I am never happy, I see him sitting alone everyday, I know his name, I know where he lives, I know how he was in juvenile prison when he was fourteen, I know I am not allowed to be his friend, I know these things…

But I also know how his skin looks with water dripping down it, or how clear his eyes reflect the pain he is going through, his hair seems so soft, yet I know I daren't reach out to touch it, I know I want to be near him, but there is a wall.

I talk to him every so often, when no one is looking, I sit with him, ask him how his day was, he is always so happy to talk to me, he tells me how he got into fights, or how he almost spoke to a girl he likes, I know the girl, and I know she will not return his feelings, but I don't tell him.

I don't tell him that it is the same girl who buried his shoes last week, or switched his milk with a sour one yesterday, I don't tell him this, because I love to see him smile, so I stay quiet and hope that one day she will stop.

I can't say anything, her father works with mine, I am not allowed to care for this boy, I am not allowed to talk to him, to be near him, but I don't care, when I am sitting there with him, I don't care about the beating I would get if I was caught. His smile is worth it.

Yesterday I walked him home, he was not well and a teacher asked for a volunteer, I was the only one who put a hand up, Father will not like it, but I will say that the teacher made me. I did not think he would live like this, his room is small, apparently he has money, but can not get it till he is eighteen, I never knew this till now, he says that he will ask that girl out then.

I walk him home every second day now, I say it is to help him study, but mostly we play games, but today he is not smiling, he is very quiet, I ask him what's wrong, but he wont tell me, he starts to cry, I am breathless, Why even in tears do his emotions stir me so…

I kiss him

And I leave

I know it was not the right thing to do, his eyes went wide, though he did not push me away, I know he would not want me, I know he would not care for me in that way, I feel stupid, why did I have to do that, my heart is racing, I avoid school for the next few days.

My father found out that I was not studying with him; I don't know how it happened. I am sitting in hospital with a broken arm and internal injuries now, father is facing charges, and mother says she has had enough. There are flowers beside me, and a lot of cards from the girls in school. But none that I want. I fall asleep

Then I hear a voice.

"I watched you everyday, always waiting for you to come talk to me, I never knew your life was so Hard, Sasuke told me what happened, he said it was my fault. Sakura hit me for it; they are going out now… I was going to tell you the night you kissed me… Sai… I know you probably can't hear me, but…"

I lay still in my bed, the silence is deafening me, but what, why was he here, my heart is pounding, it is all I can do to keep my eyes closed... why was I pretending to be asleep? Well I guess I was afraid, afraid that I might be rejected, but as I lay there, I feel soft lips touch to my own. My eyes shoot open, and he leans back and smiles at me.

"Don't run from me again, and maybe I will ask you out to dinner when I get my money"

I smile, then laugh, instantly regretting it as my insides churn in pain, He looks worried, leaning over me as though to try and take away the pain, he doesn't, but I feel better anyway, I whisper to him then

"As long as I get to pay for the dessert"

I kiss him again, though I feel a bit shy this time, but he just smiles against my lips and kisses me back…

I think I can be happy now