My Little Dhampir

A/N: First time trying my hand at Vampire Academy. This has been burning in my head for weeks, since I first read the series. I hate that she took Belikov back after all that shit he did. I would have killed him and went on with my life.

Everyone had always been so concerned about what would happen to Rose when I left her. Would I leave her like so many other dhampir girls, with my bastard child inside her? As so many Moroi men had before me? It was one of the main reasons there were so few female guardians. How would Rose feel when I eventually settled down with another Royal Moroi, as was expected of me? Poor Rose, she would have to guard all of these Royal events. Standing by watching me be happy with another woman. A woman who wasn't Rosemarie Hathaway.

Fucking morons, the lot of them.

No one ever stopped to think what would happen to me, if Rose broke my heart. No one had even thought that she would give me the time of day. They all certainly had vocalized their opinions on how stupid I was. Going after a Dhampir. Not just any Dhampir, but a wild and uncontrollable one. Her reputation was just as bad as mine was, the only difference was she had earned every bit of hers. Mine was all smoke and mirrors. I didn't care if you believed it, or didn't. It suited me to be thought of as a callous womanizing drunk. Still, they worried about me hurting her. My family only worried about the Ivashkov line. They didn't want me bringing anymore disgrace to the family. I was an only child, I had to carry on the family name. Never mind that we were a big enough family as it were. One of the largest Royal Moroi families. I didn't care about any of that, I just wanted Rose... My little Dhampir.

I would never have Rosemarie Hathaway. I may have held her attention for a moment here or there. But, I would never hold her heart. There would never be another woman for me. I knew that now. I had tried to convince her over and over, confessing my undying love for her. Telling her she was the only woman I cared for, the only one I would ever want, Moroi or Dhampir. She laughed me off every time. Giving me that man eater smile of hers. Flirting back and making my heart into putty.

Those disbelieving wide eyes. The same wide eyes who looked up at me while wrapped in Belikov's arms, with his lips touching her. Touching My little Dhampir. She didn't even have the social grace to look guilty. She tried the apology thing, for about two seconds. With his arms still around her. I couldn't move my eyes away from his hands on her flesh. The darkness surrounding her aura grew, I couldn't even tell what she was feeling.

The two men in her life who had tasted her blood. I cherished that memory. It filled my dreams, my waking thoughts. I never let myself forget that she had willingly offered herself up to me. It had been her suggestion, to cement our relationship. To prove that she loved only me. Oh, I yearned to taste her again. Not just her blood, her body. Her lips especially. With Belikov she had no choice. He took from her without asking, never asking. I couldn't believe she forgave him for all of that. Lissa had told me everything. Relieved to get it off her chest. It was a burden she had carried for Rose, never letting her know how deeply it hurt to know she had suffered through that. It hurt terribly knowing that she had chosen Belikov over me. Someone who had abused her in the worst way imaginable, over the man who would do anything for her. Hadn't I proven that time and again? Getting her into Victor's trial, funding her trip to kill Dimitri. Breaking her out of jail... The amount of felonies I would commit for that woman were endless. I would follow her everywhere. Anywhere.

When Tasha had shot her, I had fought my way to her prone body. Throwing fists at any Guardian who tried to remove me from her side, positive I was using compulsion without even realizing it. I didn't care that she had chosen Belikov over me. I didn't care that she would never be mine. I couldn't stand by while she died. Like Belikov had. He just stood there, immobile. Staring at Tasha fighting off Guardians. Every fireball she made, was quickly doused by any water user who had the aptitude. She had killed the Queen, and framed one of the best Guardian's we had. She wasn't getting free.

Belikov took a step towards Tasha and I stopped paying attention to him. That fucking idiot. I assumed he was going to go try to help her. Like he had when Rose had been taken in by the guard for my aunt's death. My eyes met Rose's for a moment. A moment that still feels like a lifetime for me. She seemed to be giving up. Saying goodbye. Until she had to close her eyes when she coughed up all of that blood. I didn't hesitate. I tried to pull myself together as best I could. Bringing together all of the spirit I was capable of. I held my hands over the gunshot wound, pleading that it would work. That all of these months with Lissa training with spirit, hadn't been for nothing. This was more important than making a sapling grow. This was me being purely selfish. I could let her go, let her live her life with Belikov where I could watch her from afar. I couldn't let her die. Let her completely leave me. Then there would never be a chance. For us.

Without Rosemarie Hathaway, there would be nothing to hold the darkness that comes with spirit use back.

The wound closed up, and I collapsed on top of her. Completely drained of energy. I was out longer than she was. Lissa came to visit me a few hours after I woke up, and I waited anxiously for her to tell me about Rose. She just smiled sadly at me. The shadow kissed bond was gone, she no longer had that special connection with Rose. And Rose, she was too involved in Belikov to notice anything else going on in the world. Sometimes she could be self centered like that.

"She doesn't know, Adrian." Lissa said softly, as she sat down on the edge of my bed.
"Doesn't know what?" Her eyes were looking anywhere but at me.
"She thinks she can still feel my emotions." I bark out a laugh,
"Won't that be a surprise for her, the next time I'm with a woman." Lissa met my eyes then, her pale green staring in disbelief. She knew as well as I did that I was bluffing. She could read Auras almost as well as I could by now. She was dedicated in her practice.

"Adrian..." She reached for my hand, and we sat like that for a few minutes. "You know she's going to be pissed." Lissa grinned at me. "I didn't think she'd ever given a second thought to being bound to anyone but me."
"Yeah, she's probably going to think I'll convince you to be an alcoholic chain smoker." I was dying for some vodka and a cigarette. Lissa looked thoughtful.
"Maybe this is what she needs." I groaned. Lissa has been all for me and Rose being together. She's completely disgusted with Belikov and as much as she appreciates his talents as a Guardian, she can't respect him for what he did when he was Strigoi. Or after.
"Cousin, don't start that again."
"I'm serious. I don't know what happened between you two, but it's obviously got something to do with Guardian Belikov. Maybe feeling that you do actually care about her through the bond could be just what she needs to believe you." I couldn't hear anymore. That wasn't going to happen. I wouldn't let my hopes get up just because we were bound together with spirit.
"I'm sure she'll just kill herself again so she doesn't have to bear being bound to me in any sense of the word." I sounded so absolutely bitter and heartbroken that Lissa didn't even try to scold me for being so casual about Rose dying. It probably wouldn't be that big of a deal, but let's face it. She does happen to die far more than the average dhampir. Or Human, or Moroi. Strigoi typically only die twice so she's got that going for her. I bet she would find that amusing if I told her. If I ever got the chance to talk to her again.

"Say, Cousin. What did it feel like when she was seeing through your eyes?" Lissa looked shocked for a moment,
"I could never feel her. Sometimes, in traumatic situations I felt comforted knowing she could feel my distress. I'm not sure if that was me just praying that Rose was there seeing what I saw through the bond or not." I didn't feel comforted. I felt like someone was eavesdropping. There was something in the back of my mind letting me know she was there. I wondered if I could push her out, like Avery had. I closed my eyes and pushed some spirit towards the niggling feeling in my subconscious.
"I'm pretty sure I can feel her right now." I muttered, focusing on that feeling and pushing it away from me. It was gone instantly. "Or I could anyway. I'm pretty sure she's on her way to yell at us now." I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
"Did you push her out? She's not going to like that."
"I don't think she's going to be half as grateful to me as she was to you for saving her life." I laughed, but you could tell my heart wasn't in it. It sounded hollow even to my ears.

"ADRIAN IVASHKOV." I heard a door slam, and then there she was. Still wearing the pajamas she had on while she was unconscious. Her hair was a complete mess, and she looked thin and pale. She was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I couldn't look at her, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from her either.
"Either Lissa is having lust filled thoughts about me or someone has some explaining to do." She declared, her eyes moving back and forth between us. Eyes zeroing in on our hands intertwined. "How long was I fucking out for? Or was this going on before I came back? Fuck!" And there she went, slamming the door after her.

"That went swimmingly." Lissa said, yanking her hand out of mine.
"Of course it did, Cousin. She was jealous. Over me." I couldn't help feeling smug and happy. I was going to have a drink. And a cigarette. And a shower. At the same time. "Excuse me, Lissa. I think I should go clean myself up and get thoroughly drunk." She smiled at me and left a lot quieter than Rose had.
"My little dhampir, what am I going to do with you?" I said to myself, downing a glass of vodka and taking my cigarettes with me into the bathroom.

Elsewhere...

Rose

Shaking myself from Adrian's mind, still a little stunned I was bound to him. "What indeed." I sighed. My life was a fucking mess.