Saturday Picnics

By Edelitz

Kevin walked across the grass with his eyes turned down, looking at the picnic basket in his hand. He knew exactly where to go, they went to the same spot every Saturday afternoon. Except this Saturday was different from the rest, it would be their last Saturday picnic for a long time - Kevin's plane left in a few days. He was off to Carnegie on a Robotics scholarship he was surprised that he had been given.

But he knew he had to do this, pretend nothing was wrong when he felt his whole world breaking inside. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to say goodbye but his whole world could no longer revolve around one person. Not anymore…he knew that.

He reached the spot, right beside a little tree that gave just enough shade this time of day every Saturday to allow for a rather pleasant outing. Sure, they weren't always pleasant and it usually ended up with him getting angry, but regardless…

He was waiting, Kevin knew it.

Slowly the teen reached into the basket and pulled out a blanket (freshly washed because He just wouldn't have it any other way), and laid it out, flopping down onto the fabric and pulling the basket to his side. He felt the other settle down beside him, that sudden feeling of sullen darkness and patience. Patience only for Kevin. He tried.

He couldn't look up though.

"I leave on Tuesday." Kevin admitted with a morose tone, leaning back on his hands but curling his knees up. "I got a place all picked out, I wouldn't have been able to afford it if not for you, jerk. I didn't want your money." His voice cracked some.

His voice was a soft chuckle as light as the wind. He knew Kevin didn't want it, but it was all that could be offered in their separation.

"You know, I really should hate you. You were always a jerk to me, since the day we met! You remember right? We were kids, my mom invited you over to swim and you made fun of my shirt until I cried."

Edd laughed, "It really was a stupid shirt."

"And it only got worse once we got into High School. God… You kept me underfoot all the time. Mocked me in front of everyone, made me hate myself. And that nickname, I always hated it! It was one time… Halloween during our Freshman Year, you and Eddy rigged that bucket of pumpkin guts to fall on my head. You made me cry you know. High School was hard enough without you torturing me at every turn."

He was silent, unsure of how to respond. 'Sorry' didn't seem good enough anymore.

Kevin just continued on, ignoring the other's discomfort, "Between the physical and sexual bullying, you made my life a living hell!"

"You got me back though…" Edd remarked coolly.

Kevin smirked, "I made you realize, you don't mess with a robotics whiz. Remember when I rigged up the electronics at school and made you paranoid that all the machines were out to get you?" He laughed bitterly, "The great Eddward Vincent ran out of the computer lab screaming about ghosts in the machine."

"It was quite an impressive trick." The other complimented.

"Everything changed though, didn't it?" He sighed, "You found me getting beat up behind the cafeteria, I'd never seen you look scared before. Or mad. Hell, for all that everyone called you a bully, I'd never once seen you hit someone until that day."

Edd sighed wistfully, "Language Kevin."

"Yeah yeah, language. It never made any sense to me. You somehow had a following of the weirdest bunch of bullies I'd ever seen. But it occurred to me that…without you, they would all get picked on. You would get picked on. You were the bully that other bullies were scared of, and it kept the others safe. You were being nice, in your own…weird way."

Kevin shook his head, "You never did anything normally. Always so afraid of anyone seeing emotion on you. Had us all convinced you were some kind of robot."

"Is that why you took such an interest in me?"

"Nobody is supposed to be that smart! Everyone is supposed to have a weakness but you just…didn't. Super smart, good looking, athletic, rich family, you had everything and nobody could touch you. But then one day, I did… You just… That name! Pumpkin. You pushed that button one too many times! I pushed back, in front of everyone I pushed you back and they all saw that you had a weakness, because you wouldn't hurt me. Not physically at least."

"Words don't leave a physical scar."

"I don't remember how it happened really. We ended up alone in the locker room and you pinned me down to the bench. I called you out on your hypocritical behavior and we kissed. Then you bitched about how many germs were on the bench."

Edd frowned, "Language, Kevin."

Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, "I know, sorry." He shook his head, "But we got along like kerosene and a lit match. Where we couldn't hit one another we threw emotional punches and pushed each other away as hard as we pulled each other closer. It wasn't healthy was it? But we tried."

"Sometimes things just aren't meant to work well together."

"It didn't make any sense! How can you hate someone with all your heart and love them with the same ferocity?"

"Love and hate correlate very similar in the brain." Edd countered.

Kevin sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, hugging his legs, "I never doubted that you loved me. I just wish you would show it a little nicer. Like…that date we went on. Remember? You drove me all the way to Pismo on that long weekend, even though we had that big fight a few days before. You knew how much I liked Fish and Chips and made reservations at that nice restaurant by the ocean. I hadn't seen the ocean before… You took me swimming even though you bi- hated how filthy the water was. We stayed out all day and late into the night. I know you wanted for us to…um…" Kevin's face turned red up to his ears, "I wanted to also. But we were both just so tired that we fell asleep once we got to our room. I'd never seen you as so much of a gentleman before that."

"Hmm, but I do seem to remember a very nice wake-up call." Edd chuckled.

With his head buried in his arms Kevin let out a restrained sob, "Why couldn't you do more nice things for me like that Edd? I know it's selfish, and I love every part of you, but…but…" Another sob, this one broken, "Why'd you have to go and get sick?"

"Why couldn't you have told me? You told me everything, why did this have to be a secret?" Kevin's chest was tight and his mouth felt as if it were filled with cotton as he finally broke into tears, crying openly now because he didn't care who heard. He wanted Edd to hear. He wanted Edd to hate himself for doing this to him.

"I remember the day you collapsed… You were always so strong, but your legs just…they just…and the blood…you were coughing, you tried to hide it. You were in so much pain and you still tried to hide it from me. You still smiled at me, you only smiled for me but there was blood on your fucking lips! And no! I'm not sorry! I'll curse if I want to, curse you Eddward."

"Your parents couldn't come to the hospital. They wouldn't let me in to see you because I wasn't family. You heard me yelling at them though, and even though you knew they'd have to hook everything back into you, you still came out to see me, to hold me. But you lied to me…you told me everything would be ok. But nothing was ok!" He tried to speak again but the words were drowned in tears and choking cries, "The last thing…you ever said to me… 'Everything will be ok Kevin.'"

He was incapable of speaking for many long minutes, wishing that someone, anyone, would console him.

"'Everything will be ok.' You didn't mean it, but you made me believe it. You even gave me your dogtags. Why is it that even in your weakest moment Edd, you were still stronger than me? They made you go back to your room, you even insulted one of them on the way and I know you just did it to make me think you were getting better." Kevin shook his head as if trying to clear his thoughts, then wiped his tear-stained face with the back of his hand and tried to regather himself.

"…You never came back…" Kevin bit his lip and reached into the basket and pulled out something silver, a pair of dogtags attached to a long chain. "I know you gave these to me, but they're yours Edd." Kevin got up on his knees and turned around to face the gravestone at his back, frowning at the black granite etched with smooth writing. He reached down and settled the tags on a small lip of the slab, frowning.

"Don't worry," Kevin said as he stood up and reached to pull at a small chain around his neck, pulling it free of his green sweater. The silver dogtag fell out of the neck and dropped to hang just over his heart, "I may hate how things ended, but I'll always carry a piece of you with me."

His thumb slid over the metallic surface, tracing the elegant E that was permanently etched onto its surface…

"I love you Eddward. That's something that time will never fix."