Disclaimer:I own nothing but the plot.
A/N: Despite my immense dislike for the holiday, I sat down and wrote a little Valentine's Day fic. Its not about love, unfortunately, and I hope its amusing. I'm having some trouble deciding if this should be rated T or M. Anyway, I'm aware I'm almost too late, so enjoy!
Edit: There's a dialogue down there where Draco is- rather hurriedly- seducing Harry and he talks about how sex could kill you. I am a shameless House fan and I shamelessly took that dialogue from there. I think its the 3rd episode in the 1st season and Cameron says that to Chase.Sorry about that. Even as I was posting it the first time, I looked at the Disclaimer like, "I'm forgetting something..." but it slipped my mind. So, here it is. I only noticed after a couple of reviews pointed it out. Hopefully all ruffled feathers are... er un-ruffled.
Endurance
It all started with a glass.
Really. It's that simple.
Two thirsty people. One glass of water.
What are you going to do, right?
Auror training is a bitch, I tell you. It doesn't matter if you're Harry Potter.
There's something they call Severe Neurophysical Aptitude Performance.
Even the Aurors who give it to us call it Severe Nasty Aptitude Program.
It's only listed as Severe Neurophysical Aptitude Performance on the brochure about it.
The Aurors who have to take it- we're called A-lings. Its pronounceday-lings.
We call these tests SNAPs.
On the brochure in the file they gave me when I first got my Auror papers, they said Severe Neurophysical Aptitude Performance would be one of the three terrible tests we got.
Fortunately, or unfortunately for you, you get a partner.
I wondered what on earth Neurophysics was.
It had been almost three days already, sitting here, staring at the glass of water. The test was simple. Brutally simple.
Who would go longest without drinking the glass of water before them?
You weren't allowed to drink anything else, of course, or conjure anything once in here. There were no tasks, no running around, and no fighting off Dark Wizard simulations.
Just sit. Stare at a glass of water.
First one to break loses.
It all sounded a little too juvenile to me.
When I first heard who I was partnered with, I thought SNAPs for me, at least was going to be worse than terrible. A small part of me expected it, though.
I glanced at him. He had drawn his knees up and had rested his head on them. I was sitting too, cross-legged on the floor, if you could call this white expanse of nothing a floor.
Maybe it was an advantage, having him for a partner. If Ron had been there, I'd probably have promptly drunk the glass of water the minute we got in. with him, I could at least actually take my test, it would be a challenge.
It wasn't so bad, really. He hadn't spoken at all.
Neither had I but I was already thirsty. I had been thirsty for so long now. I can't remember when it began.
'I wonder if they'd notice if we put a straw in and drank all the water out.' I whipped my head around toward him so fast, it cricked audibly. I winced, expecting pain, but fortunately, nothing happened. Except, he had spoken.
'I mean, there must be, what, a tracking spell on the glass to tell them when our fingers touch the glass, or when our lips touch the glass and one to check if the level of water goes down, right?' he asked, and I could hear his voice already getting slightly hoarse. He licked his lips, leaving behind a shimmering streak on his thin, dry lips.
Suddenly, I had a very lewd idea. I'd found a perfect cure to this thirst.
Lack of water… I must be going insane. When I get out and I'm able to drink water again, I'm going to treasure the sanity it brings so deeply. I'm going to say a prayer of thanks to every sip of water I drink.
'So, I was thinking,' he went on, even though I hadn't replied, because I was not going to wear myself to abject thirst by talking and making things worse. 'We could each wet our lips with a straw. It'll make things easier, less torturous.'
He licked his lips again and reflexively, because I was staring avidly in fascination, I licked my lips in return. There was a stunned moment of silence during which I continued to drool like a rabid dog in heat.
He cocked his head towards me, surveying me, his grey eyes going dark.
'It's not a bad idea. Just unbelievably stupid. And I didn't know you were gay, Potter.' He shrugged and before I could speak, he said, 'Not that it bothers me. I think it's great that the fucking savior of the world bats for the other team.'
'I didn't say anything.' And I was surprised how raw my voice sounded.
'You didn't have to.' He said simply. 'It's the way you're looking at me right now. But I don't have a problem with that. I like being looked at. It feels good. So stare away Potter. You can even wank quietly in the corner.'
'Shut up.' I grumbled. 'I wasn't staring. I was just… listening intently.'
'Sure you were.' He sneered condescendingly.
I didn't reply. I didn't want to waste my breath over someone who had accurately deduced I wanted to kiss him to make my thirst go away. Or have sex with him, if that's where the kiss led. Really, I wasn't terribly picky. Anything to distract me from that fucking annoying glass of water.
'Are you… gay?' I asked tentatively after a long time.
He laughed. 'I was wondering when you'd get around to it. Can't be a coward and not ask right? Gryffindor pride and all that. I'm pansexual.'
I stared at him confused and laughed, 'There's no such thing.'
'Of course there is.' He said smugly. 'It means I'd have sex with anyone. Rather fitting, isn't it?'
'You mean you're bisexual.' I corrected. 'There are only two sexes, you know.'
'Of course not. There's the third gender, or maybe you're ignorant enough to believe they don't exist. If word got out, your political standing wouldn't be so great,' he said amicably, as though we were chatting about the weather, 'then there are transsexuals, people who're women now, men before, men now, women before, that sort of thing. If they look pretty enough, I'm pretty much game.'
I could only think of saying something like, 'Ew.'
So I didn't say anything. I mean, who was I to sit and judge what was and wasn't exactly un-ew material. Not that I thought being gay was "ew". Some people did. I was gay. Hermione once said, in a way that made me blush furiously, that gay sex was considered the kinkiest according to some poll.
Contrary to my belief, my sexuality was embraced by the wizarding world. The older ones were gay themselves, apparently, and even though hypocrisy was like second nature to most in the Ministry, they frowned about it and kept to themselves. My generation shrugged it off as nothing. The younger ones, mostly teenaged girls and some curious boys thought me just popular enough to write role-playing stories about.
So one day I was shy and closeted and kissed like a girl and only had sex with someone I loved very deeply and another I was a raging pinhead who shagged every man on the street, unsatisfied because of my outrageous libido. They were quite explicit. I suppose pornography is.
'So you'd sleep with someone who had breasts and a penis?' I asked an interesting thought coming to me.
'Of course. It is quite something. You should try it. They usually bottom, but sometimes, I like feeling like a woman's taking me and it really is unusual.' He grinned at me and I was startled. Then he laughed. 'You really are gullible, Potter.'
'What?' I asked defensively my face beginning to flame.
'Never mind.' He shook his head. 'Are you going to drink that water?'
'Before you? Not a chance.' I said firmly.
He laughed and stood up slowly. 'Tell you what. Let's make a deal. We act out one of your teenage fan's fantasies and we drink that water together. We both lose. And then, I'll even go out with you on one date.'
'What makes you think I'd want to have sex with you?' I asked indignant that he'd read me so easily. I had to say no. I had to deny it. To him, at least.
'Alright then. Two dates.' He shrugged.
'You're off your rocker.' I said convincingly, enough, at least I thought so.
'Fine.' He shrugged, 'Three but that's it. And you're paying.'
I didn't even reply. I lunged at him, kissing wildly. He tasted a little salty, but I bet I tasted worse. It was the best feeling ever. He kissed back just as roughly, pulling me closer, pushing my legs apart, and reaching with one hand to pull my shirt over my head. We broke apart momentarily, breathing heavily.
'Is it possible...?' I panted, 'That we might… die? I mean, we haven't had… anything to drink or eat in a long time.'
He laughed, toying with the skin near my navel. 'Of course.'
I could tell he was joking but I couldn't help but ask, 'Really?'
He sighed, the excitement obviously dying down slightly. 'Sex… could kill you.'
'I didn't know that.' I said tentatively. He took my glasses off and set them to a side.
'We could fill libraries with things you don't know about, Potter.' He said wryly. 'Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex?' he asked, interest sparking along his face again. I couldn't see him clearly, but I could make out the general expression.
His fingers traced my face and his voice lowered, he spoke quickly, softly enough to make my hair stand in the good way, 'Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight.'
I breathed a sigh of relief. I couldn't take it. His voice was turning me on. Already, other parts of me had begun to respond rather impressively to him. He smiled and his fingers curled around my hips, slamming them closer to him.
'Now…' I whispered, though I don't know why I was whispering.
'It's violent, it's ugly, and it's messy,' he said tugging at my pants, undoing the zipper and only pulling them low enough to reveal my boxers. He flipped us over gently, so I was lying on the floor and he was lying above me. He licked a path down my stomach, making me stir breathlessly already dazed with arousal.
'And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun…' he pulled my boxers down, 'the human race would have died out eons ago.'
And then the world constricted to sensation alone.
Thirty minutes later I was still staring at the glass of water.
Drops of condensation slid down the outside. So, the temperature of the room had gone up.
'You fucked your SNAPs up.' He grinned at me, zipping my pants up for me. He reached above me, took the glass of water and drank it fully.
I grinned. Somehow, I didn't care that I did. It was rather fun. 'Want to fuck up the next one with me?' I asked before I realized how stupid it sounded.
But he smiled back differently. 'I mean, you failed it.'
'So did you.' I retorted. 'You drank the water.'
'What do you think the "Neurophysical" in SNAPs stands for?' he asked me tapping me on my forehead. 'It deals with the brain. They're going to think you're crazy. For three days your brain's functioning minimally or not functioning at all- frankly, I wouldn't be surprised- and then suddenly, your brainwaves go bonkers.'
'You knew about this!' I gasped outraged, unbelievably stung.
'Of course I did.' He kissed my cheek. 'But you have two more tests with me and three dates. The game's on.'
I pulled my shirt on moodily. 'They're never going to let me be an Auror. I'm crazy now.'
'Now?' he winked at me. 'Wait when they find out what happens at your CLAPs.'
And that's how it began, really.
A glass of fucking water.
What are you going to do, right?