Hello Lovely readers

Yes, this is a story I posted years ago and ignored. I am trying to update it (I realize my writing sucked) and finish it. I promise that although I might not update quickly, I will update eventually. (I have a Harry Potter fic that I work on regularly and my own fics that I don't put on Fanfic they're sort of juvenile…and I've been sucked in the world I Divergent, so I'm reading that as well. I'm also beginning an internship and I'm doing spring sports which will take up a lot of my time.) So please don't give up on me!

Anyway, this takes place after the rebellion. I loved the books; they were excellently written. But I hate how Katniss and Peeta wind up together. If you ask me, they might survive, but I think she would be much happier with Gale. Gale and she are so similar (which can be a good and bad thing) but they have this passion and fire that I don't see with her and Peeta. I think the way Peeta treats Katniss makes it seem like she's not a tough, strong woman. It's like feminism never existed. Therefore, I am Team Gale all the way.

Also note, I do not except Gale and Katniss to get together very soon in this fic. Like the books, it will take time, so I am working them into a relationship. Be patient. This is kind of how I write all my stories; I like to ease into them.

Alright, well thanks for reading my rant! If you have any comments or questions feel free to review or send me a PM! I love hearing from my readers! It also really really motivates me. In fact the first review I have for this story allowed me to come back to it! Thanks a lot! 3

Disclaimer: Suzanne Collins didn't know how to end the Hunger Games Trilogy, but I do. (Hahaha wow…that was kind of aggressive) So here's my version of how it will go.

Chapter 1: Tough Love

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17, almost 18 years old. I live in the remainder of District 12. There are 13 districts in the country I live in called Panem. District 12 suffered major destruction after the Rebellion started. Not only did the Rebellion destroy many things, it ruined my life forever. My father had been killed in a mining accident ages before the Rebellion started. I lived with my mother and younger sister, Prim, in the Seam of District 12. I hunted with my best friend Gale, who resembles me quite well because we are both from the Seam; if you didn't know the two of us you might think we were brother and sister. Everyone from the Seam had dark hair and eyes, and olive skin. Everyone, except my mom and Prim; they had blonde hair and blue eyes. My mother was not always part of the Seam; she had a nice comfortable life until she met my father and married into the Seam for love. That's where my sister received her beautiful bright blue eyes.

My life was good. Although we didn't have much, we survived off of what Gale and I brought back from the woods and whatever we could trade for the animals we didn't eat. Then came the fateful day where I volunteered to be in the Hunger Games. I volunteered to save my sister's life. I saved her that day. The Hunger Games are held once every year, two children, one girl one boy, from each district one through 13 must participate in killing each other. In the Hunger Games, winning means fame, glory and fortune…losing means death. One winner takes all. I won the 74th Hunger Games. I'm not the only person though. Peeta Mellark, my fiancé, won as well.

We were never friends before the Hunger Games, Peeta and I. He was from the rich end of town and I the Seam. He once gave me loafs of bread to feed my family. Apparently he had a crush on me since we were like four years old. I never noticed. I was too busy trying to keep my family alive. During the Hunger Games he declared his love for me and proposed. I just couldn't say no – if only it were that simple. I had no choice but to go along with it for my survival and my family's. Peeta was trying to save my life, and I understand that. I still wasn't keen on him at the time, but when Caesar Flickerman announced that Hunger Games' rules were changed so that two victors would be accepted winners of the Hunger Games if they were from the same district, I ran to find him. I couldn't stand to see more bloodshed than was necessary. Eventually after surviving so many traumas, we were the last two left. We waited for the hovercraft to pick us up. But nothing happened. The rules had been changed again. To win I'd have to kill Peeta.

I didn't want to of course, and I suggested we commit suicide and give the Capitol (no victor. They immediately let us both become victors. That fatal movement when I held up the poisonous berries started the rebellion. I was the cause. I was…well…am the Mockingjay. The Rebellion killed Prim and that is when I swore never to be the Mockingjay again. It will never go away, so why should I bother trying? My life fell apart after my sister was killed. Gale moved to District 2. My mother moved to District 4. Nothing has changed about the country…well that's not entirely true. For example, we have a new president, President Winter. I do not like the resemblance to President Snow's name, but she seems…not as bad. The districts are being rebuilt. There are new inventions being built and a togetherness of all the districts. The economy is improving and people seem to be generally happy. That is until reaping day is here.

It still comes once a year. It never will stop. I will never go back to the arena…I hope. I don't know how I survived the second time I went in. That is why I don't want kids. I'm not happy in my life. I am not sure why I'm living in it. There must be some reason. I've asked Peeta multiple times, but he only just started to look at me again. I'm not sure if I even love him. I don't know if I ever really did. Maybe I love him like a brother. Or maybe I've just changed. Maybe my heart has been broken too many times to be in love again. He proposed to me one day, and I said yes, but not because I love him, but because he loves me. I didn't see any point in one more person being unhappy. I never really thought about my future after Prim was gone and my mother left me. There was nothing left to care anymore.

I sat up in a bed in Peeta's Victor House in the remains of District 12 one month before the 75th Hunger Games. The Capitol decided to redo the 75th because the rebellion ruined it; those games were never completed. I keep thinking that if we had just finished those games, there would have been so much less death. I am going to the annual Victor's brunch in the Capitol in one week with Peeta and Haymich. When we're there it will be decided who will become the mentors for the new Hunger Games. I will have to become a mentor because I am the only female victor from District 12. I have no idea who will be mentoring for District 13. Perhaps those tributes won't get a mentor at all. Personally as a mentor I will have to work on being more grown up and not coward in the corner like I am now. I know this. Gale used to treat me like the strong person. My mother obeyed me as if I were the mother. My sister allowed me to just be who I was. Peeta helped me become this small person who I am today – a fragile being.

Peeta walked in once the thought left my head. "Good morning, darling," Peeta said as he walked over toward me carrying a tray of pancakes. He kissed me on my forehead and sat down beside me. "I'm sorry," he said remembering the awful things he said to me during the Rebellion.

"You can stop apologizing," I told him mindlessly. He had been apologizing to me ever since he got his memory back. I'm told he constantly apologizes because he loves me. But I've also been told that because I don't really care what he says to me it means I don't really love him. After weeks of thinking, I found it in my heart to admit to myself that I do not love Peeta as a partner. He is only my friend.

"I can't help it, Katniss," Peeta said, putting his hand on my leg. I instantly tense, and he recoils. "I feel terrible for the way I treated you. I don't know how you ever forgave me."

"A lot of things happened. We must learn to forgive each other, right?" I asked him. I just had to play my cards right and give Peeta a life he wants. This was a small sacrifice for me; there was nothing in my life worth living for anymore. Peeta deserves to be happy after everything he has been through, and I intended to give him a life that he wanted to live in.

"Thank you, honey," He smiled and handed me a breakfast plate. He made toast with butter and jam. I never really got used to eating something so light and airy for breakfast. Although it was more than I typically ate in my life before I entered the Hunger Games, I was still hungry when I finished.

"So, are you ready to go for the Victor's Brunch?" He asked me, trying to force conversation between us. For the last few weeks we had barely talked. I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't have anything to talk to him.

"I guess."

"Well, you know that you will be the mentor for our girl tribute," Peeta said.

"I know…we know you won't be mentoring as well," I said, referring to Peeta's hijacking. I knew he was completely healed from it, but I prayed that the other victors didn't see that. They would send him home, and I wouldn't have to see him for the entirety of the games.

"Katniss, we both know I am better and more stable now. I can do it with you by my side," He said looking at me. I looked at my plate now empty. I wished there was more, so I wouldn't have to speak.

"No, Peeta. You can't," I told him and set my plate down. I stood up from the bed and turned to face him. "I get a say in this…I don't think you're-"

"Not, just you, but the rest of the victors get a vote as well," Peeta said, eyeing me skeptically.

"Remember I am the girl on fire; I can be very persuasive," I said and walked into our walk in closet. My wardrobe had changed since the rebellion. I now wear clothes similar to the clothes they wear in the Capitol, but toned down a lot. Not because I want to believe it's me, but for the image. Now that I really have no soul reason for living, I allow Effie to dress me how she chooses. But after about two months in these clothes, I've discovered they really are quite flattering and comfortable. I might have to reconsider my opinion of them.

"But-" Peeta continued as I stepped out of the closet in a pair of jeans and a blue peplum shirt.

"Besides," I said, stepping back into the closet. "You should stay home and tend to the bakery."

"How would you know if anything there is even worth tending to? You won't eat the food from there." He came into the closet.

"I know that you're there from seven until six on weekdays and from ten until four on weekends…" I looked at him and then looked away, searching for the right shoes. "There must be some reason why you're there instead of being with me." I looked at my shoe drawer wishing I hadn't said anything. I didn't need another confession of his love for me. I had certainly had my fill for a lifetime.

"I guess you're right. Won't you just try something though?" Peeta asks as he wraps his arms around my stomach; it felt almost too tight. "I'll make anything you want. Just tell me." I continued to look fascinated with my shoes while deciding the best way to tell him is was not interested in anything he could make for me.

"I don't want to get addicted to crap," I lied as I grabbed a pair of white sneakers. "If I get addicted to it, what will people think about a fat Mockingjay?"

"They won't care; you look beautiful no matter what," He says and kisses my cheek. The more he touched me and kissed me, the more I wanted to run away. I didn't feel safe. I didn't want to be here with him.

"You're gonna be late again," I smiled, hoping he would leave me alone.

"You're right, but I don't care," He smiles devilishly and pulls me back toward the bed.

"Peeta, you don't want to be late. Think about what you're workers will say," I said as he lay down on the bed, pulling me on top of him.

"I don't care what they say," He started kissing my neck. I did not like where this was going, and I had to stop it before we did something I would regret.

"Peeta, do you really want to do this here? And now?" I asked him. We hadn't done anything at all ever. I think it was starting to get to him. "Let's make it special," I glanced at him from the position we were in. No change. He started to feel me up, and that's when I pushed him away from me. He only pulled me closer. "Peeta, we can't," I stumbled with my words. "I don't want to-"

He stopped and looked at me, "Katniss, you don't…" He got quiet.

"No!" I shouted at him as he let go of me. He deserved to be happy, and right now, I was not making him happy. He positioned me so I was sitting on his lap, waiting for me to respond. "I just want it to be special…like on our wedding night or something like that." I smiled at myself with those words. Damn I'm good, I thought.

"I get it," He smiled down on me. "We'll wait until after the Hunger Games; I promise we'll make it special then," He said smiling as he moved me to his side and got up from the bed. I didn't think I'd ever want these Hunger Games to be over. "I'll be home around six," He said, "I promise."

"Great," I said, "I'll be here." I watched as Peeta grabbed his briefcase and walked out. I sighed a sigh of relief. About a minute later he walked back in; I let out a gasp.

"Sorry, honey," Peeta said as he walked over toward me, "I didn't mean to scare you." He kissed me sweetly on the lips. "I couldn't leave without my goodbye kiss," He said. "I love you."

"You too," I said as he backed away and blew me a kiss. I caught it with my hand in a fist and squeezed so hard that my hands began to ache. He disappeared once again, and I released my hand and stood, looking at my hand. There were red marks from where my nails were. Once I was sure Peeta took his car to the bakery, I went to my closet again. I grabbed my clothes that I wore when I went hunting and put them in a bag. And I grabbed my bow and arrows and stuffed them in the bag as well.

When I had everything I needed, I headed out for the Seam. I walked through all of District 12 to the opposite side to find the house where the Hawthorne's lived without Gale. I knocked on the door and a few seconds later Hazel, Gale's mother, opened the door. "Katniss!" She exclaimed, "I'm so glad to see you!" She always had a way of making me feel welcome regardless of if her son despised me; at least she hadn't shunned me.

"I'm glad to see you too!" I said sweetly, "How are the kids?"

"They're well," She said looking back into the house, "Come in, come in, please!" She smiled as she led me into her house. The house always smelled of sweet pine and fresh air, like Gale. I felt an ache in my heart. I hadn't seen Gale since the Rebellion, and I missed him terribly. But I knew I couldn't see him again. He wouldn't want to see me. "You look fabulous by the way," She smiled as I looked over her plain brown dress. This was her favorite dress; she sewed his by hand. She wouldn't accept any of my clothes. Effie even offered to bring the whole family a new wardrobe. Hazel declined in the kindest way she could; I wished there as something more I could do for her.

"I'd really like to bring you some of my clothes; I think you'd use them more than I would," I told her again. She was used to hearing this, and she always responded with the same answer.

"Oh, Katniss!" She smiled softly, "You're already doing too much for this family."

"Please, this is nothing," I smiled back at her, "I would really love to." I said shifting in my seat. "I also would love it if you, Rory, Vick and Posy came to live with me. You'll be warm all the time and have many clothes and exuberant food. I can't possibly use the entire house alone."

"Katniss, sweetheart, we don't need all that," Hazel said putting her hand on my knee. "We have almost everything we need right here. Besides, you're already doing so much, hunting like Gale and you used to, giving us money. You're doing too much."

"I really don't mind. I love to do it," I told her. "It reminds me of the old times."

"I know, it's hard," Hazel is referring to Prim's death. "I'm here anytime you want to say something." She says ever so softly. I don't respond; I don't want to burden her with the problems I face. After a few minutes of silence she continues. "He's good, you know?" I don't have to look at her face to know Hazel is talking about Gale. They communicated frequently she tells me; he called her at least once a week. Hazel said she told him about me and that he should call me, but he never did. "He's still working with the government, and he's even been promoted!" She says excitedly.

"That's wonderful," I say. I miss him; although I never thought I would. So much had changed since we first met each other in the woods years ago now. We're not the same people anymore, and maybe that's what I was scared of. I couldn't handle the change he had gone through, but he could handle mine. Recently I felt like it was my fault for his departure. Maybe we weren't supposed to be separate after all.

"I know you miss him…I do too," She said wiping a tear away from her eye. "He misses you too."

This brough a tear to my eye, and I quickly wiped it away. "He's better there; he wouldn't want to live where I do; I hurt him too much."

"Oh Katniss, are you ever wrong," Hazel said. "He is barely getting by without us. He asks about you every time he calls."

"Are you sure? He must have been talking about little Posy. I'm pretty sure he can live without me," I said. "I've been so rotten to him…said so many awful things…not accepted who he has become, although both of us have changed…There is no way he could have forgiven me."

"He did," Hazel said with a small smile, "The minute after you left the Capitol, he forgave you."

"He doesn't want to see me," I smiled sadly.

"He would love to see you," Hazel said with bright eyes.

"I'll think about it…" I drifted off into thinking about what I'd be like to see Gale again. I wondered if he had changed in the months that we hadn't seen each other. Had he found a girlfriend? Surely, someone of his features wouldn't have trouble at all.

"I bet you get paid a lot of money to train our districts tributes," Hazel smiled trying to change the subject away from her son; it must pain her as much as it pains me to talk about him.

"Too much. I wish I had someone to share it with," I said arching my eyebrows at her. I wish she would just let me help her out. Gale surely got that character trait from her.

"You have Peeta to share it with."

"The last thing he needs is more money, Hazel. I was talking about a few others actually. I know they could put it to much better use than I ever could."

"It would be too much," She smiled sadly.

"Alright…I'll be gone…for today, but I'll be back again soon…and I'll offer it again until you agree to it," I told her. "Am I going to teach Rory or Vick today?" I asked referring to hunting. Ever since Gale left his family, Rory and Vick had been training with me to hunt. They were never as quiet as Gale, and he had much nimbler fingers. Though I don't know how; his hands were quite rough and beat up from working in the coal mine.

"They're both staying at school late today; they were caught throwing pencils at the teacher," Hazel said with a sigh. Gale would have never done something like that…and get caught. "But thank you for offering," She smiled again. I loved her smile; it was the same as Gale's.

"If they get out early, have them come to the woods. I'll check to see if they're at the meeting place," I told her. I changed the meeting place to a big tree instead of the rock Gale and I used to meet at because I didn't want to go there without Gale. It just seemed to strange to be there with him.

"Don't count on it," she smiled, "They aren't coming home until four or five."

"Well then we can try tomorrow," I smiled and stood up. I couldn't meet them at five, get some animals, sell them at the hob, bring some food for Hazel, and be home in time to start cooking dinner for Peeta by then. "I want you to have this," I pointed to my outfit.

"No, honey. It's too much," She stood as well, "I couldn't wear that at my age."

"If not for you, then as dress up clothes for Posy. She'll love them," I smiled.

"Oh, Sweetie. You are too kind to us," Hazel hugged me as she said this.

"He would do the same for my family," I smiled weakly. I went into the small bathroom to change into my hunting clothes. When I came out I gave Hazel the clothes. She hugged me and wished me a good trip.

I walked from Gale's house to my old house in the Seam. It had been rebuilt to its original structure and looks almost the same inside. I looked at it from a far. No one had wanted to live there…they knew how much it meant to me and respected my boundaries. I wiped a few tears away and went to the fence to start hunting. I look at the woods and take everything in. It's lush and green. I smell the trees and the fresh smell right after it rains. I walked farther into the woods and set few snares. Then I went to look for a rabbit or squirrel to shoot. I saw a few deer, which was very rare in this area. Knowing that I couldn't carry it back myself, I didn't take a shot at it.

After I hauled two rabbits and a squirrel back toward Hazel's house, I traded the other two squirrels at the hob. I knew Hazel and the kids liked Rabbit better, so I'd saved their favorite for them. I noted the time and walked a little faster. Once I got to the house I knocked on the door and Rory opened it. "Hi, Katniss," He said.

"Hey, Rory, may I give these to your mom? I don't really have much time to get home," I said as I held out my bag full of goodies. Just then Hazel came to the door.

"Hello, Katniss," She said. "Is all that for us?" She asked once she saw the bundle. I nodded. "Come in, please."

"I'd love to Hazel, but I can't," I smiled at her and gave her the sack. "I'm already going to be late as it is." I back away slowly.

"Please come back before you leave, Katniss," Hazel smiled at me, knowing that I wouldn't be here very long before the Victor's Brunch and the next Hunger Games began.

"Of course," I said a waved to both Rory and Hazel and turned to run toward Victors Village.

I knew it'd be hard to make it back in time to start dinner; it was already 5'oclock. So I just wanted to be home in time to change and get into the bath tub. I ran all the way there and passed the bakery. I hoped Peeta wasn't looking out the window. I ran as fast as I possibly could and finally ended up home. I glanced at the clock as I went up the stairs…5:45 it read. I slid off my hunting clothes and put them in the back of my closet. I turned on the bathtub and used the code pad to make the water hot so I could get in right away.

I finished washing myself in less than five minutes. I knew I had to start cooking and soon. I went into my closet once more and typed a few keys on the keyboard. A few seconds later an outfit pooped up in front of me on a hanger. I changed quickly and went downstairs to start dinner. I had just opened the fridge when the front door opened.

"Hey Honey," Peeta called from the door and came into the kitchen. "Just getting started?" He asked as he put his arms around my shoulders. I nodded. "What'd you do today?"

"Not much," I said as I chopped some vegetables, "I just exercised." It wasn't a complete lie…hunting can be a very good source for fitness.

"Good," Peeta said as he grabbed some chicken and began to fry it. We cooked in silence for half an hour and then we ate dinner the same way. There was little to talk about. Peeta worked in a bakery…nothing too exciting about that. I could have told him I didn't love him at the dinner, but I didn't know what would happen next. What was the point? I didn't have anyone I wanted to share the rest of my life with…except maybe Gale. Gale who hadn't called me once. I couldn't tell Peeta now. It would break his heart, I thought as I looked up from my meal and saw him smiling at me.

"Why don't you go and hunt?" Peeta suggests after a spoonful of beef stew.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, wondering if he knew about my actual daily habits.

"Well, you used to love to go with Gale…" Peeta started, "I know it won't be the same, but you could try. I know you hate staying home and doing nothing and you hate coming to the bakery even more," Peeta smiled warmly at me. "You should be happy too Katniss." Why did he still care about me? How can he love me when I don't love him? Is this cruel what I am doing to him? Being with someone I don't love for his sake?

"Hunting will never be the same. I will never be the same person. My whole life is gone," I said, then realized I hurt his feelings, when I looked up and saw a slight frown upon his mouth. I immediately felt guilty. "Except for you…" Peeta looked a little hopeful after I said so.

"I hope you can eventually realize you'll want a family with me," Peeta said as he finished his stew. I thought about that…I didn't ever want to bring children into a world where the Hunger Games exists. Never. There was no one who could change that for me.

"I told you before, Peeta. I don't want kids…they'll only be tortured in the Hunger Games. The games are not over yet, and they never will be," I said looking into my stew. "So, no. I'll never want kids."

"Katniss, we can't live in fear…if our kids go in, we will assume they will come out," Peeta put a hand on my shoulder.

"Peeta. No. Kids." I said and stood up from my seat and went to our bedroom. I changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed. I covered myself with mounds and mounds of blankets and finally I let a few silent tears slip. I wiped them of my face and fell asleep.

A/N: Thanks for reading! The next chapter should be up fairly quickly, but after that I'm not sure when! Maybe the more reviews I get the quicker I will update! Happy reading and writing