I Learned to Love You by tamyalways
translated from Spanish by ebfiddler
AU.
Author's note:
Good morning everyone! Today I'm happy because I'm starting this new story. This one is very meaningful to me and I fervently hope to get it right. I wasn't planning to post it today, but in the end I decided, I think it's a perfect day for it.
First of all, I ask that you give it a chance. I think it could be a great fic!
Second, I want to make clear that the idea is Lizcecilia6CECIFILLION's. It's an honor that she trusts me with her idea. I hope to live up to it. That makes it more difficult, but it also makes me try harder, and that at least is something I can do.
Third and not least, I want to thank my beta/collaborator ladydkl for taking this journey with me. I expect that we'll get to a very good place together, as with the other fic we have worked on together. Thanks for offering your help in the first place and thanks for your work so far and for the work to come. I tell you, readers, that she writes wonderfully, and she could write a great fic herself, a great story—so from here I encourage you to do so XXOO.
Well, without further ado, here's with the first chapter. I hope it's the first of many together with you all. Thanks for being there.
The characters are not mine ...
(Translator note: Have you noticed the recent spate of Spanish language Castle fics? I have. There seems to be quite a community of Spanish-speaking fanfic writers and readers who have been inspired by Castle lately. I noticed this story as I was browsing a few months back, when it was first posted, and found to my surprise that I could actually read it without having to resort to the dictionary all the time, either for erudite and obscure terms and grammatical forms, or (at the other end of the spectrum) for slang and language so informal that it's unlike anything I ever studied in school. This is the first time I have attempted to translate anything this long, or indeed anything like this at all. I have enjoyed reading this story in Spanish, but I'm not a native speaker, and my reading in that language is slow. In desperation I have sometimes hit that "translate" button, which really is a bad idea, as it frequently results in some truly execrable sentences. Eventually I got to thinking, "Huh, even I could do better than that"—and so when Tamyalways asked if someone might consider making a translation, I volunteered, and...well, here it is. I also was interested in working on this story told from first person POV, something I've not attempted in my own fanfic. I want to make it clear that this story is the original work of Tamyalways, while the translation is mine. If you enjoy it and can read Spanish, please visit her profile page and check out her many other stories.—ebfiddler)
Chapter 1
RICK'S POV
I'm the kind of guy who gets everything he wants. I laugh my way through life and, whenever I'm not working, I like to live life to the fullest—because we live with too much horror and death during the rest of the day. I'm a homicide detective in New York, one of the cities with the most deaths in the world, though I suppose that's to be expected since we're such a large city. And many of these deaths are due to murder or manslaughter. I am fortunate enough to be on that city's police force, a detective to be exact—and what's more, I have the very good luck to be part of the best team of homicide detectives ever.
I succeed at work because I like the job and always try to do the best I can. I succeed with women because I don't lie to them, I always tell the truth. Combined with this, my mother did a good job raising me. I'm ruggedly handsome, and not afraid to know it and show it. I don't lack for money because I learned how to invest thanks to some college courses. But despite all these supposed perfections and a life in which theoretically I lack for nothing, there's still something I haven't got.
Everyone seems to think that I'm out to avoid this "something," but what these people don't know is that it's my secret dream, my aspiration, my nirvana—and totally impossible. What I really want more than anything is a woman with whom to spend the rest of my life. Someone I love and who loves me, with whom I can form the family I never had. I want to grow old and count gray hairs with her, reading books or writing them or simply breathing. It's no small thing.
Yes, it's true, I'm really a hopeless romantic. But I'm so afraid of being hurt, that I'd rather spend every available night with a different woman—that way I know that when day breaks, it won't cost me a thing to go, or disappear, it won't cost me anything at all to say goodbye, and it certainly it won't be important enough to do me any harm.
That's me. Richard Castle. And like any other human being, I have my fears, my dreams and my aspirations.
There is a special woman, naturally. Isn't there always an unattainable woman in the life of every successful man? One that you desire more than anything, about whom you fantasize privately, who, just by a look, can make your heart flip over and turn your head upside down. Well, for me this woman is Detective Katherine Beckett. My partner. Okay, maybe she's more than my partner, since she's actually my direct boss. She's totally different from me. She's serious, disciplined and somewhat old-fashioned in her relationships. In a few words, she told me she's a "one and done kind of girl"—she intends to marry once, for life. That's what I was talking about—for me no woman ever lasts longer than one night. But for her, I would make an exception.
I love how she is. She orders me around, she is sexy, but most of all I love her sense of loyalty and her intelligence. She is without a doubt the best cop I've had the fortune to know and work with. My favorite pastime is pulling her pigtails and driving her crazy. I know when and where and how to poke at her to make her jump. But when it comes to work, we are undoubtedly the best team ever. When we work together, there is no murderer who can resist our efforts, and no murderer we can't bring to justice.
Today was a typical day at the office, except for the annual physical. The truth is that I don't like doctors at all—but I didn't mind the pretty blonde nurse one bit. I was trying to engineer a hook up with her, since I despaired of having Beckett.
"Detective Castle, don't move."
"If you promise not to hurt me," I said with a wink.
"It will only be a poke," she told me. "You won't even notice."
"And what if I do? Then what?" I teased.
"Huh?" It's clear she was no exception to the "dumb blonde" stereotype when it came to carrying on a conversation, I thought, as she fiddled with my arm.
"What will you give me in exchange? Will you go out to dinner with me?"
"Now," she said as she taped a bit of gauze over the spot where she'd inserted the needle.
"Now what?"
"Now I'm all done poking you."
"Are you serious?" I was rather put out.
"Castle, I think this time your plan has backfired," my partner Ryan laughed, and my other partner Esposito followed suit. Kate, by contrast, remained silent, and concentrated on assisting the doctors to the extent that she could.
"Kate ..." I called, but she didn't look at me. "Beckett ..."
"What is it, Castle?" she said resignedly, giving me the slightest hint of a smile.
"You're not afraid of being poked by a little needle, are you? You should be used to it," I said referring to her doctor fiancé, making my two companions laugh.
"Shut up," she said with a scowl.
We were there a good long time between the jokes and the teasing, until the captain appeared with a new case. We got to work right away.
When we arrived at the crime scene, the medical examiner, Lanie Parish, was already there. She's Kate's best friend, and she makes a hobby of riling her up, just like I do. It's only with her (and occasionally at a party) that I've seen Kate smiling, having fun, and looking relaxed. Those moments have only served to confirm that this woman has me in her net, though she doesn't know it.
"Hey Lanie!"
"Hey guys, Kate ..." she said, lifting her gloved hand.
"What do we have?" Kate asked in professional mode.
"My god! How about, Good morning ... as in 'Good morning, Lanie, how are you?' No, she's all business, all the time. Where's the fun in all this?" I intended to goad her.
"We're here for the victim. If you're not, you can go get yourself another job," she retorted crouching down next to the victim and looking for evidence of a bullet hole or some other cause of death.
"Come on, children," Lanie said, laughing, "you know what they say, fighting is foreplay—"
"Lanie!" Kate scolded her, but I saw how she blushed.
KATE'S POV
God, now I had an insane desire to throttle Lanie, too. I didn't like his little jokes at all, much less Castle himself. I don't like him, and she knows it. He's the total opposite of what I've always wanted in a man. As a partner, it's another matter. He's disciplined, good at his job, and punctual, although he doesn't always take it seriously. Despite our differences and despite the fact that I cannot stand him, when it comes to work, we are in tune. Sometimes I even think he can read my mind. But it's the only thing I admire about him. To live up to my standards, a person has to give one hundred percent, stay focused, and keep all senses alert. He instead prefers to take everything as a joke, pulling pranks or messing with everything you put in front of him. But with five minutes of sober lucidity, he comes to the same conclusions that I do after dedicating an entire night to it. That aspect of him I admire, although at the same time it drives me absolutely crazy. I can barely stand it on a regular day, and the way Lanie joked about us bothered me a lot.
This day had been pretty stressful right from the beginning. We investigated the crime scene, we managed to talk to the relatives of the victim once he was identified, and of course we had created the time line of the last day of his life. I hated cases like this. The victim had a wife and two small children. I hated the cases where victims had children, especially if they were young. I had been one of those children who had lost a parent, too, and the pain stays with you for the rest of your life.
I needed coffee in order to hang in there a little longer. I didn't want to end the day without taking another look at the murder board. I knew I was missing something about this case, and I wanted to solve it and give some comfort and peace to those children who had lost their father so unjustly today. I went into the break room and closed my eyes, feeling the magnificent hot liquid rolling through my mouth. Yes, I'm aware that I'm a little addicted to coffee. I didn't feel human until I had my first cup when I first awoke, and from then on I drank countless others—whatever was necessary to keep me on my feet on a day like today.
"Hi, Kate," Castle said, suddenly appearing behind me and disrupting my moment of relaxation.
"Beckett," I corrected him sharply.
"When are you going to drop the formality? We've been partners for almost two years and yet I still have to call you 'Beckett'."
"I call you 'Castle,' right?"
"Well, I'd be happy to let you call me Rick," he said with that trademark flirtatious smirk. I just wanted to erase it from his face. "Or Richard, or Ricky even—that's what she called me last night when I—"
"Guys." Espo appeared, saving me from living through another one of those awkward moments, another of Castle's boastful comments referring to his many liaisons, saving me the trouble that would have ensued had I followed my impulse and thrown the hot coffee over Castle's head. "Lanie says she has something. I'll go down to—"
"No," I interrupted him. "I'll go, I need the fresh air." I glared fixedly at Castle.
I went down to the basement, to the morgue, and there in the autopsy room I found Lanie focused on the body of our victim.
"Hi Lanie."
"Hi Kate. You look awful, girlfriend." She glanced sidelong at me, but without looking up from the corpse.
"Thank you, I love you, too," I said ironically.
"What you need is a good party."
"Yes, exactly, that's what I'm doing now," I told her, sitting on an empty autopsy table beside my friend.
"Okay, I don't mean now, but this weekend."
"Lanie ..."
"No excuses. Josh is on duty, you told me that yesterday, and instead of staying home alone you're coming with me."
"Okay, fine."
"We're going out with the guys."
"Lanie ..."
"What? It'll be much more fun. And, you could fulfill your dreams," she said raising her eyebrows, referring to an unpleasant and embarrassing one I had told her about the other day.
"I'm never going to tell you anything again," I said blushing. "You know that wasn't a dream—it was a nightmare!"
"A nightmare which you really, really enjoyed," she said with an evil laugh. "Kate it's normal to have erotic dreams. And perfectly normal to dream about that hot hunk of a partner that you have."
"God ... I hate him! Don't you understand? I do not like him, he's not my type, and you know it. It was just a damn dream."
"No Kate, you don't have 'nightmares' like that about someone you hate. You like this guy. It's not a bad thing to accept that."
"I don't like him. Besides, I love Josh."
"Yes, right, of course! You'd have to love him to put up with him."
"Lanie!" I scolded her. My fiancé Josh was a good man, a caring man. He was in love with me, and I admired how he devoted himself to his humanitarian causes.
"Okay, sorry. But the world's not gonna end if you check out another guy. And why not? I do it all the time."
"You're incorrigible," I said laughing.
"You got that right, girl. And this weekend you and I are going out, 'cause you need a good party."
"Fine. Now can we focus on the victim?"
I didn't know what it was about her, but Lanie was my undoing. Whenever I was with her I felt young again, like I was in my first year of college before ... before everything happened. Sometimes I needed to free myself from this solemn version of Kate that I had become. I needed to feel young again, uninhibited, happy, and it usually happened when I was with Lanie. She let out this part of me that nobody else had known how to draw out for a long time now.
TO BE CONTINUED …
On Wednesday the second chapter of this story will go up [translator note: probably sooner than that]. But I don't want you to forget "Una nueva vida es posible (A new life is possible)" [another story by tamyalways]. I have also posted chapter 50 of that story today, and on Wednesday I will post the epilogue. When one door closes, a window opens, haha. I hope you like it and enjoy it. And I hope, as always, for your comments—let me know what you think and how the story makes you feel.
XXOO
Twitter: tamyalways
Translator note: Sometimes the author's comments are the hardest part for me to translate! Tamy's got a very informal and pleasant tone to her author's notes, and my book-learned Spanish is not quite up to conveying that. Also, keep in mind that she posted the original of this months ago, so references to "Wednesday" etc. are not relevant to the posting of this translation. However, let me join in urging you to post reviews—the author will definitely appreciate the feedback.
Also, general note about the fic: This story is long (50+chapters), and as you may have noticed from the category selection, it's a drama, with a certain amount of angst, humor, and romance. The vast majority of the story is safely "T"-rated; however, there are some parts that are most definitely "M." I will endeavor to mark the headings of chapters that contain "M"-rated material. Also, tamyalways specializes in writing AU. You will notice that while Beckett and Castle (and other characters) are the same in essentials, there are non-canon elements, especially to their backstories, in order to support this AU.
As Tamy says, reviews are welcome. I'm going to try to translate any comments you post to Spanish so that Tamy can read them, and of course feel free to PM Tamy directly if you wish. I'm not on Twitter, so if that's your preferred method of communicating, you've already got Tamy's info.