Letting Go

Rated T for one bad word that doesn't even come out of my own mouth! Bad Logan! XD

Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone… wish I did, but nope.

This story kinda went a different way to where I expected it to go, meaning I had to come up with a new title, but it's still sad, like I intended from the beginning. Keep tissues nearby! ;) Hope you enjoy!

How can I be a father?

It's not possible.

She can't be mine.

I don't deserve her.

Those have been the thoughts that have been bugging me since I met Laura and found out she was, apparently, my daughter. I still don't know whether to believe it or not, but if it's true, and I really am her father, then what then?

She doesn't have a home, or a family. I'm all she has. But I can't take her. I have no time for her. Before Charles was murdered, I used to spend ninety percent of my life looking after him, and the remaining ten percent worrying about the small fact that I'm dying.

There's no use trying to deny it anymore; I can feel my life leaving my body every day. And to start with, I didn't think much of it. My life's been crap, to put it simply, and so knowing I'm going to die seems like a relief. A weight off my shoulders. Knowing that all this pain will be gone soon.

But then I met Laura, and for the past few weeks I've actually had something to live for.

I've told death that is has to wait now. It can't come until I know Laura is safe and happy.

I don't care for her, of course I don't – I don't know the kid, but she's done nothing to deserve all this.

Neither have I.

The car jolts as I drive the car over a bump in the road, and Laura furrows her eyebrows and whimpers in her sleep, moving her head further up my lap and tightening her hold on my shirt.

So innocent.

So was I once.

A coughing fit makes me lurch forward and I have to pull over. I take my hands off the steering wheel and clamp them over my mouth, trying to muffle them before they wake her up, but it's too late.

Laura's soft brown eyes slowly flicker open, and she shuffles backwards and sits up, staring at me from her seat with what looks to be concern. I can see that she's still wary, having not known me long, but her eyes are clearly swimming with apprehension.

I quickly lose sight of her however as my vision blurs from the tears. The coughs slowly subside and I lean back against my seat, my chest heaving and sighing. My hands make their way up to wipe the salty tears running down my cheeks and I run my fingers through my hair before falling forward slightly and turning my head to look at Laura.

Surprisingly, she's right there beside me, looking up at me with those warm eyes.

"Are you alright?" she asks, her accent strong.

I nod. "Yeah, thanks for asking kid."

Laura smiles and sits back. "You need rest."

This time, I shake my head. I can't afford to waste any time. Once I know Laura is safe in Eden, wherever that is, then I can get back to my own life. Waiting for death.

"I'm fine," I tell her, but she puts on a defiant look and glares at me.

"No, rest. You need to. You are sick."

"I'm not sick, Laura, I'm fine."

"Se que estas muriendo."

"What?"

"I know you are dying."

I look at her. Her head is tilted slightly to the side, and her eyes look… sad.

"Do you want to die?" she asked.

What do I say? The truth?

"Yes," I told her.

"Why?"

I feel guilty for saying this to a kid, but she's asking, and it feels good to get it off my chest.

"Because I'm tired. I don't have the strength to live any longer. Do you understand?"

She nods. "Yes."

I nod back, and I find that no more words can come out of my mouth. My throat feels like its tightening, and suddenly I'm crying. Why am I crying?

I feel two small arms curl around my neck and a head come to rest on my shoulder, and I can't help but wrap my own arms around her body and hug her with all I have left, like she's the only thing keeping me from death.

She is.

It used to be Charles keeping me from it. He had to have someone to look after him, and I was all he had, so I had to stay.

But now I have Laura.

So what happens after I take her to Eden and she doesn't need me anymore?

What's keeping me from death then?

I'm so caught up in these thoughts that I barely acknowledge the fact that Laura is gently pushing me down on the car seat. I can feel my eyes slowly closing, so heavy with tiredness that I don't know how I kept them open for so long.

So tired.

I've been so tired for so long but by some miracle I've managed to hold on.

And I'll keep holding on until Laura is safe.

And then I can let go.

Thank you for reading! Please review :D ~ Gre3nleaf