"Hey Mulder," Scully said quietly, nudging his sleeping form. "Mulder,
we've got to get going." He peeked back at her with half open lids, and
rolled onto his back.
"Gimme a reason, Scully. Are we going to miss our flight to the latest sight of paranormal happenings? Keep a secret informer from any particular government agency waiting? Waste precious "piss off the superiors" time?" he closed his eyes and pulled the covers back up,"We've joined the ranks of America's unemployed, Scully – we don't have to get up 'til noon."
"Mulder, think carefully. What have you spent the last nine years doing?"
"Searching for aliens."
"Where did these aliens land?"
"Roswell."
"Where are we now?"
"Roswell."
"Where are they going to look for us?"
"Ok, time to get up."
* * * *
Outside the cheap motel room, the sun was beginning to rise, illuminating Scully's red hair. "Scully," Mulder began, shielding his eyes from the reflection of her hair,"How do you expect us to elude the government with your hair flashing like a homing beacon? Maybe you need a dye job."
"Oh yeah," she said turning to him,"And what color would you suggest?"
"I've always had a thing for blondes," he replied, climbing into the car.
"Tell you what Mulder, I'll dye my hair if you grow a goatee."
"On second thought, I've always liked the red."
* * * *
Pulling out of the McDonald's drive-thru, Mulder dug through the bag. "They jipped us on the ketchup Scully."
"I've still got my badge," Scully offered,"And my gun. Pull a U-Turn, Mulder, I'll see what I can do."
"A little hostile this morning, aren't we?"
"Just your average disgruntled government employee."
"Should've been a postal worker."
"It was on my list but I just didn't look good in navy."
"So you traded in mail for medicine..."
"And ended up chasing aliens."
"Good choice."
* * * *
"Wanna pull out that map, Starbuck?" Scully turned to glare at him, and opened the glove box.
"Sure thing, Spooky."
"Oh, that was harsh." Scully unfolded the map and spread it out.
"Where are we headed?"
"Good ole D.C."
"Mulder," Scully said seriously,"You can't be serious."
"You're the one that said they'd be looking in Roswell, not D.C. Besides, I've got some things to do."
Sighing heavily, Scully rolled her eyes. "Take Exit 94," she said, and began to fold the map. Five minutes later, Mulder laughed as Scully was still attempting the fit the map back into the glove box.
"Maps - through all the years we never investigated the paranormal aspects of their unfoldability."
"I'm sure Mulder, that maps are only the tip of the ice berg, a conspiracy organized by the same people that created fitted sheets, humanly impossible to fold by hand. Its a mass conspiracy designed to cause frustration amongst the masses."
"I knew there was a reason I loved you."
* * * *
"Mulder..." Scully warned as they pulled into the parking lot of Mulder's apartment building.
"Relax Scully, they won't expect me to come back to this crap hole." Scully looked thoughtfully up at the building.
"It's not that bad."
"Aside from the ongoing battle between the cockroaches and me, no, I'd said it's quite Hilton-esque."
Mulder's apartment door was wrapped in caution tape, and he turned to give Scully a concerned look. She shrugged.
"It was the only way to keep the landlord from renting it out again. I told him there was a dead body in there."
"I'm touched that you'd lie for me."
"Technically, I wasn't lying, there are quite a few dead bodies in there."
"Larry, Curly, and Mo?" Mulder asked sadly, referring to his fish.
"And Shep," Scully admitted.
"I always hated Shep," Mulder confessed, opening the door.
"So why'd we come back here?"
"To pick up a few things – gotta raid the bachelor pad."
"The 'bachelor pad', Mulder? I'm the only woman you've had up here for years."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," he called back as he rifled through the drawers of his desk. Pulling out a roll of masking tape, he turned to look at his faithful couch. "Think we could strap it to the roof of the car?"
"No Mulder, I think its time to say goodbye."
"Flop onto it one more time with me, for old time's sake, Scully." Mulder plunked down onto the aged brown couch, Scully beside him. They sat for a moment before Mulder stood up again and got out the fish scooper. "Let's give these guys a proper burial and get out of here."
Mulder and Scully saluted Larry, Curly, Mo and Shep as they met their final flush. At the door, Mulder turned back and grabbed a cushion off the couch. At Scully's questioning look, he shrugged,"Souveneir."
Carrying the cushion, the masking tape, and the "42" which he'd pried off the door, Mulder and Scully walked down the apartment hallway a final time.
"Gimme a reason, Scully. Are we going to miss our flight to the latest sight of paranormal happenings? Keep a secret informer from any particular government agency waiting? Waste precious "piss off the superiors" time?" he closed his eyes and pulled the covers back up,"We've joined the ranks of America's unemployed, Scully – we don't have to get up 'til noon."
"Mulder, think carefully. What have you spent the last nine years doing?"
"Searching for aliens."
"Where did these aliens land?"
"Roswell."
"Where are we now?"
"Roswell."
"Where are they going to look for us?"
"Ok, time to get up."
* * * *
Outside the cheap motel room, the sun was beginning to rise, illuminating Scully's red hair. "Scully," Mulder began, shielding his eyes from the reflection of her hair,"How do you expect us to elude the government with your hair flashing like a homing beacon? Maybe you need a dye job."
"Oh yeah," she said turning to him,"And what color would you suggest?"
"I've always had a thing for blondes," he replied, climbing into the car.
"Tell you what Mulder, I'll dye my hair if you grow a goatee."
"On second thought, I've always liked the red."
* * * *
Pulling out of the McDonald's drive-thru, Mulder dug through the bag. "They jipped us on the ketchup Scully."
"I've still got my badge," Scully offered,"And my gun. Pull a U-Turn, Mulder, I'll see what I can do."
"A little hostile this morning, aren't we?"
"Just your average disgruntled government employee."
"Should've been a postal worker."
"It was on my list but I just didn't look good in navy."
"So you traded in mail for medicine..."
"And ended up chasing aliens."
"Good choice."
* * * *
"Wanna pull out that map, Starbuck?" Scully turned to glare at him, and opened the glove box.
"Sure thing, Spooky."
"Oh, that was harsh." Scully unfolded the map and spread it out.
"Where are we headed?"
"Good ole D.C."
"Mulder," Scully said seriously,"You can't be serious."
"You're the one that said they'd be looking in Roswell, not D.C. Besides, I've got some things to do."
Sighing heavily, Scully rolled her eyes. "Take Exit 94," she said, and began to fold the map. Five minutes later, Mulder laughed as Scully was still attempting the fit the map back into the glove box.
"Maps - through all the years we never investigated the paranormal aspects of their unfoldability."
"I'm sure Mulder, that maps are only the tip of the ice berg, a conspiracy organized by the same people that created fitted sheets, humanly impossible to fold by hand. Its a mass conspiracy designed to cause frustration amongst the masses."
"I knew there was a reason I loved you."
* * * *
"Mulder..." Scully warned as they pulled into the parking lot of Mulder's apartment building.
"Relax Scully, they won't expect me to come back to this crap hole." Scully looked thoughtfully up at the building.
"It's not that bad."
"Aside from the ongoing battle between the cockroaches and me, no, I'd said it's quite Hilton-esque."
Mulder's apartment door was wrapped in caution tape, and he turned to give Scully a concerned look. She shrugged.
"It was the only way to keep the landlord from renting it out again. I told him there was a dead body in there."
"I'm touched that you'd lie for me."
"Technically, I wasn't lying, there are quite a few dead bodies in there."
"Larry, Curly, and Mo?" Mulder asked sadly, referring to his fish.
"And Shep," Scully admitted.
"I always hated Shep," Mulder confessed, opening the door.
"So why'd we come back here?"
"To pick up a few things – gotta raid the bachelor pad."
"The 'bachelor pad', Mulder? I'm the only woman you've had up here for years."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," he called back as he rifled through the drawers of his desk. Pulling out a roll of masking tape, he turned to look at his faithful couch. "Think we could strap it to the roof of the car?"
"No Mulder, I think its time to say goodbye."
"Flop onto it one more time with me, for old time's sake, Scully." Mulder plunked down onto the aged brown couch, Scully beside him. They sat for a moment before Mulder stood up again and got out the fish scooper. "Let's give these guys a proper burial and get out of here."
Mulder and Scully saluted Larry, Curly, Mo and Shep as they met their final flush. At the door, Mulder turned back and grabbed a cushion off the couch. At Scully's questioning look, he shrugged,"Souveneir."
Carrying the cushion, the masking tape, and the "42" which he'd pried off the door, Mulder and Scully walked down the apartment hallway a final time.