I got the idea for this songfic while watching the music video which it EPIC. Check it out on youtube.
WARNING! Can be seen as OOC. I know that a Duke would never swear in a church, but its in the song so I kind of had to put it there unless I just wanted to totally jack up the entire thing.
I Write Sins, Not Tragedies
Oh, well imagine; as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words.
"Where is he?" Luke's mind was practically screaming at him. Bo, Luke's best man, was supposed to be there by now. Even though Bo and his wife to be didn't get along there was no way that Bo would just skip the wedding. The wedding was starting in an hour and none of the Dukes or their guest had arrived at the church yet.
"What a beautiful wedding!, What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"Oh yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore."
"What a beautifully wedding," the bridesmaid, a city girl who was a relative of Luke's beloved Penny, said to the tall waiter.
The waiter nodded in agreement. "But it's such a shame that the bride is a whore," he said. The bridesmaid nodded.
Luke wanted to barge over there and start a fight like Bo would have and no one was there to stop him. But he didn't want to ruin his own wedding so he just kept passing, silently fuming.
"Is everything ready?" Bo asked. He looked like a circus ringmaster dressed in a red suit, a black hat, white gloves, and a black baton with white tips.
"Yep," Cooter said. He plugged in a wire and handed a microphone to Bo. "This is connected to the church's sound system. Just flip the on switch."
"Are you sure you want to do this Bo?" Uncle Jesse asked.
Bo nodded. He stood in front of the door, but didn't yet do anything. "Everybody ready?" he asked quietly. Everyone nodded so Bo flipped the switch started singing. At the word whore he kicked the door open and barged in.
"I chime in with a
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality."
Bo stood with his arms spread wide while singing. Penny crinkled her nose and opened her mouth widely. She hated Bo Duke and now he was going to ruin her wedding!
"I chime in
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of."
All of the Dukes friends and family poured in dressed like they were in a circus. Even Uncle Jesse was wearing all of the white and black face makeup and dressed for the occasion. The priest was just standing there looking confused.
"Well in fact
Well I'll look at it this way
I mean technically our marriage is saved."
Bo leaned onto Luke shoulder as he sang. Mentally Luke was trying to come up with bribes, threats, and deals to get Bo to stop. It was sort of funny at first, but now Penny was getting angry.
"Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne."
He leaned over the very confused priest shoulder. The priest kept getting more and more confused every second. This was the strangest wedding he had ever been to!
"Oh! Well in fact
Well I'll look at it this way
I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Pour the champagne."
Penny was shooting dirty looks at Luke as if it was his fault there was no way to control his younger cousin. Rosco stood up and blew some special policey stuff on everyone. They all suddenly realized that Penny was a whore and stood up and started dancing.
"I chime in with a
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality."
Bo moved through the dancing pairs while still singing.
"Do something," Penny demanded of her groom.
"I don't know what to do!" Luke said. His hands flew up to clutch his head. "I can never get Bo to do anything, he's too stubborn."
"I chime in
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
Again."
Penny threw her flowers down onto the ground and stormed out of the church. Her best friend, Tyler Goldman, followed her out. Luke shot a betrayed look at his cousin as Bo danced through the dancers to get closer to Luke.
"I chime in
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality."
Bo went up to Luke, grabbed him by his tie, and started dragging him out of the church. Luke only had a moment to be surprised at the strength that his baby cousin was pulling him with before he started stumbling over his feet to keep up with Bo's angry pace.
"I chime in
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
Again."
Bo stopped dragging Luke once they got onto the little porch. Penny had her arms wrapped around Tyler's neck and her lips glued to his. Luke yanked off his tie angrily.
"Sorry," she mouthed at Luke. Uncle Jess put his hand on Luke's shoulder to keep him sane. Bo stood right in front of Luke and kept singing. Finally Luke understood what his cousin had been doing.
Bo wrapped his arm around his cousin's shoulders and they took a bow. A grin lit up Bo's face, he had gotten his cousin back from the she beast.
"You know you didn't have to do all this," Luke said. "You could have just told me. It's not that I don't appreciate it, this is the best Cooter's looked in years." The Dukes laughed as Cooter yanked of his red clown nose.
"Bo made us do all this stuff. He found out Penny was cheating and came up with this," Cooter said.
Luke turned to Bo. "You could've just told me," he said. Bo shook his head.
"You wouldn't believe me," he said. Luke started to object, but Bo cut him off by speaking. "You would've thought I was just not getting along with Penny and that I didn't want to share you. I won't deny that's it was kind of true, but I wouldn't ever sabotage you wedding without a good reason."
Bo tilted his head back and looked up at the stars. When he looked back down he was grinning. "Besides, I found a sin and didn't want it to turn into a tragedy."