Hi everyone! I'm back with another TMI fanfic. Remember that part in City of Glass when Jace and Clary go to the Wayland Manor? Well, here's that bit from Jace's point of view because we all love to know how that beautiful-yet-tortured mind of his works.
A bit of background; Jace just found out that he has demon blood in him. The manor is destroyed though, and now Jace and Clary are lying on the grass outside of the manor.
Disclaimer; I do not own The Mortal Instruments or any of its characters. I also do not own the lines in this fanfic which are bolded: they come straight from City of Glass and belong to Cassandra Clare.
"It explains," I said, working hard to keep my voice controlled, "Why I feel the way I do about you."
"What do you mean?" Her voice was soft. I stared right at her green eyes and freckles, silent. I didn't know how to say what I felt I should say. What I didn't want to say. Because I didn't want to believe my own thoughts. I wanted to reach out to her and tell her that I loved her. Really loved her.
"You're my sister," I finally said. "My sister, my blood, my family. I should want to protect you –" I laughed harshly, though of course I didn't think this was funny. Maybe someone did. Maybe the universe thought this was funny and it was playing a sick, cruel joke on us. Maybe that's why I laughed. "- to protect you from the sort of boys who want to do with you exactly what I want to do."
I heard her breath catch and I thought about apologizing. I shouldn't have said that. But I did say it, and now I wasn't going to take it back. Because it was the truth. "You said you just wanted to be my brother from now on."
I remembered when I said that – she didn't have to remind me. "I lied," I told her flat-out. "Demons lie, Clary. You know, there are some kinds of wounds you can get when you're a Shadowhunter – internal injuries from demon poison. You don't even know what's wrong with you, but you're bleeding to death slowly inside. What's what it's like, just being your brother." And I didn't want to go through that anymore. I didn't want to just be her brother. I never wanted to just be her brother.
"But Aline–"
"I had to try. And I did." My voice had no emotion, and I wanted to keep it that way. "But God knows, I don't want anyone but you. I don't even want to want anyone but you. Now at least I know why." I couldn't help myself; I touched her. I brushed my fingers through her messy red hair, trailing them lightly down her cheek and to her chin. If being part demon made me feel like this… well, I wasn't sure if it was entirely all bad. I would never tell anyone that though. Clary was my sister.
She was whispering, now, as if she'd lost all hope to fight me off. "I don't want anyone but you, either."
Now my breath caught. I swallowed a lump in my throat and leaned on my elbows, looking down at her. A voice in my head was screaming at me to get up and leave Clary alone before I did something we both regretted. As soon as I touched her though, brushing the tip of a finger around her mouth, my resistance crumbled. And I wanted her. I needed her. "You should probably tell me not to do this."
She didn't say anything. Hopefully she didn't plan on saying anything, either. I waited just a few tantalizing seconds before leaning down to kiss her cheek. I felt her shiver against my hand that was now on her shoulder. "If you want me to stop, tell me now." I whispered. She said nothing and I lightly touched my lips to her temple. "Or now." I kissed her cheekbone. Still she was quiet. I hovered over her, my lips mere centimeters from hers. "Or now." I hardly breathed as I went down further, feeling her lips against mine as I said, "Or–"
I couldn't say anymore after that. Clary had gotten a hold of the back of my neck and was pulling me toward her. I kissed her carefully, not entirely sure what to make out of this. Yes, this is exactly what I wanted; to feel her under me and to kiss her. What did she want though?
She answered that question herself when she fisted my shirt and pulled me flush against her. A groan escaped me as I wrapped her in my arms, rolling over in the grass. We were one body of legs and hands and hair that were all over the place while our lips stayed locked together, moving in a way that was all-together familiar and new for both of us. I didn't pay attention to anything around us and all I knew in the world was Clary. I felt her tense as I brushed my hand through her hair. I felt her hands brushing over my chest. I could feel the heat of our bodies so close together.
At some point in all of this my jacket had come off. I'm not sure who had taken it off, or even if I just wished so much that it was gone that it just – happened. I gripped her arms in my hands tightly, pulling her closer to me. Our kiss broke for a split second while she tugged my shirt overmy head and threw it somewhere. My breath hitched when I felt her cold hands on my bare skin, but then we were kissing again and I felt warm. I shivered – not from the cold – as her hands touched my old scars and new runes and pushed against my stomach.
I reached between us, trying to undo the buttons of her coat. My hands were shaking, and I was getting frustrated with myself. I wanted this offending article of clothing gone and away from Clary, but my fingers were clumsy and I was shaking. "I'll do it," she said breathlessly, undoing the last button easily. She lifted herself up on her elbow and something metallic flashed at her neck. She gasped and I immediately lifted myself off of her.
"What is it?" I asked, frozen in sudden fear. "Did I hurt you?"
"No, it was this." She reached up, touching the chain around my neck. The Morgenstern ring hung in the middle of it, and it was the ring that had hit her when she leaned forward. I cursed myself for wearing it – why hadn't I taken it off? I shouldn't be wearing it anymore. Not now that I knew what Valentine really was. Even if he was my father.
"I'm sorry," I murmured, brushing my finger across her cheek, "I forgot I was wearing the damn thing."
"Jace," Clary said in a low voice. My heart seemed to beat once, hard, and then stop at the tone of her voice. "Jace, don't."
