A broken love

A.N. Hello. This is my 2nd Gravitation story. Actually I'm still working on "Where do I belong?" but some events led me into writing this one. This is a real apology. I don't know if this friend of mine will ever read this or not but I needed to write this.

I hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or its characters. Please, do not sue me.

Where to start? Most people would say 'From the begining'. But I cannot do that. It would take too long. And where is begining anyway? I cannot tell anymore. I do not know when or how it started. I only know where and how it ended. And it ended here, with me, hurting you. And I am sorry.

It was never my intention, to hurt you, I mean. I never wanted to hurt you. Not in a million years. I once said, the day I would hurt you, I would die. But I did not die. And you know why? Because I did not even realise I was hurting you. How could I know? I barely see you anymore. How could I know I was hurting you with my actions?

I am sorry. I am doing it again. I am blaming others for my mistakes. No, not 'others', you. I am blaming you for hurting you. Does it make any sense? I guess not. Because, it is not your fault. I am the one who was, is, wrong. I am the one to blame. Me and me only. Apparently, I tend to blame the others for my mistakes. Apparently, I cannot take the responsibility for my own actions. How selfish of me. And I am sorry for that.

I am being honest when I say I never meant to hurt you. I did not. And knowing I did, in fact, hurt you is killing me. Knowing that I am the reason for your saddness is killing me. Knowing that I am the one who made you cry is killing me. And I am sorry.

We have been apart for a long time. But it was inevitable. Our lifes are too different. With time, I accepted this fact. Because when we were together, it was special. It was magic. You made it magic. Your smile, your voice, your touches. It was pure magic. But I had to ruin it, wasn't it? I always ruin everything. I am sorry.

We were growing more and more apart. You wanted to be with me, you wanted to talk to me, you wanted to see me, you wanted a smile from me. But I was never around. I was always busy. I always had other things to do. More important things. More important than you. How stupid of me. How could I think anything was more important than you? How could I put my selfish needs before you? You, the most important thing in my life. The most important person in my life. And I am sorry.

You made me what I am today. You made me a better person. Even if we were, are, so different. Everyone kept saying that we didn't match. 'How can you put up with him?' they said. 'Because I love him' we would say. But they did not see love. They did not see we matched perfectly. They did not see the resemblances. They only saw the differences. They did not see our love. How could not they see our love? Our need for each other? Maybe that is my fault too. And I am sorry.

But I honestly do not care if they understand our love. Our love is for us and us only. We have a bond. A special bond. A physical, a mental and a spiritual bond. And I ruined it. I broke our special bond. And why? Because I am stupid. I am selfish. I am so sorry.

You changed my life. You came into my life and changed it forever. You changed it for so much better. I thank the spirits for that night. The night we met. Neither of us realised the importance of that night in our lifes. It would change us. It would change the people around us. Many times I regretted ever having met you. I know you did it too. But not now. Now we understand that it was the best thing that ever happened to any of us. And I am sorry for ruin it.

How could I be so stupid? We were so happy. Just the two of us. But we let other things get into our happiness. No, not 'we'. 'I'. I let other things get into our happiness. And I did not even needed these other things. All I needed was you. All I need is you. You are my life. And now I have drove you away. And why? All because of my stupidity. Oh God, I am so sorry.

I could ask for your forgiveness. I could beg for it. But I will not. I have no right to be forgiven. It is all my fault. My misery is my own fault. And I will accept it. What I cannot accept is your misery. But unfortunately, I cannot turn back time and change my actions. Oh, how I wish I could.

My friend, my lover, my life. I am so sorry. All I ever needed was you. And now you are gone. Now I am alone. What am I supposed to do now? I cannot live without you. I do not know how to live without you. I am lost.

I love you. I love you so much my whole body seems to explode. Believe me, I love you more than life itself. That is why I cannot live without you. And if cannot have you in my life then I might as well die.

If you reading this, it means I am dead. I am sorry for all the troubles I gave you. And please, do not cry for me. I am not worthy of your tears. You have cried too much already. And now you can finally be happy.

I love you Yuki. And I always will.

Shuichi Shindou.

A.N. This is supposed to be one-shot. But if you guys like it and want it, I could write a 2nd chapter. Sort of an answer to this chapter. But only if you want to. Any questions, please feel free to ask me. See you next time.

R&R! Thanks