"No, no. Not that one."

Fiyero lounged his head back on his hands as his wife wiggled out of the tight dress.

"I must have tried half these on already. Are you sure none of them worked?"

He fought to keep a straight face. Truth be told, he loved his private fashion show so much, he kept her changing just to watch her undress. This was the life. "Try that one. Pink goes good with green, right?"

"There. How's this?"

He struck a mock pose of consideration, and then shook his head. "Oh, what about the blue one? It really brings out your eyes."

"Where?"

"Look in the back."

She dug around in the closet. "I don't see it, Fiyero."

"I could have sworn I saw it yesterday. Why don't you look in those boxes on the floor?" He grinned as she bent over to shuffle the boxes around. "Oh well. I guess the silver one will work."

"That's the first one I tried on!"

He flashed a lopsided smile. "I wanted to be thorough."

"Great. Now I'm late." Glinda hurried off to her bathroom, and though Fiyero wasn't allowed in after that cursed hairspray incident, he could imagine Glinda with shiny lipstick and flowery perfume in hand. He closed his eyes. Lipstick should be illegal.

He lost himself in thoughts of beautiful women taunting him with various sexy beauty products, and it seemed no time until the click of her stilettos heralded her return, looking every bit the polished beauty he'd married. She spun in a circle. "How do I look?"

He leapt to his feet to kiss her hand and delivered the expected line. "Simply ravishing." He continued his kisses down her arm, and she giggled.

"Now, now, dearest. We mustn't keep Oz waiting."

He froze his smile in place. "Of course not. Bring on the wolves!"

She crossed her arms. "Fiyero Tiggular, you will not embarrass me. What did we talk about?"

"A positive attitude," he said, though his flat voice carried none.

"And?"

"My duty to Oz."

She adopted the pose he liked to call her lecture point: one hand on her hip as the other stabbed a sharp fingernail at him. "Listen, bub." Oh, no. If she'd already started with the bub, he was certain to have a long night. "It's our duty to keep people's hopes up."

"It's our duty to do everything," he whined. "I didn't ask the Wizard to balloon away. Why do I get stuck babysitting Oz?"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I mean, 'Yes, dear.' "

She patted his cheek and yanked him out the front door. He straightened his tie with a sigh. Why fight the inevitable?

"Can we at least skip the bubble? It's not exactly the manliest way to travel."

"Fiyero, dearest?"

"Yes, my wife?"

"Shut up."