Author's Note: Wow. So if you follow me on Tumblr, you know that I've been wanting to upload this story for a while but I kept forgetting to the notebook it was in out of my locker. Well, today I got it. So here's chapter one. Again, kinda erase everthing you knew about Degrassi haha. Just read "Broken" first. Eli's POV.

The music wasnt helping. It usually never does. I could always hear her last word.

"Always,"

It ws so perky and innocent and happy. I turned the volume up higher on my iPod. It didnt drown out the sound of her voice. Her name was on the tip of my tongue and my mouth burned to say it. I tried to focus on the lyrics. Tonight's a perfect shade of Dark blue, dark blue, have you ever-"Always,"

I shook my head. It has been three months. Three months and fourteen days that I have lived without Julia. You deserve to think about her, right? I thought. Maybe say her name once or twice.

"Julia," I whispered and my mouth stung.

"Eli," an angel's voice sang. No. It was just my imagination. I couldn't really hear an angle.

"Eli!" Someone smacked my shoulder and I looked up.

"KC," I said, pulling the ear buds out of my ears. "What's up?"

"Could your music be any louder?" he asked.

"Sorry. Just trying not to think,"

"About her?" he asked. KC was careful not to say her name around me. It was hard for him, too, but he didnt know what me and Julia had.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Well, c'mon, the bell rang," I looked around and realized we were the only two in the cafeteria.

"Oh. Uh, right," I picked up my iPod and my uneaten lunch and walked up the stairs.

I walked into class and interupted Miss Dawes' class. "Mr. Goldsworthy," she said. "Late on the first day. And dont give me the excuse that you got lost because you're a Senior...again,"

I scowled at her. "I know, Miss Dawes, I know,"

Has she ever been what I've been through? Who does she think she is, annoucning to the whole class that I failed a grade? Does she ever think about what I'm going through? What I went through to fail?

"Hmm. I guess you're gonna have to take the only open seat next to...uhm, sweeties, what's your name again?"

"Clare,"

I turned to the sound of the voice and looked at my new classmate. She was pretty, I guess. She had bright blue eyes that caught my attention and curly auburn hair. But, I couldn't really look at her. I couldnt take in her whole face or what she really looked like. And if I looked at her too long, I started noticing Julia things. Her eyelids were the same pinkish color, like right before the sun rises and her lips were almost as full and plump as Julia's.

I turned my head back to Miss Dawes. "Well, go on, take a seat,"

I nodded and walked over to my new seat. I sat down next to Clare and nodded.

"Alrightie," Miss Dawes clapped her hands. "To start the year off, I want you guys to get to know each other. Get to know your partner. So...turn to the person next to you and talk about whatever. Just get to know each other,"

I slightly turned to Clare. "I'm Eli Goldsworthy," I held my hand out.

She took my hand and shook it. Her hands were soft, I guess. She had a ring on her finger and her nails were pink. "I'm Clare Edwards,"

She's pretty. The voice in my head whispered. Funny how the more days went on, the more that voice started to sound like Julia.

"You're pretty," I blurted.

"Aw, uhm, thanks," she smiled and a light pink colored painted her cheeks. The color reminded me too much of Julia's blush - whenever I saw it.

"Yeah, no problem. So, uh, how are you liking the school so far?"

"It's only the first day and I'm a new student. I can't really say yet,"

"Really? I've been new here. It's no fun,"

"No," she agreed. "But the people seem really nice,"

I nodded. "Yeah, most of us are,"

"Are you nice?"

My face twitched and I almost smiled. I couldn't even remember if I was nice. I hadnt smiled in three months, laughed in three months...lived in three months. I hadnt felt anything or talked to anyone but KC. I wasnt sure if that could be considered nice. "I'm not very...social," I said. That could work, too.

The bell rang and I stood up, ready to bolt.

"Eli!" Clare called as I headed for the door.

I stopped and turned on my heel. I raised my eyebrows.

"Do you know where room 246 is?"

"Yeah, I'll walk you," I offered. It was on my way there. Why not?

"Thank you so much," she gathered her books and dumped them in her bag and followed me out the door.

"So, uh, do you have a boyfriend?" I asked casually. I didnt know if I was interested. I didnt know anything.

"I did," she said. "But things just didnt work out,"

"That's too bad. What was his name?"

"Brandon,"

I stopped dead in my tracks and I felt my heart stop. My breathing caught in my throat and suddenly I was gasping for air, pulling it in with quick breaths. I probably looked like I was choking. My chest felt like it was caving in.

"Eli?" Clare asked. "What's wong?"

"You're room is two to the left, first door," I choked out in a whispered. I turned and walked away as fast as I could and ran right into KC.

"Dude! What are you doing? That's a cute girl and you're letting her walk away from you!"

"Her ex-boyfriend's name is Brandon," I whispered. "I haven't heard that name since..." I trailed off because I couldnt finish my sentence. It hurt way too much to say it outloud.

"Man, I'm sorry," KC said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You alright?"

No, I wasnt alright! Did I look alright? I was standing here, gasping for air, trying to get the images of my dead baby boy and my dead girlfriend out of my mind. I havent been alright in a long time and I dont think I would ever be. "I'm going home early. Cover for me,"

Author's Note: alright so just an opening. Eli will get more intense and he will suffer more pain and you'll get a look at what he feels like after Julia. If you like this...please review. Thanks! xoxo