A/N: Well, hello. This fic is strictly humour. I dedicate this fic to my friend Dez, who had better be reading this.

This fic was also inspired by the purely South African adventures of Liewe Heksie by Verna Vels. I bow down before he genius. I don't own that nor do I own Harry Potter. Now, onwards!

The Dearest Little With

Chapter 1: My name is Dearest.

They call me Dearest Little Witch (or Dearest for short. I don't mind what they call me, just as long as they don't insult me and my intelligence.), but Hermione is my name. I am the smartest witch that I know, then again I'm also one of the only witches that I know.

I have a bunch of bushy brown hair that I can never tame, and the taming itself is a massive process in the first place. I don't really bother with it, because everyone in Daisyland know what I look like. I always wear a black dress that end just above my knees and a pair of short heels. Hey, I'm the only one that doesn't wear a pointy hat and clothes an elf would wear.

I live in a place called Daisyland: it is full of daisies (quit obviously), posies and even a few roses here and there, the grass is always green, even in winter, and the trees are always in bloom.

We also have a rather kind king, even though he is like a bear with a sore paw at time. King Dumbledore, but we call him King Rosehalo… because he always wears a halo of roses as his crown. He has a long, white beard and half-moon spectacles, his eyes are always twinkling and he goes around Daisyland handing out candy.

I live on my own. I'm sixteen and I live on my own. Isn't that fantastic? My parents moved a very long time ago, and my grandmother raised me. She died a year ago – my great grandmother Hermionettalia. Hell, I'm glad I hadn't been punished with that name. But she was the sweetest lady that ever existed.

I have a cat – his name is Crookshanks and he's adorable. I have no idea what he says to me most of the time, but I don't care, he's one of my best friends nonetheless. I think he laughs at me sometimes, when I do something strange, because he shakes his head, closes his eyes and shakes his head whilst mewing.

My other best friends are Harry and Ron – they're both elves. They always wear pointy red caps that, for some reason, leave their pointy ears exposed. But their ears are adorable! They have a slight curl at the top that just makes it that much more adorable.

Ron has ginger hair that peeks from underneath his red cap, and Harry has black hair. Of the two of them, Harry is the kindest and Ron is the brawniest. I've never seen them without their caps, though, so they could even be bald underneath those caps.

In Daisyland we have a very special treasure: the Golden Daisy. It sustains life in all of Daisylands flowers and trees and it causes the grass to be always green. It is therefore no surprise that the Blueberries want to steal it.

The Blueberries come from Onionsland (I know! Why do they call them Blueberries if they come from Onionland?), and they want our Golden Daisy to bring life to their own place. We can't even lend it to them for a day, because then all the flowers in Daisyland would die. And we don't want that.

Onionland is ruled by King Voldemort – he is tall and mean and ugly. He has no nose (I wonder how he smells? Probably awful, but that's beside the point.) and he carries a big stick with him everywhere. I don't know why, he probably slaps the Blueberries with it when he's feeling off the day.

Oh, and lastly, the Blueberries are elves too. You should probably know that if you're reading this.

Well, mortals, here we go! Wish me luck on my life as the only witch in Daisyland!

…

A/N: Please do leave a review, my darling readers. I apologise for my overzealousness, but medicine tends to make me delirious, and therefore I am not writing on my more 'serious' fanfictions at this moment.