Disclaimer: I own nothing... as always. 'Buffy' is owned by a power greater than I, so ... take no offense!
Notes: After sometime of attempting to write, and totally losing my ... ambition? I dunno, it's taken me a little longer to spit this out. You might notice the chapter is quite a bit longer... forgive me, I'm trying something different. Typos and compositional errors are my own, I hate them, forgive them. This is the sequel to Voices for Words, you should read through that bugger before attempting this one... things might make more sense. There was another thing I needed to mention but forgot it... it can't be that important. Oh and... I neglected to mention throughout the last story... the last story was slightly Buffy/Faith ... this one may have more of that... (I'm trying to not be crass). The essence of a relationship is there. You'll see, but be warned! If you don't like two women having feelings for one another, and how can you not, skip this story.
New Note: I filled this all out this morning, got to work and realized... I forgot to explain what this bitch is about. It's hard to explain it right now, but... someone is gone, someone is crazy, and some others are having a rough go at the turn of events. Someone has to piece the world back together... hopefully I can get it to work. WOooOoo...
Thanks for giving me (another) chance. Read. Review if you'd like... I'd appreciate it.
Chapter 1
1. (3-5 days after Temperance's arrival)
The halls were quiet now. Water could be heard dripping from a leaky faucet provided a noise that could drive a person insane, it was welcomed with open arms. The everyday noises that were normally forgotten, ignored, were suddenly noticed in the silence; the leaky faucet, heavy footsteps on the stone stairs, knifes and forks scraping across china, cussing, breathing... everything. Anything was better then the screaming.
The wind blew hard against the stones of the castle, shaking the trees, disturbing the windrows of grass. Several of the girls who had remained at the castle spent the morning pushing mowers, they needed to get out of the castle. Out of ear shot. They were still close, unlike the others who went 'camping' with Dawn and Andrew. Giles and Temperance resided in the library digging through piles of books, looking but never finding, coming close but ending up so far away.
"It's quiet..." Temperance spoke quietly.
"Yes. We should enjoy it." His voice was worn, tired, broken. His eyes drooped behind his glasses, no sleep for the weary he thought, but it wasn't like he could sleep anyways. She had made it almost impossible to get more than a few hours of sleep every night. It's not her fault. The words bled together on the countless pages, all filled with scads of information pertaining to everything but what they were looking for. Her eyes however, were bright and aware, this sort of thing thrilled her even though she felt horribly guilty for getting pleasure from this situation. Her eyes travelled the countless pages easily, her mind storing the vast amounts of information and her heart telling her to go faster, faster or they might never find the answer.
"She's been quieter more... could that mean...?" She trailed off hoping he would be the rest.
"I pray that be true." He didn't take his eyes off the page.
2.
Kennedy and Willow walked the hallway, their shoes falling in rhythm, when the screaming stopped they exhaled sharply at the same time. Willow was pale, her eyes red and puffy, nose stuffy, the pockets of her hoodie crammed with tissues. Kennedy however, was stoic. Some, the one who had left, had bet she would laugh herself silly when it had first occurred (she didn't) others thought she would have followed suit, considering her connection with Faith, but she didn't. Kennedy remained unaffected, at least to unknowing eyes.
"Ken, she stopped." Willow whispered, scared of setting it off.
"Yes." A quick answer.
"She might be getting better..."
"No." Kennedy stopped walking, holding Willow back. They looked at the hallway, their soft voices did not echo, they were not loud. "She isn't getting better..."
"How can you say that?"
"How can you not believe it?"
"Baby... come on, listen." Willow was speaking softly, no one had been sleeping well the last few nights.
"No. I know. She's driving herself crazy."
"You can't be serious..." Willow was being irrational.
"How can you not see it! When she isn't screaming, she lies there speaking, talking in gibberish, calling out for her. She's going crazy... I don't know why... Guilt doesn't do shit like this, does it? I'm pretty sure the vamp didn't do this... who the fuck knows." She is trying to be rational, but it doesn't work well anymore. The Slayers can feel the disorder in their minds, feel her struggle in their souls... it hurts them more then anyone knows.
"I know." Willow tries to understand, but all she knows is that deep down, Buffy has her reasons.
"You don't know! How can you!" A breath. "Your best friend... she's slowly unravelling and you are dealing with it... but she's just your friend, best friend. But you can't understand what we are going through. We lost both leaders. We lost Faith. We lost Buffy. I don't know what to do, Willow. I don't know... how do I fix this?"Kennedy broke into pieces, losing herself in a way she hoped to avoid. She was supposed to maintain the order now, who else? A dead Slayer? A broken Slayer? No, a young slayer, tested hard in war, able to fight and slay, easy to rely on. She lead her own squad... half-a-dozen girls can't compare. It falls on Kennedy. Buffy... you goddamn bitch... She thought, meaning very little of it.
"Kennedy..." Willow's voice was soothing. Come on baby.
"No," Kennedy pulled it together. "can't you see? When Buffy isn't sleeping... isn't screaming... she's attacking us. We need to do something."
"We aren't killing Buffy." Willow's tone was of a joking nature, there were no laughs though. Just a look of a young woman who'd been given shoes to fill that were twice her regular size.
"I... I didn't... Baby, I don't want her dead..." Kennedy rolled her eyes. "That wouldn't help."
Willow took her hands and held them softly, running the pads of her thumbs in tiny circles on Kennedy's hand. The castle remains quiet for the time being, allowing the two some more words.
"Giles and Temperance are looking for... a cause."
"Yeah, I don't think they've gotten more than five hours of sleep between them in the last couple days..." Willow nodded in agreement. There was a tone to Kennedy's voice that suggested she had a plan, and one that wasn't good at all.
"Kennedy?"
"I think she needs to fight this... rather than us." Willow crossed her arms, not liking where the conversation was headed. "What can you do you for her...?" The question was small, but asked so much.
"I've done all I-" Kennedy shook her head.
"No Will, what can you do." Kennedy didn't look her girlfriend in the eyes, she focused on a spot on the floor, can't be strong with you ...Willow knew that.
"I'll need to talk to Giles... but, I'm sure we can come up with something. You Slayers... sure are ... subtle." Her choice in words caused Kennedy to look at her with a look of confusion. Brow furrowed, a funny little smirk pulled at the corner of her mouth. Willow reached for her hand again, their fingers touched and the screaming began again.
"Giles is in the library... we should go." Kennedy turned and started her walk to the stairs. Her posture was weak, head dropped, hands shoved into her pockets, her footsteps sounded heavy. Willow sighed, this depression seems to be going around... She caught up to her girlfriend, looped an arm through Kennedy's and they walked as one.
3.
Xander sat at the side of the bed Buffy was bound to, leather straps around her legs, over mitts on her hands (which were also strapped down). Half-a-dozen black eyes and a multitude of scratches had taught (showed) them all a lesson. Crazy slayers... need to be restrained.
Buffy had fallen into silence now, but her words still hung in his mind, pure gibberish. 'Twenty lemons... potato cream pie... john in the well... Faith!' Only one word that he could make sense of... Faith. Only one word that he could understand why she was saying it... Faith.
He sat with his head resting on his hands, he had only left her side for bathroom and lunch breaks, there was always someone to remain at her side though. They had been documenting what she had been saying, so far there was no 'secret code' to crack. She had been quiet for the first while, after Temperance had showed up... after Giles had shown her the knife... after Xander had lost his cool. She would sleep... then she would scream... and struggle...
"Buffy..." He whispered softly. "What'd you do...?" Quiet. I will have to be quiet. He thought. But how the hell can I... this is my fault...
4. (about... 12 hrs after Buffy and Faith's encounter)
Kennedy was in the hall outside the infirmary, talking to Willow who was freaking out. Xander was dealing with the other slayers who were also freaking out. Dawn was at Buffy's bedside. Giles, unknown to everyone, was talking to an old friend at the gate of the grounds.
--
"Look, Willow... she's alright. I got to her in time. That vamp only got a sip." Kennedy was trying not to be crass, why should I be nice when she almost got herself killed.
"I know... it's just..."
"Just nothing, she'll be awake soon. She'll have to address the troops." Kennedy forced a grin and Willow sighed. "You want to go see her?"
"Not yet... let's let the anger fade a bit more. I might smother her with a pillow for being so careless." Willow's calm was slowly returning. The castle was eerily quiet... the people who were still awake were still in shock. They had lost their leaders enough this year. There was a moment of silence between the two, a moment of reflection.
They had just gone out slaying, when they should have been looking, searching, for Faith, for their leader. The leader that didn't desert them for no good reason. Buffy had walked away from the group, walked away toward some stones. The vampire just latched on and Buffy did nothing, Kennedy got there with time to spare but Buffy took it hard. Kennedy had cursed and yelled the whole drive back, speeding and only almost crashing once, she continued to curse and yell while carrying Buffy to the infirmary. Kennedy got over the pure anger when Buffy didn't immediately wake up.
We need to find Faith... Kennedy thought.
"Where did Giles go, Ken?" Willow broke the silence, Kennedy shrugged.
--
"Buffy's jacket smells kinda like..." Andrew took a long sniff. "Cigarettes. Buffy doesn't smoke, does she? Oh! Maybe she has like an alter ego or... another personality sorta like this woman in this book I read... and she can't remember the other one. That could account for... the uh, sudden ... mood ... changes." Andrew quit talking as he received a glare from Dawn. "The first thing Buffy needs to hear when she..." Dawn yelled the next part. "wakes up! Is not your rambling about Star Trek or comic books..." Dawn looked back at her sister, who was slowly regaining her colour.
"It's not Trek.. or a comic..." He bounced off the stool he was sitting on. "How's her neck?"
The bite mark on Buffy's neck was fading, the vamp had only gotten a taste before Kennedy dusted him. Buffy however did not recover immediately. She had been sleeping for twelve hours. Every so often the girls would need reassurance that their 'fearless leader' was alright, Xander had volunteered. Dawn felt bad for him. He really needs to stop moping, it's not like Faith is dead... and I thought he didn't even like her...
"He does." Dawn gasped. Andrew laughed. "You murmur under your breath. Internal monologues should be left inside." Xander was... destroyed for a long time after Anya died, he was just getting past it, hoping to move on when Buffy left and tanked his progress. Buffy hurt a lot of people when she left. Faith, after her adventure into the depressive side of drunkenness, took it upon herself to bring Xander out of his funk. It worked.
"What did you mean?" She whispered.
"I don't want to gossip." He smiled as Dawn rolled her eyes. "Word on the street is..." She slapped him hard.
"Never say that again!"
"Ow... fine. Rumour has it that Faith and Xander had hit a pleasant stride in their friendship. Which is sure sucky for me... Faith's knowledge of comics and science fiction is... impressive." He muttered.
"Seems like everyone likes Faith." Dawn tried really hard to sound angry... misleading, in case Buffy was listening. Sorry Faith. Truth was, she liked Faith just as much as everyone else, maybe more, they had a bonding conversation over a bottle of whiskey a few days after Buffy left. Dawn had cried when Faith had come back bloodied and broken that night no one talks about. I didn't cry when Buffy came back all bloody...
"Dawn?" Her train of thought was derailed by Andrew and a simple question. "Where'd Mr. Giles go?" Dawn shrugged.
--
"Temperance. What an unexpected surprise." Giles spoke through the gate. "Is everything alright?"
"No Mr. Giles."
"Rupert, please." He swung the gate open, the light from the moon caught on her face. "My dear... what's happened?" Bruises covered her face and neck. Sup, I'm Faith... Faith was in her mind. Faith, the troubled young woman, the one from the letter (the letter that had been left on the desk in her bedroom). Faith, who had found redemption and peace is jail, a most unlikely place, with the help of a vampire, an unlikely saviour. Faith, who had given up her life to save the innocent people of the world, and one slayer.
"Faith..." Was the only word to come to her mouth, so many more wanted to follow but got caught in her mind. Giles' face froze. Faith did this? He thought. I've set a monster loose.
Temperance's hand, bandaged and swollen, moved gently to the bag hanging off her shoulder. Giles recognized it. Her hand moved to the zipper, the click-click-click seemed to go on for minutes. An object, long and narrow, leather bound and worn, a chip on the blade... Faith's knife.
"Where is... Buffy?" Temperance broke his gaze.
"I'll take you. But please... tell me now. Where is Faith?" She nodded and explained as much as she knew. His head dropped, glasses in hand as he held back the tears she wouldn't want him to shed.
--
Xander was waiting outside the infirmary with Kennedy, Willow had gone in when Dawn shrieked. Buffy had awoken. Someone's here she thought. Xander was standing still, head bowed, fists clenched; Kennedy leaned across from the door.
"In there. Now." Giles said sharply as he appeared from around the bend, the two shrugged and followed him and the stranger through the door. Neither of them noticing the duffel bag on the stranger's shoulder or knife in Giles' hand. Buffy was standing now, stretching a kink in her back. Willow looked at Giles, then at Kennedy, who shrugged.
"Mr. Giles!" Andrew exclaimed. "That's a pretty knife."
Knife... Buffy thought. She turned around, all she saw was rage in Rupert Giles' eyes.
"You foolish girl!" He spoke loudly, not quite yelling. He never yelled. He rarely got angry.
"Giles." She looked at the strange woman beside him. "Who's this?"
Temperance answered, fearing another outburst from the normally calm man. "Temperance Kane. You are... Buffy?" Temperance tipped her head to the side slightly.
"Yes..."She ignored Temperance. "Giles, why are you so angry?" Buffy pleaded now, her head was throbbing, her heart was racing. Kennedy's eyes had fallen to the duffel bag on Temperance's side, she stumbled back, hands at her mouth. Willow had noticed the knife in Giles' hand, noticed the chip on the blade from that night... oh no she thought. Willow fell to her knees.
Temperance reached for Faith's knife, Dawn and Andrew stood confused. Xander grew more angry. She handed Faith's knife to Buffy with two hands, as if offering a gift... fulfilling her promise. Buffy took the knife just as gently as it was offered, and asked softly. "Why do you have Faith's knife...?" 'B. Buffy, why'd you take my jacket?' Faith's words ran through her mind as she spoke her own, she spoke like a child. 'I didn't break the cup mommy, it was like that when I got here...' "Why do you-" She was interrupted by Giles, who spoke more calmly this time.
"Temperance has Faith's knife... because Faith gave it to her before she died, ridding this world from evil. From a man... a demon... named Cammoro. Does it sound familiar?" He didn't look at her.
"Buffy." Xander spoke almost monotonously. "What did you do?" Willow and Kennedy remained frozen in shock on the ground, Dawn clutched her shirt, Andrew (thankfully) remained silent. It was Xander who... after weeks of saying less than four words to her at a time, let loose. "Buffy!" He took the knife from her hand and held it as if it were sacred. "You killed her... you got her killed."
"I didn't..." What am I going to say she thought.
"You sent her away! You made her leave!" He was close now, eyes full of tears, a hand gripping her shoulder roughly.
"No... she left..."
"You set the slayers on her! They were going to kill her on your orders!"
I have a serious question for you B. Faith's voice invaded her mind, memories were being unleashed, words, hateful words, were being remembered.
"Don't fuck on the first date."
"You killed- what?" Xander changed his tone mid-sentence.
"Where's Kennedy?" Buffy yelled, hitting Xander hard on the chest with open palms. It bruises. Kennedy dares not say anything.
"Faith... Faith... I have your jacket." She speaks without knowing what to say. Andrew says 'oh...' as the smell of her jacket makes sense. What have I done, Buffy thinks. Her eyes close.
"Buffy... it's... it'll be alright." Giles lies but lies slowly, calmly. Buffy reaches out with her mind. Faith had told her 'Ain't me. This is all you, always is.' so Buffy tries to bring it back, the dreams. She imagines that she is in her room, in front of her open doors, wind blowing loudly. She imagines that she is falling, Faith is supposed to catch her now... Faith always brought her back, always.
Buffy imagined she was back in Sunnydale, in a graveyard they had patrolled so often, she could smell Faith's cigarettes, her rough soap. She was oblivious to the people shouting her name. Faith was supposed to be here... this was the part when... Faith?
The world spun beneath her feet, she was remembering more. Buffy was on the ground, there was a shivering body in her gasp, across her legs. Her hand was wiping away blood.
"Silly Faith..." She said. "Why'd you go and do that, huh?" A question to which she had no answer, Faith's eyes are so beautiful. When Buffy notices, the blood stops flowing and it's just her there. Stuck in her mind, a lost soul lying on her legs. Buffy closes Faith's eyes but still holds on tight. The white is coming for her. The white strikes fast.
"Buffy!" Xander slaps her hard across the face. Nothing.
"Buffy!" Willow cries out. Nothing.
"B!" Kennedy tries in desperation. Nothing.
Dawn has left the room with Andrew and Temperance, they went to the library. Giles looks at the knife on the floor. It really was a nice knife.
5. (just after Will and Ken ask Giles about a sedative for Buffy)
Xander keeps his head and shoulders down as the door to Buffy's room gently swings open. They had moved her in case a familiar setting would help; It didn't. Willow walked in, her eyes were red, not quite bloodshot.
"Will..." He started.
"Shh..." Her hand rested in his back. She was still silent, they had to try not to wake her. Buffy looked absolutely peaceful, until you looked down her body... then she looked insane.
She is insane. Willow thought, the vial in her hand. Just a drop... and she'll be able to deal with it.
"Xander," She whispered in his ear. "go get something to eat." He nodded stiffly, his eyes were tired. I wish An was here he thought, not showing how much he missed her. The door latched a little loudly and Buffy awoke.
Her eyes were wide, no longer hazel but much lighter... everything about her was lighter... as if she was fading away.
"Buffy?"
"Purple takes the canoe to the store?" She whimpers. "Al is used up..." Willow writes the nonsense in the notebook on the nightstand.
"If you are trying to send a message... we don't get it." Willow sighed. The clouds were getting thin again, rain had been blowing through, sun would be a nice change. "I hope... this is just a guilt thing, but just know... no one blames you, or hates you. The universe works in strange mysterious ways... it just seems odd that Faith would-"
With the mention of Faith, Willow's rant came to an abrupt halt. Fading-Buffy took a break, and crazy-psycho-screaming-Buffy took over. Her scream was deep, guttural, like a moan or an extended grunt... but more soul shattering. Willow (no one) knew how her vocal cords were able to handle it. Her noise reverberated throughout the castle, snaking though the long hallways finding every crevice ... every silent spot.
The castle was empty. The younger, newer slayers had gone with Andrew and Dawn, they went North to set a camp, to get away from the... noise. Being around the castle was maddening to the girls, when they could get to sleep they were plagued with shattered dreams, glimpses of Faith's struggle with Cammoro and vivid images of Buffy's decent into madness. They decided that they would have to leave, but Kennedy asked them not to go far.
Willow had asked Giles about a sedative, he had pondered it. While weighing the consequences Temperance managed to locate the appropriate spell book in Giles' messy collection. He flipped through it and told her to try "this one."
"Giles, that's not a-" Willow read it.
"I know perfectly well what it is." Kennedy read over her shoulder, eyes wide in excitement rather than horror.
"How do we know that's the problem?"
"We don't. But, if we are right it would fix her... if we're wrong... there's no consequences here." He said, there was no excitement in his voice. His eyes travelled back down to where he left off.
"Okay..."
Kennedy walked into the room and sighed heavily, she dropped her eyes to Willow's hand. "We ready?"
"She brought 'Al' up again... do we know an Al?" Willow was starting to babble. We should wait. "She could still wake up. Look, her colour is back. The notes... look Ken. Purple again, if we just wait. We should... just wait."
"Willow look, listen." Talking over Buffy wasn't a chore, it was a challenge. Keeping your thoughts your own was the challenge. Kennedy was able to hear 'Faith' being called out over and over in her mind. "We need this to stop, so we can help her. Remember?"
"Yes..." Buffy was bound to the bed, but making a solid effort to escape. "You're right..." Willow took the rubber stopper out of the vial, inserted the dropper. Buffy thrashed wildly as Willow's hand drew close. A drop fell cleanly and landed on her tongue. The effects took place immediately, her muscles relaxed, the scream left the castle but only one word escaped the potion.Door. Her eyes closed, her breathing slowed but held strong.
"We'll help Giles. Okay Willow?" Kennedy a strength return to her, inner calmness replaced.
"I..."
"You stay then... See you later." Kennedy didn't want to leave Willow alone, but she didn't want to stay in the same room with Buffy anymore. Willow nodded in response.
Everything will be okay. They both thought.