'I'm not anything special.' I thought as I sat on the desk. 'I'm not attractive, who likes skinny ass brunette boys with brown eyes anyway?' I sighed, the piece of paper in front of me worse then my own worst nightmare.

'I have ADD, I don't concentrate for shit, I have physical activity induced asthma, I have zero people skills, and want to watch anime, eat burger king and ice cream, and sleep all day.'

I sighed. "God dammit, I'm not cut out for this."

I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. Forever. I wasn't cut out for this kind of thing. I sniffled and wiped at my nose. "Stupid...assholes..."

There was a knock at the door to my dorm. I ignored it, it's not like I had friends who came over.

"DUDE OPEN UP!" A hyper, exited voice shouted.

"It's not locked." I mumbled.

The guy walked in. He had dirty blond hair and sky blue eyes with a smile that lit up the room. I just turned my chair to look at him as he grabbed a seat in a beanbag chair on the floor and looked up at me expectantly.

My eyes narrowed. "You from those political fuckheads or what?"

He looked surprised. "What?"

I sighed. "I'm a Rostyra supporter. We hate the government. Sue me."

"Anarchy?"

"NO!" I growled. "Peaceful one nation, one country, one government, 8 sectors. Wanna no more? Look it up on ! Now tell me something important or get out!"

The man just looked at me for a minute before laughing. "Dude you look like a pissed off dude-ette right now man!"

"The huh the huh?" I asked, dumbfounded. "Seriously, are you for real? Who says dude-ette anymore anyway?"

"Me! Duh!" He said, as if I was completely stupid.

"Blond." I replied before crossing my arms about my chest as he snickered and narrowed my eyes. "Now. What do you want?"

"Dude, I'm Alfred F Jones, you know, America? The nation your supposed to "protect" and "babysit" for the rest of eternity."

My eyes narrowed farther. "It's a mistake. You have the wrong person."

"Kaiden Gordon, room 66. Age 18, age stopped aging 16. First showed signs of being the awesome me's new buddy when he was 8." He smirked at me.

"I mean this is a mistake because I'm the wrong type of person for the job." I clarified. "I hate people, I hate physical activity, I hate leaving this dorm, and I refuse to go anywhere without my XBox 360 and all the DMC and Assassin's Creed games so fuck off."

I glanced at my IPhone. Another text from my ex. I would block him again, he kept switching numbers.

Alfred grabbed my phone and flipped to my texts. "Dude seriously? 'I watched you sleep last night' and 'I wish you'd come over to my dorm and-"

He was silenced by my glare. "I know what it says. That's my ex. He keeps changing his number."

"So your a fag?" He asked.

I glared harder. "So you're homophobic?"

He laughed. "I'm bi dude. I got no issues. But I gotta clarify something, you staid with this creeper because he was good under the covers right?" He waggled his eyebrows.

I shrugged. "Like fuck if I know. I decided no sex unless love. Though, I'm okay with BJs a year or so in the relationship if there's no love. I'm not a complete prude."

He smirked. "The hero will show you a real sexy time sometime."

I glared again. "Not interested in 'the hero'."

He gasped, and clutched his chest as if hurt. "But...I'm the hero!"

I rolled my eyes. "Go suck a ho. Anyway, get over yourself a bit. I've been feeling the urge to punch you for a while now and am not good at controlling myself violence wise."

Alfred pouted. "But your hot."

My eyes widened. "What the hell man?"

He smiled. "Your hot. What, no ones ever told you that?"

I looked away. "Who cares anyway."

His eyes widened. "Your kidding me, right?"

"I don't exactly give off the vibe that I like compliments do I?" I asked.

"I guess not." He agreed.

"I'm not a people person. People don't like me. I don't like people. Simple, end of story. I dated that guy for a week before dumping his worthless ass and going back to being alone, in my dorm, living my life."

Alfred nodded before smiling again. "Hey dude, wanna go grab so McD's?"

I shrugged. "Sure."

We headed out and ordered. I just got a soda, I'd eaten earlier. But when he ordered, oh man I thought the woman at the register was about to die.

"20 of those, 30 of those, ohhhhhh...16 of those. The order went on so long that I just sat down with a sigh. He came back about an hour later and started stuffing his face. I looked away in mild disgust.

What can I say, I'm used to being around weirdoes.

So anyway, about five minutes in he was about halfway done. His phone rang and he answered, still chewing. "Yo." He swallowed. "What's up?" After a moment he whined pathetically. "But- Wait I have to bring a date to? No women allowed! Well what am I supposes to do-"

He looked at me pleadingly. "Kaiden." He whined.

I glared. "No."

"It's your job to keep me happy and safe!"

My glare intensified. "I don't want to."

"Please?" He begged.

I sighed. "...Where, When, and how Formal?"

"You don't need to know, 2 hours, and very formal. And French. Oh and you get to wear the dress."

"I didn't say yes."

"PLEASE!"

"...fine..." I finally agreed, just to shut him up.

An hour later I found myself in the most expensive store in town. A bright, well lit ball gown store. He flittered around looking for something.

"What's your favorite color?" He called.

"Forest Green. Or Black." I answered boredly.

He came back a moment later, a single gown in hand. I looked at the size and cringed. How the hell did he know my size in women clothing?

He ushered me into the changing room to try it on. I came out, sneakers in hand and barefoot with my clothes under my arm.

It was a barely puffy dark forest green dress that reached below my knees. It had a tutu style skirt and a flowing top piece.

He was paying. He waved to me to come over. Stupid fucker looked down at me.

"You look awesome dude!" He yelled.

"Quiet, damn it." I growled.

"C'mon we've still got to get you heels and my tux and drop your stuff off at your house." He smiled.

We bought a pare of 2 Inch heels and he got a simple tux. Next we stopped somewhere else and he blindfolded me. I kicked him in the shin with the heel of one of the heels. He cursed under his breath. A moment later a piece of cold metal touch my wrist, and another my neck. I glared.

"No jewels."

"Awwww...how did you know?"

"No."

"Yes."

"Why do I even argue?"

"I don't know."

We got there and I, angry as I was, didn't say a word. We walked in, I have to admit though, he was probably the hottest guy I'd ever go out with.

Holy Fuck! I looked around. I don't see one not model appropriate guy in here! That guys totally a sadistic German, total porn poster boy. An albino? I hear they're kinky. A Brit? They sure no how to blow a fag.

I continued on my mental list as I was brought over to see the Brit and a Frenchman.

"Arthur, please dance with me?!" The Frenchman begged.

"No, now stop bloody asking you twit. I already said I don't bloody dance anymore."

"Hello Alfred." The Brit waved us over. "Who's your date?"

I looked up at Alfred expectantly.

"This is Kaiden, Kaiden this is Arthur and Francis."

I rolled my eyes. "This isn't a date. Remember that." I started mumbling something not so appropriate under my breath before looking around for someone close to my extremely short height. No suck luck.

They started talking, and drinking. Alfred handed me something and I tried it, no reason really not to.

That's when everything started to get hazy. I drank whatever I was given and pretty soon was giggling and holding onto Alfred like a junior high school girl who's crush had taken her to the dance.

"Alfred..." Arthur said after a moment. "I think your date's had a bit to much to drink."

"Oh c'mon Artie, he's only had 3." Alfred said as he handed me another. I thanked him happily and started sipping it. It burned, but tasted so sweet.

Francis looked me over. "I hate to agree with Arthur, but I must. Although he seems much happier now then before."

Alfred looked down at me again. "Are you okay?"

"I'm-hic-fine!" I hiccuped. It was so so so good!

His eyes widened. "I think your right. I thought he could at least keep up with Artie."

"Alfred?" I suddenly asked, stopping my drink. "This isn't alcohol is it?"

He nodded.

"I am going to kill you when I stop seeing eight of you." I said happily before passing out on the floor.