Never Too Late
She wondered why the sun was so bright, why the sky was that perfect shade of blue that matched his eyes. It had no right to be that way. Not now that he was gone. She never thought that it would happen this way. That it would be HER attending his funeral and not the other way around.
"Boss?"
She turned towards the voice and saw Grace, a mixture of sorrow and concern on her usually serene face.
"Would you like to say anything to Jane?"
Lisbon flinched at his name but nodded slightly and walked towards the front of the crowd. Faces filled with varying intensities of grief and mournfulness watched her carefully. She blocked them out, because none of them mattered. This was about Jane, her best friend, her mentor, and the man who had kindled strange feelings in her that she did not wish to admit.
"Jane…I know you're here, listening to every word everyone has been saying. "
He was probably sitting on one of the empty chairs at the back, his legs crossed, that impish smile on his face that could drive her to insanity or lighten her mood in mere seconds.
"I just want to thank you. For everything that you've done for us."
It wasn't enough. She didn't know how to put her gratitude and love for him into words. The man who had helped her so many times, who had solved cases for them so effortlessly, the man who had understood her every action, who knew what she was going to say before she said it. She closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath.
"I don't want to say goodbye…because I know you will still be here with me, like you always have been."
A sudden rush of fury surged through her. How could they take Jane from her? Her eyes prickled with tears but she fought them down.
"We're still looking for him, Jane. Don't think we've given up. We will find Red John, we will make him suffer for what he did to you and we will kill him. I promise you that."
Red John had spent so many years just taunting Jane, testing him, making his life a hell on earth and finally decided to end it. As if Jane were just another toy in his life that he had got tired of and thrown away. The son of a bitch would pay, she would make sure of that.
"I hope you'll be at peace…we're going to miss you so much-"
She choked down a sob and turned away from the rest of the world, the cruel world that had stolen Jane from her. She still had a thousand years of words for him, but not for everyone else to hear. She burned with guilt at her suppressed desire for the man she had dismissed as a mere friend for so many years.
She wasn't done, and he knew it.
Lisbon entered the hall that was furnished with extravagant chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and priceless vases filled with too bright flowers. Where was she? She scanned the whole room but couldn't recognize it from anywhere. People she could not recognize milled around, talking in groups while pairs moved towards the dance floor. A bittersweet shock coursed through her as she was reminded of her own dance with Jane, to her favorite song. It was the first time they had been so close to each other and she had loved every moment of it.
What she would give to have Jane back…
"But I'm right here."
Lisbon froze. That voice, that deep, lilting voice that had enticed her to surrender her mind to him that cut through the air, clear as crystal that reached into the deepest part of her and told her she was alive. She never thought she would hear it again. She turned around slowly, afraid that if she moved too soon, he would disappear.
"Jane…"
He was there. He was actually there, standing in front of her. She stood still, her mouth slightly open, taking in every detail of him. His soft, silken blonde curls, his three - piece suit that she never thought she would miss. His mouth turned up slightly at the corners, his lips smooth and full, tempting her to wonder how they would feel on her own. Finally, she looked into his eyes. Those mesmerizing blue green orbs that were twinkling with amusement.
Lisbon reached a hand out, tentatively, and skimmed her fingertips over his cheek. It was like getting a shock; she felt a sudden jolt inside her. His skin was warm and smooth under her touch. Jane leaned his face into her touch, and covered her hand with his own.
"Teresa, I'm here. I've missed you so much." Jane slipped his fingers through hers.
"I've missed you too, Jane. I thought I would never see you again." The moment she said it, she realized how much she felt it. Tears welled up in her eyes and she wrapped her arms around his waist, her head resting on his chest, taking in his familiar scent. Jane held her closer, his face buried in her hair, his breath warm on her neck. Heat pulsed through her. They stood like that for a spell, reveling in each other's company.
It was Jane who broke the embrace by stepping away from her and looking into her eyes. "There's something I need to tell you. All this time, when we were working together, I knew I felt something for you."
Lisbon's breath hitched and she waited, anxious to hear what he had to say. Jane was still holding her gaze steadily. "I couldn't tell you this because I was afraid. I didn't want Red John to have someone to target as my weakness. But I always knew that…. that…I loved you." Jane's eyes softened and he took her hand in his.
Lisbon stood stunned for a moment as she processed what he had just said. Jane loved her, and she loved him too. "Jane, I didn't want to tell you this because I didn't want to ruin our friendship in case you didn't feel the same. I hid it from everyone because I knew that a relationship between us would not be accepted in the CBI. I should have told you before, when I had the chance, I'm sorry…I-" she trembled and began to sob, cursing herself for letting it go.
"Shh…it's okay… I'm here now, you can tell me." Jane held her shaking shoulders and bent his head to look at her properly, his eyes encased in a delicate film of tears.
"Teresa?"
"I – I love you Jane, so much, I don't know when it happened or how, but I don't care." She was gasping for breath by now, unable to control herself. "I just know that I should have told you while I could. I'm going to miss you so much, I don't know how I'm ever going to manage without you…Jane?"
He was fading, the azure color of his eyes waning, though he continued to gaze at her. Desperate, she reached out a hand to seize him; to pull him back and never let him go again. Her hand passed through him as if he were smoke. She knew that this last chance to tell him how she felt, to confess, was too good to be true, but she had fallen into the depths of her own delusion and did not want to leave. His smile was sad, his face growing fainter with every passing second. "It's okay, Teresa, you have to let go…I'll always be with you, remember?" His voice dwindled into nothingness and she fell into oblivion, darkness engulfing her like waves crashing upon the shore.
"Jane…"
She woke up with his name on her lips, and tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. Of course. It had been a dream. An inferno of guilt blazed through her and she got out of bed. It had been months and she still couldn't shake the remorse that preyed on her mind each time she thought of him.
At the office, she walked past the team and shut herself in her office, tormented by visions of Jane from her dream. Not even bothering to turn on the light, she collapsed into her chair and rested her head on the cool surface of her desk. After allowing herself a few moments to collect herself, Lisbon opened a file and sighing, extricated the case report.
That was when she saw it.
Perched innocuously on a corner of her desk was a paper frog, crisply folded, as if made mere seconds ago. She gasped and picked it up, cradling it in her palms. Her heart soared, and it was like the inception of summer.
"I love you, Jane," she whispered into the darkness, and could swear she felt a shift.
He knew.
He had heard her.
Author's Note: Well, this is my first ever fan fiction, so please be kind enough to leave a review. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope to write more soon! GO JISBON! 3
