I had faced death before; hell there was a time I had even craved for it. But that seemed so long ago now, so alien. But this life that was happening, happening now to me. It was something to cherish, something to hope for, something to fight for.
I looked up into the eyes in front of me. Eyes full of hatred, anger and bloodlust. I knew there was no chance of escape; I was going to die, here tonight.
But I wasn't going to go down without a fight.
Chapter One - New Hope
I never understood funerals. I mean, of course I knew that you needed to bury your dead and have an event to mourn the passing or whatever, but I never understood the way people acted at them.
These people, half of them practically strangers, all sobbing and moaning with tears in their eyes. Crying about the tragic loss, how she was too young, too beautiful… it was all ridiculous. Still on the bright side, I knew my mother would love it. That was of course, if she didn't happen to be the one in the coffin.
My name is Aaron Phoenix Swan, I'm 17 years old and now I'm an orphan.
I stayed silent in the church, I didn't speak, I didn't even cry. I had shed enough tears in my life, especially concerning her. Yet now there she was, spread out for the world to see. Personally I thought open caskets were tasteless, the person you once new all cold and stiff, but prettied up by God knows what for the world to see. I never want that for my funeral, but it was her wish, so she got it.
I felt someone reach out and touch my hand. It was my aunt Renee; she smiled softly, trying to comfort me. It was flattering and I couldn't help but be touched. Next to her my cousin Bella was silent, eyeing the coffin. I could tell that she was freaked out a little but bless her she wasn't trying to let on about it. I smiled back at Renee and then turned to my other side where my Uncle Charlie sat. He was like me, silent and still. Charlie Swan wasn't a particularly emotional man anyway, and he wasn't about to change that today. Still looking at your little sister in a coffin, that must be a horrible thought. Not as horrible as seeing your mother I thought, before feeling guilty at how selfish that was to think. My thoughts turned away for a moment, thinking about how just six months ago it could have been me in that coffin. Hell, it almost nearly was.
I quickly shook those thoughts from the back of my mind and decided to focus on the ceremony. Still my mind couldn't help blanking out, and the rest of the day went by in a blur. Next thing I realised it was getting dark and I was back home. Or at least, what used to be my home. This was to be my final night here, in Phoenix, Arizona. Tomorrow I would be hopping on a plane and moving to the small town of Forks, Washington. The wettest place on Earth, or at least in the United States of America. I wasn't looking forward to it, but still it was better than staying here. That had been an option, as Renee had offered to take me in. Though she wasn't technically my aunt anymore, at least not since I was a baby and her and Charlie had split, she still had always been in my life. Ever since she moved to Phoenix to follow her best friend in the hope of a new life, that woman being my mother, she had always been around me and been the doting aunt. Still I knew after everything I couldn't stay. Phoenix wasn't a happy place for me anymore, and who knows, maybe Forks could be somewhere nice to stay? I almost laughed at that thought. It was ridiculous to think that Forks would become some sort of Haven for me, but still I might as well get used to thinking of it as home.
I didn't say much for the rest of the night and went straight to my room for the final time. Charlie stayed on the couch. I had offered him mum's room but he said that he wouldn't be comfortable staying there. So since he came down almost two weeks ago now he had been roughing it on the sofa and I was sure he couldn't wait to get back to his own bed.
I managed to fall asleep; of course only thanks to the sleeping pills the doctor had prescribed me. Personally I was sick of pills but I knew I would need the rest so I took one, just for tonight. Then as soon as we left tomorrow morning, the packet of pills would be left outside in the trash. New town, new start.
The next morning I awoke from a dreamless sleep and started to finish packing my bags. I skipped breakfast, against Charlie's protests of course. Then at around 8 o'clock Renee and Bella popped round to say goodbye. Bella came to me first as Renee and Charlie had a quiet, and probably kinda awkward chat by the door. She stood in front of me, with the usual slight frown she always seemed to have.
"So…" she said.
"So." I replied back. We just kept staring at each other for a moment. I'd never been one to have friends, or more accurately friends had never been ones to have me, but my cousin and I always had a bit of a silent, unspoken connection. After all we were around the same age, we even looked a bit alike in a certain light. Though my eyes were bright emerald green and my hair was a lighter, softer brown compared to the darkness of hers. Still we had the same sort of face shape, a Swan family trait. She was the closest thing I ever had to a true friend, even when I kept her out as much as I could.
"Don't fall back down." Bella spoke to me. It was only four words but I knew exactly what she meant.
"I'll try." I replied honestly. She stayed silent for a moment before pulling me into a hug. We didn't stay hugging long, neither of us we're particularly great at big emotional goodbyes, and she then went over to Charlie as Renee came to me. She on the other hand, looked ready to burst into tears at any moment.
"The Phoenix is leaving Phoenix." She smiled softly.
"Well it's time to fly away." I shrugged.
"You know you can stay Aaron? It's not too late." It almost sounded like she was begging but I could tell she knew what I was going to say.
"I need to go. Fresh start. New life. Who knows, maybe I'll even make some friends."
"Or a girlfriend." Renee grinned at me and I couldn't help but smile.
"I don't know, I'm a lot of baggage for one girl to handle." And that was the truth. Renee just shook her head and placed her hands on my cheeks.
"You're worth more than you ever know. And someone is going to love you for it all. Every part, good and bad." Renee was openly crying now so I just stayed silent and took her into a big hug. Unlike Bella, she lingered for a while, but it was fine. It's how Renee was, I was used to it.
Soon the taxi to the airport arrived and we put all of our bags and suitcases in the trunk. I wasn't bringing that much stuff at the moment, since Renee was going to send most of my stuff up to Forks in the next week or so. We all then exchanged another goodbye, Bella hugging Charlie and saying that they will see each other during the summer again. Renee kissed me on my cheek, very much openly sobbing now. She even went and gave Charlie a goodbye hug. Which while he looked taken aback for a second, he reciprocated. Bella then came back to me and we hugged again.
"Look out for her." I said, nodding my head towards Renee. Bella smiled and inclined at Charlie.
"And you for him." I nodded and we then parted as Charlie and me got into the cab. I didn't look back at them as we drove away, to be honest I don't think I was strong enough.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. Charlie and me didn't talk much, only about small things or if we had too. It wasn't a bad thing, I could sense Charlie knew I wasn't in the mood to talk, and so he was trying to honour that as much as he could. That's one of the reasons I liked Charlie, he knew when to give someone space. The plane ride went by rather uneventfully. When we touched ground we went to the Airport car park and I saw Charlie's police cruiser parked there. I had almost forgotten he was the town sheriff.
"You left it here?" I asked him.
"Sure." He replied. "We have to drive for a while till we get back. Cost a bundle for parking it here though."
"Sorry." I said almost automatically. Charlie frowned at me.
"Don't say sorry. You've got nothing to be sorry for. Come on, get in." He unlocked the car and I climbed in. We drove to Forks pretty much in silence, except for the radio that filled our void of talking. Not that it was awkward of course; both of us are not real talkers. Another Swan family trait, granted one my mother hadn't inherited, but still, we were both comfortable in silence.
It was starting to get dark by the time we drove up to Charlie's house. It still looked the same as it did last time I had been here, a Christmas when I was ten. Except one thing was new, and that was parked outside of the house. A reddish sort of pick up truck.
"Is that yours?" I asked Charlie. He looked at me and smiled slightly.
"Nope, that's yours." He replied. I just stayed silent, gob smacked.
"Seriously?" I asked again. Charlie just nodded and I got out of the Cruiser to inspect it more. It was old granted, but still, it looked really cool. I got excited for a brief moment before guilt came in. "Charlie you really shouldn't have. I don't need it."
"Course you do. I can't drive you to school every day." I contemplated that for a moment. Maybe I could at least pay him back for it. "How much was it?"
"Forget it." Charlie said, reading my mind. "It's paid for. And I got it cheap of Billy Black. She's nothing special." He placed his hand on the car. "But she'll get the job done." I stayed silent for a moment. It was so thoughtful of him.
"Thanks Uncle Charlie." I smiled. With that we didn't say another word as we took our bags back in and Charlie showed me the house. It looked how I remembered it. Same wallpaper, same photos, everything. He then showed me to what would become my new room. Other than a bed and a desk there wasn't much in there. "This is Bella's room?"
"Once upon a time." Charlie frowned. I watched him as his eyes surveyed it. I couldn't understand how much it must hurt him to see Bella as little as he does but I could see part of it now. Charlie quickly shook it off though and turned to face me. "But it's your room now. Once Renee sends your stuff up from Phoenix it'll feel more like home. Anyway I'll let you unpack, and I'll go order some dinner. Pizza alright?"
"Pizza's good." I told him. I then started packing all my stuff away, mostly clothes and a couple of books I had brought along with me. Nothing special or fancy. About an hour later the Pizza arrived and Charlie and me ate it downstairs in the living room while we watched a game on the TV. Well Charlie watched, I was mostly zoned out a bit, wrapped up in my own head. Something Charlie picked up on.
"How are you dealing kid?" He asked me. "I know it's a lot to handle."
"I'm okay." I told him, and honestly it was sort of true.
"Are you sure, because you know even though your signed up to start tomorrow, I'm sure you can have more time off if you need it."
"No I'm okay, really Uncle Charlie. I'd rather start tomorrow. We're halfway through the semester, I need to get back as soon as possible." Charlie stayed silent for a moment watching me, trying to calculate how I really was feeling. Eventually he stopped, realising I was actually okay.
"Alright then. If you say so. Just… just take it easy alright?"
"Don't worry I will."
At around ten I went to bed. I took of all my clothes and stared at myself in the mirror. I was an okay looking guy, not too fat, not too skinny. Just very much average. Like any kind of seventeen year old boy. Except for two things that was. I lifted my arms and looked at the two, long deep scars going down both my wrists. The memories of a long ago pain, one I was still recovering from. I stayed silent looking at them for a moment. My scars were a constant reminder, of the darkness, the despair. Everything that had once consumed me whole. But I had survived these scars. I was going on.
I had done what my mother failed to do.
I soon turned off the lights and retreated to the bed, my new bed. I thought about tomorrow, the new school, new people. I could make myself a new identity here, be whoever I wanted to be. I smiled and thought of the possibilities. It was silly, but I guess, what I was feeling most about tomorrow was hopeful. That maybe things could be good, things could change and maybe I could finally be happy.
That was enough to put me into a good nights sleep, for it had been a long time since I had even dared to hope.