"I still don't understand why you'd want to have the party here," Gary said for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. And like she had every single time he'd said it, Stevie rolled her eyes, shook her head, and said nothing in response. The first few times, she'd responded with the same thing: there wasn't enough room in her flat, and Miranda and her new boyfriend were staying at a hotel nearby so it was a practical suggestion.
And every time Stevie reminded him that Miranda was coming back from Scotland with a boyfriend, Gary felt his heart sink a bit further down towards the floor. Yes, apparently there was some bloke named Ewan in the picture, who was apparently 'totally gorg', who Miranda had been seeing for almost a year now, who was 'absolutely perf for Queen Kong,' according to Tilly. Gary had pretended he was only mildly interested in Stevie's endless stream of goss, but really a part of him was morbidly curious to hear more.
But that night, with the sharp realisation that in a matter of minutes he'd actually have to see her for the first time in over a year, on the arm of someone else, he'd had enough. He put down the dishtowel he was using to wipe down the bar and leaned against the polished wood surface, glaring at Stevie until she quieted and shooed Tilly away.
Struggling to get up on the bar stool, Stevie propped her elbows up on the bar and glared right back at him.
"Nervous about seeing Miranda, are we?"
He sighed in defeat and resumed his tidying. He glanced up at her as he did.
"Is it that obvious?"
"You look like you're about ready to burst into tears. Can't say I blame you; things are a bit of a mess between you two still, huh?"
"If by mess you mean she hasn't spoken to me in eighteen months, then yeah, Stevie, they're pretty rubbish," he snapped at her, and she held up her hands in defense.
"Sorry. Sore spot. But how many times have we gone over this? You're not exactly blameless in this situation."
The door opened and another small group of party guests entered, the volume in the room increasing as Penny announced their arrival.
"Look, can we not talk about this right now?" he asked, but Stevie didn't budge from her spot, nor did she stop talking.
"No, we can't. In a few minutes she's going to be here and you're going to have to deal with this. You can't just hide back there and pretend you're not there. Who knows, Gary, maybe she'll actually want to see you?"
"I highly doubt that," he muttered. She hadn't returned his calls; she'd changed her email address to one that Stevie wouldn't give him, and the radio silence had slowly driven him to become embittered. He knew that Stevie was right; she'd been on his case since the day Miranda had upped her sticks and left to Scotland without so much as saying goodbye to him. Whenever he found himself entrenched in another bout of self-pity, she was there to shake some sense into him and remind him that all he had to do was go after her. And he wanted to. He'd even gotten so far as to buy a train ticket once, but hadn't been able to find the courage to go. Her blatant refusal to speak with him made it clear: she didn't want him to follow her. She didn't want to have anything to do with him. And even though Stevie wouldn't actually confirm it, he knew that Miranda had said as much to her.
"Stevie, I don't know if I can do this," he admitted quietly, running his hand nervously through his hair, and she tutted sympathetically at him.
"Do you love her, then?"
The question caught him off-guard. Was she seriously asking? Wasn't it ridiculously obvious?
"I always have. You know that."
Stevie reached across the bar for the dishcloth, taking it from him so he'd actually have to look up and meet her eyes.
"Then why the hell did you let her leave?"
Because I'm a fool. Because I'm terrified of letting her down or disappointing her. Because I've never been in a relationship with anyone for longer than a few weeks, and because she's my best friend and I couldn't bear to lose that closeness if something went wrong.
Only it already had gone wrong, and he wasn't sure she would even consider him a friend anymore. With a sudden twinge of anger, he wasn't sure he could would even considerher a friend anymore. Not after she'd gone away without an explanation.
"I didn't let her leave. I didn't even know she'd left until you let it slip!" he said defensively, and he saw her draw to her full height. Since she was perched precariously on a bar stool, it came off far more impressive than if she'd been standing.
"Oh, don't you try and blame this on me! It's your fault for letting it get to that point! All you had to do was just tell her. 'Miranda, I love you. Sorry I've been such a horrible flaky prat about it for so long.'"
Gary was about to reply when he heard a commotion at the entrance and he looked up to see another group of guests arriving, and amongst them was Miranda, holding hands with someone who had to be Ewan. He didn't care who it was; he only had eyes for her as he saw her for the first time in what felt like forever.
Her hair was a bit shorter, her skin with more colour like she'd seen some sun recently. She looked a bit tired, probably from the long train ride. But the smile on her face was positively radiant, and he heard her unmistakable giggle as she pulled her boyfriend closer to her side for introductions.
He supposed he could understand why Tilly and Stevie had been swooning over the photos of him; he too looked as though he'd been somewhere warmer than Scotland, with dark hair and dark eyes. And he was as tall as Miranda was, which Gary knew was one of her prerequisites for courting – in fact he had at least a couple inches over her. He reluctantly could see why Miranda would be interested in someone like him.
"Soz, time to play catch-up!" Stevie said suddenly, interrupting Gary's thoughts before she hopped off the bar stool and ran over to greet her best friend. He couldn't help but smile as he watched Stevie throw her arms around Miranda, who leaned down to hug Stevie tightly, staggering slightly at how ferocious the tiny blonde's grip was.
"Stevie, Stevie, stop, I'm about to tip over!" Miranda shrieked, laughing, and he saw her about to stumble before Ewan caught her elbow and steadied her, joining in the laughter before extending a hand to introduce himself to Stevie.
Gary watched as Tilly grabbed Miranda's arm. "You're so tan, Queen Kong! I didn't know the weather was so nice in Scotland! Clearly the beau and I need to head up to visit you."
Miranda laughed and hugged Tilly. "Oh, don't expect anything other than wind and rain! No, we were just in Morocco for a few weeks. We needed to get away for a bit and were able to get some time off work. It was marvellous!"
"You actually made it to Morocco? You got on a plane and everything?" Stevie asked, amazed.
"It took a bit of convincing…" Ewan interjected, and Miranda blushed and hit him on the arm.
"Oi, enough! But yes, we got lost and we got sunburned, not necessarily in that order. It was quite an adventure! Well, a bit of an adventure. We're slowly working our way to a bigger one. Baby steps. We're thinking of going to Paris in the summer!" Her eyes were shining with excitement, and Gary could only watch out of the corner of his eye, envious. He'd always wanted to take her to Paris; even when they were in university together they'd made plans to take a trip with their friends for a weekend but they'd never come to fruition. He knew it had been on her bucket list ever since.
He was lost in his own thoughts when he sensed someone sitting down at the bar; assuming it was Stevie he started mixing up her favourite cocktail as an apology for snapping at her earlier.
When he looked up, Miranda was sitting there, finally having escaped the crowd. Startled, he set the drink down a bit too hard on the bar, and he winced at the loud slam it made.
"Ah, raspberry mojito for my little elf friend? It's her favourite," she said, and turned to wave Stevie over. Like a little blonde tornado, Stevie scurried over, grabbed the drink, and was gone just as quickly, leaving the pair of them more or less alone at the bar.
"And yours is still ice water with lemon," Gary replied, his heart hammering in his chest. He remembered that about her.
"I came for the biscuits" she said, taking one from the laden plate on the corner of the bar and biting into it, her eyes lighting up happily. "Can't get these in Scotland, that's for sure."
"You've missed my baking then?" he asked, not daring to get his hopes up. Miranda smiled easily at him and reached for another biscuit. She looked so calm, so relaxed, so happy and elated to be around everyone, and yet he could barely string a sentence together. It was so far from how it used to be, where she couldn't keep her composure around him. Had she really changed that much in a year?
"There's this little bakery next door to the bookshop I work at," she explained around a mouthful of biscuit, and he smiled slightly because at least that much hadn't changed. "My first day working, it was raining and I wanted nothing more than to go get some biscuits and have a cup of tea on my break, but they were awful. And I remembered how you'd always come around with something new to try when the weather was bad. Honestly, it made me a bit homesick at first." She reached for her glass of water.
"The truth is, being back here… I feel a little homesick again."
It was like she'd thrown the glass of water in his face; icy cold crept up along his spine because she didn't consider it her home anymore. He nodded at her with a tight-lipped smile.
"Be right back, need to get something from the kitchen."
"Hoping it's more biscuits!" she called after him as he hurried through the doors to the kitchen and leaned against one of the counters, his mind racing.
He had always known it would be difficult to see her again after so long. What he never counted on, what he'd never considered, was that it wouldn't be difficult for her at all. Away from Surrey, she had thrived. She'd found a job, a boyfriend, the things she'd left behind had been replaced. He had been replaced.
It's like… she didn't miss him at all. She didn't miss anything, and she was dying to go back to Scotland and away from him. He briefly considered climbing out the window and leaving, but like it or not, he has a party to manage.
The door to the kitchen slowly opened, and he looked over to see Stevie peeking in.
"Miranda's looking for you. She said you were bringing more biscuits."
He wanted to rap his head against the wall until he lost consciousness instead of going back out there, but Stevie walked over to him and took his arm.
"Come on, out you go. Maybe this'll give you two a chance to have a bit of a talk and straighten things out. She missed you, I know she did. She'd never admit it, but I know her." Stevie pushed open the door and steered him through them before he could protest. "Look, I'll find an excuse to get her away from Ewan for a bit so you can talk to her alone and apologise."
Apologise. Right. He was about to ask her what he was supposed to be apologising for when Stevie's grip on his arm tightened and she started turning him in the opposite direction.
"Actually, might be a bit too late for that," he heard her mutter under her breath, and he looked behind them just in time to see Miranda and Ewan alone by the sofa, and Miranda's boyfriend was on bended knee.
One of his worst memories suddenly came flooding back to him – Mike down on one knee with a ring in hand proposing to Miranda, Miranda's panicked expression, which only darkened when Gary did the same thing. Her quiet no to both of them before she ran out of the restaurant, and that was the last time he'd seen her until ten minutes ago.
Only now there was no hesitation in her voice, no panic in her eyes as she covered her mouth with one hand and nodded at Ewan. Gary could only watch in quiet despair, Stevie's fingers digging into his arm almost as though she was trying to restrain him from doing something stupid like he'd done last time.
He was honestly in too much shock to even consider doing anything like that; as the seconds ticked away both he and Stevie watched as Miranda flung her arms around Ewan's neck and kissed him before he slid the ring onto her finger. Stevie's grip on his arm eased but she didn't let go, and after a long moment he realised it was her small attempt at some sort of comfort. It wasn't much, but he was appreciative.
The private moment suddenly shattered as Miranda pulled away from Ewan and grabbed his hand, the pair of them hurrying over to join the rest of the party.
"Everyone, you'll find this of particular interest: I just got engaged!" she announced, holding up her hand with the sparkling ring on it, and the room erupted into applause and cries of excitement and in Tilly's case, disbelief. He saw Penny grab Ewan and hug him, saw Tilly scrutinising the ring with a keen eye, and a second later Stevie had slipped away from his side and was joining in the fray, bouncing up and down in excitement next to Miranda.
There was an unpleasant burning sensation behind his eyes, and Gary lowered his gaze and let out the breath he'd been holding in since he first saw her. Reaching for a bottle of champagne, he caught Stevie's eye across the room and she gave him a pointed look as if to say, you waited too long, and this is what happens.
He'd waited too long. He'd just always thought Miranda would be waiting, too.