So you're in love with someone else, someone who burns within your soul.
And it looks like I am the last to know.
I hear you've never felt so alive, so much desire beyond control.
And as usual I am the last to know.

It's been five years, but it still feels like yesterday. That first time you looked at me with those deep brown eyes of yours, and your face lit up in a smile. And I knew, right then I just knew, that you could be everything I ever needed. I wish I could go back to those days, those happy beginning days, and see that look on your face again, knowing that it was all for me.

Everything was simpler back then, life a playground for us both to explore. The sun shone brightly and the sky had never seemed so blue, and the days stretched before us. I always wondered on how easy it was to love you, questioning every power responsible for bringing you into my life. I wished it could last forever but knew in my heart that it couldn't be so.

I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to love you either. I realised early on that you were too good for me and I waited for you to see it too, but you never did. I remember getting angry with you, calling you stupid and pushing you away when you tried to hug me. I didn't know how to look at you when you started to cry so I turned away, wiping my own tears off my face with the back of my hand.

The last to know how you're feeling, the last to know where you are, the last to know if you're happy now.
Or if he's treating you like I treated you, or if he's cruel.
I'll be the last to know.

Being around you every day, I buried my feelings and acted like I didn't care. But not you. I saw your emotions on your face every time I looked at you, felt the pain in your heart at every word. I felt your eyes on me whenever we were alone and I knew, in those quiet times when living in the world seemed so very hard, that if you had taken me in your arms I would never have been able to let go.

But now when our eyes meet I see you smile, your eyes gentle and warm sending shivers down my spine. But I don't want to share your smile. I don't want to look into your eyes and see forgiveness there for what I did.

And I know if I asked you'd tell me we're ok, but that's not what I want. I don't want to see that you're over it because I'll never be over you, and it kills me.

We spent summers up beyond the bay, and you said these were such perfect days.
That if the bomb drops baby, I wanna be the last to know.
But now you're living up behind the hill, and though we share the same city and feel the same sun.
When your winter comes, I'll be the last to know.

Now I'm staring out at the water, the setting sun on the horizon sending rippling orange fire over the calmly rippling lake. A breeze picks up and brushes at my hair and I frown, my eyes fixing themselves on the gently lapping waves kissing the shore.

After a while my gaze shifts and I find myself watching you once more. I don't know why I do it, but I know that I will never be able to stop. To seek you out has become my compulsion, to focus my attention on your presence and block out the world that invades my mind. If only for a moment, I find myself at peace.

Out on the sand you're laughing, head tipped back to the darkening sky. You lunge forward, missing your target by inches as the ball goes sailing past you and into the waves. You land heavily on your side, laughing and crying, holding a hand out to be taken. The others help you up and pat you on the back as you wipe your eyes and giggle. I wish you would look over at me but I think you've forgotten I'm even there.

The last to know how you're feeling, the last to know where you are.
The last to know if you're happy now, or if he's pleaded with you.
Like I pleaded with you if you go, don't let me be the last to know.

"Do you believe in fate?"
"Believe in what?"
"Fate."

I shrug and stroke up your arm, liking the way the soft breeze moulds your shirt to your chest. Below us the sea tumbles to the shore, reaching up the sand to tickle our toes. A little way off a ballgame is being played by a group of teenagers, who are shouting and howling with laughter. You glance in their direction even as I pull you back.

"Do you believe in it?"
"Ask me later" You say, leaning in for a kiss.

Creation's gone crazy.
The TV's gone mad.
Now you're the only sane thing that I've had.

I hate it when people mention your name, or ask another how you are. But most of all I hate that I can never stay to hear to the answer. I wish you could tell me about your life, bore me with details of your day. I would listen for a lifetime. But it's not my job anymore, and I remind myself this every day; It's not my place.

But sometimes I see that you're unhappy, and I long to know why.

Always the last to know how you're feeling, the last to know where you are.
The last to know if you're happy now.
Or if he's cheated on you.
Like I cheated on you.
You were the last to know

And all I wanted for you was everything, but I knew from the moment I first looked into your eyes that everything was too much for me to give.

And I don't want your forgiveness, and I don't want your friendship. I don't want you to look at me with that glint in your eye that makes me have faith in a better world.

I just want you to know that I'm sorry. You were heaven to me and I loved you more than I though was possible. You showed me a world I should never have seen, gave me hope that opened up my heart even when I tore yours apart.

And I know I should have told you the truth
But I'm telling it now

You were the last to know

END