Now, it is only like ten-thirty and as I watch Two and A Half Men (love it!) I had this idea. An interesting idea. I hope you all like it. Its sudden, and I just couldn't help but to write and post.

I know you don't care
You don't care about me
I'm just something in the way
Something you don't wish to see.
You only speak to me under sufferance
You'd far rather pack me off somewhere else
You don't want to have anything to do with me
You make me feel like that myself.

Life is never easy, it is never beautiful, but certainly colourful. I have learned that all the hard way. I like to think of it as tough-love, though.

I've been to twelve foster homes in seven years and lost both my parents when I was nine. They killed themselves in overdose with alcohol, leaving me by myself so young. I hated them for it, I hated my deceased parents for leaving me with nothing and to figure life out by myself. And by age seventeen I think I have it down-packed.

You can never rely on anyone. You can never let your guard down for anyone or anything. Love is a myth made by some insane and helplessly bored man. You need to learn to fend for yourself at a young age.

They were not things I enjoyed but things I had to withstand. I moved family to family, new siblings to new siblings, house to house. It wasn't a choice to act like I loved where I lived, where my life rested, put on a fake smile and lie through my teeth. I had to do that. My life was based on lie after lie, and I continued that chain. Lying to the therapists every family seemed to know to put me through. Like I was crazy. Like I had issues and needed a lot of help. And for the record, I should say that is incorrect.

With the abandonment of my parents I never learned the aspects of life, the dos and don'ts, the ups and downs. I had to learn that by picking it up from the families I lived with and my daily new siblings, channel it into me. My parents left me abandoned and unprepared in this real, harsh world, and left me to live, myself. And wish the whole time that Mom and Dad hadn't downed all these drugs with alcohol and fallen asleep. And just never woke up. Instantly leaving me in the care of no one and not even telling me what was happening. It took three years before my Aunt Jenna actually told me what had happened to them. That was the first time I decided I hated them.

When I realized it was purpose they left me here without a plan I immediately neglected their dead souls.

I hate my parents! I hate them!

The feeling of love was like nothing – because it was nothing. Love is just a word someone uses to experience a high level of pleasure from another person; like manipulation. If love really, truthfully existed in this world then why would my parents leave me? They didn't even know what I was being put through.

Every family I moved to already had more kids, young and old, and always knew...always did put me through therapy. How does that make you feel? has got to be my least favourite sentence in the entire world. I'd heard it way too many times, but never actually replied to it. None of the families ever wanted me, they never wanted me to be there. They scolded me because of my dark depression, they gawked at my dull, toneless words. They yelled at the dumbest movements I did. It wasn't a life I wanted, the life I should have. But I couldn't control the life my parents forced me to have when they killed themselves to get away from me.

So then I was surprised that after being returned to the foster home to wait and be moved again, I was placed in adoption. Who would want to adopt a teenage girl who would need to be enrolled in college soon, meaning money needed?

Again I was surprised when I was told that I would be adopted.

Someone actually wanted me? that was my first thought, followed closely by How long would I have until they decided to discard me too?

I was told to collect me things before I was off to Forks, Washington.

A short beginning, yes, but a good one? You tell me. It matters that you all like it, but then it doesn't. So long as I love, I'll be happy – now that does not mean I don't want all your opinions...They matter so much to me! Review. (Kind of rambled there for a second.)

-Mickey 3