Parings: Jack/Ianto, Friendship!Tish/Ianto, mentions of Gwen/Rhys
Genre: Angst/Friendship/Hurt/Comfort/Romance
Words: ~3350
Ianto sips his coffee, observing the other people around the table. It's a nice family, the Jones's. Francine, Clive, Tish - and Martha of course. All very talkative, especially the women, with a dry sense of humour, and most importantly, there's no need to keep up pretences because these peopleknow. Martha has a brother as well, excluded tonight as he is unaware.
Jack had invited them, Ianto and Gwen, to celebrate still being alive. Ianto hadn't really wanted to go back to London, the anxiety being less what it had been but it was still there. Especially this close after the Daleks, triggering the memories he'd thought he'd buried. But these people mattered to Jack and so he'd gone and here he is, having just finished a lovely dinner and retreated back to the sitting room.
Ianto had sat down next to Jack on the sofa, but he might as well have stayed in the kitchen for all that he's noticed. Jack and Gwen. Gwen and Jack. And he shouldn't care because Jack comes to him, not her. Except he'd leave Ianto if she wanted him, he's sure of it. And usually it doesn't bother him because Jack comes to him, and he tells himself that Jack and Gwen are too alike, it would never work between them. Jack needs Ianto, his cool, the water to his fire, calming him down.
Except they work so well together, Jack and Gwen. Gwen and Jack.
Shut up.
Martha's family seems to just assume Jack and Gwen are together, and Ianto can't blame them. Because honestly, they finish each other sentences, they have this, this air of affection between them. And Jack had absently put his arm on the back of Gwen's chair as he leaned over to talk to Tish sitting next to her. Ianto had tried to keep up, but he wasn't as sociably able as the other two members of his team, having always be the quiet type, and right now he's way out of his comfort zone. And Gwen is so nice, and likeable, and yes, they make such a lovely couple although he knows they don't mean to.
It's enough to make Ianto want to cry. Childish and nonsensical, but the truth nonetheless.
I've worked so hard. Just for him to see me. Ianto smiled politely at something Martha was saying, not really paying attention, sipping his coffee just to have something to do with his hands. What am I even doing here?
At first he'd thought Jack had only asked him, leaving Gwen in Cardiff with her husband. He'd felt the familiar butterflies, accepting in a heartbeat, because they rarely have time to do anything as a couple together.
Then Gwen had showed up at the train station and Ianto'd slipped one of his masks on, the polite smile, and 'oh lovely to see you.'
Jack hadn't noticed. Or he didn't care.
It's not Gwen. I love her. She's team. She's family. It's just. He's supposed to be mine.
The others starts laughing at something Jack said, Ianto's smile pasted on a second too late.
"And then the bloody thing came right back at us," Gwen says, grinning.
"What did you do?" Martha asks, still laughing.
"Run," they chorus, and everyone laughs again, Ianto managing a chuckle.
It's just that it isn't fair. She's got Rhys. I was supposed to finally have Jack because things have changed and he's changed and we've changed.
Haven't we?
If he'd been one for dramatic scenes he'd swept out of there, as it is, he just stands silently and leaves for the kitchen, not bothering to switch the lights back on.
It's sacrilege, really, to pour a full cup of coffee down the drain, but he can't stomach it right now. He refills the cup with water, sipping it as he looks out on the empty street outside.
Stop acting like a love stuck teenager.
It's just the stupid disappointment. He'd thought- never mind. His naiveté died with Lisa, died with all his friends at Canary Wharf. Life is- life is life, it doesn't care, it doesn't do him any favours.
He follows a red cat sneaking along the wall of the house across the 's always wanted a cat, but his dad wouldn't let him. Later Lisa had been allergic and then there just hadn't been time.
Closing his eyes, he tells himself to snap out of it.
"You okay?" Tish asks him, touching his arm gently.
"Just needed a moment," Ianto says softly. "Been a lot these past few days," he adds, blaming the Daleks.
"Tell me about it," Tish says, smiling at him. She pulls out a chair and sits down.
"I suppose I should ask if you want some company, but I kinda just decided you did," she informs him. "Standing alone in the dark," she teases, making an oh-dear-face, and Ianto has to smile.
"Well, can't really argue with that."
She pats the chair next to her's and Ianto sits down. "So Ianto, tell me something about yourself," she demands playfully.
"I'm a coffee-boy in the day but," he lowers his voice to a conspiratory whisper. "I secretly fight villains as soon as night falls." He holds his finger over his lips in a hushing gesture.
"Do you wear a cape and a mask?" Tish whispers back. Ianto nods seriously.
"I'm not usually one for spandex, but in this case I've made an exception," he deadpans, making her laugh. "Tell me something about yourself," he counters.
"What do you want to know?"
"Tell me anything," he says, not sure what made him say it. She frowns, both sensing a shift in the mood.
"I've seen my boss turn into a monster," she suddenly confesses. "A literal monster who tried to kill me and the Doctor and my sister." She shudders, looking at him, willing him to believe her. "I was held prisoner for a year under a madman while he made me watch the world burn." Ianto takes her hand, squeezing it gently.
"I understand," is all he says, because he does. He's seen the end of the world, his world, with Lisa's broken body in his arms, his friends and colleges dying around him. And again when she'd died a second time, unrecognisable from the sweet girl he'd fallen in love with, all his dreams dying with her. And after that, all Torchwood has put him through - cannibals, aliens and so much death. Loosing Tosh and Owen.
"You do, don't you?" Tish says, and it feels like her dark eyes are seeing right through him.
"I was at Canary Wharf." And he doesn't need to say more because he can tell she, too, understands.
"I'm sorry." Ianto nods, looking down at their linked hands. "I've never been able to talk to someone outside of my family, someone who'd get it," Tish says suddenly. "Where have you been all my life, Ianto Jones?" she jokes, squeezing his hand.
"Wales. Hence the accent." They share a smile and Ianto suddenly recognizes the look she's giving him, his heart skipping a beat.
It would be so easy, to fall for this sweet woman if he'll let himself. Someone who wants him, someone who'd care about him, someone he could care about without being scared of pushing her away with his love.
Someone to grow old together with, someone who wouldn't stay young and leave him when he got too old.
Someone who looked at the sky and saw beyond the stars. Who get it.
The children they could have, the things they could do, the life they could make together.
But.
But I love him. More than anything. Even if we could have all that I still want him.
"Tish," he says gently, searching for words, deciding to take a cowards way out. "What do you think of Torchwood?" he smiles.
She blinks, leaning back. "I'd love to join, but in my experience it's a pain working with a couple," she jokes, gesturing towards the sitting room with her eyes and Ianto feels like she's stabbed him. Despite his efforts, something must have shown on his face. "You okay, Ianto?" Tish asks, frowning worriedly.
"You want to know something... amusing?" he asks, glancing out the window again. The cat is back, nosing around,tail held high.
"Sure," Tish says, sounding unsure.
"They're not a couple." He looks back at her, letting it sink in.
"But Martha said Jack was seeing someone..." she frowns and the knife twists.
"He is," Ianto says simply, turning his face away, looking for the cat but it's nowhere to be seen.
This isn't like you. You never give up without a fight.
Maybe I'm just done fighting? He knows he'll hold on, he'll stay with Jack as long as he can because loving him is better than not loving at all.
-'-'-
Tish puts two and two together. "You and him?" she asks, mentally kicking herself for being unable to keep the surprise out of her voice as Ianto looks stricken for a second before hiding it behind a blank, polite mask.
"Yup." Ianto rubs his cheek, not looking at her. She refuses to acknowledge the twinge of disappointment.
"But Gwen-?" she asks, because honestly, there is some serious chemistry between her and Jack.
"Is married to Rhys," Ianto informs her.
"No way," she exclaims. "Poor Rhys," she says with feeling. They look at each other, Tish snorts and it sets them both off.
Ianto has such a nice laugh. Tish tries to recall if she's heard him laugh at all tonight. She can't really remember. She'd noticed him, he's too sweet not to, but she hadn't really noticed him hidden in the shadow of his two boisterous companions.
"The thing with Jack is," Ianto is saying, "he cares about everyone." Ianto smiles tiredly and Tish's heart aches for the gentle Welshman with the lovely blue eyes, the shy smile and the adorably proper suit. "I just." He shrugs, suddenly getting up. "I'm going for a walk. Need to clear my head."
"You want company?" she immediately offers, because talking to him has been great and she's not ready for it to end. Much as she loves Jack, he doesn't deserve this sweet man, and if she can she'll take him.
Because he gets her, and no-one seems to do that nowadays.
Ianto hesitates, then nods. "That'd be nice. I'll of course protect your virtue," he adds dryly.
"Why thank you kind sir," she simpers, taking the offered arm.
-'-'-
"So, how long have you been together? Never thought you'd get tied down, Jack," Francine smirks, making the others laugh. Jack haven't had such a great time in months, maybe even years. He'd almost forgotten the simple pleasure of gathering your loved ones and just... 'pal around.'
"Oh, uummm." Jack frowns, automatically looking to his right where Ianto had been sitting.
How long has he been gone now? The small prickle of worry makes him tap his foot restlessly.
Having no idea how to explain his and Ianto's relationship, not really willing to go into any details, he finally settles for the somewhat cliché "It's complicated."
"How does Ianto feel about it?" Martha asks, a mixture between concerned and curious.
"He's happy," Jack assures her, though lately Jack's been having doubts.
Weird question.
"He seemed a little... out of sorts," Martha says hesitantly. "Just thought it might be a bit hard on him, is all."
"I, I guess it has been, yeah," Jack admits, scratching his neck. He isn't the easiest person to date, but they manage. Even if their dates sometimes consists of Weevil hunting and ice cream at the Plass. "But we're fine now." Suddenly he longs to be back home, curling up next to Ianto on the bed in Ianto's – oh-please-who-are-you-trying-to-kid? - their flat. He'd wanted his family to meet his other family, the very recent Dalek invasion once again reminding him how very precious life is, how the people around him can be snatched away in an instant. But right now he wants- needs Ianto. Need his calming quirks and comments, his silent supportive presence.
Where is he?
"Where did Tish go?" Francine suddenly asks, looking around in alarm.
"She and Ianto went for a walk," Martha says in a calming tone. "She texted me when they left about twenty minutes ago."
"Ianto is the perfect gentleman," Jack assures Francine, grinning. "Though maybe I should be worried, she's really his type," he jokes, hiding his discomfort.
I can't lose him. Not my Ianto.
...and where did that come from?
"Worried he'll move to London and work for UNIT?" Martha teases.
"Nah, he'd miss Myfanwy too much. If it gets to that, I'm more than willing to fight Tish for him," he says like it's all a big joke, but honestly, he would fight.
I haven't really been treating him well lately. I know he doesn't like being back here, but I need him close. Both of them. The Daleks- it was just too close.
Still, he and Ianto haven't been alone for ages, mostly Jack's fault. He just likes to keep an eye on Gwen, more protective than ever.
I wonder if he'd like to play tourists tomorrow. He smiles inwardly at the thought. Martha probably wouldn't mind a girls-day-out with Gwen.
"Good luck, you see her nails?" Gwen snarks. The others looks blankly at them.
"What?" Jack says after a few moments, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Martha and her mother exchanges a look.
"You're still with Ianto, then?" Martha asks finally, looking unsure.
"Well, yeah- who were you talking about?" Jack frowns. Martha looks between him and Gwen, raising an eyebrow. "What?" Jack says at the same time Gwen exclaims "I'm married, as well you know!"
"It's just-" Martha begins.
"You're very 'couple-y'," Francine finishes for her.
"You've practically ignored him all night," Martha continues gently. Jack blinks at her.
"I- really?" Jack rubs the back of his neck. Ianto was usually very silent, so Jack hadn't thought much about it.
"He'll get over it," Gwen says offhandedly, and suddenly Jack hates her for it.
"Anyone up for snacks?" Tish calls out as she throws the door open. "Ianto," she laughs. "Come inside. No, you can't keep him," she says sternly.
-'-'-
"But he's so fluffy. And nice," Ianto pleads, giving her puppy-eyes as she closes the door behind them. "And cuddly," he adds as the cat buts his head against his chin.
He's so adorable. The more she got to know him, the more she liked him. He'd been so excited when the cat had tentatively approached them.
"That's our neighbours neighbour's cat," Tish says sternly.
"If it's alien it's ours?" Ianto tries hopefully, eyes sparkling with mischief.
"Oh, you're saying he's an alien all of a sudden?" Tish gives him a look, trying very hard to look severe, failing miserably.
"Yup. Best take him back to the Hub." Ianto improves his grip on the now purring cat.
"We're getting a cat?" Jack asks excitedly as the rest of them comes to see what the fuss is about. Tish wants them to leave, wants Jack to leave, and it feels wrong to think that, but she wants Ianto for herself for just a few more moments.
Ianto who is so obviously hopelessly in love with Jack.
"See, told you it's a cat," Tish says triumphantly, hiding everything. Jack sticks his nose into the fluffy fur, taking an exaggerated sniff.
"Definitely alien," he declares, staying close to Ianto.
Staking his claim.
"Yes," Ianto breathes smugly.
"You're not taking ourneighbour's cat," Francine tells them in a no-nonsense kind of voice.
"Besides, Myfanwy would eat him," Gwen says, arms crossed over her chest.
"Yes mother," Jack sulks as Ianto frowns.
-'-'-
Jack had offered to accompany Ianto outside as he released the cat. Obviously they only needed to walk a few steps, but the others hadn't called him on it. Jack had insisted on a walk, claiming he needed to digest his food properly. Ianto looks so forlorn when he releases Sir Ulrich (according to his collar) Jack promptly kisses him. Ianto wraps his arms around him, stepping in as close as possible. Breaking the kiss Jack steps back to look at him.
"You okay?" he asks, caressing his cheek with his thumb.
"Yeah," Ianto insists.
"Talk to me Ianto," Jack tries.
"About what?" Ianto says, mask firmly in place. Jack sighs. The proverbial ball is in his court.
"Look. I'll screw up, but you need to tell me when I do because sometimes I don't know." Ianto looks at the ground. "Ianto?"
"Yes," he says quietly. "I just-" Ianto fidgets with the sleeve of his jacket. "I don't want to be a bother," he finally confesses.
"You never are," Jack tries to assure him.
"I am, though. I know what I signed up for, and I know things have changed but they haven't changed that much, and I just- God, it's so difficult sometimes, you're so difficult sometimes. I just don't know what to do."
"Don't do anything, just- just be you."
"Yeah. Sure," Ianto scoffs. "I'd scare you off," he mutters.
"Try me," Jack challenges him, tasting his pulse in his throat. He hated these kinds of conversations, he hated feeling exposed.
"I-" Ianto clears his throat. "I l- I like you. And you know that, of course you know that that's obvious," Ianto rambles, and Jack wants to kiss him, because he's sweet, and awkward and so very human. "And I'm fine with whatever this is," he says, gesturing between them. "It's just. I'm only human, and I get je- Never mind. You confuse me."
"I confuse you?" Jack asks, wondering in what way.
"Some days you're acting like I'm just some bloke, while other's you act like we're a- um, we're a couple," he says, words rushed. "And you've told Martha you were seeing someone," he continues, looking unsure.
"I hate that word," Jack says distastefully. "Couple. Why label this? We know, isn't that enough?" Ianto nods, not looking at him. "We are a couple," Jack clarifies, reaching out to gently touch his cheek, and Ianto's eyes flickers up, almost startled. "Right?" he prompts, because honestly, the word 'couple' indicates two people, therefore Ianto's consent is strictly necessary.
"I- yes. Of course," Ianto agrees, and his eyes sparkle. Jack mentally kicks himself for not having realized it sooner. Ianto had never said anything, so Jack had just assumed he understood. It was so obvious to him, they'd moved on from convenient to committed months and months ago. And after Tosh and Owen - may they find peace - they'd become a proper couple. Simple. Obvious.
Except Ianto is a twenty first century guy, and sometimes Jack forgets that. To him it isn't simple.
Labels. Why all the labels?
"You have to talk to me," Jack tells him, because Ianto rarely talks, and in the end it leads to this kind of mess. But they have time to work things out, to say all things needed to be said, there's no need to rush. Ianto is still young and Jack has forever. Still, stupid to waste their time on misunderstandings.
-'-'-
I tell you everything.
Almost.
"You too," Ianto counters, and Jack grins, but it just looks tired.
I love you.
"Some things doesn't have to be said," Jack says pensively, taking his hand as they slowly make their way back. Ianto is hyper aware of the hand in his, pulse quickening.
But I think you already know.