We all know about shinigami right?
About Hallows and such right?
Good, then I don't have to explain anything to you guys.
However this fic does delve into other fanfictions. It's a multiverse and at the current moment we'll be crossovering into Dead Like Me, a bit of Naruto and some zombie stuff.
Don't worry; it's mostly Bleach with a bit crack in it.
This crack fiction started because one idiot Death representative took over for Death of a particular universe. That representative happened to look like Naruto from the Naruto universe. Anyways to make a long story short, that representative which is called Naruto messed up.
To make the story even shorter, that particular universe has been dubbed 'zombie land' or 'dead man's land'.
You may dear readers, can probably make the connection from A to B.
That is why Naruto, Death's representative of that particular universe, had to hide from his colleagues. The head of the Death gods or reapers were pissed off at him frankly. Due to one little mistake, now they have a zombie infestation to deal with. That means countless amounts of paperwork and resources. They might even need to outsource to different universes for extra help.
Reapers have their pride. They usually don't outsource. It's a big no no.
The Death who was vacationing at that time had to feel the brunt of the fallback of his substitute who he had personally chosen to substitute for him. He also had to deal with the problem which expanded into other problems which turned out to be apocalyptic.
So in the frenzy of stopping the zombie problem, Naruto sneaked out and away with the help of friends. He needed a place to chill and hide and let the whole thing blow over. True his rank will go down and he will doubtless have grunt work for some centuries but the true reason he left was because he really didn't want to do all the paperwork.
One of his friends knew a place where there won't be any reapers of their type to come.
A safe haven for Naruto.
Dear reader, I feel I must explain something to you first. No doubt you feel a bit confused.
To sum it all, there are different types of reapers depending on the universe or the local custom.
Even in their group of reapers, they all represent different types.
But the reapers don't cause the deaths. The reapers are the bridge, the messengers essentially.
Naruto had the more athletically challenging reap. It was no wonder. His original universe that he watched over was full of paranoid ninja. His division dealt with murder. Thus he had to be fast and heal quickly. Of all the reapers in their division he was the fastest and the quickest regenerator.
When he went to help the other Death he had a substitute in his own universe.
Sadly, that substitute had to be substituted because he got stuck in some kid's stomach.
Yet another load of paperwork that needed to be done.
The reapers had a bureaucracy system to trump all bureaucracy systems.
Hitsugaya Toushirou had this freezing ability in which he freezes the soul for an easy pickup. Certainly it is far easier than watching the soul runaway as most souls tend to do when they realize they were dead. The freezing was painless so the soul wouldn't feel any pain. Also the souls of his universe tended to be extremely hot, usually in the 200 degree Celsius range. Out of all the reapers in his universe, he had the best ability and the strongest.
And George?
Well, George had to get up and personal with her intended reap and touch him or her.. Once the death has occurred, the body was a useless piece of flesh. The soul would resemble what the person looked after the 'touch'. That is why it's important to get to them before they die. Or else some people would wander around in the other world with a hole in their head or a piano key stuck in their gut.
With George's universe, the soul stays in the body unless 'touched'.
It's a very personal business. It wasn't athletically challenging but more emotionally demanding. A lot of reapers wash out because they thought they could save someone they loved and in their attempt they screw up and cause the death of even more people.
Most of the higher ups thought it would be George's universe that would be more likely to have a zombie outcropping. It surprised them greatly when the one Naruto was babysitting was overrun by zombies.
Another reason why these reapers could go to the Bleach universe was that reapers can't die. You can chop them up, dice them, make them into fries and they won't die. It would be hell to put themselves back together and there would be hell to pay.
Unfortunately the shinigami in the bleach world could be killed. It was the price to be paid for given access to powers that other reapers won't have.
There is always a price.
Captain Toushirou or Hitsugaya-Taicho as he liked to be called was short and looked a lot like his counterpart in the Bleach universe. It was only by a stroke of luck that the two captains did not bump into each other whenever Toushirou goes on vacation.
Toushirou was also the eldest of the group but the shortest. He like his counterpart must deal with the jokes about his height and his apparent youth. Unlike his counterpart this captain had an interesting quirk to go with his stature. That quirk is why he is a bit of a social outcast.
George was the 'normal' one. She came from a planet that didn't have anything supernatural or paranormal happening on it. She had died when a toilet seat fell from space and since then worked her way up to middle management. From there she was given a choice to stay in her universe or go to another division.
She chose to meet new people. Her old crew already finished their quota and was off to retirement. George however wanted to explore more and figured since she's dead might as well live her unlife in the fullest. From there she learned some interesting tricks and learned a bit more of herself.
Helping harbor a screw up was not part of her fantasy. Then again, once upon a time she was a screw up.
Ah, Karma. Can't live with it, can't tell it to go the fuck away.
So that was why the three of them were hiding out on a moon, waiting for the portal to charge up. There used portal jumping to travel from place to place.
"Taicho, you sure you got a place?"
"Yes, Naruto. I do. He said and I quote: "If you need help, you can come to me"."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Ya sure it wasn't to your counterpart? I mean you're basically twins. You are even dressing like that guy."
Toushirou fingered his shinigami clothes. "I like the clothes and I'll blend in. Besides, I'm the sure the guy would let us stay with him anyways. He seemed pretty nice, timid but honest."
George sighed. "Tell me again why I'm with you guys?"
"So you can learn how to wield a sword."
"Cause I'm cute."
George bopped Naruto over the head. "Not cute enough."
"Because we're your crew and we will stick together through thick and thin."
"Why does whitey get all the cool words?"
"Maybe it's because your brain is too miniscule to comprehend three syllable words."
"Hey! I can too compre…compreh…" Naruto frowned. "What was it again?"
George sighed, rolling her eyes before ruffling Naruto's hair. "Don't worry. You'll learn."
Naruto pouted before chirping happily. "The portal's up."
"What's it called?"
"Garganta. I think it's Spanish." Mused Toushirou as he stepped into its mouth. "Come on, we don't have all day."
George followed, nearly jumping out of her skin when Naruto popped up right near her elbow silently. That kid is really fast she thought a bit amused.
"Where are we going?"
"No clue."
"What!"
"It's directional. I gave it a specific soul to follow and it'll send us there. Don't worry, it's not like it's going to burp us out into the ocean or something."
"I'm not worried about the water, I'm worried about being dropped off two miles in the air and hitting the ground. Even Naruto's regenerative powers would take some time to heal from that."
Naruto nodded. "Yeah. It would hurt too."
Toushirou huffed. "If we all go splat, you can blame me."
"We will." Chorused his other two companions.
Toushirou smirked and started making a path. Garganta really wasn't a good way to travel but it was the quickest.
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
In Los Noches, Aizen watched as Orihime, healed Grimmjow. She regrew his arm or more technically rejected its destruction. Luppi was staring in shock. It's not everyday someone's arm reappears, especially a small waif of a girl who seemed useless.
As he watched, he noticed that someone was using Garganta. He did not have any of his Espada on missions so it must be an intruder.
It couldn't possible be the strawberry boy because he wouldn't know how to open it. Uraharra could possible open but Aizen knew Urahara wasn't that stupid to send the rescue team right in front of the throne room.
As Garganta opened, Aizen started to rethink his view on Urahara. Oh well, it would just speed his plans up faster.
The other Espada turned and stared as three new inhabitants appeared. The three intruders were arguing amongst themselves, not even looking at the Espada. Orihime felt her hopes crushed when she didn't see Ichigo. She was pleased to see Toshirou.
Grimmjow watched the three, his bloodlust bubbling in his veins. He was going to kill Luppi to regain his rank but this would work too. Ulquiorra watched the trio as well, analyzing them. He knew immediately that something was wrong with the tenth captain.
Ulquiorra could also tell from one glance that the three were dangerous. Or extremely confident.
Who else but the stupidly brave waltz into Los Noches?
He would wait for Aizen's command before striking. Unfortunately Luppi wasn't as disciplined or as observant as Ulquiorra.
Yammy wanted to fight but like Ulquiorra waited for orders.
"Taicho-chan. You came back." Luppi giggled. "You shouldn't have."
Toshirou gave her a bland look. It was his patented who-the-hell-are-you look.
The other two people were strangers. One looked like an American girl and the other only Orihime recognized.
"Naruto!"
Naruto blinked. "Uh..hi?" He waved hesitantly.
George surveyed the crowd and came to the conclusion that this was worse than being dropped two miles up in the sky. There were some powerful people in the room; their very energies tingled on her skin. She knew her companions felt it as well.
Also there was a lot of white. White, white, white everywhere. It was certainly an omen.
The two groups stared at each other. Luppi was grinning this blood thirsty grin. He was one to watch. He was staring at Toshirou and grinning. Toshirou made a note to look out for Luppi.
"To what do I owe this displeasure Hitsugaya-Taicho?" Asked Aizen, smiling not even nervous that a shinigami captain had appeared in his inner sanctum. Then again, Aizen picked up on the strangeness of the group and was scheming.
Hitsugaya looked up at Aizen. "You said a long time ago that you would offer me and a few of my friends sanctuary. I'm came to collect."
Aizen nodded. "Yes. I remember. Did you do something in Soul Society for them to kick you out?" Aizen clearly remembered talking to a younger Hitsugaya. Apparently Hitsugaya had a twin.
Hitsugaya snorted. "As if. It's the blondie fault. I just got dragged along."
Luppi did not want chit chat. Luppi wanted to rip off the guy's head and smash to a pulp. So he did exactly that. He had a bone to pick with the ice brat. He sonido forward, kicked the taicho with his foot and sliced his head from his body.
The body crashed to the floor while the head bounced once and was then stepped on.
Luppi cackled. "Heheh."
Orihime gasped and immediately threw a shield up over the body, hoping she could heal him. She had healed worse before. The two newcomers raised speculative eyebrows at the light.
Luppi scowled and jumped forward, reaching out to slap Orihime to stop her.
Ulquiorra grabbed his arm and said flatly. "Stop."
Luppi stopped. He had no illusion where he stood. While he was a sexta, Ulquiorra was a cautra. There was a huge gap in strength.
Aizen watched this all in plain amusement. He was right. The strangers energies were similiar but in a different flavor. It was barely discernable but he could feel it. He trusted his instincts.
Meanwhile George and Naruto exchanged knowing look.
"You're an idiot, pink-one." Naruto said a smirk on his face.
"Oh?" Luppi turned to look at them arrogantly. "You are the idiot. Even if the human heals taicho-chan, I'll repeat the process but make sure he stays dead.
George rolls her eyes while Naruto snicker. They were already dead.
"Yeah right." George smirked. "What you just did sealed your fate."
"Piff. He's dead and you two don't look like shinigami. I bet you'll taste nice."
Again George and Naruto exchanged a look.
Naruto laughed. "Try it kid."
George looked at the girl she assumed was Orihime. "Hey, thanks for the partial healing but he'll be okay. You can stop."
She was clearly tired. Whatever she was doing was draining her strength. Orihime looked at George, pleading.
George shook her head. "It'll be okay, he has most of his head back. He should be fine."
Reluctantly Orihime stopped.
"Hahahhah-urk!" Luppi continued laughing until he went flying into the wall.
The supposedly dead person stood up and waited very calmly for the rest of the head to grow back. Everyone was staring. Everyone except for the two who already knew what was going to happen.
Taicho's eyes were closed and when he opened them a pair of ice cold eyes locked on Luppi's terrified purple ones. There was rage behind the eyes. The room temperature dropped fifty degrees.
"Oh and did we mention he goes into a psychotic rage when people try to or kill him for no apparent reason." George said smiling unaffected by the cold.
"Yeah, you're doomed." Naruto grinned. "Utterly fucked."
Luppi tried to fight back but as George said, Taicho was in a psychotic rage. No one was helping him defend himself from the enraged Taicho. Grimmjaw was cackling, watching as Luppi got the shit beat out of him.
"You should apologize. That may make him stop." George said in advisement, knowing that the pink-one won't apologize.
"I believe as guest you shouldn't attack my people." Aizen said coolly, leaning forward. "Do stop your friend."
George shrugged. She knew Aizen had people who could do that but they were guests. There was only one way to stop Taicho when he was in a rage, divert it.
"Naruto."
"Why me?"
"Out of the three of us, you're the fastest. He'll run out of steam."
Naruto took a piece of candy from his pocket. "You owe me."
He then threw the candy at Taicho, the candy bounced off his head and dropped to the ground. The short boy turned to look at Naruto and vanished. Luppi crashed onto the ground, coughing up blood.
Naruto also was running. It was game of cat and mouse. All Naruto had to do was wait for rage to run out of whitey's system. The best way was to run. They were running in circles, up the walls, around the ceilings.
The Espada, Aizen and George were the only people who could follow the chase.
"Ah…Aizen-sama…what's going on?" Gin was there, along with the rest of the Espada.
Gin caught sight of Luppi and went over to him. His eyes opened for a crack before he went back to his squinting ways. He was irritated that someone tried to kill Luppi.
"Who did this?"
No one answered. George wasn't going to tell. Orihime didn't know the person's name and wasn't going to tell either. Aizen knew but he had his own bucket of secrets. The other Espada were in the same boat. The other Espada just arrived and were surprised to see three extra strangers.
"I did, fox face." Ah…Taicho was back and sane. Naruto was behind him, not even panting at the exertion.
Gin noticed there was blood on his collar and knuckles. He also noticed the uncanny resemblance. "You did this?"
"Yeah." Taicho stared at Gin. "You got a problem with that?"
Gin's response.
"Shoot to kill, Shinso."