This is the sequel to Heart's Desire. The chapters will be shorter this time around, too much angst gets me depressed. The remaining chapters should be up within a couple of days.

This was really difficult to write and I'm a bit nervous about how it turned out, so... (crosses fingers)

A Question of Love - Chapter 1

"Yes it's only love, and it's only love

That can break a human being

And tear him inside out.

That can break a human being

And tear him inside out."

It took me years to learn to trust Shizuru. To believe, heart and soul, that she would never leave me, would never hurt me. It took me years to let Shizuru in. To allow her within my boundaries, inch by inch, touch by touch. It took me years to learn to love her in the way she wanted me to.

But it only took a few minutes to destroy everything we'd worked for all those years. It took only a few minutes for me to relive the memories of what happened on that night.

"Natsuki! Please let me in!"

"No! No! No!" I yelled, firmly clamping my hands over my ears.

"Natsuki!"

"No..." I moaned, burying my face in my hands, in a futile attempt to ward off the memories. The memories that were burning, pounding, forcing their way through my brain. Those memories.

The knocking grew more frantic. "Natsuki, please!"

"No! Go away..." I was huddled on the bathroom floor. My knees drawn up to my chest, and tears streaming down my face. I remembered. I remembered. I remembered. And damn it, I wish I didn't.

"Natsuki!"

Yes... She'd been calling out my name too that night. Except it wasn't in desperation, it was in pleasure. And I... I had been calling out her name as well. Outwardly from ecstasy, but inside... Inside I was screaming in terror.

"Go away!" I screamed back. I got up and grabbed a bar of soap that was beside the sink. I threw it against the door. "How could you?"

Yes. How could she indeed? I remembered screaming. I remembered fear, pain, disgust, pain, pain, and more pain. Pain, from my helplessness. Pain, from pleasure. Pain, from her betrayal.

I felt around for something else to throw. "I hate you." A toothbrush followed. "I hate you." Shampoo next, then everything else I could get my hands on. "I hate you..." I sobbed.

But not only did I remember, I relived it. I could feel it. My worst nightmare, happening all over again. Shizuru pushing me down onto the bed. Shizuru climbing on top of me. Shizuru touching me, touching me everywhere. And... me touching her.

My chest felt tight and I couldn't seem to stop crying. When I could reach for nothing more to throw, the wall was the next to suffer my wrath.

I could feel her. I could feel her touch on my skin. Phantom fingers stroked my sides. Butterfly kisses were planted onto my neck. Being suckled, being penetrated, being used. I thought I was going insane.

When my fists began to ache, I lowered my arms and noticed that the knocking had stopped.

I stared at the door. I found myself somewhat annoyed that Shizuru had stopped. Never mind that I'd just been yelling at her to go away. Humans are so inconsistent that way.

I wiped my eyes and sank down to the floor. I couldn't believe what was happening.

I closed my eyes.

I remembered everything now. I remembered. I remembered what Shizuru did to me that night.

I remembered her betrayal. I thought I loved her but now I've found out that the feeling wasn't even mine at all. I couldn't trust Shizuru and I couldn't even trust myself.

I don't understand why... I could have understood that the necklace was controlling me, that she'd made love to me without knowing that I didn't desire it as she did. But why the hell did she make me forget? Why...

Shizuru, you traitor.

You swear the necklace is gone? How can I trust you? How?! If someone offered you a chance to make me forget again, would you take it? Shizuru, how can I trust you now? Damn it, Shizuru...

How... How can I stay here with you?