Round 1: Country
A/N: Hey everyone! Welcome back to season 2 of Hogwarts Idol! If you haven't read the first part, it may pay off to go to my bio page and read that first, some of the jokes will make a lot more sense then. Or you can brave it and be confused. Your choice:)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the songs or lyrics used, or any characters, apart from the few I made up.
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The Great Hall was packed, with everyone squashed in like sardines. Music blared from the giant speakers on either side of the stage. And then, to thunderous applause, the curtains drew back to reveal SDC and Erin smiling out at the audience. This was it. Hogwarts Idol 2 had begun.
The applause died down several minutes later, and SDC and Erin grabbed their microphones.
"Hello everyone! We are extremely pleased to welcome you back to Hogwarts Idol 2!" There were more hysterical cries from the audience.
"We know you're excited to get started, but first let us introduce our hopefully wonderful contestants!" Erin said, hoping that the hype would make up for the fact that none of them could sing. She smiled hopefully as SDC began to introduce the performers.
"First of all, we have everyone's favourite gamekeeper and lover of big scary monster things, Rubeus Hagrid!"
Hagrid lumbered forward, his footsteps cracking the floorboards and leaving a path of holes and dents to the front of the stage. "Err…sorry bout that…" he mumbled to the bemused audience.
"Uh, its ok, thanks Hagrid," Erin assured him, quickly ushering him offstage.
"Next up, Loony Luna Lovegood!" SDC cried. There were a few cheers as Luna floated dreamily toward the hosts. "Hello," she said with a small wave. "Good luck, Luna!" SDC smiled. "Oh no," she shook her head, radish earrings swinging, "I've got my Crumple-Horned Snorkack charm, it's all the luck I need!"
SDC and Erin exchanged amused glances. 'Well, that's great Luna! Thank you," they said, motioning her away.
"Our next contestant, Lavender Brown!" Erin announced. Lavender ran forward and grabbed SDC's microphone. "Won-Won, sweetheart! This is for you!" she cried. Hermione threw her arms around Ron and held him tightly. Lavender glared at Hermione angrily. Sensing conflict, SDC stole her microphone back, took Lavender's arm and led her carefully offstage. Erin continued smiling as if nothing was happening until SDC reappeared beside her.
"Next we have a wizarding celebrity and former Hogwarts Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher; author of Magical Me and 5-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award, Gilderoy Lockhart!" Girls swooned, guys gagged and SDC and Erin were shunned aside as Gilderoy strode forward, followed by a flock of female backstage crew gazing adoringly at him. "Why thank you," he said, flashing his award-winning smile and causing every girl he looked at to shriek hysterically and faint on the spot. He then pulled out a long scroll of paper, which turned out to be his fifteen minute speech telling everyone how wonderful (and modest cough cough) he was. Before he could finish, SDC and Erin had had enough of it. Marching up to him, SDC poked him on the shoulder and yelled "Look, mate, we haven't got all day. If we wanted to hear you ramble about how great you are we'd buy your book!" Erin joined her. "She's right; this isn't the Gilderoy Lockhart show! Move it or lose it buddy." To the loud protests of his fans in the audience who had not yet fainted, SDC and Erin pushed Gilderoy and his flock of fans offstage.
"Finally. Gosh, why did we have to get him on the show? He's so annoying! Argh!" Erin vented aloud.
"I know, honey, it's hard for us all, but think of the money!" SDC reassured her. Erin brightened immediately. "Oh yes! The money."
"Anyway…" SDC smiled, "Our next contestant is the beautiful Cho Chang." Cho appeared onstage to loud applause from the Ravenclaws. "Good luck Cho!" Erin said. "Oh, thank you! I'm going to need it; this really wasn't my idea you know. It's all their fault!" She pointed to a group of her friends, who couldn't control their giggling. "Well, thanks Cho!" SDC said, pointing towards the wings. Cho hurried away, embarrassed.
"Next we have Professor Flitwick!" Erin announced. No one appeared. She and SDC stood at the front of the stage with fake smiles stuck in place. "Where is he?" SDC said without moving her lips. Erin began to shrug when a voice at her feet said 'I'm down here!" They looked down to see Flitwick waist-deep in a dent that Hagrid had made in the stage. "Oh! There you are Professor! Maybe you should consider getting some stilts?" SDC suggested. "Very good idea, girls," Flitwick replied and pointed his wand at his feet. A pair of stilts lifted him very high, very fast, and he banged his head on the rafters. "Maybe some smaller stilts?" Erin yelled up to him. The audience laughed. "Yes, yes," he said, shrinking the stilts until he was the same height as Erin. "Much better. Thank you girls." Flitwick wobbled offstage on his new stilts.
"And now, singing together as one voice, we have Hogwarts' favourite pranksters, Fred and George Weasley!" SDC and Erin shrieked as the twins apparated on either side of them with a loud #POP#. Chuckling at their prank, Fred and George took the hosts' microphones and said "Thank you Hogwarts! Vote for us! And remember to visit Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes and buy some Nosebleed Nougat, the perfect way to get out of hearing Lockhart sing!" The audience cheered wildly. Fred and George handed SDC and Erin back their microphones, which promptly turned into rubber chickens. "Fred! George!" they screamed, annoyed. The twins ran offstage, throwing the real microphones back over their shoulders. "Argh! Thank you, Fred and George!" SDC huffed, trying to regain her composure.
"Right. Now, our next contestant is former Hogwarts professor, Remus "Moony" Lupin!" Erin announced. The Gryffindors erupted into howls and barks as their favourite teacher approached the hosts. "Thank you," he grinned modestly.
"So, Professor, how's the whole werewolf thing going? I hope it won't affect your performance," SDC asked.
"Well, Snape is still kind enough to make me Wolfsbane potion for the full moon, so I should be fine," Lupin replied.
"Really? Snape? We wouldn't be too sure there. You know, he has..."Erin glanced around mysteriously "Problems..." she whispered loudly.
"I heard that young lady!" Snape roared from near the back of the hall. He pulled out his wand and aimed it towards the stereo system.
"Oh no! Not the Crazy Frog again! Security! SECURITY!!!" SDC and Erin screamed. Snape was once again removed kicking and screaming from the hall by the Men In Black trolls. When he was gone, the hosts turned back to Lupin, who had a strange look on his face. "Everything ok Professor?" SDC asked.
"Uh, yes girls," he said, running offstage and trying to hide his laughter.
"Next up, we have Professor Trelawney, Hogwarts Divination teacher!" Erin said. Trelawney wandered toward the hosts, wearing lots of green spangled shawls, which, with her enormous glasses, made her appear more bug-like than ever. Suddenly she grabbed SDC's shoulders. "My dear, I sense an aura about you. Are you in the beyond?" she demanded. "Uh...does the beyond look like this stage?" SDC replied. Trelawney hesitated, taken aback. "No, it's a spiritual re-" "Then no," SDC interrupted. Trelawney looked disappointed. "Oh." "So, do you have any premonitions about the show?" Erin asked. "Well, that area has been a little foggy..." Trelawney said. "Would some tea leaves help? A crystal ball? Maybe we could get a few people into the beyond?" Erin teased. Trelawney sighed and stormed off in a huff. "No? Ok then. Just trying to help." She and SDC tried to keep straight faces, but ended up in a giggling fit.
"Ahem, sorry about that. And now, our last contestant, thoroughly hated Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Dolores Umbridge!" SDC announced. Boos and pieces of rotten fruit issued from the crowd as Umbridge plodded toadily onstage. "Stop! Under Educational Decree 323, I order you to stop throwing fruit at me! Aah!" She screamed as an extremely over-ripe tomato splatted on her cheek and oozed down her face. With everyone enjoying themselves so much, Fred and George took the opportunity to stir up some mischief. They conjured up a 3D image of a centaur that charged menacingly towards Umbridge. "AAAHHH! Centaur! Help!" she cried, fleeing the stage with the holographic centaur galloping after her. The crowd cheered for Fred and George. "Dolores Umbridge everyone!" SDC and Erin called above the noise.
"Right, now we have met our contestants, let's say a quick hello to the judges before we get the competition underway!" SDC grinned. "Returning from last series, welcome back Professor Dumbledore and Lee Jordan!" They both stood and waved to the crowd. "And, please welcome our brand new judge, all the way from Down Under, Australia, Raven!" Playing up SDC's comment, Raven conjured herself a wide-brimmed hat with corks hanging from it and called "G'day everyone!"
"Now, let the competition begin!" SDC and Erin cried. The crowd went wild, cheering, whistling and waving banners for their favourite contestants. "This round all contestants must sing Country songs! Yee-haw!" SDC and Erin waved their wands and their outfits turned into denim cut-offs, cowboy hats and plaid shirts. They began talking in silly fake Hillbilly accents. "Y'all give a warm welcome to Fred and George Weasley!"
The twins apparated onstage wearing ridiculous cowboy outfits as the #cough this time we're almost legal, really cough# steel drum band played the intro to Tammy Wynette's 'Stand By Your Man'
"Sometimes its hard to be a twin
Sharing all your looks with another man
You'll have bad times
And he'll have good times
Doing things that you don't understand
But if you love him you'll forgive him
Even though he's hard to understand
And if you love him
Oh be proud of him
'Cause after all he's your twin
Stand by your twin
Stand by your twin"
The crowd cheered crazily for the Weasley twins. Although the twins had been joking all through their performance, all three judges held up 8 point score cards. Fred and George threw off their cowboy hats and danced a little hoe down jig in celebration. "Well done boys, it looks like you can stand by your twin on Hogwarts Idol next week!" Erin joked. The twins disapparated arm in arm, grinning happily. "Next will y'all give it up for Miss Lavender Brown?!" SDC hollered.
Lavender appeared onstage, the spitting image of Whitney Houston. "This song is dedicated to my darling Won-Won!" she cried, gazing lovingly at Ron who was sitting next to Hermione and looking awkward. The crowd began to 'aw' until they saw Hermione staring daggers at Lavender and decided it might be better to remain silent. Lavender stared impatiently out at the crowd. "Well aren't you gonna clap? I won't start until you clap." No one moved. "I can make you clap, you know!" she threatened, raising her wand. Slowly the audience began to applaud, and when Lavender was satisfied she began:
"And I hope life, will treat you kind
And I hope that you have all
That you ever dreamed of
Oh, I do wish you joy
And I wish you happiness
But above all this
I wish you love
I love you, I will always love
I, I will always, always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you"
Lavender gazed steadily at Ron throughout the performance. Ron turned away, looking uncomfortable while Hermione glared at Lavender. "Well folks it looks like we've got ourselves a little love triangle here!" SDC said, prancing back to the front of the stage with Erin close behind. Lavender stopped gazing at Ron and frowned at SDC, who was grinning cheekily. "Ok, judges, what's her score?" Erin broke in before Lavender could attack her co-host. Dumbledore and Lee Jordan both gave Lavender a 6, but Raven only scored her a 4 and said "Too bad the guy you're singing it for doesn't feel the same way." There was a small chorus of agreement from the crowd. Lavender stormed offstage angrily.
"Righto, next up we've got Hagrid! Yee haw!" SDC announced. Hagrid crashed his way onstage, leaving another trail of holes and dents. He was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans in the biggest size he could find, which, unfortunately, was still much too small. He moved carefully, as his clothes could burst at any moment. Before he began his song, he looked lovingly at Madame Maxime, who he had brought over especially for his performance. Then, he pulled out a piece of parchment with the lyrics written on it. SDC and Erin smacked their heads with their hands. "He doesn't know the words?" Erin whispered incredulously. SDC just sighed. Hagrid began to mumble his way through the song.
"Uhm…I keep a close watch on this heart o' mine
I keep me eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because yer mine, I walk the line"
Hagrid dropped his piece of paper and stopped to pick it up.
"Erm…where was I? Oh yes uh…here we go:
I find it very, very easy teh be true
I find meself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit tha' I'm a fool for yeh
Because yer mine, I walk the line"
When he finished, the crowd were not entirely sure whether to clap or not. Only Harry, Ron, Hermione and Madame Maxime applauded at first, until slowly most of the crowd had joined in. The judges, however, were unimpressed. All three held up 2 points because 'at least he tried' they explained. "And," Raven added, "at least Madame Maxime is in love with him."
"Um, well, good job Hagrid…" SDC said, and pointed towards the wings.
"Alrighty, our next contestant performing is Luna Lovegood!" Erin hollered. The crowd clapped politely as Luna drifted onstage. She began to sing:
"Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are"
The audience was amused but not entirely surprised that Luna had not stuck to the song genre. SDC and Erin sidled up to Luna and asked "Um, Luna? What was that? You do know you were meant to sing a country song?" Luna stared at them blankly. "What do you mean? It came from a country, doesn't that count?" SDC and Erin exchanged glances. "Well, we'll have to ask the judges about that one…" SDC said, turning to the judges. They held up 3 point score cards. Raven said "It was a very nice song, although not in the right genre." The audience clapped and Luna floated back offstage.
"Ok y'all, next up you better holler for Professor Flitwick! Woo!" Erin yelled. Flitwick tottered onstage in his stilts, which he had still not quite mastered. The crowd followed Erin's request and hollered till they could holler no more. When they were finally silent, Flitwick began his song:
"I've known a few kids who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art
You think you're a genius, you drive everyone up the wall
You're a regular original, a know-it-all
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else
Okay, so you've got a wand
That don't impress me much
So you got the spell but does it work?
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep your grades up if you don't get it right
That don't impress me much"
As Flitwick was about to begin the next verse, he overbalanced and, arms wind-milling frantically, he toppled over and crashed to the ground. SDC signalled the #cough this time we're almost legal immigrants, really cough# drum band to stop as she and Erin rushed over to Professor Flitwick. "Are you ok, Sir?" Erin gasped. "Maybe we'll just end your song there for today." SDC added. They helped Flitwick to his feet as the judges held up their scores. He did reasonably well, scoring 5, 5 and 6.
The next few performances were relatively uneventful. Lupin surprised everyone with a brilliant performance of his favourite Keith Urban song, scoring him 9 points from each of the judges. Cho nervously sang Faith Hill's 'This Kiss' while her friends laughed and encouraged her. Trelawney gave an average performance of 'Sweet Home Hogwarts Castle' and Umbridge was booed offstage only three lines into Sheryl Crow's 'Soak up the Sun'.
"Yee haw!" SDC and Erin shouted, running back onstage after Umbridge's quick exit. "Alright, our last contestant tonight is Mr. Gilderoy Lockhart!" Girls' hysterical screams filled the hall as Gilderoy approached the microphone, shoving SDC and Erin out of the way. They sulked away, looking disgruntled. Gilderoy began his song, flashing his charming smile to the audience.
"You can tell the world you never was my girl
You can burn my clothes when I'm gone
Or you can tell your friends just what a fool I've been
And laugh and joke about me on the phone
You can tell my arms to go back onto the phone
You can tell my feet to hit the floor
Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips
They won't be reaching out for you no more
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo….."
The next bit of his song was drowned out by the crazed shrieking from Gilderoy's fans. Instead of trying to carry on, he just stopped and stood smiling out at the crowd, bowing and waving occasionally. SDC and Erin groaned. "What's wrong with these people? He's not even doing anything and they're screaming their heads off!" Erin grumbled. SDC had had enough. She strode onto the stage, pinched Lockhart's ear and dragged him sideways offstage. The audience became noisier as Gilderoy's fans protested and non-Gilderoy fans cheered for SDC. Returning to the front of the stage with Erin, SDC silenced the crowd with a wave of her wand.
"Well we sure hope y'all enjoyed the first part of our new season of Hogwarts Idol! Thanks for watchin'. Y'all come back now!"
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A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed it and if you did, please leave a review to let me know what you thought, it's very much appreciated. Thanks :) SuperiorDancerChick