Weakness Descending
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost- just wish I did :P
A/N: As always please REVIEW (tis' the writer's food)
Weakness was a word that Shannon hated above all else. Weakness filled her when she was in her step-mother's presence. Weakness was when she was around a Carlisle. The male portion of the family had a way of…distracting her. Weakness, she figured, could be foolishly disguised as love.
At 16, Shannon Rutherford had no clue about love. Lust was an easy enough sign, but true love was something that eluded her even when she swore it to her boyfriends. She thought maybe there was a trace of it for Jaime, the boy she'd been dating for nearly tree months, but deep down she knew love didn't exist in her heart. She was what Mrs. Rutherford called rich man's plaything; a doll that could be owned and touched without regard of feelings.
The only sort of generosity expressed by her beloved step-mother this spring was to allow Jennifer, her best friend, to stay for spring break. This miracle took much begging and promises, which Shannon quickly reproached herself for by not buying the fuchsia fur-trimmed clutch. It was a sad season for Shannon at her posh high school. Jennifer and she had the same ideals: marry a rich celebrity, adopt children (avoid the pain and scars) and own a multi layered mansion in Paris. They we're superficial, yes, but painfully beautiful which justified every other flaw.
"…and you should come visit me in the Hamptons for summer vacation," Jennifer replied hurriedly as they turned on their backs attempting to get the ideal Brazilian tan that Vogue called 'the sexiest thing a woman can wear'. They ranked their tan at a poor 'caramel', but still had hope for the next day. "It'll do you some good to get out of this place. Think about it we can live it up with hot sexy male models and have all the booze we want!"
Shannon looked over sadly from behind her Chanel sunglasses "Mrs. Bitch won't let me leave for New York. What make's you think she'd ever consent to letting me go away for all summer?"
"We'll think of something," Jennifer said quietly, her green eyes twinkling hopefully. "Besides I'm sure I can charm your beautiful step-brother easily."
Shannon glared at her reproachfully. "Jen, I mean it don't mess with Boone. He's screwed up enough already and I don't trust him enough to not hurt you."
"What's with you anyway?" She said glaring at her fiercely. Everything about her was angry- even her brown hair seemed to be crackling with fury. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you're in love with him."
"Oh, please give me more credit than that," Shannon spat sitting up abruptly. "I'm only trying to protect you."
"Shan, I don't need protecting. I need a friend." She replied honestly gazing into the kitchen where Boone stood eating lunch. She knew this was crucial: she'd never live this down if she didn't ignore her feelings.
"Fine, but don't come crying to me that he's dull-" She began before being pulled into a bear hug.
"Thanks! Now come on," Jen squealed while adjusting her fire-engine red bikini to scantily proportions, which was easily done. Shannon suddenly felt self-conscious in her white knit bikini. She didn't have the chest or bottom Jen had … Boone was as good as dead.
"What do you need me for?" She asked uncertainly, not wanting to see her step-brother drool over her best-friend.
"I'll look stupid if I try and chat him up out of nowhere!" She cried looking nervously over her shoulder as if to guarantee he wouldn't leave yet. "I need you second half."
She must be getting desperate using Dad's old nicknames, Shannon thought. A sudden urge to hurt her gnawed at Shannon's heart. This is for the best. It's best for Boone, Jen and you, she urged. She needed closure for this sick infatuation she had…maybe this could give her that push she needed. She felt her legs moving beneath her driving her unwilling heart toward the house. She heard Jen talking in hushed covert tones, but she was numb. Numbness waved over her killing any sense of feeling in her only letting her mind continue on.
"Hey aren't you burnt enough yet?" Boone joked as they entered the kitchen. He was dressed in only a navy robe and his black hair looked disheveled. She felt nothing.
"You laugh now, but soon we'll be the envy of all these pasty socialites" Jen quipped hands on hips her green eyes twinkling merrily with love. "Right, Shanny?"
"Totally," She replied mechanically getting out two bottles of water, a pretense for buying herself readjusting time. "Why aren't you with mommy today?"
Boone looked over coldly from above his cereal. "Why aren't you making out with your loser boyfriend? Oh, wait, he dumped you."
"I'll have you know we're back together- not that it's any of your business though." She snapped glaring at him as she unopened her drink savagely. "Besides at least I have a love life. What do you do in that dark room all day? You know I'd rather not know."
"I think Boone probably has dozens of girls fawning over him. Don't you?" Jen smiled coquettishly at him as he looked stunned by this and the tips of his ears going red.
"Umm…sure?" he stammered as she surveyed him scruntinally. He was so readable. Boone couldn't lie to save his life.
"Miss Shannon the telephone it is Mr. Jaime," whispered the maid handing her the telephone. Bless Hannah, none of her family approved of Jaime, but she loved him.
"Thank you Hannah," she murmured turning to leave.
"Who is it Shan?" Boone asked sternly.
"None of your damn business," she snapped hurrying back outside but not before fixing him with a daring glare. "Hey" she smiled thankful for the distraction.
"I can't talk long I'm at my grandparents house, but I wanted to know if you wanna check out this new club tonight it's called Phoenix. All the boys are coming so I understand if you don't want to hang."
"No, I miss you and I don't care if I have to hear their sexist crap as long as I can be with you," she replied willing those words to be true. "Pick me up at 10?"
"Baby, I would but I gotta get Matt since he totaled his Benz last week," He replied hurriedly.
"Oh, hey I'm gonna bring Jen and she's stuck on my brother so he might come too," she added hastily attempting to avoid a confrontation.
"Shan," he began heavily.
"I know, but he's such a stick in the mud he probably won't come."
"Whatever. Listen I gotta go, but I'll have Benji put you on the VIP list."
"I'm sorry," she replied honestly glancing over at the kitchen seeing Boone glaring at her with a look of utter disgust on his face. She turned away feeling spiteful. "I promise I'll really make this up as soon as I steal you away tonight."
"You better," he replied longingly as she giggled twirling her hair idly. "I'm feeling fucking celibate here!"
"What color boxers do you have on?" She asked boldly.
"Uh…green why?" He laughed as she committed it to memory.
"Just trying to accessorize" she replied innocently dipping a foot into the cool pool.
"What've you got in that beautiful head of yours?" He asked huskily as she giggled again.
"Nothing," she murmured throatily. "I'll see you later." She added before hanging up abruptly seeing Boone's rising figure.
She walked back over giddily. She had the best boyfriend in all LA and nothing her idiot of a step-brother did would change that.
"Hey Jenny," she called smiling as she saw her playfully swat him on the arm laughing symphonically as he looked at her blushing bewilderdly. "Wanna go check out this new club tonight?"
"Huh?" she asked gazing over surprised then quickly recovering. "Yeah, but only if Boone comes too."
Boone looked at Shannon arrogantly as she sneered at him.
"He won't go. He's got more pressing matters alone in his bedroom to attend to," she retorted watching as Jen stifled a laugh. "Don't you Boone?"
"Come on Boone," Jen smiled at him winningly clutching onto his arm. "I'll be bored without someone to talk to."
"Sure," He grinned as Shannon's smiled faded. "Gotta keep an eye on you two."
"Oh, you're so sweet," Jen smiled happily kissing him on the cheek as he turned red. "Hey Shan we should go get new outfits to match these killer tans"
"Yeah, but we're not taking kill joy." She warned hands folded stubbornly. She could have sworn there was a flicker of love in his eyes, but that look was utterly changed when she blinked and turned into loathing. She glared again before leaving to shower.
A Short-Time Later
"I liked the first skirt better," Jennifer replied eying her friend's latest outfit as they stood in the large dressing room in a trendy boutique in Malibu.
Shannon sighed aggravated. It hardly took this long to find a cute outfit! Jeans or mini? Halter or tube? Which was easier to get off? Tube top, she rationalized.
"Which better?" she asked holding up a long asymmetrical black top and a tight green one.
"The green one makes you look like Julia Roberts," She replied as Shannon beamed. "Circa Pretty Woman"
"Touché" she replied pulling on her flirty top over her emerald undergarments and pairing it with a jean mini skirt. "Good?"
"Cute" she responded as Shannon pulled off the price tags handing them to the assistant to add with all her other purchases. "Hey Shan, are you okay about Boone coming tonight and all?"
"Why?" she asked trying on a pair of tall Jimmy Choo slingbacks. "Does it matter?"
"Well, yeah. You're my best friend." She replied zipping up her lilac halter dress.
"Jen, if you're happy I am." She lied, confidant in those skills.
They looked at each other in the mirror critically and switched shoes.
"So what's with the new lingerie?" Jen whispered smirking as they handed the attendant their latest merchandise. "Has Jaime seen them all?"
Shannon laughed heartily eying a silver clutch happily. "No, just want to keep him on his toes."
"Yeah okay," She smiled examining a new pair of jeans. "Will Boone even let you go alone with him?"
Shannon smiled knowingly. "That's where you come in. I'm gonna need you to distract him so me and Jaime can have a little reunion of our own."
"I'll try, but he was watching you like a fucking vulture earlier on the phone. I swear he thinks he needs to be your Dad!" Jennifer laughed as they reached the cashier handing over their latest purchases while the attendant rang up their purchases separately.
"Maybe his parental instincts are coming in early," Shannon replied loftily. "I hate it when he gets all territorial on me. He's not even my real brother!"
"He just wants to protect you," she replied gently.
"Don't go taking his side just because you want to screw him," she replied coldly while handing the cashier her visa. "Because you don't have to put up with all the bullshit I have to."
Jen looked sympathetically at this and she sighed again. "I'm sorry it's just there's never been love between me and Boone. He just doesn't get it."
"Yea, but you'll stay with me for summer okay. I swear." Jen pledged vehemently as she handed the cahier her visa. Shannon smiled hopefully before signing the receipt.
"I love you first half," She replied squeezing her friend tightly.
"Well you should," Jen laughed while collecting their bags. "Considering I'm sacrificing my body for you to get laid."
"Slut," Shannon hissed as they climbed into her Jag.
"Self-centered brat," she retorted.
"That's both of us!" She laughed.
Much Later That Night
Shannon wasn't an expert with drinking. She rarely drank, but tonight earned a particular good booze-up. She looked great and there as she entered the roaring club (after losing Boone and Jen) she caught her boyfriend blond hair tousled and lips swollen with a bubbly red head clinging to him as he felt her up. She watched stunned as they publicly went to third base. She raised herself up gracefully. Grabbing a glass of who-knew-what and promptly threw it on him.
"Shannon!" He exclaimed stunned his hair soaking. "I thought you said you'd be late?"
"You fucking liar! Who else did you fuck tonight?" She roared as he turned crimson. "You weren't at your grandparents tonight were you?"
"Shannon I swear it didn't mean anything! I love you!" He cried reaching out for her as she punched him right in the eye. "Fuck! Shannon!"
"Go fuck yourself!" She screamed turning and storming back inside the dark club.
She needed to be numb again. She had no energy to do it herself and quickly made her way to the bar and ordered a few tequila shots and vodka. She had done her make up so expertly that they hadn't even carded her. She blessed MAC lovingly. Somewhere between her 4th tequila shot and her 2nd vodka a nice looking guy approached her. He complimented her in everyway and she giggled happily, beyond pretenses. Somewhere along after her second apple martini he led her into the men's room. She trailed along rather clumsily. Hoping Jaime or Boone or her father could see her now.
"You're so beautiful," he groaned sliding a hand between her legs and she gasped, neither happy nor fearful. Numb was so pleasant. He slipped another hand under her top. She whimpered a small part of her that frightened 16 year-old, but a greater part of her enjoying this. He kissed her throat brusquely and she moaned in delight closing her eyes as images of all the men who hurt her before changed. "Boone…"
"I can be him if you want baby," he whispered grinding against her eagerly.
"Shannon!" a voice screamed as she struggled against him coming back to herself.
"Get off me!" She screamed as he clutched to her. "Help!"
"Shannon!" Boone's voice shouted frantically sending shivers down her spine.
A loud crash erupted spilling the room in a neon light and she felt Jen help her up off the ground.
"You fucking bastard!" Boone shouted tackling the stranger to the ground.
"You little bitch," he spat reaching for her legs as she cried earning himself a new hit to the face.
The bulky doorman from earlier emerged, pulling the two apart Boone with a bloody lip and the stranger with two black eyes and a cut lip. She heard blearily as the two argued with the owners and they seemed terrified by what Boone said.
"Boone," she whispered as he looked at her tearfully. "I wanna go home. Take me home."
He yelled at the owners once more before they ushered them out safely to the car. She let Boone lead her into the cool inky night sky. As he strapped her into the seat she looked at Jen woefully, as her friend looked at her oddly.
"I'm sorry I ruined your night," she whispered tearfully glad for the loud music masking her tears-her weakness.
She blinked and suddenly they were back at the penthouse. It stood like a beacon of light behind the night sky. After all her sobbing made her sleepy and as her stiletto boots proved impractical for a drunk, he gathered her into his arms. She was so happy to be home.
"Booney," she whispered reaching a small hand to his face. ""I love you."
"Shut up Shan," he whispered harshly as she giggled inhaling his intoxicating cologne.
"I feel like we're married and you're carrying me over the threshold," she slurred as they reached the top floor.
"Then this is one really long threshold," he retorted as she gazed into his deep blue eyes and pouted lips. She lovingly snaked one hand into his wavy dark and another on his cheek.
"Booney," She called as he looked at her a mixture of so many emotions on his face that it was simply impossible to tell which ruled. "I love you."
"Shan, you're drunk." He replied heavily as she touched noses with him.
"Drunks are honest," she murmured against him as he breathed shallowly standing at the entrance of her bedroom.
"Shan, just shut up," he retorted bitterly as she looked at him tearfully.
"You don't love me?" She cried as he set her down onto the bed. It was there on his face. An impassiveness only she thought she could attain and yet she clung to him shivering and tearful with still swollen lips and brown eyes swimming in tears. She was kneeling on the bed with her arms wrapped around his neck possessively. She was all golden and unspoken love. "Don't leave me tonight. I've lost so many people already."
He looked down at her softly, all his self-resolve crumbling at her feet. He would hate her soon yes, but he would love her for his whole life. She stared into his sapphire eyes and to her he would be her knight with the looks of a Greek god. She clung to him shaking like a leaf. And he sank down beside her wrapping his arms around her lovingly. The world could fall around them, but this night would remain with him whenever he was fearful or sad. She turned around in his arms so that she was curled up with her head lying over his heart protectively. He thanked whatever deity granted them this night of broken shields and quiet words.
He looked down at her sleeping form and quietly pulled himself away from her to slide her boots over bronze calves and red toenails. He found a pair of pajamas for her and lifted her gently removing her skirt. He held her against him as he unzipped her top unbinding her gilded skin beneath. He tenderly replaced the top with a plain white tank top and slid her pants on, fatally enjoying the feel of her skin beneath his. He silently took off her jewelry and placed it on the bedside table cluttered with magazines and old homework assignments. He didn't want her to have any reminder of the club. If he could only spare her that pain…
"I knew it," a soft voice said making him turn in surprise. There before him was Jennifer dressed in a pink nightgown her face tearful. "I knew it killed you when you couldn't find her. I heard the fear in your voice when we found her earlier. I knew you were jealous of Jaime. You love her…"
Boone looked at her a deep sadness etched onto his face breaking her heart further. He sank onto the foot of the bed crying without preamble, all his lies and reservation stolen. He'd kept this from everyone like a child's favorite toy that they keep even though they grow out of it. He'd protected her from it for so long that to finally admit it was like breathing for the first time after death.
"How long?" she whispered sinking to his feet as he looked down with unfocused eyes.
"Five years," he whispered, silent tears streaming down his face gathering onto her nightgown. "She doesn't know. No one does."
She looked at him so sadly that he felt naked under her gaze. "You don't know how hard it is to pretend for 1,825 days- day and night- without going crazy."
She gathered him in her arms like a child and he felt so broken now. Surely she'd tell her. Would she hit him? Would she kiss him? Would she cry? He wanted a release from the prison of loving her, but a white fear filled him at the thought of her hating him or of losing her further.
"Promise me you won't tell anyone," he begged gazing back at Shannon's sleeping form. "My mother would kill us both. She already hates her, but this would give her something to…push her over."
Jen looked at him searchingly and she looked torn between her loyalty to her friend and her bittersweet love. "I've never kept anything from her"
"Please, don't think of me. Do it to save her. It would kill her if she knew the truth."
She looked at him penetratingly before nodding. "I promise." She then reached up and cupped his face in both her hands kissing him softly before repeating her oath. "I promise."
"I'm sorry for everything," he whispered eyes closed, but their foreheads touched still. "And thank you. This means so much to me."
She nodded emerald eyes streaming tears. "I know."
To Be Continued…..
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