A/N: this story is a multichapter fic, anything that is in italics is a flashback/memory. I also advised get some tissues in case seasonal allergies attack you while reading. I know those histamines got me good in some places while I was writing the story :P Other than that ENJOY!

Chapter 1

Andrea softly hummed the tune of Ella Fitzgerald's version of 'They can't take that away from me' as she gently rocked the baby in her arms. There was humour and heartache in the song but it seemed to soothe her baby boy. He looked up at her with large hazel eyes, content being held in her arms as he calmed down. She too felt content in this time. Smiling down at him, the red curly wisps of hair and pale skin were all hers but she could see Tex's features in his tiny face. His smile, his eyes.

"You know, I can stay with you and Jack." Kat said appearing at the doorway of the nursery. Andrea paused in her humming to Kat and shook her head.

"No, you've put your life on hold for long enough. You've worked so hard for this," Andrea told her, it was true. Kat had spent the last twelve months working through her grief, working towards earning her spot on the Nathan James as an apprentice to become Air Engineer Technician. "You'll be deployed for six months, we'll be ok. There's emails and skype." Andrea assured her.

"Ok," Kat said, she was nervous of making a good impression but also sad to be leaving. She felt like she would be missing out on her little brother and being able to help Andrea. The older woman had become her guardian when her father had been killed. It hadn't been the easiest of relationship for her and Andrea but Kat had come to care deeply for her. She was in part tired of leaving the people she loved or having them leave her.

"Your father would be really proud of you." Andrea told her.

"You think? He was Army." Kat asked with a wry smile.

"Yes, only because you'll be stationed on the Nathan James; any other ship would've been a betrayal." Andrea teased, they both smiled. The Nathan James was a second home that held many memories for both of them.

"Yeah." Kat said.

"Are you ready?" Andrea asked her.

"I am." Kat told her.

"Well, let's get Mr Grumpy Pants into the car and we'll go." Andrea told her.

Over a year ago,

"You want to retire." Mike said in disbelief and looking slightly hurt by her letter of resignation. Andrea felt like she had been hollowed out. She couldn't continue on like she was. She was a ghost of herself and frankly she just didn't care anymore. It deeply scared her. There was also the fact that in a few weeks she would be even more useless to the ship.

"Yes," Andrea said, she wanted to collapse onto the floor and just not get up. But she had a plan. One that wasn't perfect but it was the only thing that made her perk up. A way of moving forward, that she had to take.

"Are you sure?" Mike asked her.

"Could you just finish reading the form?" she asked him a little frustrated. She knew his reticence in letting her go. They needed everyone they had, then there was the fact that Tom had walked away from them all three days ago.

Mike did as she asked and she watched as he flipped through the paperwork. His eyes went wide at the information on the page.

"Oh, Ok." He said, he managed to find part of her reason for leaving. "Is there something more I should know?" Mike asked her.

"No Sir, it's all in the paperwork. The father is deceased, you don't need to worry about any impropriety in the engineering department. He wasn't Navy." Andrea said being formal as she didn't want to break down. Sardonically, her inference wasn't lost on Mike who nodded. She and Tex had kept their relationship discreet to the point barely anyone knew.

"I'm sorry, Andrea. I wish it all had turned out better." Mike said empathically, she gave a nod as unwanted tears filled her eyes. They both had experienced deep losses, for her it felt like a sick joke. She managed to find love again only to have it taken away from her. Only to be left with reminders of that loss. Reminders she would cherish for the rest of her life.

"Me too." She said in a hushed voice as her emotions were getting the better of her.

"Can I try to convince you to take shore duty?" Mike asked.

"I don't think so." Andrea told him.

"How about this, we'll put you on immediate leave for 6 months. If by that time you still want out, then I'll fast track the paperwork myself. You got the annual leave accrued and maternity leave. Use it." Mike advised her.

"Ok," she said as what he said made sense.

"Can I say 'Congratulations'?" he asked.

"Yes." she said nodding vigorously as she wanted her pregnancy to be celebrated even if she wasn't happy in that moment.

"You're going to have a great time and learn so much." Andrea told Kat, they stood on the dock with all the other families and crew members saying their farewell to their loved ones. Andrea was a little envious of the young woman before her. She used to be the one leaving, the Nathan James her home. But now she was staying, the Nathan James would leave with Kat.

"It must be weird for you to be here and not be leaving on the ship." Kat said as if reading her mind.

"A little." Andrea said a little misty eyed, as her memories went back to when Bill and Lily would see her off. Just being here brought back many memories. She saw all the familiar faces in the crowd and knew some of them would come by. But for now it was just her, Kat and Jack.

"It's a shame you can't come with me." Kat said wistfully. Andrea smiled at just the image of her trying to wrangle Jack while doing her duties. It sounded like a nightmare even though a small part of her wished it were real.

"The ship isn't equipped for Jack. But we'll be here when you come back." Andrea assured her.

"Andrea." Mike called, he smiled as he walked over to them.

"Captain." Kat said acknowledging his presence by standing to attention.

"At ease, Nolan before you sprain something." Mike quipped, Kat relaxed somewhat but there was an air of respect for his station. "I didn't know if you'd show up." He said to Andrea.

"Wouldn't miss this for the world." Andrea told him proudly.

"How's Tex 2.0 going?" Mike asked, she smiled at the nickname. Mike peeked into the pram to take a look at Jack who was asleep.

"No beard yet, but the cap was adorable. Thank you." Andrea said, Mike had gotten a baby version of Tex's cap with the American flag. It was completely identical with exception of the years of wear and tear Tex's had on it. How Mike did it, she'll never know but it was a nice touch.

"You're welcome." He replied, Mike had been an exceptional friend. He'd helped her manage her career when she couldn't, he'd helped her and Kat relocate to San Diego where the Nathan James was currently stationed out of. She owed him a lot; he'd helped them a lot especially when Andrea was in her later stage of pregnancy when she had complications that put her on bed rest.

"Am I allowed to know where you're all going?" Andrea asked him.

"Oh you know, the greatest hits." Mike said which meant 'no'. Not that she was too worried, she knew the Nathan James had better luck than most crews. "Anyway, it was good to see you and Jack. When we get back, we should have dinner." Mike told her.

"Sounds good." Andrea told him.

"Nolan, you got less than 5 before we push off." He said and with a tip of his cover, he walked away leaving them to say their goodbyes.

"He's right, you have to go." Andrea said as sailors were starting to board the ship. She wrapped her arms around Kat for a long moment before pulling back. "Take care of yourself,"

"I will." Kat said looking upset at leaving. She moved to Jack and kissed his forehead. "Don't grow up too fast little man." she told him before she went back to Andrea for another hug. "Thank you for everything." She whispered. She pulled back with tears in her eyes.

"Do me proud and give 'em hell for your father." Andrea said with a watery smile. Kat nodded and picked up her bag and headed to the ship.

Andrea smiled as she watched Kat disappear onto the ship. She would stay on the dock until the ship was out to sea before she took herself and Jack home.