Spoilers: Up to and especially Pillows and Blankets

Disclaimer: I don't own Community, yo.

Double Decker Prompt Response!

nsk1: Annie can't no longer live in the college so she asks Jeff to live with him for a few days until the apartment she shares with Abed/Troy is available again

Greta_Garbo: Most of the sex scenes written in Jeff/Annie fic are rough and frantic. I'd like to see something softer and sweeter.

Dear Journal Chapter 1

Jeff sat up in his bed, notebook and pen in hand, doing what he could to get all of those thoughts and truths out that Annie assumed he had bottled up. At first the idea of filling out a journal had seemed silly and pointless to him, but after his entry that afternoon, he decided there might be something to it. It was nice to be able to put his thoughts on paper and really work through the issues that were bothering him.

Jeff was surprised when the words not only came easily to him, but came en masse. He had already filled four pages, front and back, and was still going.

Wednesday, April 4 2012

It was around 3:30 this afternoon when Abed and Troy called their ceasefire. I'm glad I could be a part of helping them see that their friendship was more important than some squabble brought on by pillows and blankets, but it still felt like a hollow victory. If Troy and Abed's friendship is susceptible to breaking over something so asinine, how can I have any faith in my relationships? Those two were like the poster boys for co-dependence and even they came to a breaking point.

I know on a logical level that I shouldn't internalize what happened between those two, but it's hard not to. Troy and Abed are part of our group. Their adventures are often larger than life, and they pull us in with them and make us a part of everything they do. If they fracture, how do we all not fracture? Hell, even I found myself fighting with a friend because of this stupid war. I still don't know if Annie and I are okay. And really, how can I expect us to be okay? Everything Annie stands for is everything I'm not. I disappoint her practically on a daily basis—not intentionally, of course, but because I don't *think* about her when I do this stuff.

Take this stupid pillow war, for example. It made sense to me to help it go on as long as possible to get out of going to class. That's just who I am, and if I can use my greatest skill—talking—to my benefit, why shouldn't I?

Well, it turns out, I shouldn't. My interference was putting Abed and Troy's friendship at stake... or helping them put it at stake. I don't remember her exact words, but they hurt like hell.

And, you know what? It's not the first time in the past few days that Annie has said something to make me either re-evaluate what I'm doing, or just make me feel like total crap. Like that whole situation with that weird guy, Annie basically implied that I forgot about her after I kissed her. How could I possibly forget about that? She's gorgeous, sweet, wonderful and, I have to admit, she's damn good at making out. What in the world made her think that I forgot about it?

I can answer that question myself. I did. I told her I wanted her to be discreet, and then I spent a year denying everything between us. I even told her—in front of all of our friends—that the important moments between us were all in her head. All in her head! What kind of an asshole says something like that?

I can answer that for you, too. I do. I'm that asshole, and I don't know how not to be. And now I'm really worried that I can't get back to that place with Annie—the place where she loves and respects me, and see's me as someone she can look up to. I miss having her look at me like I'm a good person. I miss working with her and knowing that she thinks I'm going to help make everything right in the world. And I know that it's not reasonable to expect her to always see me that way, but it hurts like Hell to have it end.

I wish I could just ignore everything out there in the world that tells me I can't be with Annie. Because I want to be with her—really and truly, I do. Every time I see her I either want to jump her bones, hug her, tell her I love her, or just sit there and stare at her forever. And, yea, okay, there are still times when I want to strangle her too—she's pretty obnoxious sometimes. But more often she's just Annie. Sweet, wonderful Annie who makes me want to be a better man (I know that's a cliché, but I can be cliché with you, can't I journal? You won't judge).

Maybe I should stop worrying about all of the crap that I'm scared of. Like our age difference. I'm 34 and she's 21, that's 13 years. That doesn't exactly make me Hugh Hefner. She's not Kendra for God sakes. I'm also really, really afraid of what the study group will say. Britta, especially. Every time Annie and I talk to each other it feels like Britta's shooting daggers at me with her eyes. She's always so critical of me, and I'm honestly afraid of what it would do to our friendship if I got together with Annie. I know Britta's jealous of Annie—even if she doesn't want to be with me, I can't imagine she wants me to be with the same girl who ended up with her last ex boyfriend.

God. We really are an incestuous bunch, aren't we?

But then, maybe I shouldn't care. If Annie wants me and I want Annie, then what does it matter what Britta thinks? What society thinks?

I'm pretty sure this is what Annie has been trying to get me to see all along.

Jeff was pulled from his writing by a knocking at the door. He looked at his clock: 1:30 a.m. Who the Hell was knocking on his door at 1:30 in the morning? He quickly stowed his notebook in his bedside table and wandered out of his bedroom to answer the door. His brow furrowed when he saw who was standing there.

"What are you doing here?" he asked upon opening the door. A very tired, slightly dishevelled Annie stood on the other side, her backpack slung over her shoulder, a bag in one hand and Ruthie and Nathan tucked under the other arm.

"They found out I was faking my night terrors and kicked me out of the sleep study," she explained, a frown on her lips. Jeff stepped aside, allowing her to walked past him and drop her belongings.

"How did they find out?"

"Apparently they were spying on me during the pillow war and noticed that I slept soundly when I took a nap yesterday. They already had my stuff packed and by the door when I went back there tonight." Annie teetered a little on her feet. Jeff reached out to steady her.

"You're exhausted. Did you drive here?" She nodded, yawning widely as she did so. Jeff rolled his eyes. "You should have called. I could have picked you up."

"I didn't want to bother you," she said, wandering over to the couch, flopping down hard as soon as she reached it. Jeff crossed his arms.

"What did you think you were going to do when you got here?" he teased. She looked up at him, droopy-eyed.

"I didn't think that far ahead... I hope you don't mind."

"I don't mind," he answered quickly. "Did you want anything? A glass of water?" She nodded slowly, though she seemed mildly out of it. Jeff chuckled to himself over the tired girl and retreated to the kitchen to pour her some water.

"You know, I'm actually glad you stopped by," Jeff said from the kitchen sink. "I've been wanting to talk to you about the whole thing with that guy—what was his name?—it doesn't matter. It's just... all that stuff you said, about forgetting about you—and don't pretend you weren't talking about you, specifically—and dominating women and then throwing them away... it's just been driving me nuts. I know I should have said something sooner, but then the whole blanket-slash-pillow fort war happened and I guess I just got side tracked."

Jeff took a deep breath, glad he got that out of the way without having to watch her giant blue eyes scrutinizing him. With her now full glass of water, he headed back to the sofa where she was laying.

Fast asleep.

"Crap," Jeff muttered. He'd finally gotten up the nerve to get this inevitably awkward conversation going and Annie slept through it all.

He set the glass down on the coffee table and took a moment to look over his friend's sleeping form. Her lips were set in a small pout, and with her eyes closed she looked even younger than usual. The creases of stress and worry that had been permanent fixtures on her beautiful skin over the past few days had smoothed out, creating long alabaster plains along her forehead and cheeks, which were tinted ever-so-slightly with a natural blush.

She still wore her orange cardigan and blue floral dress that she'd been in for two days. Jeff should have taken that as the first sign that she was completely and utterly exhausted.

He smiled a little at her sleeping form, flopped sideways on the couch with her feet dangling off the side and hairpin still in place. She was every bit as adorable asleep as she was awake—providing her wakefulness was during a good mood.

Of course, now he had to figure out what to do with her.

He thought about just going to bed and talking to her in the morning, but then it seemed unfair to leave the exhausted girl on his small, hard, still-gross-from-Chang couch. Decision made, he scooted himself into position and tucked his arms under her body, hoisting her to him as gently as possible so as not to wake her. He hadn't borne any illusions that she'd be heavy, but it was almost unnatural how light and comfortable she was in his arms. He'd expected at least a slight struggle.

He pushed away thoughts of how this could make other things pretty easy for them.

He sidestepped the couch and carried Annie toward his bedroom, smiling when she sighed in his arms and rested her head against his chest, snuggling into his embrace. His heart fluttered a little, which he would be embarrassed about, but he'd decided over the past few hours to let go of those last remnants of embarrassment. Being with Annie was what he wanted... now he just had to figure out how to tell her that, preferably while she was conscious.

He placed Annie gently onto the bed, doing his best to pull the covers out from under her and place them over top of her without waking her up. Once satisfied that she was properly tucked in, he turned to leave.

He stopped at the door before shutting it, taking in the view of Annie sleeping in his bed. The only thing that could have made that view better would be if he was joining her. But he wasn't, so he shut the door behind him and trekked to the couch, curling up as well as he could, and making a mental note to get better living room furniture for the next time he was forced to sleep there.

Jeff awoke the next morning to a weight settling down on the couch with him, filling the space between his knees and chest. He blinked against the harsh morning light and bit back a shiver at the chill in the room. He'd slept in his clothes without a pillow or blanket, and was suddenly very aware of that fact.

Once he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, he looked up at the woman who was now watching him from where she sat with a small smile gracing her lips.

"Morning," she greeted.

"Hey," he greeted, pushing himself up into a seated position with his legs kicked out along the length of the couch. "How'd you sleep?"

"Great, thanks. But you didn't have to give up your bed for me. I could have slept out here." She noted the way he seemed to wince when he moved. "This couch is more me-size than you-size." Jeff shrugged.

"It's fine." She frowned slightly.

"I didn't mean to impose..."

"You didn't," he answered a little too quickly. She raised an eyebrow. "I mean... I'm glad you stopped by. I was a little worried you that were still mad at me for the whole inspiring the continuation of a pillow war thing." Annie rolled her eyes, but her lips quirked into a small smile.

"Yea, well, you may have redeemed yourself with the invisible friend hats." Jeff felt his cheeks heat up at this. Strange. No one had ever made him blush before.

"Oh," he said for lack of a better response. Annie smiled a little brighter and put her hand over his.

"I thought it was really great what you did, actually. I meant to thank you for it after all was said and done, but you left pretty quickly."

"Yea, being at Greendale for two and a half days isn't really for me." Annie laughed.

"Well, contrary to popular belief, it isn't for me either." Jeff smirked.

"Like Hell it isn't. You're the one who signed up for that sleep study lab."

"Okay, it isn't for me if I'm not getting credit for it. Better?"

"Much. Although I'm surprised they didn't offer you credit for your make-shift combat hospital. You'd make a good nurse, Annie." Her face lit up at this.

"You think?"

"Yea. Just imagine how many people would have low electrolytes without your heroic Gatorade IV's." They both chuckled together at the ridiculousness of the whole set up.

"I thought they were a pretty good touch," she said, giggling. Jeff smiled.

"They were. If there is any single iconic image of the great Greendale Pillow War of 2012, it's Annie Edison wielding a lint brush."

"Hmm, I would have thought it'd be Jeff Winger inspiring two sets of troops to annihilate each other."

"Maybe we can share the honour. Although I have a feeling any iconic images from this particular war will be poorly framed and out of focus—Britta was the self-appointed photographer, after all." Annie laughed.

"Hey, she was on the front lines, mister. Don't knock it."

"Not knocking, just a realist."

"Well, either way, I'm glad it turned out the way it did. Once they're done tenting our apartment, I have to go home with Troy and Abed." Jeff nodded, suddenly remembering why Annie had been staying in the sleep study lab in the first place.

"Speaking of, when are you allowed to go home?"

"Saturday," she responded. "But I can find somewhere else to stay in the meantime. I only really came here last night because I didn't want to wake up baby Ben by calling Shirley so late." Jeff felt his heartbeat speed up a little. He wasn't sure why, but the prospect of Annie leaving him sent him into slight-panic mode.

"No, Annie, it's fine. I don't mind if you stay here." She looked hesitant. "Seriously, I don't."

"Are you sure?"

"Yea, totally. Besides, it's just two more nights. I'm sure my back can handle the couch for that long." He wasn't sure about that; he just didn't want her to leave.

"No, no, you take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch." Jeff shook his head.

"What kind of host makes his guest sleep on the couch?"

"The kind who is too big for the couch? Seriously, it'll be fine."

"But..."

"No buts. I'll only agree to stay if you promise to take the bed." Jeff considered this for a moment.

"Okay, fine. But if you end up back in a back brace, you'll be getting lots of 'told ya so's' from me." Annie scoffed and smacked his chest.

"I'll have you know I haven't worn a back brace since I was fifteen. My back is in perfect condition now. They should make me a superhero and call me "Back Woman" I have such a good back." Jeff chuckled.

"Alright, I'll give you the back brace thing, but..." he peeked behind her, sizing up her back (which was pin-straight, as usual). "... I may have to get a closer look at the merchandise before I start calling you Back Woman." He grinned at the way Annie blushed at the insinuation, but was surprised when she squared her shoulders and levelled him with a cocky smirk of her own.

"Oh, silly Jeff. If you got a closer look at the merchandise my back would not be the part you'd be naming me after."

Jeff sat in stunned silence while a thoroughly pleased Annie bolted from the couch, heading toward the kitchen saying something about breakfast. He tried to respond, but his head was still too busy considering the merchandise.

Hope you liked it. Let me know!