Title: If You Don't Wanna Love Me
Raiting: T
Pairing: M/M
Summary: He really wanted them to be friends, he just suspected it will never happen. They were made for each other. They were made to live together. Not as friends. Certainly, not.
Status of Fic: One-shot - Complete
Disclaimer: The song belongs to always the best James Morrison (from his second album "Songs For You, Truths For Me") and Mia and Michael (duh! ^^) belonges to Meg.
Author notes: I guess it's my first PD fick. I made it while waiting for the tenth installment, storyline belongs to me, ha! ^^ I hope you like it. R&R please? ;) M.
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She missed him. Far too much. And far too long. Even if she was with J.P., even if she wanted to make up friends with him, she missed him, not as a friend. For God's sake! He was still the love of her life. The only love of her life. He had left her no messages since last Sunday and she was concerned a little bit. Though, she decided to stay this night at Lilly's, they both lost too much time on quarreling and arguing and now it was time to recover.
„When you lower me down
So deep that I, I can't get out"
He had been in New York for few days, he just didn't have enough courage to call and meet her. Yeah, they were supposed to be friend, and they should be, like they were before everything. Although it was after. So he just stayed at home and didn't go out much. He decided it would be better. Though, he knew that someday they should meet. It's just, he didn't feel it should be now.
"And when you're lost, lost and alone
Yes, you'd think it was the last place
you'd come back for more"
So there she was, knocking softly on the doors of Moscovitz's apartment. She waited there for a while, it was a little bit cold outside. If she had been with him, he would have done something to warm her up. She smiled lightly when the memory came and then knocked again.
"Coming!" said someone inside. And she knew this someone too well. Her first thought was to back off and get out of here, just run, no matter where. And she was to do that, when he opened the door.
"Oh." Was all he could say. It was not even a reaction. "You coming? Or hanging out here?" He asked with very nervous smile. He looked gorgeous in white shirt and jeans. Gorgeous as hell.
"What are you doing here?" She did everything not to sound happy. And wasn't even sure if it helped.
"Um, came back on Sunday, at night." So that's why he didn't reply to her messages. That's why—
"Why didn't you tell me? I'm your friend, you remember?" She forced herself to a smile. But there was nothing to smile about. She finally came in through the doors.
"Yeah, I guess." He guessed?! Guessed?!
"If you don't want me to leave
Then don't push me away
You'd rather blow out the lights,
You can't watch it all fade
But I'm going nowhere"
He didn't know why he'd said that. He knew that's not the way it should be. And he was probably right, that it was too early for them to meet. Way too early. He really wanted them to be friends, he just suspected it will never happen. They were made for each other. They were made to live together. Not as friends. Certainly, not.
She looked much more mature than she used to two years ago, when they last saw each other. And she looked even more beautiful, which he never expected to be possible to happen.
"Long time, no see, huh?" He started not knowing what he could say next. "So… How are you doing?" He asked. As a friend. As a friend he desperately tried to be.
"I'm gonna stay,
When you're closing your eyes,
When you just wanna fight,
Cause you don't wanna love me"
"How am I doing?!" She almost shouted at him. After two years of being apart that's all he wanted to ask her?! "Michael, I had a prom yesterday!" Yeah, Mia, go for it. "The prom I've always dreamed of! And I didn't even want to go there, you know?!" Not now. It's just. Don't say to him, that you love him, that you've missed him. Not now. "And I was forced, literally forced to go there with some guy that I don't love!" J.P. actually. And she knew, that he knew it was J.P. It was all over the news yesterday.
"I'm gonna stay,
You can't push me too far,
There's no space in my heart,
Where I don't wanna love you"
"Mia, don't-" he started.
"Don't what?!" He saw tears in her eyes. Mostly the tears of anger. "Michael! Two years! I've been practically waiting for you for two years! And I see you didn't miss me at all, otherwise you would want to meet me! You are the one that wanted us to be friends!"
It's not that he didn't. He just wanted to wait. And, besides, he was just quite sure she had someone. He hadn't. Couldn't find a proper one as none of them was Mia.
"You are the one who kissed him." It hurt her. He could see that easily.
"When there's no, no storm,
Then how can I feel the calm"
She didn't want them to fight like that. She didn't want them to fight at all. Not after two years. But she did never expect him to be so blunt, so... un-Michael. And it hurt. Much more than she'd expect to hurt. Just hearing the thing like this hurts much, much more from the man that she had been in love with all her life and apparently still was.
It was too hard for her to bear it. She was standing there with tears streaming down her face, hardly believing, that Michael, her Michael was actually fighting with her.
"If there's nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me back to you"
He hurt her too much. Hell, he wasn't supposed to hurt her at all. She was his Mia. Mia that was always there to support him. The one that received help from him always when she needed. Damn, she was like his younger sister. Even if she wasn't his girlfriend, he should show some respect to her. She deserved at least that.
Seeing her tears really tore him apart. He loved her. Much more than he had loved her before he went to Japan. And he didn't care. Didn't care if it was hard to stand right now, there had to be the way to deal with it. And he was sure he'd find it.
"So I'm gonna stay,
When you just wanna fight,
When you're closing your eyes,
Cause you don't wanna love me"
She was scared of this silence. And, she was scared of him, kind of. Not sure anymore what he was capable of. Maybe, maybe, J.P. was the better shot. Was the only shot. Maybe she would never get Michael back. Even if he was her ultimate love. Maybe it wasn't that bad that she went to the prom with J.P. Though, he was just too cute for her. He agreed with everything she said, never complained, never shouted. He was like that perfect guy who doesn't exist. Maybe it was her better choice. He was her better choice.
"You know what, Michael?" She tried not to let her voice break. Don't cry, Mia. Don't cry. Don't let him know. "I'm over you."
"I'm gonna stay, yes I will,
You can't push me too far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you"
He knew. He knew he screwed this up. Again. Like he did two years ago. Twice, actually, if friend request is counting as a mistake. And he knew it is.
He couldn't force her to do anything after what she had said. It was her choice, even if she was his, or at least she should be. Though, he knew, he would never have forgiven himself if he had let her just go away. Because neither of them really wanted it.
As she was trying to leave he instinctively grabbed her wrist and pulled her, so their eyes could meet.
"Are you?"
"If you ask me to leave and I walked away
We'd still be alone and we'd still be afraid,
I'm going nowhere, I'm going nowhere"
Everything, exactly everything in him drove her crazy. His brown eyes, in which she was looking right then, his warm and soft voice, that stated this simple question, his scent, which she could easily breathe in. No, she was never over him. And never would be. Even if she tried so hard, it would never work with J.P. It's not that he wasn't perfect, it's not that he wasn't good for her. It's just, he wasn't Michael. And he wasn't unpredictable like him. She was pretty sure he would let her go, yet he didn't.
And she knew she would thank him for that for the rest of her life.
"Cause I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And there's tears in your eyes
Cause you don't wanna love me"
As soon as he found acceptance in her eyes, he kissed her as passionate as he could. And it felt right. So damn right. He wanted to make her remember what they had shared and what they probably still did. He was surprised how passionate this kiss became, when she kissed him back. He had never forgotten one single kiss they shared. And this one was like no other. He knew that. And he felt that.
And he knew what was going on.
"Mia?" he whispered giving her questioning look. He cared about her too much to let her do this without having a certain proof. He hurt her too many times.
Another kiss was what he received as an answer.
"I'm gonna stay,
All the tears that I've cried,
I could leave them to dry,
If you don't wanna love me"
They needed it. After two years of being apart, after two years of missing, after two years of trying to find another shot it was the only way they could ensure themselves there was no other option. And that was the option they both wanted and dreamed about.
Now they knew, that everything will be the way it should be.
"I could leave them to dry,
If you don't wanna love me"