Disclaimers : Beyblade doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Takao Aoki. I don't own the song too. I only owned the idea and this computer. Don't sue me, I am only a poor teenager _.
Warnings : Michael angst and some yaoi implied. If you don't know what yaoi is, it's a story that involves m/m relationship. If you are a homophobe, then I suggested you clicked the back button in your browser. If you flame me only because I write yaoi, then I just need to laugh at you and feed you to my yaoi bunnies.
Author's Note : Aha. After my long hiatus in ff.net, I come back again. This story was dedicated to Rae TB, as her birthday present. I have a big writer's block at my other story because someone has converted me into an angst bitch. Also, Michael might be a little OOC because this is a Michael darkfic. And remember, this is taken from Michael's POV. The beginning is quite confusing. Even myself confused @.@, but…… Enjoy ^^!
Kaleidoscope
I am so glad that I'm awake.
I hate being asleep. I hate the nightmares. They kept taunting me, mocking me, and laughing at me. They won't leave me alone. They tried to break me.
And they keep haunting me.
Things weren't like this two months ago. I was still chatting happily with them. I was still laughing with them. They still respect me as their leader. We still discussed about our beyblading tactics together. I still lived with them. Until one day, I decided to tell them my deepest secret. I was ready to tell them that I'm not straight. Right. I am gay. Although I still didn't believe it myself, I just know that I have fallen in love with another guy.
I have never believed in such a thing as love before. When I heard the emotion being mentioned by one of my teammates, I only laugh and shakes my head. All I ever thought about was Beyblades, keep winning and winning. One day I nearly died of boredom so I decided to have "fun" with this thing called love. After all, it's just a game, right? It's worth a try. I wanted to taste that thing called "love". I hated it when people acted all sappy when they would hear it being mentioned in front of them. I wanted to prove that it's only a waste of their time. What's so good about it anyway?
Then I systematically went about trying to decide who my victim would be, I found him with relative ease. My little toy would be Lee. The leader of White Tigers, he seemed quite an interesting person to have fun with. I laughed at myself when I realized how stupid I am; boys don't going around dating other boys, but I found it was quite amusing to see how it would all turn out. It was different than the common relationship between a boy and girl. So I told Lee all the lies I could think.
And he believed it.
And now I think, God should have punished me for doing that.
After we were going at it, I found it was quite fun, much better than I would have imagined. Lee was a good companion he told me all about his life. About how Rei betrayed him, about the history of White Tigers, about his childhood in their village, about his beyblading tactics, and about his personal life.
One day, he told me that he really grateful that I was his boyfriend.
That's when reality hit me, really bad. I just wanted to use him the first few times, but look at what it turned into now. I had completely fall in love with him now. It seems that I can't stand, not seeing him for just one day. I felt comfortable around him. Now I understand why people sacrifice anything for love – it makes people's lives brighter.
Both he and I only had one problem; we never told our teammates about our relationship. I didn't tell my teammates because at first I thought our relationship wouldn't last long. He had not told his teammates about our relationship because he was afraid that his team would be shocked maybe even appalled. After a few arguments, we decided that we should tell them. I couldn't believe that I had ever received such a stupid idea.
And so my nightmares had begun.
That morning I quickly woke up and invited my teammates to take a walk with me. They agreed happily and thought that I was in a good mood today. In fact, I planning on telling them all the things I was hiding with Lee. All together we sat on a bench near the small park. Emily bought us a few things to eat then we began to start up a light conversation my whole team sitting with me on that park bench. Nervously I clenched my fists; I had hoped that their reactions would be positive.
Their reactions were too far from positive.
Their eyes widened, wide like saucers. Then, they started to irritate me, they told me I would ultimately regret my decisions, When I replied and said that I will not regret my decision, I can see that their point on what they of me had changed. They gave a sinister look, like I was already committing a great sin. It's obvious that they will not think of me the same way anymore.
Later on that afternoon, I asked Lee to live with me. I couldn't live with my teammates anymore, I felt very uneasy around them. Lee doesn't mind at all, his teammate's reactions were completely neutral they didn't care if Lee is gay or bi. In their eyes, they still saw him as a respectable leader and as a good friend. If only my teammates were like that.
When ever I remember those days I clench my teeth and gnaw on my lips, I hated those times, after I told them about my taste in men, my teammates never spoke with me again. Now I lived with Lee in this apartment. Nothing seems too have changed.
But I can't believe they betrayed me like that…
I found it very hard to live far away from all my teammates. I still remember the days I used spend with them. I can't take this kind of stress much longer. My body's shivering. I hate it when I begin to shiver. I clenched my fist as tight as I can trying to stop the shakes. I keep my fists closed until sticky, warm liquid oozed from my fist…
My blood.
I watched my fist bleed with a blank expression. I don't care. Everyday I pray that I will die; everyday I was hoping that I'd stop breathing and every minute I prayed that I didn't really exist in this world. That it was all just a dream. But what's the use of praying? After all, I am still alive.
Good. My fist won't stop bleeding. I wish I'd die from blood loss…
Drip…
Drip…
Drip…
I enjoy seeing my blood dripping to the floor, I could have watched the blood drip for days, but then I heard some damn footsteps. I recognized the footsteps right off the bat, Lee was coming.
I grabbed the nearest dish cloth and carefully, I mopped up my own blood that covered the linoleum floor. I wrap a bandage around my palm, and pray that Lee won't ask anything. The footsteps come nearer and nearer then doorknob
Lee enters our apartment.
Lee flashes his usual warm smile at me. I tried to smile back and act like nothing's wrong, Naturally I fail miserably. I guess I am too inexperience when it comes to lying… I saw his face hardened.
"Michael, you look pale… Are you are alright?"
So he did recognize that I wasn't my usual self today.
"Well, I am a bit dizzy… I think I'll just take a nap and swallowed some pills…"
He nodded, "I'll prepare a glass of water for you. You know…..you looked really pale. Just lie in the couch. I'll deliver the painkillers to you after I boil some hot water."
I sighed. It feels terrible to lying to him…again. Following his orders I lie on the couch, awaiting my medicine.
If only he find out what's wrong with me….
++FIN++
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Author's Note : Don't kill me yet! I know I was very cruel at Michael, but at least he and Lee stays together in the end, ne? I was revised this only in 35 minutes, so tell me if I was rushed or not. By the way, before I posted it, I revised it for ten times so it had been evolved many times ^^; And thanks to Chantal ( aka SushiCat Demise ) who has beta-ed this fic ^^! Well, please review ^^! Constructive critism are very welcomed.