Hi guys! This is my first fanfic ever published! So feel free to give your honest opinion because I'm looking to be a better writer. Also, I've been listening to Heathers: The Musical so much lately and I got inspired. I looked on here at the fanfiction for it and I was disappointed by the lack of gayness. Hope this solves the plight of all the RamxKurt shippers out there! Oh, I do not own any of the characters from Heathers. I plan on doing more;)

"Dude, I can't believe she resisted our charm!" whined Kurt.

Ram took another swig from the red wine bottle. Beer doesn't have the nice warmth in his stomach like wine does, but he would never, like, tell anyone that. The guys on the team would kill him.

He slurred, "Yeah, well at least she didn't nut punt you dickhead. Now my balls really are blue".

They both chuckled as Ram drank away the rest of the crimson liquid. His eyelids squeezed shut and then opened extra wide to take in a blurry nighttime world. The white streetlamp at the park attracted a ton of bugs, good thing they weren't interested in them. One fucking fly and he would've been out. Why? Because bugs fucking suck mutated donkey dick that's why.

Kurt burped, getting Ram's appraisal as a follow up.

"Niiice". He drawled.

"Thanks buddy, hey are you still kinda itchy? If ya know what I mean?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Cuz I was just thinkin' of somethin'".

"Go raid Heather Duke's panty supply?"

"No".

"How bout find out what the back of Heather McNamara's throat feels like"

"No, no girls".

Ram stopped leaning on Kurt's back and sat up.

"Ok then Mr. Harvard degree. Mr. Science Man. How am I supposed to cure a case of my-dick-is-getting-exfoliated-by-my-zipper-itis if there's no chicks involved?"

Kurt scraped his sneakers on the grass as he got onto his knees. His letterman jacket had beer stains on it. His mom was gonna be stoked when she found those.

With his arms out in an explicatory way, he said, "Alright, let me explain. Ok so, check this. What if, ok, instead of doing stuff with other chicks and wasting, like, precious energy and time, we just do stuff together?"

His eyebrows raised and his bottom lip hung out as if saying 'Why not?'

It took Ram a second or two for the cogs to start turning up in his ol' noggin, but when they did…

"You mean like fags, man? No way! We're close bud, but not that close".

He got up and started pacing. What the hell is Kurt thinking? If the team got whiff of this, they'd be history. A once casual and securing arm wrapped around his right shoulder with Kurt on the other end. He had a look in his eye that Ram didn't recognize.

Kurt huffed like Coach did before he was gonna give the team a talk.

"I knew you were gonna say that so check what I'm about to say ok? Hey man, I mean, if girls can make-out together for one night and not be called lesbos the day after, then why not guys? I mean, dude, we're not fags. You know that. I know that. We both have needs. And besides, you're like my main bro. So why not just once, I mean you haven't been curious at least once?"

Ram thought this over hard. And he did not like thinking hard about anything. Not even pussy. So he thought about that one time when he was twelve and had a huge obsession with a couple of the members of the Greenbay Packers. He remembered a feeling he had for them when he watched the big game with his old man. It kind of felt like he was flying while throwing up. He looked at Kurt. Kurt had sandy blonde hair and wood brown eyes. Fuck it, he wasn't afraid. No one was around and it would only be once, right?

"Alright. But we take it only as far as I wanna do it, got it?"

Kurt smirked. "You sound like a chick, man".

He jabbed Ram's arm. He laughed. Ram punched him back.

The laughter died out quickly which then was replaced by awkward tension.

"So like, who starts?"

Kurt shuffled and put his hands on his hips.

"Shit man, I didn't think this far".

They stood there for a minute staring into the ground trying to figure this mess out.

Ram clapped. "I got it. I'll start because I'm the one who's in charge of this".

They nodded and got closer together little by little until they were face to face.

Ram didn't really want to be looking at his buddy when he first kissed him, so he closed his eyes and just did the deed. His lips crashed together with Kurt's. He peeped open one eye to see that Kurt was blushing and still left in suspense for another smooch. Closing his eye back up he continued to kiss his best friend since diapers. Soon enough, the usual sounds of making out came about. The intensified breathing through the noses, the smack-pop sound of their wet lips opening and closing. Ram was startled when he could feel Kurt's hand grab the side of his face, like you do with a girl. Embarrassed, he knew why Kurt would do that. It was because Kurt was taller than him. Only by like four inches though, not like chick-dude ratio. Ram was beginning to like this though. He enveloped his arms around Kurt's back, up into his jacket. The muscles were toned and big, like a football player's should be. By this time Ram had put his tongue into his mouth. He knew all the moves. The double-dip, the tongue tango, the loopty-loo. He'd been practicing them all on girls since the seventh grade. Always been known as a good kisser too, and he could tell Kurt was liking it. There it was again, that feeling of flying while you're puking. It felt so good, he couldn't even think of doing anything else except kissing him. All of a sudden, Kurt pulled away. Ram's world was dizzy and euphoric.

"Why'd…you…stop?"

He barely got the words out he was so out of air.

Kurt was also catching his breath. He coughed and said, "We need to go home man. That's enough for now. I feel like if we were gonna do what I think we were gonna do, then that's enough".

He was right, Ram probably would have let him go farther. Whatever the fuck that means between two guys.

"Wait, what do you mean enough for now. Are you sayin you wanna do this again?"

"Like you don't?"

Ram felt his entire face glow scarlet.

"I mean like, *phew*, yeah. But l wanna take this like a slow ride ok? Let's jam and get out of here".

Kurt wrapped his arm around his buddy and smiled.

"Now you really do sound like a chick".