiled. "I'm impressed." Mac smiled but said nothing as he stood and put on his coat. "It's time."
And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
Stella looked at him and then said, "Here let me sort out your tie." She stood in front of him and took it off unloosing the top button. "You just gotta learn to loosen up Mac." She said smiling.
She stepped away and smiled. "There now have fun tonight." Then she turned and left heading for her own date. Mac watched her go and smiled. Perhaps it really was okay to move on.
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you.
Mac arrived at the restaurant early and found that Rose wasn't there yet. He hoped he hadn't been stood up he'd worried and stressed over this enough and then for it to come to nothing was more than he could take.
He looked round the restaurant and saw couples enjoying the warm New York night but he couldn't see Rose anywhere. He was starting to wonder whether all of this had been a good idea when he turned and saw Rose behind him.
She walked up to him and smiled, "I really didn't think you'd come." Mac smiled. "I'm here now." Rose smiled. Mac had to admit she really did look beautiful the dress suited her. "You know," She said softly, "I never really caught your name." Mac smiled. "My name is Mac Taylor."
Rose smiled and nodded. Mac led her into the restaurant where they joined the throng of happy couples out in New York.
Mac found himself smiling and laughing and genuinely enjoying himself. Rose was interesting and he enjoyed talking to her. He had missed this, the conversation, the fun that could be had. He had been sure even just a few weeks ago that he would never feel this way again.
The night ended and he said goodbye to Rose at her door. He had given her a quick kiss and promised to do it again and then decided to walk back to his apartment thinking.
Oh.
Lord knows dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone tear them away.
He thought about Claire and the day she'd gone out to work and never come back. He knew that he would always love her but he was starting to believe that it was all right to, not forget, but move on.
He knew he would always love Claire and she would always have a place in his heart but he was starting to see Stella's point of view. If it had been the other way round, if he had died when he had been in the Marines he would have never wanted Claire to spend the rest of her life alone.
He could almost see Claire yelling at him now. He smiled. The pain was still there but he could feel a difference, he didn't feel the need to hide behind his Detective badge although that was a part of himself.
Detective Taylor defined him now but he also knew it definitely wasn't an outlet any longer. He didn't feel the need to hide behind his badge and his job although the fact that criminals always got away would probably always haunt him.
Ever since the towers had fallen he had hated feeling helpless he used his job to make sure he never felt that way again. He wanted to help people as best he could but he now also understood that running himself into the ground wasn't always the best way to go about it.
It was a slow process but he knew it would get easier. He didn't want to forget her but it was time to move on. After all Rose hadn't asked for a commitment it wasn't a marriage ceremony it was dinner
And he had had fun.
He'd almost forgotten what that was. Almost but there was someone that had not let him forget. When he returned to work the next day he smiled at Stella through the window and she smiled back. She straightened and entered his office.
"So, how did it go?"
Mac smiled and looked at his watch. "Okay so that lasted a whole of five seconds." Stella smiled and said,
"Well what's the point in pretending I don't want to know when we both know I do?" Mac had to concede she had a point and he had been waiting for her to ask.
Oh lord.
There will be tomorrow.
"True." He felt his heart lift as he thought of his "date" with Rose and saw Stella smile as he talked about it. "See Mac?" She asked quietly. "I told you all you needed to do was loosen up." Mac smiled. "It took time."
"It'll get easier though it'll never go away." Mac knew she was speaking from experience after all she'd raised her sisters in the orphanage they'd grown up in. Stella had and still worked hard, but expected it in return.
Mac smiled at her. "Thanks Stella." Stella's smile was bright enough to light up the room. "Anytime Mac, Anytime."
"Okay so are we talking about our latest case or are we still talking about my love life?" Stella smiled. "I could leave the interrogation for now?" She asked it was almost a question, almost. Then she shook her head. "But that would mean me losing this one chance to get inside your head. So no."
Mac laughed. He really should have known better. He should have known that Stella would not give up so easily though in reality he had expected it. He had worked with Stella long enough to guess what would happen if he tired to drop a subject now she had the perfect opportunity to pull it apart.
"So did you enjoy it? Did you have, dare I say it?" Stella asked her eyes alight with laughter, "fun?" Mac laughed. "Yes Stella I did I had fun thank-you." He looked at her then.
"Now can we get back to the matter at hand please?" Stella smiled she knew she wasn't gonna get anything more out of the ex-marine but what she had for now was enough.
"I'm pleased Mac, in time it will only get better although I wish I could say the pain will get better." Mac smiled "thanks Stella." Stella smiled and gave him a quick cuddle before leaving the office to go about her days work and for some reason Mac felt his heart lift.
In time you will find the way.
Work had been harder than he ever thought it. Mac had had to fire Aidan. He'd had to say goodbye to one of his team. It had hurt but he hadn't seen any other way around it. She'd threatened the lab's integrity and she'd threatened the law they stood by.
It wasn't a CSI's job to decide who was guilty and who was innocent it was the job of the CSI to collect the evidence and determine what happened from what the evidence said. Aidan had tried to change that reasoning. He knew why and if there had been any other way of doing it he would have got Pratt when the attacks had first happened but there just wasn't enough evidence. He wasn't leaving enough clues.
And Aidan had tried to change that. He had no doubt that she had the right man but she had gone about trying to prove it the wrong way and he couldn't let her continue that way.
Still it didn't mean he wasn't filled with regret about what he had had to do. Aidan had been a good CSI, better than good and he did the best thing he could think of. Promise her that he would bring him to justice. And he would, one day though he wasn't sure how he was going to accomplish it.
So he put the file on his desk hoping that it wouldn't be too long before he could put the file to rest and have the right suspect (I.E DJ Pratt) put in prison for all the right reasons. For now, he'd have to leave it and carry on with those that he had the answers too.
But he had meant what he had said to Aidan he would solve the case for her, if it was the last thing he did. As he put the file down Stella came into the room. "Hey Mac a couple of us are going to Sullivans for a drink, you coming?" Mac looked down at the paper work he knew he had to do but then he looked back at Stella and smiled. "Yeah, one drink can't hurt." Stella's smile could have lit up the room and Mac wondered how he could have missed it before.
"We're meeting after work you wanna grab a ride with me." "No it's okay I'll meet you there." Stella put her hands on her hips. "Mac how do I know you'll turn up?" "I will. I promise." Stella nodded seemingly pacified. "If you don't I'll kick your ass." Mac grinned but said nothing else.
Somehow he didn't doubt that Stella would carry out her threat if he failed to turn up. He made it to Sullivans much to everyone's surprise including his own and he had to admit that he was having a good time. He was slowly realising with time that had he died and Claire had lived he would not have wanted her to not live her life.
Slowly Mac was realising that it was okay and it was down to the people around him. His family. His team. And he had a lot to thank them for particularly a curly haired Greek who would remain nameless.
Slowly he had began to heal and now he knew that was okay.
And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
Mac came into the lab the next day and he and Danny were on a case together and he was seriously thinking about putting Danny back on the promotion grid his work over the last few weeks had been astounding despite the incident with his brother.
Danny had shown nothing but professionalism in that case and it had impressed Mac no end. He regretted how he had handled things when the Minhus incidient had happened he was just lucky that Danny was a stronger person and had, seemingly, bounced back.
Mac had thought Danny would break after the case with his brother but Danny though emotional, who wouldn't be had held it together and proved to Mac why he had hired Danny in the first place. After they had put Sonny Sassone away it was good to think that Danny was gonna get on with his life and Mac could give him something back for his hard work in the field.
After everything that had gone on with Aidan and then the Manhunt for Darius that stretched from Miami to New York, it was good to have some good happening around the lab.
Then of course, as it always did when something was going right everything had to fall apart. He answered a call from Hawkes that said it was a 911 Mac frowned Hawkes was working with Stella and Lindsay on the case. A victim found in a burnt out car. He walked into the lab and stopped at the look on Hawkes' face. "What is it Hawkes he asked. "I need to talk to you." Hawkes said his eyes conveying it was something important. Something he couldn't quite put into words.
"This is a scale photo of the victim." He said pointing at a sketch he had obviously done that was on the screen. He then pointed at a virtual reconstruction he had created using the new software the lab had received. "This is a fast scan of the victim." Hawkes said.
Mac felt dread welling in his stomach at he looked at the reconstruction. "Fast scan and facial reconstruction aren't one hundred percent." Mac said trying to keep calm. Hawkes however just looked back at the screen. "This is a scale photo of the skull." He pointed at the screen. "This is a photo I pulled from the official NYPD files." A picture of Aidan appeared on the screen.
Mac felt his heart sink. He put his hand to his mouth as he watched Sheldon pull the fast scan picture onto the skull. It matched. He then watched as Sheldon pulled the photo of Aidan across and put that on top. It fit perfectly.
"It's her Mac." Hawkes quietly. "Aidan." Mac said quietly.
He gathered the team together and watched as the controlled their emotions as Sheldon repeated the process. Danny put his head down and walked away while Stella seemed to be struggling with both anger and grief. "We're gonna get the sick son of a bitch that did this." She said with the quiet conviction that made her one of the best CSI's Mac had had the honour of working with.
Mac walked into the interrogation room with Stella intent on getting answers. Stella proved she was taking no prisoners and Mac wanted answers. They finally got the answers out of Charles Wright but they were not the ones they wanted.
Mac walked out the interrogation room only to be collared by Danny. "Is that him?" Danny asked. "Is that the scumbag that killed Aidan?" "Danny get out of here." Mac said. He needed Danny calm. There couldn't be any mistakes not now. "I'll get him to Mac. Just let me have one minute with him. I will get him to crack I promise you that!"
It took Mac a good five minutes to calm Danny down. He knew Danny only wanted to help but there couldn't make any mistakes now. Mac left Danny in charge of the case they were investigating, a dead marine found in Central Park while he helped Stella go through Aidan's apartment.
What they found shocked them as they realised that Aidan had never given up the hope that she would find a way to nail Pratt. He and Stella talked it out and realised that Aidan had made a choice and tried to save another girl from becoming Pratt's victim.
What she hadn't realised was that Pratt had set it up and killed Aidan. Now they needed the evidence to prove it and this time he would not get off on a technicality they were all going to make sure of that.
Eventually Mac found the way. She'd left them everything they needed to nail the guy a detective til the end. It pained Mac that she had to have known that she was going to die, that Pratt was going to kill her, but she had still done everything in her power to make sure she got her revenge.
In the end Aidan had had the last laugh and Mac was going to make sure that the whole world knew it.
Armed with the new evidence Mac and Stella marched into the interrogation room and confronted Pratt. He looked so sercure sat there waiting for them to screw up.
He was waiting for his chance to slip through the net again but this time Aidan had made sure he never would. Mac took great pleasure in making sure he knew that and the look on his face had made sure that Aidan's death hadn't been in vain.
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you.
That, Mac decided after he had given Ellie her fiancée's watch back was true heroism. The Marine had died to try and help a woman in need and Aidan had died to catch a killer. The brutality of the world sometimes still shocked him even now after all his years as a cop.
He made it to Sullivan's as the team were gathering to say their final farewell to their friend. "Hey Mac you made it!" Stella said with a bright smile as Danny finished his tale of how Aidan had turned him down flat.
Mac looked at Stella and smiled her smile could have lit up the room. "Wouldn't miss it." The team smiled and Danny passed Mac his drink. "everyone ready?' Danny asked. The team nodded and then Danny said, "To Aidan!"
"To Aidan!" They clicked their glasses and drank well into the night drowning their sorrows and celebrating the life of a friend that had been cut short.
Mac staggered out the bar later that night by no means sober but definitely more so than most of the others. He knew he should have just gone home but he found himself standing at the memorial for 911.
That a hero lies in youSo many names and his wife was only one of thousands. He looked at the memorial. He remembered when it had happened when New York had been thrown into chaos. He'd waited with thousands of other families to find out whether she'd come home and he thought he'd died with her when he found out he would never see her again.
"Hey Claire." He said softly. "I haven't been here in a while I know. You know how the crime lab gets. Busy it never stops." He smiled. "Of course I'm sure you'd ask whether I let it stop." He paused. "It's getting better. It was hard but I am getting better. I think you'd be pleased."
"I think she would be too." A voice said softly. Mac turned away fro the railing and saw Stella smiling softly regarding him. "Hey." He said quietly. "How did you know I'd be here?" Stella shrugged.
"You used to come here all the time after 911 I just learned to ignore it tonight I followed you." Mac nodded and smiled. "Checking up on me." Stella smiled. "I check up on everyone." Mac nodded. "Yes you do." "Are you okay?" Stella asked her eyes searching Mac's face.
"There was one time that I would have thought I would have never been alright again but I think I will be." Stella's smile could have lit up half of New York and that made Mac smile.
He turned and said, "Thank-you for the life we shared Claire I know now that you wouldn't want me to waste what I have left in the dark."
"It takes time but the pain becomes easier to bare." Stella said softly. Mac nodded his head. He still missed Claire and there were nights when he woke up wondering where she was but the pain was slowly ebbing to a dull ache and he was able to remember the happy memories.
"Thanks Stella." He said quietly. Stella smiled and put her arm through his linking them together. "Your welcome now how about a drink for the road?" His laughter could be heard echoing up the street.
Claire Taylor stood against the railing looking up the street and shook her head. "About time Mac Taylor. About time." She smiled thinking of her husband she loved Mac, she always would but she was pleased he had finally started to move on. She knew he would never forget her but perhaps now he would have the life he had always promised her he would.
She smiled as he turned back and his eyes went wide. "I love you Mac Taylor. Sometimes moving on is the biggest leap of all." She blew him a kiss and faded away.
Mac stared he couldn't have seen what he just thought he had seen. It wasn't possible. Stella gripped his arm. "She's happy and she's found peace now maybe you can too." Mac looked at his best friend, the woman he had depended on for so long and smiled.
"Yeah maybe I can." Their eyes looked and Mac squeezed her hand. They continued down the street heading into the future not knowing what it would bring but knowing that they would face it together.
That a hero lies in you