A non-smutty romance fic from me. And yes, it is real romance, or at least as real as it can get from me. This is my favourite story. It's just so much fun to write.

This is a very long story.

Entering the only completed story of my favourite IZ pairing.

Please note: this is a few years after the show, which explains any and all OOCness on a certain characters behalf.

-- - - -- - -- - -

Zim gave a happy little sigh and snuggled up closer to Skoodge. He had never realised that pleasure could come from close contact with another Irken, until that one day. The Tallest had exiled him, and Skoodge had been there and given Zim pleasure. They had soon discovered that this was an easily achievable act, and they had no idea why it wasn't widespread on Irk. It would, of course, only happen if you knew your partner, because you had to get pretty close, but apart from that it was a wonderful way to destress and relax, plus it was great exercise.

--

Zim was getting dressed for Skool when Skoodge brought up a point Zim had been ignoring. 'Zim', he started, 'I didn't want to tell you in case you got angry, but I noticed you put on some weight. It's not noticeable when you have you shirt on, but, well, it's still there. Maybe you need more exercise.'

Zim looked over at Skoodge. How dare he! 'Are you claiming that I, Zim, am FAT?! Look at yourself pudgy!' He poked Skoodge in the stomach. 'I am in perfect health, and you could not find a fitter Irken in this galaxy if you tried.'

Skoodge didn't point out that there weren't that many Irkens in this galaxy. 'I know you're fit, but you don't do much except mooch about and eat all day.'

Zim opened his mouth to shout at Skoodge, but noticed the clock before he could. 'We will continue this, when I get back.' He then marched out of the house and all the way to Skool.

--

Zim was home from Skool a lot earlier than he had expected to be. He had been sent home by the nurse after he vomited in class. When he entered the house Skoodge was standing by the door, fretting.

'Are you OK? Did you eat something bad? We should get the house to scan you.'

'No.' Zim answered. 'No, and yes. Computer: run diagnostic scan.'

The computer brought out a tool and hummed a cheery little ditty as he scanned Zim. 'Scan completed.' The computer kept humming the tune. 'Subject Zim is healthy.'

'Lies!! Foul LIES!! You dare trick your master?! You want me to DIE!!' He started to attack the walls. The computer brought restraining straps down from the ceiling.

'I wasn't finished yet. Subject Zim is healthy AND' the computer cut in before Zim could start screaming again, 'subject smeet is healthy. Though subject smeet may be causing disruptions to subject Zims' bodily functioning.'

'Eh?' Zim asked. 'What smeet?'

Skoodge looked about him. 'There's no smeet.'

'Subject Smeet is in subject Zim.'

'How'd it get there? Smeets don't grow in Irkens.'

'Maybe if you paid more attention to history classes you would know how wrong that statement was.'

Skoodges' eyes opened wider. 'I remember that lesson. Thousands of years ago Irkens used to reproduce using biological processes. Two Irkens would mate and they would produce a smeet. But we haven't been mating.'

'Yes you have. Remember this morning, and two nights ago; all of Saturday...' the computer droned on in this fashion for half an hour. '...Plus we can't forget the first time, the day of your exile, Zim.'

They both remembered it well. 'But having a smeet is a crime punishable by death.' Skoodge was worried. He had always escaped death, but PAK destruction was eternal.

'I can't carry a smeet, I'm still in Skool. I'd have to stop going. It would disrupt my mission.' Zim had still continued with his information gathering mission, it was really the only thing that gave his life purpose.

'The empire would never know. They cut off all communications.' Skoodge was trying to reassure himself that he wasn't going to die.

'I still have my whole life to live. I can't have a smeet.'

'It's too late to kill it.' The computer said. 'If you had asked me when it was conceived, I could've but I can't now. You just have to learn from your mistakes.'

'That's a brilliant idea!' Zim exclaimed. 'Computer! Can you kill it for me?'

'No.'

'Why not?'

'If I did kill it, it would also damage you, and it's part of my programming not to damage my Master.' The computer loved that rule; it allowed him to do, or not do, anything. 'Plus it would be killing an Irken, which I'm also programmed not to do.'

Zim crumpled silently to the floor and started to sob. Skoodge ran over and hugged Zim. 'Computer, get me all information about smeets; birthing them and raising them. Don't worry Zim, I'll help you.'

'Well you should' Zim sniffed. 'It's your fault.'

--

2 hours later and Skoodge had read all the information the computer had access to on smeets. There wasn't much, and any there was was useless in the situation. Most of it was just saying how primitive it was, how inefficient it was, and it skimmed over any details. Any documents they referenced were, apparently held deep in the archives on Irk, and you needed special permission from the control brains and the Tallest to look at them.

Zim was sulking in the labs. Skoodge had forbidden him from doing anything explosive or that may harm the smeet, so he was working on the computer. He really needed to get rid of its' personality. He was also worrying because he hadn't seen GIR for a long time, and whenever that happened bad things were about to happen. Hopefully it was just asleep, but you couldn't hold that hope for long.

GIR was walking down the street and sucking on a chokey chicken chicken shake. He had seen a giant PEZ dispenser by the road, and had opened it, but no lollies had come out. It had just screamed and poured liquid all over him.

--

At Skool the next day, Zim went straight to the front office. The secretary was typing on a computer.

'I need to leave this Skool.' He told the secretary. She continued typing away at her computer.

'What's your name?' She minimised her messenger and opened up the students' page.

'You do not know the wonder that is Zim!?' Zim was appalled.

'Ok, Zim.' She brought up his files on the computer. 'Why do you need to leave?'

'My family is moving away, and I have to go with them.' He was proud of this lie. He and Skoodge had been up all night thinking about it. 'My father unit has been offered a better job in Dallas, and though I would rather be staying at this' he looked around the room with a look of disgust on his face 'wonderful establishment, I am being forced to go, because I am not yet 18, and am a normal human.'

The secretary nodded and ticked the box marked "moving away." 'We'll be needing the name of your new Skool, and your forwarding address.'

Zim was panicking they hadn't thought about this. 'Uh, uh.' He looked around the room. '42 Gently drive, Dallas, Texas. The Skool is Dallas West High.' He nodded at that.

The secretary looked at Zim, as if not believing his lie, then shrugged. 'We'll be mailing your report card to your new address, and the Skool will be sent your records. Could you please stand under that beam in the corner there before you leave, it'll destroy the tracking device.'

Zim looked hesitatingly at the beam, then stood under it. 'you can go now.' The secretary told him, and Zim left the building feeling lighter than he had before, despite the excess weight.

--(this part gets rid of one plot bunny I had stored down.)

Dib was lurking outside of Zims' house. He didn't believe that he was leaving town. especially not since his house was still there. Plus the last he had heard, Zim had been exiled from Irk. He had no reason to leave.

Dib was desperate to know why Zim had dropped out of Skool. It was just very odd and he needed to know. If there was one thing he prided himself on, it was his determination. Plus he hadn't found out until 2 weeks later, and who knows how far Zim had gotten in his evil scheme by now!?

Dib crept past the gnomes. He wasn't creeping though. He was just walking down the front path carrying an empty pizza box. The crazy robot had apparently made it so the gnomes didn't shoot at anything carrying a pizza box.

Dib rang the doorbell, expecting the robot to answer it. He was sure Zim would have been working on his evil plot. Zim answered the door, took one look at the pizza box, and said 'We didn't order any pizza. Take it away.' He then made a shooing motion with his hand.

'Zim!' Dib exclaimed 'I know your plot, give up!'

'Dib!' Zim shouted back. Then he looked confused. 'I don't have a plot.'

'Don't lie to me Zim. You must have, or else why would you leave Skool?'

Zim muttered something about 'personal reasons', then closed the door, or at least tried to. Dib had stuck his foot in the door.

'I don't believe you.' Dib pushed himself inside the house.

'Get out, Dib-stink!' Zim screamed.

'Why?' Dib asked. He pushed Zims shoulders. 'Why should I?' He pushed again, and Zim took a step back. He didn't want to get in a physical fight with Dib. Dib was taller than he was for one thing, and another was he was feeling a bit delicate. His stomach was playing up again, and he felt like he might vomit soon. That was something he didn't want Dib to see again. He also didn't want Dib to potentially hurt his smeet. That might make the smeet defective, and he didn't want to birth a defect.

'Go away, Dib.'

'Not until you tell me what you're planning.'

'I'm not planning anything. I swear, I'm not.'

'Then why did you leave Skool?'

'I told you, personal reasons.'

'You mean they really are personal reasons? I thought that was just a bad lie. But what kind of personal reasons could you have?' Dib was laughing.

'More than you could possibly have,' Zim said as he pushed Dib out the door.

'I'm leaving, but what problems are they?'

'None that concern you.' Zim slammed the door behind Dib.

--

Zim was sitting at the kitchen table, eating and reading the newspaper. Skoodge was cooking more pancakes. 'I had a thought yesterday.' he said.

Zim looked up from his meal. 'What was it?'

'If you are going to be having this smeet, which you are, we'll need supplies for it.'

'What supplies? How could it need supplies, it's a smeet.'

'It'll need somewhere to sleep, and we'll need to get clothes for it, and what does a smeet eat?'

'We can get clothes later, and it won't be eating or sleeping. It is an Irken.'

'It won't have a PAK. It'll have to sleep and eat.'

'Then we will get it a PAK.'

'We can't. They're all stored on Irk, in the smeeteries. Plus we can't contact Irk.'

'You're the one who's supposed to be researching this!' Though it hadn't been verbally talked about, it had been decided by Zim that, because he was carrying the smeet, Skoodge should be the one researching about them. 'Why don't you find out?'

'There's no public information about Smeets. It's all been kept away from the public so nobody gets the idea to breed. There is no information anywhere. I even checked through illegal pages, asked creatures no decent Irken should contact, and nobody has any information concerning smeets.'

Zim thought about this for a long time. 'The humans have "babies", maybe you should look up about human smeets?' it was a hard to come to decision, what with humans being a far inferior species, but there would be plenty of information about.

Skoodge agreed. He had already been checking out the humans' information, and had also taken bits of information from other races birthing and development. He had gotten information, but still had no idea about Irken births, or the amount of time the smeet would stay in Zim, or anything. All they could do was guess.

--

'Skoodge!' Zim complained. 'The smeet keeps on doing things.'

'What kind of things?' Skoodge asked, worried in case it was trying to exit.

'I don't know. It's moving and pushing my squeedly-spooch.'

Skoodge rushed over, praying that it wasn't trying to exit. He put his hand on Zims' stomach and felt small pushes. 'It's just kicking, Zim. It's completely normal in 30 out of 35 species.'

'Why is it kicking me? Does it not know that I am its carrier? Skoodge, I demand to know!'

'It's just getting comfortable.' Skoodge hoped that it was just getting comfortable, and not the alternative, that it was moving because it was about to leave Zim. 'Why don't you lie down, maybe that'll stop it from kicking.'

Zim got a look in his eyes. 'I'll lie down if you come with me.'

'I don't know, Zim. What if it injures the smeet?'

'You weren't worried before you found out. Come on Skoodge, pleeeaseee?'

Skoodge couldn't resist. They both ran off to find somewhere comfortable.

--

Dib had managed to get another full pizza box off Gaz, and was standing outside Zims' house once more. He had rung the doorbell and was waiting for someone to open it. It opened and he looked down and saw a green dog staring back up at him.

'Hi Pizza Man!!' GIR screamed.

'Hi GIR. Is Zim in?'

'Ummmm...'

'I'll give you the pizza if you tell me.' Gaz was going to kill him for giving away a pizza to a robot. Robots don't even eat!

'OK!! He's downstairs with Skoodge. They're making funny noises!!' GIR then went on to make some of the noises.

'Ok! I get it. Stop that.' Dib now had far too much information. He didn't even think that Irkens had- he pulled his thoughts away from that line of thought. 'Can you tell me why Zim left Skool?'

'Ummm...'

'It's got anchovies, GIR.' It didn't, but he hoped the robot wouldn't notice.

'Master had to leave, 'cause Master was getting fat. Then the Smeet started singing, and the whole world exploded! Yaaaaayy!!'

Dib tried to understand GIRs talking. 'What smeet?' He knew what a smeet was, and, judging by the previous noises he hadn't heard, plus GIRs saying that Zim was getting fat, he wondered if it wasn't so much as jumping to a conclusion, as it was tiptoeing to one.

'The one in Masters tummy!!'

Dib gave the pizza to GIR, then left the yard. Before he was halfway down the street he burst out laughing. Zim was going to be a mom.

--

Dib knocked on the door to Zims' base. He had a speech all prepared. The door opened and he started it. 'Zim, I just came to-'

'I'm not Zim' Skoodge said. 'Do you want me to get him for you?'

'Yes.' Dib said, much deflated. 'Could you?'

'Sure. Wait here.' He closed the door, leaving Dib out on the step. Dib waited for 10 minutes, then 20, and he was just about to turn around and give up when the door opened.

'What do you want, Dib?'

Dib coughed. 'Zim, I just came to offer a truce.'

'A truce? why?' Zim was suspicious of anything Dib had to offer.

'I know of your... condition and-'

'How do you know?! Who let you know?'

'GIR told me', he saw Zim getting angry, probably about to go and destroy GIR, so he sped up his speech. 'I wouldn't feel right hurting you knowing that you're carrying a baby, so I'm offering a truce. You don't attack planet Earth, and I won't try to expose you to the authorities. How does that sound?'

Zim thought about this for a while. 'And if I do attack your planet..?'

'Then I shall, with much regret, have to stop you, and hand you and probably your smeet and partner as well, over to the authorities for them to study you as they wish.'

'You would never win.'

'Do you want to take that risk?'

Zim thought about it. He hadn't been planning on attacking Earth, not now that it was the only place he had left to live, and it would ensure safety for himself and his smeet. Plus Skoodge, of course. So he was really getting something for nothing. He held out his hand, like he knew humans did, and said 'deal'.

--

Zim threw GIR out of the labs again. 'You can't enter the labs, GIR. I've told you hundreds of times. Never come in here again!' He closed the door and made sure to lock it, then he tidied up the mess GIR had made of the beakers, flasks, and experiment holders. He was picking up a dead weasel when a thought struck him. If GIR could kill a laser weasel, he would easily be able to kill a defenceless smeet.

'Skoodge!' he called on the intercom. 'We shall need to create a room for the smeet, with lockable doors, and laser defences against GIR.'

'There are some spare rooms we could turn into a nursery. And we can always install locks, but I don't think that laser defences would be a good idea.'

'Why not, they'll keep GIR out.'

'But what if the smeet gets into them. They'll kill it.'

Zim thought for a moment. The whole purpose of the defences was to keep the smeet safe. 'OK, no lasers, I'll get the computer onto it.'

'Computer!' Zim screamed, 'make a room suitable for the smeet to live in, and make sure that it has a door that locks. But don't put any laser shielding on the door. Plus make the room bearable for us to be in as well.'

--

Skoodge was wandering though aisles of smeet supplies. He had decided that they would need a bed for the smeet to sleep on, because they didn't have one in the base, except for in the infirmary, and that wouldn't be any good for a smeet.

He was using a hologram projector to display an image of a human so no one got suspicious. It had taken him ages to get here, in the Voot disguised as a car, and now he was lost in a maze of tables, benches and other miscellany. He had been chasing a shop assistant, but they had disappeared in aisle 13. He was looking at a device for extracting milk from a human females mammary glands, and wondering again how they were going to feed the smeet. He was getting quite attached to it, and didn't want it to die of starvation before it was born.

A chirpy voice behind him startled him into dropping the device, and he turned around quickly. A shop assistant was standing behind him. 'How may I help you?' She asked again.

'I'm looking for a bed for sm-babies.'

'How old is the baby?'

'It's not born yet.'

'Awwww, so you're an expecting father? Do you know when it's due?' She started walking off along the aisles, and Skoodge followed her. 'Your wife, or is she your girlfriend? Must be very understanding to stay with someone who looks like you.'

Skoodge was offended. His hologram was perfect for a human, though he hadn't been able to make himself any taller.

She looked back and saw the expression on his face. 'Oh, I'm sorry, that was rude of me.' She didn't sound sorry, 'but most people are usually taller. So, do you know if it's a boy or a girl?'

'Not yet.'

'So you couldn't have picked out names yet. Ok. Oh! You didn't answer me as to when it's due.'

'We don't know yet.'

She looked surprised. 'You don't know yet? Do you even know how long she's been pregnant for?'

'Seven months?' Skoodge pulled a number from the air. Zim was getting very fat, though.

'Not long to go. You should get booked into a hospital soon, then. And find out when it's due. These are the cots, you had better pick one before it comes out!' She smiled at her witless statement.

Skoodge nodded and looked at them. There were made ones on display, and boxes of unmade ones on a shelf above.

'I would suggest you get a short one, if you want to interact with the baby.'

Skoodge looked at the cots. The computer had gone against all of Zims' interior design directions and the room was painted in pastels. Light yellows, light pinks, light blues, light greens, and whites were the main colours. He walked past any of the dark wood ones, they wouldn't go too well. He also ignored any with vermin or organs on them. He then spotted one that was perfect. It was white, and was just a plain cot, with a few drawers at the bottom for storage. He pointed to it, then looked at the human. 'This one.'

She pulled a trolley from the end of the aisle, and loaded it on. 'Is there anything else you're looking for? Changing tables, high chairs, anything else like that?'

Skoodge had read about high chairs, but he didn't think it would be needed yet. They didn't know what they were going to feed it for a start.

'No, this should do for now.'

The shopping assistant shrugged. 'OK, I'll leave this with you, just take it to the registers at the front of the store.' She wandered off and left Skoodge with a different problem; how to get to the front of the store.

--

Zim was grumpy. he had been suffering from back aches, his squeedily spooch hurt, and it was snowing outside, so he couldn't even get exercise in the fresh air. Skoodge had banned him from the labs, because they were both sure that the smeet would be coming soon. Of course, they had been sure of that a full month ago, and nothing had happened. He was lying on the couch in the living room, watching the TV on mute. The only good thing was he was getting some peace from GIR. He had gone out for a slushy 2 hours ago, and Zim had locked the door behind him, so hopefully he wouldn't be getting in again.

The doorbell rang and Zim groaned. It would probably be the human again. He seemed to be coming over every other day, just to see how things were going. Zim had given up on locking him out, and now he usually entered without asking. On cue, the door opened and Dib stepped inside.

'Hi, Zim.' he said. 'I just came round to see what was happening. Any new developments?'

'No. If that's all, go away.'

'It's not all. if you wanted to know, it's Christmas tomorrow, so I bought you a Christmas present.'

'I had been wondering about the box.' Said Zim, though the box was hard to miss, being almost too big to fit through the door.

'Yes. It's Me and Gaz's old baby clothes, some of our toys, and just things that I thought you might need for the smeet. And you don't have to worry about them being covered in human germs, I made sure to have them all dry cleaned before I even brought them over here.'

'I'm not taking charity from a human.' Zim said, though he really did want to.

'It's not charity, it's a Christmas present. It's a gift, not charity.'

Zim couldn't argue with that. 'Don't I need to get you a gift?'

'No, I'm just glad you're letting me be part of this.' Dib was being sincere. How many other paranormal investigators got to witness an actual alien pregnancy? Probably none, so he was very privileged.

'You should be! You are part of the amazing Zims' smeet raising!'

Dib laughed. he had gotten very fond of Zims mannerisms, and found them to be quite amusing.

Zim sobered up a bit then. 'Did you know it's been just over full human year since the Tallest exiled me?'

Dib shook his head. Even though he had been a regular visitor here for the last few months, neither of the Irkens opened up much, and he could barely understand a word GIR spoke.

'I might not even be alive anymore if Skoodge hadn't been here.' Dib gasped, he had never known that. He almost couldn't believe that Zim would have killed himself, but spending more time with them had let him see that they were more than cold, heartless aliens. Then Zim winced as a slight pain hit from his spooch.

Dib rushed over. 'Zim are you OK?'

Zim nodded. 'They've been happening for the last few hours. I thought they would go away, but they aren't. They're just happening more regularly.'

'When did the last one happen to you?'

Zim shrugged, 'Maybe 30 minutes ago, why?' Dib didn't answer. 'Is something wrong? What's happening?' He gripped Dibs sleeve.

Dib shushed Zim, then said, 'I'm just going to get Skoodge. He'll know.' He went to the intercom system. 'Skoodge?' he spoke into it, knowing that it would travel through the whole base. 'I think you should come up here. Zim might be going into labour.'

'What?!' Zim screeched. 'What's labour?! Tell meeeee!!'

Dib ran back over to Zim. 'It's OK, Zim. Don't panic. You just might be having the smeet now. Just stay calm, and it should be OK.'

Dib held Zims' hand, and couldn't help but see the panic in Zims' eyes. 'I can't have it now. I'm not ready. I don't know what it eats. What if I'm not a good mother for it?' He was panicking.

Skoodge arrived from the basement at just that moment. He ran over to Zim and held him, stroking his antenna and muttering comforting words into them. Zim relaxed, and Skoodge told Dib he should leave, but was welcome to come back in a couple of days.

Skoodge helped Zim off the couch and onto the lift, which would take him to the med-bay, where they could find out exactly what was happening.

--

Zim moaned. It would have to be sometime late at night, though it didn't matter exactly how late, or how early, it was. The pain just kept on coming, though Skoodge kept on saying it wouldn't be much longer. Zim hoped it wouldn't be much longer. He screamed as he felt another wave of agony, and felt the urge to push. 'Skoooodge...' he panted, 'can I push?'

Skoodge had no idea. He did know, but it was stressful for him, too. He found it hard to concentrate. He looked between Zims' legs. 'It might be safe to push.'

Zim nodded, and pushed with the next wave. It didn't seem to make much difference, because the pain was still there, but he heard Skoodge say something reassuring and knew it would be fine. Skoodge would know, he had to know.

Skoodge was standing by the bed looking at Zim. He was sure he had seen a movement of the smeet when Zim had pushed, and said so to Zim. Everything was going to be fine.

Zim pushed again. He was sure he could feel the smeet, one more and it would be out. He was positive of it. He pushed again, and he heard Skoodge gasp, telling him to keep pushing. So Zim gritted his teeth one more time, and pushed the smeet all the way out.

Skoodge held the smeet in his arms. It was amazing, how a tiny little Irken, no bigger than his forearm, had been growing inside of Zim. He had thought it would be so much bigger. And it was moving. It was moving its little hands, and its eyes opened. It had such wonderfully pink eyes. Skoodge stared crying, just because he was so overwhelmed with emotions towards the little smeet. 'Skoodge?' he heard Zim say hoarsely. 'Is something wrong?'

'No, Zim. Nothing's wrong.' He wrapped the smeet in a blanket and handed the smeet to Zim, and it started to nuzzle Zim.

'I feel wet.' Zim said sleepily. 'Why do I feel wet?'

Skoodge looked down to the junction between Zims' legs. There were liquids everywhere. 'Don't worry, Zim. I'll get you cleaned.'

Then the smeet started to make little chirping noises. Zim looked at it and stroked its' head. 'It's a boy.' he said.

Skoodge nodded and picked up another cloth. 'I know.'

The smeet then made louder chirps. 'Shush.' Zim said. 'Skoodge.' he added. 'I'm dripping.' It was true. Zims' antennae were dripping a thin liquid. 'Why am I dripping?'

'I don't know, Zim.' He had never heard of an Irkens antennae spontaneously dripping liquids before. The smeet started to cry, and it made grabby hands. 'Maybe you should try to feed the smeet the dripping liquids?' Skoodge suggested.

Zim shrugged. He was exhausted, and wanted to make the smeet happy, so he lowered his antennae and held the smeet near it. The smeet licked the tip of the antenna, then curled his tongue around it and started sucking. Zim sighed and closed his eyes, content in the knowledge that his smeet was happy and was being fed.

Skoodge told the computer to move Zim and the smeet to a clean bed, then sat on a chair beside them, watching his family, and happy in the knowledge that Zim was well, the smeet was well, and they had found what to feed it.

The smeet sucked contentedly on the liquid fed to it by its' mother, not quite happy at having been evicted from its' old home, but it didn't really care so long as it was fed and looked after.

Outside, the hemisphere slept, dreaming of gingerbread, presents and in the hope of no Santa that year.

-- -- - -- - -- -

That is the longest single chapter/ed thing I have ever written. It's nice, it's friendly, and it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Isn't it good to just write something normal occasionally?

I just love the idea of Zim and Skoodge having a smeet, and not knowing anything about it. And it ending on Christmas was just a beautiful way to end it.

Comments and criticisms are welcome, so long as you don't complain. You knew what you were getting yourself into.