A/N: This is my first Grey's fic. With the fall of one dynasty (ahem thank you Dave and ASP) comes the rise of another.
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated in any way, shape, form, or dimension with Grey's Anatomy. Guess I have to keep going to school.
Miranda Bailey stared at the closed locker door, steeling herself for the upcoming 5 minutes. It would be the first time she would see her interns since yesterday, since her sleepless night of contemplating her role in life. Surgeon or mother. Idly, she wondered why she had to give up one, but she knew that she didn't want her William to end up like Mia. Or Meredith. Donning her Nazi persona (she didn't want her whiny interns to think she had gone soft) a malicious ghost of a smile graced her features – her inters were going to pay for her sleepless night.
She pushed open the door, and surveyed the locker room, not at all surprised with what she saw. Stevens looked better, Karev and her were joking quietly leaning against a block of lockers. O'Malley looked lost, still thinking about his Dad, probably. Yang looked stressed – Bailey gave her two more shifts before she cracked under the pressure of hiding Burke's secret. Grey was sitting on the floor, staring off into space, obviously waiting for perdition to fall. And fall it would.
"Why is it that my interns are the only ones still in the locker room?!?" Bailey barked. All quickly sprang up to attention, waiting for the assignments.
"Karev, Stevens, your with Sloan again. Yang, you're with Shepard. O'Malley, your with Burke, Grey your with Montgomery. And O'Malley - you are NOT, I repeat NOT your Father's doctor so stay away from his labs. Do I make myself clear?" O'Malley weakly nodded, Karev and Stevens looked to be sharing a private joke. Bailey didn't miss the look of panic streak across Yang's face before it went back to being blank and intimidating, and Grey looked resigned.
"Well, what are you all still doing here?!? GO!" Quickly they scrambled away. Bailey, you've still got it. Chuckling to herself, she didn't notice that one intern still stood in the locker room, fidgeting nervously.
"Um… Dr. Bailey?" Grey's timid voice reached her ears. Not bothering to hide her sigh of annoyance, Bailey whirled around and glared at the intern.
"Save it Grey. Unless the next words that come out of your mouth are medical, I don't want to hear it. Now, did you have something to say?" Grey just stood there, nervously fidgeting.
"I thought not. Now McExWife wants you." And with that, Bailey turned around and started to march to the door.
"No! Wait! Dr. Bailey!..." Surprised at the desperation she heard in Grey's voice, Bailey stopped at the door, but didn't turn around.
"What?!?" she bit off.
"About the other day…I didn't mean… I wasn't….I just…" Tired of the stuttering, Bailey turned around. Quickly scanning Grey, she noted her shifting stance and her nervous hands that she was trying to stop from shaking. Grey was darting her eyes everywhere, not staying still on one object for more than half a second, but always avoiding Bailey's face.
"You have a point there, Grey?" Not letting the Nazi mask slip. A small sigh escaped Grey's lips, and she stilled for a moment.
"I didn't mean that you had to choose between being a surgeon and being a mother. I know you love your job. I know that you're an excellent surgeon. I also know that you love your son very much, and I know that you're an excellent mother. Just…make sure he knows." Grey started strong, but as her speech went on, her voice decreased to a tortured whisper. Unconsciously moving closer to her intern, Bailey looked more closely at Grey. She had always suspected that her childhood wasn't full of daisies and daffodils, but she also knew that Grey suppressed anything that was related to her childhood or her mother. Struggling to maintain the Nazi appearance, her voice was softer when she asked her next question.
"Make sure he knows what, Grey?" She waited, and when Grey lifted her head, an almost inaudible gasp escaped Bailey's lips. For once, Meredith wasn't pretending she was fine, wasn't pretending she was bright and shiny. Bailey saw in her eyes that were full of unshed tears stubbornly held in check the disappointment, the anger, the rejection, the sadness, and the loneliness that was Meredith's childhood. Looking Bailey straight in the eye, at just above a whisper, Meredith gave, in retrospect, the soundest piece of advice Bailey had ever heard.
"Just… make sure he knows he's just as important to you as your job. Make sure he knows that he can come to you with his problems, with his accomplishments, with his fears and not be judged or degraded. Make sure he knows that he can call you at any time and you'll listen, actually listen. Make sure he knows that if you have an activity planned you'll actually come. Make sure he knows he wasn't a regret, wasn't a problem you pushed away and neglected. Make sure he knows you love him. Because time will pass quickly, and he'll grow up, and when he does, you'll want him to be able to look at you and know that you loved him, know that you are proud of him, know that you were there for him. Because in the end, all you have is family and memories, and even that is taken away sometimes. That's all." At the end of Meredith's speech, the Nazi was long gone. In her place was a softer Bailey, one who was trying desperately to remain stoic, who felt the other woman's pain, neglect, and regret in her words.
"Oh Meredith…" came the sympathetic response. At her words of sympathy, so soft and caring, so un-Bailey, a lone tear escaped from Meredith's eyes, meandering down her cheek. Giving Bailey a small smile, Meredith gently shook her head, and softly made her way to the door. She paused, just before leaving, and addressed Bailey's back.
"Just… make sure he knows." And with those gentle words, Meredith left to go face McExWife, and Bailey reached for her cell phone to call her son from work for the second time in just as many days.
fini