CJ POV
"Sara and Joanie, it's time for bed," I say calmly from the kitchen.
"But, Mommy, we're watching Bugs Bunny." my twin daughters reply simultaneously. They've been doing that since they could talk.
"It's 9 o'clock. Let's go troops. Pajama time." I say sternly as I dry my hands and turn off the kitchen light.
"Come on Sara. Bet you I can get to our room faster then you." Joanie teases.
"You're on!" replies Joanie. Sara takes off down the hall with Joanie close at her heels. One of these days Sara is going to be on track.
Leo, my son and the twins' older brother, walks out of his room just in time to get trampled by his sisters. Leo falls down on contact, followed by Sara and then Joanie.
"LEO!!!" screech the girls.
"AHHHH," Leo yells, "Please don't screech! Get off of me!!!"
Giggling, both girls get up then continue their race down the hall to their room. Leo gets up and stalks up to me.
"They do that every single night! There's no stopping them!!!"
"I know, Leo, I know. They'll grow out of it soon," I chuckle to myself.
"It's not funny, you try getting run down by two girls every night!"
"Okay, okay Leo. I'll tell them to stop."
"Yeah, okay."
"You know something honey. You sound like your father when you do that."
"Really mom?"
"Yeah, honey, you do. Now, go get ready for bed. It's past your bedtime."
"Going."
I tidy up the living room a little bit before going to my room to change into my pajamas. What a stressful day! I thought teaching college students would be easy. Boy, was I wrong. I put on my favorite blue flannel pajamas then put my clothes in the dirty clothesbasket in the closet. I walk to the kids' bathroom to see if either of the girls need help brushing their teeth. Joanie is a little weak in her right hand.
Here's why: When she was two, Toby was watching the kids while I was at work and Leo was at school. He must have fallen asleep for a while. I always tell him to put the glasses far back on the counter so that the girls can't grab at them. Well, he forgot to one time and that's all the time it took for Joanie to grab at it. The glass fell to the floor and Joanie, being the explorer of the two, put her hand on it several times, cutting her hand badly. She didn't even cry. Toby woke up to a Sara that was shaking him and a Joanie with a bloody right hand. Joanie sure scared the shit out of Toby.
The phone rings when I reach the bathroom door.
"Leo, can you get that?"
"Got it, Mom!"
I hear him pick up the phone.
"Hello? Oh Hi Grandma Abbey!"
Shit. I have a feeling that we're going to be making a trip to New Hampshire tonight.
"Mom! It's Grandma Abbey!"
"Okay, I'm coming."
Leo cautiously hands me the phone. He can sense that something is wrong.
"Hello?"
" Claudia, Jed passed away about an hour ago," Abbey says.
I gasp, "Okay, do you want me to call anyone?"
"If you could please call Sam and Ainsley. I already called Josh and Donna. They're already on their way here with the kids. The wake is tomorrow. The funeral is the day after that. I thought I should call you and let you know."
"Okay, Abbey. We'll be there later tonight. We're going to pack a few things and leave in about an hour, okay? You have my cell number if you need anything, right?"
"Yes, I do. Thanks CJ, thanks for everything you did for us."
"You're welcome, Abbey. He will be greatly missed. We'll see you in a few hours."
"Okay, bye CJ. Drive careful."
"We will. Bye Abbey."
I sigh as I hang up the phone. Leo gives me the "I-know-what-happened-and-you'd-better-tell-me-now" look. I sigh again and give in to the look.
"Grandpa Jed died, didn't he?"
"Yes, Leo he did. About an hour ago."
"And we're going to drive to Manchester tonight, aren't we?"
"Yes, we are. Can you go pack some things for about 4 days for you and the girls while I call Uncle Sam?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you," I say as I ruffle his curly brown-blondish hair with my fingers. I give him a quick hug and Leo goes to pack. Sometimes my boy amazes me by how mature he is. I sigh as I pick up the phone and dial the California Senator's number from memory.
"Ring"(pause) "Ring"(pause) He's sleeping at six at night? Oh wait a second, He's got Ainsley. Oh boy. The answering machine picks up, "Hello, you've reached Senator Sam and Ainsley Seaborn, we're probably sleeping right now. Try screaming one of our names and see if anyone answers or leave a message after the beep. Beeeeep."
"SAMUEL NORMAN!"
I hear a crash as the phone falls to the floor.
"Hold on!" Sam says. After a few seconds an out of breath Sam answers, "Hello?"
"Spanky, did I disrupt Ainsley and you again?"
"CJ, not really, no, well yeah. What's up?"
"Abbey just called me. The President passed away about an hour ago. "
There is silence on the other end of the phone line. I hear Sam sigh and then he says, "Okay, the funeral's going to be this week isn't it?"
"Yeah, I'm leaving tonight. Josh and Donna have already left for Manchester. I should get there about the same time that they do."
"CJ, are you bringing the kids?"
"Yeah, they want to see Abbey."
"Okay. We'll be there as soon as we can."
"Okay. Sam, the doctors said he had more time," I say sniffling, "They said he had more time."
"I know, but it was his time. We just have to accept that and move on. I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Okay, see you soon and please drive careful."
"Bye Sam and I will. Kiss the kids for me."
"Bye Claudia."
"Bye Spanky." I hang up the phone and let go of a breath that I didn't realize I was holding. "Oh, Mr. President." I think to myself.
"Mom?"
I snap out of my trance that I was in, "Yeah?"
"How many days?" asks Leo.
"Umm, four at the most, but pack one more pair of underwear incase something happens." I reply.
"Okay." Leo says sighing and walking slowing with his shoulders slumped to his room.
I walk into my bedroom and pull out my tattered overnight bag. This bag has gone everywhere. Air Force One, Japan, Helsinki, Oregon, California, Ohio, and many more places that I can't think of. I start packing underwear and I fold my funeral shirt. It's black and I wore it to Mrs. Landingham's, Leo's, Toby's and now Josiah Bartlet's funeral. What a depressing shirt. It covers everything, but shows some. I find my self-singing that one song that Toby was always singing as I fold the depressing shirt in my over-night bag. I don't care if it gets wrinkled. Toby never told me the name of the song, but he was always singing it.
Hashkiveinu Adonai Eloheinu l'shalom
V'ha'a mi deinu malkeinu l'chayim
Oof ros aleinu sukat sukat sh'lomecha.
V'takneinu b'eitza tova milfanecha
V'hoshieinu l'ma'an l'ma'an sh'mecha.
V'hageyn baa deinu v'ha seyr meialeinu
"Mom?"
I jump a little and turn around, "Leo! Need any help?"
"Nope, Joanie and Sara are almost done."
"How long were you standing there?"
"Long enough to know that you are singing Dad's song."
"Oh okay, Give me a few more minutes."
"Okay," replied Leo softly.
"Leo, honey. Why are you so quiet all of a sudden? What's wrong?"
"Mom, what was Dad like before I was born?"
I put down the hanger with my white blouse. I sigh and sit down on the edge of my bed. Leo's standing in the doorway, looking at me with those "innocent-I-miss-my-Dad" eyes. He gets like this every time someone close to the family dies.
"Come here, Leo." Leo calmly comes over and sites down next to me, "He was a nice man. I met him years and years ago, before you were born and even before we worked in the White House."
"Before the campaign, too?"
"Yep, way before the campaign. I was in California, finishing up college and I was on a lunch break at the local deli down the street from campus."
TOM'S DELI 1972
"I'd like a Mediterranean Vegetable sandwich on tomato-basil, no onions and light on the hummus." CJ Cregg told the cashier.
"Is that all ma'm?"
"Yep."
"You're total comes to $4.55."
CJ counted the change out of her hemp-made purse and gave the cashier the money.
"Thanks. Here's you're receipt. You can pick up your food around the corner and enjoy," said the cashier cheerfully.
"Thanks," replied CJ happily.
CJ, wearing her favorite tie-dye shirt, rounded the corner and ran smack dab into a tall man, who looked like he was in a hurry.
"Could you possibly watch where you are going?" Toby Ziegler said with a huff.
"Sorry, did I ruin anything?"
"Not really, just my ego," chuckled Toby.
CJ said with a laugh, "Yeah. I'm CJ Cregg by the way."
"Toby Ziegler," Toby stuck out his hand and CJ grasped it and shook.
"Well, we have our lunch, so what do you say we sit down and eat it together?" asked CJ.
"Sure, why the hell not. I like having lunch with people I don't know."
END FLASHBACK
"And we've known each other ever since."
"You ran into him? And you asked him to have lunch with you? How dorky is that?" asked Leo chuckling
"Yeah, I know but you got to understand. I was extremely dorky back then. Now I'm just a little dorky, right?"
"You're not dorky at all mom."
"Good, because if I was dorky, I couldn't have worked at the White House for 8 years. Go finish packing sweetie. We have a long drive ahead of us tonight."
"Okay, mom."
Leo leaves and I'm still sitting on the bed, lost in my own thoughts when Joanie walks in the room in her pajamas. Her shirt is on backwards, but she managed to get her pants on right.
"Mommy, Leo's helping Sara. Can you help me?"
"Come here sweetie." Joanie takes her arms out of the sleeves and the shirt is hanging on her neck.
"Arms up," I say.
Joanie throws her arms up, giggling. I twist her tattered shirt around. The BARTLET FOR AMERICA design is faded and the shirt itself is four sizes too big for Joanie. She saw the shirt one day in her father's drawer and she fell in love with it. Toby gave one to her, Sara and Leo. Sara and Leo hardly ever wear theirs. Joanie sleeps in it every night. She wore it under her dress at her father's funeral. I think Sara did too, but I couldn't tell. The President saw part of the shirt when Joanie was running around with the other kids. Leo was talking to Sam and The President came over to me.
FLASHBACK
December 1, 2017
"Claudia Jean, that was a beautiful service. He'll be terribly missed."
"Thank you, sir."
"Quit with the formalities, CJ. Call me Jed."
"You know I know I can't do that."
"I know. I figured asking wouldn't hurt."
"I miss him, Mr. President."
"I know. The missing part never goes away. I felt my world was crashing when we lost Leo. I didn't even notice that he never spoke in the car. I never noticed."
"I got the call from the police around 3AM two days ago. I haven't slept yet. I thought he was still at your house. I thought he was going to stay another night because of the snow. I didn't expect him to drive through a blizzard for me."
"I tried to get him to stay. I even ordered him to stay. But Toby wanted to come home to you before Leo's thirteenth birthday. He was to the surprise Leo and the girls. It was Leo's Bar Mitzvah. He wanted to be there. The cops at the scene found this…" The former President reached in and pulled out a gold chain with the Star of David hanging on the chain. On the back there was an inscription.
It read:
Never Forget Who You Are
For Leo Thomas Ziegler
From Dad December 1, 2017
"I had only gotten what Toby had on him. How did you get this?" I asked curiously.
"CJ, Toby called me right after his car was hit. He told where it was and to make sure that Leo got it. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. He told me to do this one lat time for him."
The President grabs my face gently and kissed me deeply on the lips.
"He loved you. He'll always love you." Jed whispers.
I whisper
back, "I know. Thank you Mr. President."
"Where's Leo?"
"Talking to Sam," I reply through my tears.
Jed leaves me to stand at Toby's grave.
"Oh, Pokey. I miss you already. You're the craziest person I know." I find myself starting to hum the song that Toby taught me when Leo was born.
Hashkiveinu Adonai Eloheinu l'shalom
V'ha'a mi deinu malkeinu l'chayim
Oof ros aleinu sukat sukat sh'lomecha.
V'takneinu b'eitza tova milfanecha
V'hoshieinu l'ma'an l'ma'an sh'mecha.
V'hageyn baa deinu v'ha seyr meialeinu
I start to sing quietly for what seems like is an eternity, but is actually a
few minutes. I stop singing when I feel two hands grab my hands.
"Mommy?" Sara says from my left.
"Yes, Sara?"
"Daddy's not coming home is he?" asks Sara and Joanie at the same time.
"No, he's not coming home this time. He's with Uncle Leo and Mrs. Landingham right now."
"I miss him." Joanie adds.
"I do too," I reply.
"Can we sing the song that Daddy taught us?"
"Sure, we can."
And so the three of us start singing Hashkiveinu. It was the first song that Toby taught the kids. Leo must of heard us singing because he's there singing next to Sara. I notice that Star of David necklace on his neck. Jed must of found him and given it to him.
Oy yev dever dever v'cherev
dever v'cherev v'raav v'yagon
v'ha seyr satan milfaneinu milfaneinu oomeiachareinu
oov'tzeil k'nafecha tastireinu ki Eil shomreinu
oomatzileinu ahta ki eil melech chanun v'rachum ahta.
All four of us stand there singing quietly for a few verses. Soon, the rest of
the gang starts to gather. They try to sing the song. It's quiet comical. Josh
seems to be the only other one besides us that knows the song. Unless you know
Hebrew, it's hard to pronounce it. Toby would be laughing.
Shmor tzei teinu oovoeinu
l'chayim ool'chalom
l'chayim ool'shalom mei a tah v'ad olam.
We sing for a few more verses of it. It seems like this is our way of letting Toby go. I think he'd like it.
END FLASHBACK
I couldn't imagine losing Toby. It never goes away. The pain, I mean. We lost Leo on May 17 (conveniently on our wedding anniversary) only months before we lost Toby. Leo had a heart attack in the President's car and died on the way to Manchester. No one noticed that Leo didn't say a word in the car. We didn't notice until we got out of the car. He didn't follow us like he normally did. He'd didn't get out of the car. I've never seen the former President cry like that before. It was a sad day for all of us.
The car is silently except for the quiet snoring of Sara and the low volume of NPR. Sara and Joanie are sleeping. Leo just nodded off. I need some coffee. I pull over to the gas station on the right. It's almost one AM. I lock the car and I put the keys in my pants pocket. About 50 more miles to Manchester.
It's really bright in the gas station convenience store. I can smell the coffee from the doorway. I pour myself a cup and sip at it for a few. Ahhhh, that tastes good. I can feel myself wake up and I swear I see Toby smiling at me. I smile. Maybe there is life after love. I pay for the coffee and some snacks and drinks for the kids. They'll be awake soon.
About a half hour later
The girls are awake. They woke about 10 minutes ago. Boy, are they cranky! I remind them that we're going to go see Grandma Abbey. And of course this caused them to squeal with excitement, causing Leo to wake up. He looks pissed but he doesn't say anything. He keeps rubbing the necklace Jed gave him from Toby. I'm surprised he's doing this well. He was close to Toby and Leo, both. Jed's been like a surrogate father to him since Toby died. I have a feeling Leo will be just fine. He's a lot stronger then I am.
"Mom?"
"Yeah, Leo?"
"Why do people we love, leave us?"
"I don't know why honey. I really don't"
"I don't understand why Grandpa Jed, Uncle Leo and Dad had to go."
"I know. Sometimes they run out of cards to play and they're turn's over."
"Cards, Mom? Where exactly are you going with this?"
"Yeah. I'm going to tell you a story that probably has no educational value whatsoever, but it's hilarious."
"Oookay."
"There was this one time, during the first year of the Bartlet Administration where we played poker one night with the President. He cheats by the way. Don't tell anyone that I told you that but Jed cheats and boy does he cheat well."
FLASHBACK
"Nine, no help. Jack, no help. Eight, possible flush. King, possible flush. Ace, no
help. Six, possible straight. Dave of love for the dealer. Ace bets, " CJ says.
"Check," says Mandy.
"Check," says Sam.
"Check," says CJ.
"Check," says Leo.
"Check," says Josh.
"Check," says Toby.
CJ asks, "Mr. President?"
"There is one fruit...," starts the President.
"Oh please…," groans Toby.
"There is one fruit...," The President tries again.
"Mr. President, check or bet sir. Those are your choices," says Toby.
"There is one fruit...,"
"Or you should feel free to give us a quiz on inane trivia," quips Josh.
"There is one fruit whose seeds are on the outside. Name it please."
"Is it the kumquat?" guesses CJ.
"No," replies President Bartlet.
"Check or bet sir?" asks Toby.
"I bet five."
"Call," says Mandy.
"See it," says Sam.
"Fold," says CJ.
"See it," says Leo.
"Call," says Josh.
"I see it. And I raise you five," adds Toby.
"Oooh...," says Everyone.
"Trouble...," says Leo.
"Mr. President?" asks CJ.
"It's the strawberry," answer President Bartlet.
"Ah," groans everyone.
"Oh right," chuckles Mandy.
"Well, thank you sir. I just raised your bet," Toby adds.
"Yes you did Toby, and I thought it was a bold move when you consider that Leo's
holding the six you're looking for," quips the President.
"Do you call the raise sir?"
"That depends..."
'Depends on what?" asks Josh.
"There are fourteen punctuation marks in Standard English grammar. Can anyone name
them please?" challenges President Bartlet.
"Period," says CJ.
"Comma," adds Josh.
"Colon," adds Mandy.
"Semi-colon," says Sam.
"Dash," chuckles Josh.
"Hyphen," spits out Sam.
"Ah... apostrophe," adds Leo.
"That's only seven. There are seven more," says President Bartlet.
"Question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parentheses, braces and ellipses," finishes Toby.
"Ooh," says CJ
"Wow!" exclaims Josh
"Do you call the raise sir?" asks Toby.
"There are three words, and three words only in the English language that begin with the letters DW," continues the President.
"This is a pretty good illustration of why we get nothing done," smirks Josh.
Everyone chuckles. "Can anyone name them for me please?" asks the President.
"Three words that begin with DW?" asks Sam.
"Yes," continues President Bartlet.
"Dwindle," Sam says.
"Yes."
"Dwarf," adds Toby.
"Yes."
"C'mon Princeton. We've got dwindle, we've got dwarf," Toby demands.
"I see you five and raise you five by the way," says the President.
"Dwarf... dwindle," continues Toby.
"Fold," says Josh and Leo at the same time.
"Last card down," says CJ.
"Witches brew a magic spell, in an enchanted forest where fairies...," hints the President.
"Dwell! Dwell, dwell! Dwindle, dwarf and dwell!" exclaims Toby.
"Well, the answer's correct but let's check with our judges and -- oh no, I'm sorry, time's expired," chuckles President Bartlet.
"What? What time?" whines Toby.
"My time," explains President Bartlet.
"You have your own time?" Josh questions.
"I call," says Toby.
"Trip nines," finishes the President.
"Ooh...," says everyone.
END FLASHBACK
"I don't know how President Bartlet knew all of that trivia. And it still amazes me that your father knew seven out of fourteen of the grammar thingies."
"Grammar marks, Mom. They're called grammar marks."
"Right. Leo, you're just like your father, I swear."
"I want to be a speechwriter like him and work for the President. I want to make him proud."
"He is proud. He is. He already was."
"I know."
"Mommy! It's the Mannie House!!!" squeals Joanie.
I turn into the driveway. A secret service agent stops me. It's Ron Butterfield. I roll my window down.
"Hey, Ron."
"It's been awhile."
"I know. I've been in Washington teaching at Georgetown."
"Sounds great, Ms. Cregg"
"Ron, cut with the formalities."
"You know I can't do that."
"I know. How's Abbey look?"
"Bad, Ms. Cregg. She hasn't come out of her bedroom all day."
"Okay, thanks."
"Get on up there, Ms. Cregg."
I continue to drive up the long driveway. Sarah and Joanie are getting antsy. Leo looks like well, believe it or not, like someone killed his hamster. I feel like I'm going to fall apart. I park the car and the girls are out of the car in a flash. They're been doing that since Leo taught them to unbuckle their child seats.
I saw Abbey in the window. Man, Ron was right. This is going to be tough. I just hope I can sew this family back together with out creating new holes.