There are many things that happen that you see coming a mile away, and on the other hand there are many things that you don't see. Like at all. Like walking to your friends studio because you left your portfolio there and instead getting a crying blond in your arms. I knew her form school. Everyone knew of the whole Ashley, Spencer saga. Everyone knew of prom. Especially the ones effected. Especially me when I looked in the mirror and see the scars form the bullets.

I don't even think she realizes that she's in my arms, and I don't even realize that my keys and my coffee are now on the ground. I really wanted that coffee. I needed that coffee. I was up all night with Chelsea helping her with the memorial piece she's working on. As I'm counting how many hours I've been up she finally looks up.

I honestly cant breath. She's breathtaking. Her eyes are red and rimmed with tears, but that didn't take away from the extremity of the color blue, that was her eyes. I saw so much loss in her eyes. I obviously knew about Clay, but this was different, this was as if she lost the last straw. I look closer and I see closure. Sad but closure.

She must finally realize that she's in a "strangers" arms. Its not as if we have had all our classes together since she moved here or anything. Ok, but we have. She backs away a little but I still keep my arms loosely placed on her back. For some reason I don't want to completely let go. I like her in my arms. To be honest I always looked at Spencer. Always found her beautiful. Always seemed to look at her and Ashley's linked hands a little to longingly. Not in a creepy way, but in a way that said how much I would love to be linked with someone's hand. This may or may not be a dream come true. But who wouldn't think that.

She's looking at me. She's actually looking at me in my eyes. Like I exist. I'm not sure how I feel about that. She tries to smile but she fails. Even frowning, even in this state, she breathtaking. She slowly backs away and out of my arms. Its silent as she tries to wipe the tears that have fallen and dry the tears that have yet to be shed.

"I'm sorry, you don't even know me and I'm here crying on your shoulder"

I try to tell her that she does in fact "know" me, and that I don't mind, but I just stand here listening to her. She's upset and she's talking uncontrollably, flinging her arms around and not noticing the tears that are so freely falling down her face. With every word I feel it. I feel the hurt and I see it.

"I just had to do the hardest thing ever, I had to walk away from her looking all broken like that, but you know? she deserves it! Right?

I try to answer but I'm cut off

"RIGHT! I don't deserve her just up and disappearing, I mean I was there when she lost her dad, but she cant be there for me…"

Again she looks at me but I don't have time to answer

"No, she has to get all confused and leave for Europe, who does that…Who up and leaves the person they claim to love and just leave…"

She's crying again.

"I am so sorry, I really am not like this, ever."

She goes to walk past me, trying to get away. I should have let her walk by. I should have just let her go. She was obviously upset and needed time. She obviously was emotionally upset. But here I was thinking about reaching out. I have wanted to do so, since prom… since her brother died and I stood here still alive. Scared but still alive s. I remember watching her do her video monologue for MTV's documentary on the shooting. Just wanting to ask her if she was mad at me for breathing. Just wondering how she was. Just wondering…

Should I reach for her?