OUT OF THE DARKNESS
~~Qui-Gon~~
Stepping from the main dinning hall he headed toward one of the larger gardens to meet with another Jedi Master. Evening was approaching and although there were still a few people around, the garden held a quiet solitude about it. Walking past a water fountain he saw padawan sitting on the fountain's edge by himself. He was staring into the water as if he were looking for something. Qui-Gon thought he recognized him but was sure.
Seeing his friend, fellow Jedi Master Adi Gallia, he took a seat next to her on a bench not far from the fountain. As he was talking with her about the days events, his mind kept wandering on the padawan.
"Isn't that padawan Kenobi." Jinn ask Master Gallia indicating the boy at the fountain.
"Yes, Obi-Wan Kenobi, his Master is Zlatan Pradi." She replied.
Qui-Gon remembered Master Pradi. A tall man, about twenty years younger than himself. His long black hair arranged in thick braids matched his dark eyes. He always seemed tense and strained but he was a good Knight. Obi-Wan would be his first padawan.
"You seem interested in the boy." Adi said. "Maybe you should take another padawan."
"I don't know." Qui-Gon sighed. "Mace is trying to get me to join the council but I'm not sure." He scratched his head in thought. "I don't think I'm ready to take padawan right now."
"You've said that for the past few years, Qui-Gon."
"Yes, but.." Looking at the boy again, he felt himself drawn to him.
"He looks so sad." Qui said, turning back to Adi. "Please, will you excuse me." He rose and walked over to the boy sitting down next to him.
Looking him Qui-Gon saw the changes in Obi-Wan. He looked thinner and very distant from everything around him. Far removed from the exuberant, headstrong initiate that he saw during sparring matches just over a year ago.
"Hello, I'm master Qui-Gon Jinn. I believe you are Obi-Wan." He could sense deep sadness within the boy. Obi-Wan looked up at Qui-Gon with a haunted look in his eyes. His heart went out to the boy.
"Yes." Obi-Wan said.
"Your Master is Pradi, where is he?"
"He went to see about some reports."
"I see. Is there anything that I can do to help? I've been told that I'm a good listener."
"No." Obi turned away from him back to the fountain. Qui-Gon put his hand on Obi-Wan shoulder and could feel the swirling emotions coming from Obi. In response Qui-Gon sent tendrils of force energy to soothes Obi's emotions.
Obi tensed up and pulled away from him. Standing up he told Qui-Gon that he had to go and he rushed off. Seeing him leave, Qui-Gon hoped everything is well with Obi-Wan.
~~Obi-Wan~~
He had to hurry back to the quarters he shared with his master before his master got back. He wasn't supposed to be out but he wanted to spend some time down in the Temple garden. That Master Jinn seemed kind and when Jinn touched him he could almost feel the light of the force flow into him. But he had to shut him out lest he see the darkness inside himself.
Entering the quarters he shared with his master, he quickly took off his outer tunic and boots and put them away. Scanning the room he made sure everything was in order. Obi-Wan sat and waited for his master's arrival and only hoped that his master didn't know that he went out.
~~~~~~~~~
Obi-Wan stood by the door as his master entered. Taking his cloak and hanging it up, Obi sensed that his master was angry.
"I thought I told you to stay in our quarters" Master Pradi said walking into the main room.
"I. I."
"You went out didn't you?" He kept his back toward Obi as he stared out the large picture window overlooking the city of Coruscant.
"No, I've staid in like you told me."
"Don't. Don't lie to me padawan. You can't hide your thoughts form me."
"I'm sorry master, I just wanted to go down to the gardens for awhile." Obi said trying to control his rising fear.
"You're not much good are you? Why can't you obey me?"
"Forgive me Master."
"Forgive? Forgiveness are for the ones who deserve it." Pradi turned to face Obi. "You're just plain bad and I can't do anything with you."
With use of the force, Master Pradi grabbed Obi-Wan around the neck and threw him to the floor. "Tell me how bad you are Obi-Wan." Pradi said standing over Obi.
"Please Master Pradi, I am unworthy of your teachings. I need to be disciplined to remember to always obey you." Obi-Wan sobbed. The feelings of his master rage at him along their mental bond overwhelmed him. It left him shaking on the floor in fear.
'You shame me Obi-Wan. Even now I feel your emotion running out of control. Have I taught you nothing." Pradi growled.
Obi couldn't get himself to respond. He could only kneel at his master's feet hope that he would be lenient with him.
~~~~~~~~~
Kneeling there at his master feet Obi did what he could to reign in his emotions. He could feel the hate and anger from his master was sending him along the mental link. Obi though he screamed but it felt like he wasn't breathing. It was like he was being sucked into a dark void. The last thing he heard was his masters voice.
"I have papers to work on, so leave me alone for the rest of the evening." Obi-Wan collapsed on the floor as he blacked out.
~~~~~~~~~
"You're not focusing padawan." Master Pradi said as he knelt with Obi-Wan in meditation inside their apartment.
"I'm sorry master." It seemed to Obi, that lately he'd been saying sorry a lot.
"What is the first line of the code Obi-Wan?"
"There is no emotion; there is peace."
"Your emotions are not in control. I've noticed that you haven't been meditating like you should." Pradi said his eyes remaining closed.
"I'm sor. I will meditate more.
"You are sorely trying my patients. If you can't do these simple things required of a Jedi then I will find another padawan who can do so." Pradi fell back into a meditative trance.
Obi-Wan remained silent as he tried to meditate too. He could feel his master's disgust and annoyance bleeding trough their mental link. It left him unable to focus.
"If you can't meditate then get out. You're distracting me." The cold voice of his master startled him. Obi-Wan immediately rose and left the room.
~~Qui-Gon~~
Unable to focus on his meditation, Qui-Gon stood up to make some calming tea. His thoughts kept returning to Padawan Kenobi. He looked so lost and alone. Qui-Gon knew there was something terribly wrong with Kenobi. Surely his Master Pradi knows there's something wrong and was helping Obi-Wan.
He didn't know much about Zlatan Pradi. Even though Master Pradi spent most of his time at the Temple, he seemed to be very allusive. It was surprising that he did take on a padawan. Now that he was training Obi-Wan, no one has seen much of the padawan either.
Ever since he'd seen Obi-Wan as an initiate, he felt a connection with the boy. This sudden and deep connection almost scared him. He never felt this way with any of his previous padawans. The normal training bonds were formed and he cared for them but this was different. It unsettled him.
Pouring a cup of tea, Qui-Gon sat down at a table in the kitchenette. He had almost taken Obi-Wan as his own padawan. He couldn't get over the feeling that maybe he should have. He had a feeling that things were going to get worse.
~~Obi-Wan~~
"I really don't know what's wrong with you Obi-Wan. Your instructors tell me that you aren't doing your lessons and not paying attention, and that's only when you bother to show up for class. I don't know Obi-Wan, you seen determine to walk down the path of darkness no matter how hard I try." Pradi seethed as he stood staring down at Obi. "It's the Dark Side, I can see it in you."
"I'm sorry master. I'll try."
*KRAAAACK!!!*
Obi found himself on the floor after Pradi struck him across the face.
"There is no try, only do! Haven't you learned anything I taught you?" Pradi reached down and grabbed Obi by the front of his tunic and started shaking him.
"You were always head strong and hot tempered. I thought that I could change you, make you better but maybe I was wrong. Sometimes I wonder if I should have ever taken you as my student." Dragging him over to a closet, Obi's master threw him inside.
" You must learn Obi-Wan, I'm only doing this to keep you from turning." Master Pradi shut Obi inside and used the force to keep Obi from getting out.
"Please master, let me out. I can learn, please." Obi said banging on the door.
"Don't whine, you don't even sound like a Jedi. Jedi's don't whine."
"Please, I'm sorry, I won't whine."
"Are you worthy of being a Jedi, you don't sound like it."
"Yes, I am worthy." Obi-Wan sobbed.
"I don't believe you!" Pradi yelled.
"I am." Obi said.
"Then tell me what does it mean to be a Jedi."
"A Jedi. a Jedi never acts from hatred, anger, f.fear or aggression. A Jedi must act when calm, at peace with the force."
"You must maintain control Obi-Wan. I can feel your emotion raging. Keep going."
"To act from anger is to court the Dark Side, to risk everything for which the Jedi stand."
"I'm doing this for your own good Obi-Wan. I'm trying to keep you from turning. Now let me hear it again."
~~~~~~~~~
He hated being in the closet. It felt like the darkness was trying to swallow him. Feeling the anger flowing off of his master confused him. He was supposed to keep his emotions tightly controlled but could feel his master's own rage baring down on him.
"Are you worthy of being a Jedi, you don't sound like it."
"Yes, I am worthy." Obi-Wan sobbed. He didn't feel worthy. He began to believe his master when he was told he was bad. The feeling of hate and fear welled up inside him and Obi knew what hate and fear lead to. Try as he might he couldn't seen to purge himself of these feelings, they seem to get worse as time went on. There wasn't anybody that would understand what he was feeling.
"I'm doing this for your own good Obi-Wan. I'm trying to keep you from turning. Now let me hear it again."
Obi sank to the back of the closet and began to recite the phrase again.
~~~~~~~~~
"No, no, no!" Master Pradi growled. "Are you that dense. How many times do I have to show you? You make the turn on the fifth movement, not the forth. This is a simple kata any initiate can do. Now do it again!"
Soaked in sweat and exhausted, Obi-Wan tried not to let his frustration show. He had been at this for hours and still couldn't get it right.
"I'm sorry master, I'll get it right this time."
"FORCE BE DAMNED BOY!!! You keep saying that but I don't see any changes!!" With a wave of his hand Pradi used the Force to knock Obi-Wan across the training room. The force of the blow left him momentarily stunned.
"I don't need a weak fighter by my side. I'd hate to think what would happen if I were in trouble and only had you to rely on. You call yourself a Jedi, a disgrace is more like it. Everyday I work with you but you're getting worse."
Obi-Wan stumbled back on to his feet and stood back in front of his master.
"My stomach turns just looking at you. I can't understand what went wrong. That darkness in you keeps growing. The Temple should have spotted this earlier, should have killed you in the crèche. Save everyone the time of dealing with you."
Obi-Wan's head snapped up at that statement. It felt like all the blood drained from his head. He didn't know what to think. 'Killed him, should have killed him.' Was he that deplorable that he should be killed? Dropping to his knees he knelt at his master's feet.
"P.. Please Master," His mouth was so dry and he couldn't get his brain to think. "I. I. beg you. Spare me, please. Spare me, spare me." He could feel his master's venomous anger and hate channel to him along the training bond they shared. It left him feeling nauseated and dizzy. His vision grew fuzzy and dim as his body threatened to black out.
"Accursed padawan!" His master swore at him.
Obi-Wan heard his master walk away and out of the training room. Remaining in a kneeling position Obi-Wan was still overwhelmed from the emotional overload from his master. He didn't know how long he knelt there on the floor and was startled when a hand touched his shoulder. Abruptly he tensed up awaiting another reprimand from his master.
"Are you all right padawan?" Obi-Wan looked up into the face of Qui-Gon.
'How much had he heard.' Obi-Wan thought. 'Could he see the darkness in him too.' He stared back down at the floor unable to speak.
"I came in to do some light work outs and I saw you here on the floor. Are you hurt, do you need the healers?" Qui-Gon asked.
Shaking his head 'no', Obi-Wan, with the help of Qui-Gon, stumbled clumsily on to his feet. Qui-Gon held on to Obi until he regained his balance.
"I can help if."
"No." Obi-Wan said pulling out of Qui-Gon hands. He fled from the room and the look in Qui-Gon's eyes.
~~~~~~~~~
Those eyes. He could see the pity in Master Jinn's eyes. He knew Jinn could feel the darkness that permeated his soul. He couldn't bare the thought that others could see how bad he was. The shame he is causing the Jedi made him so angry. He just wanted to smash something. No matter what he did or how hard he tried he couldn't shake the stigma of being a bad padawan.
He didn't bother to change from his training gear as he made his way back to his master's quarters. He barely managed to get to his bed before he completely collapsed and blacked out.
~~TBC~~
~~Qui-Gon~~
Stepping from the main dinning hall he headed toward one of the larger gardens to meet with another Jedi Master. Evening was approaching and although there were still a few people around, the garden held a quiet solitude about it. Walking past a water fountain he saw padawan sitting on the fountain's edge by himself. He was staring into the water as if he were looking for something. Qui-Gon thought he recognized him but was sure.
Seeing his friend, fellow Jedi Master Adi Gallia, he took a seat next to her on a bench not far from the fountain. As he was talking with her about the days events, his mind kept wandering on the padawan.
"Isn't that padawan Kenobi." Jinn ask Master Gallia indicating the boy at the fountain.
"Yes, Obi-Wan Kenobi, his Master is Zlatan Pradi." She replied.
Qui-Gon remembered Master Pradi. A tall man, about twenty years younger than himself. His long black hair arranged in thick braids matched his dark eyes. He always seemed tense and strained but he was a good Knight. Obi-Wan would be his first padawan.
"You seem interested in the boy." Adi said. "Maybe you should take another padawan."
"I don't know." Qui-Gon sighed. "Mace is trying to get me to join the council but I'm not sure." He scratched his head in thought. "I don't think I'm ready to take padawan right now."
"You've said that for the past few years, Qui-Gon."
"Yes, but.." Looking at the boy again, he felt himself drawn to him.
"He looks so sad." Qui said, turning back to Adi. "Please, will you excuse me." He rose and walked over to the boy sitting down next to him.
Looking him Qui-Gon saw the changes in Obi-Wan. He looked thinner and very distant from everything around him. Far removed from the exuberant, headstrong initiate that he saw during sparring matches just over a year ago.
"Hello, I'm master Qui-Gon Jinn. I believe you are Obi-Wan." He could sense deep sadness within the boy. Obi-Wan looked up at Qui-Gon with a haunted look in his eyes. His heart went out to the boy.
"Yes." Obi-Wan said.
"Your Master is Pradi, where is he?"
"He went to see about some reports."
"I see. Is there anything that I can do to help? I've been told that I'm a good listener."
"No." Obi turned away from him back to the fountain. Qui-Gon put his hand on Obi-Wan shoulder and could feel the swirling emotions coming from Obi. In response Qui-Gon sent tendrils of force energy to soothes Obi's emotions.
Obi tensed up and pulled away from him. Standing up he told Qui-Gon that he had to go and he rushed off. Seeing him leave, Qui-Gon hoped everything is well with Obi-Wan.
~~Obi-Wan~~
He had to hurry back to the quarters he shared with his master before his master got back. He wasn't supposed to be out but he wanted to spend some time down in the Temple garden. That Master Jinn seemed kind and when Jinn touched him he could almost feel the light of the force flow into him. But he had to shut him out lest he see the darkness inside himself.
Entering the quarters he shared with his master, he quickly took off his outer tunic and boots and put them away. Scanning the room he made sure everything was in order. Obi-Wan sat and waited for his master's arrival and only hoped that his master didn't know that he went out.
~~~~~~~~~
Obi-Wan stood by the door as his master entered. Taking his cloak and hanging it up, Obi sensed that his master was angry.
"I thought I told you to stay in our quarters" Master Pradi said walking into the main room.
"I. I."
"You went out didn't you?" He kept his back toward Obi as he stared out the large picture window overlooking the city of Coruscant.
"No, I've staid in like you told me."
"Don't. Don't lie to me padawan. You can't hide your thoughts form me."
"I'm sorry master, I just wanted to go down to the gardens for awhile." Obi said trying to control his rising fear.
"You're not much good are you? Why can't you obey me?"
"Forgive me Master."
"Forgive? Forgiveness are for the ones who deserve it." Pradi turned to face Obi. "You're just plain bad and I can't do anything with you."
With use of the force, Master Pradi grabbed Obi-Wan around the neck and threw him to the floor. "Tell me how bad you are Obi-Wan." Pradi said standing over Obi.
"Please Master Pradi, I am unworthy of your teachings. I need to be disciplined to remember to always obey you." Obi-Wan sobbed. The feelings of his master rage at him along their mental bond overwhelmed him. It left him shaking on the floor in fear.
'You shame me Obi-Wan. Even now I feel your emotion running out of control. Have I taught you nothing." Pradi growled.
Obi couldn't get himself to respond. He could only kneel at his master's feet hope that he would be lenient with him.
~~~~~~~~~
Kneeling there at his master feet Obi did what he could to reign in his emotions. He could feel the hate and anger from his master was sending him along the mental link. Obi though he screamed but it felt like he wasn't breathing. It was like he was being sucked into a dark void. The last thing he heard was his masters voice.
"I have papers to work on, so leave me alone for the rest of the evening." Obi-Wan collapsed on the floor as he blacked out.
~~~~~~~~~
"You're not focusing padawan." Master Pradi said as he knelt with Obi-Wan in meditation inside their apartment.
"I'm sorry master." It seemed to Obi, that lately he'd been saying sorry a lot.
"What is the first line of the code Obi-Wan?"
"There is no emotion; there is peace."
"Your emotions are not in control. I've noticed that you haven't been meditating like you should." Pradi said his eyes remaining closed.
"I'm sor. I will meditate more.
"You are sorely trying my patients. If you can't do these simple things required of a Jedi then I will find another padawan who can do so." Pradi fell back into a meditative trance.
Obi-Wan remained silent as he tried to meditate too. He could feel his master's disgust and annoyance bleeding trough their mental link. It left him unable to focus.
"If you can't meditate then get out. You're distracting me." The cold voice of his master startled him. Obi-Wan immediately rose and left the room.
~~Qui-Gon~~
Unable to focus on his meditation, Qui-Gon stood up to make some calming tea. His thoughts kept returning to Padawan Kenobi. He looked so lost and alone. Qui-Gon knew there was something terribly wrong with Kenobi. Surely his Master Pradi knows there's something wrong and was helping Obi-Wan.
He didn't know much about Zlatan Pradi. Even though Master Pradi spent most of his time at the Temple, he seemed to be very allusive. It was surprising that he did take on a padawan. Now that he was training Obi-Wan, no one has seen much of the padawan either.
Ever since he'd seen Obi-Wan as an initiate, he felt a connection with the boy. This sudden and deep connection almost scared him. He never felt this way with any of his previous padawans. The normal training bonds were formed and he cared for them but this was different. It unsettled him.
Pouring a cup of tea, Qui-Gon sat down at a table in the kitchenette. He had almost taken Obi-Wan as his own padawan. He couldn't get over the feeling that maybe he should have. He had a feeling that things were going to get worse.
~~Obi-Wan~~
"I really don't know what's wrong with you Obi-Wan. Your instructors tell me that you aren't doing your lessons and not paying attention, and that's only when you bother to show up for class. I don't know Obi-Wan, you seen determine to walk down the path of darkness no matter how hard I try." Pradi seethed as he stood staring down at Obi. "It's the Dark Side, I can see it in you."
"I'm sorry master. I'll try."
*KRAAAACK!!!*
Obi found himself on the floor after Pradi struck him across the face.
"There is no try, only do! Haven't you learned anything I taught you?" Pradi reached down and grabbed Obi by the front of his tunic and started shaking him.
"You were always head strong and hot tempered. I thought that I could change you, make you better but maybe I was wrong. Sometimes I wonder if I should have ever taken you as my student." Dragging him over to a closet, Obi's master threw him inside.
" You must learn Obi-Wan, I'm only doing this to keep you from turning." Master Pradi shut Obi inside and used the force to keep Obi from getting out.
"Please master, let me out. I can learn, please." Obi said banging on the door.
"Don't whine, you don't even sound like a Jedi. Jedi's don't whine."
"Please, I'm sorry, I won't whine."
"Are you worthy of being a Jedi, you don't sound like it."
"Yes, I am worthy." Obi-Wan sobbed.
"I don't believe you!" Pradi yelled.
"I am." Obi said.
"Then tell me what does it mean to be a Jedi."
"A Jedi. a Jedi never acts from hatred, anger, f.fear or aggression. A Jedi must act when calm, at peace with the force."
"You must maintain control Obi-Wan. I can feel your emotion raging. Keep going."
"To act from anger is to court the Dark Side, to risk everything for which the Jedi stand."
"I'm doing this for your own good Obi-Wan. I'm trying to keep you from turning. Now let me hear it again."
~~~~~~~~~
He hated being in the closet. It felt like the darkness was trying to swallow him. Feeling the anger flowing off of his master confused him. He was supposed to keep his emotions tightly controlled but could feel his master's own rage baring down on him.
"Are you worthy of being a Jedi, you don't sound like it."
"Yes, I am worthy." Obi-Wan sobbed. He didn't feel worthy. He began to believe his master when he was told he was bad. The feeling of hate and fear welled up inside him and Obi knew what hate and fear lead to. Try as he might he couldn't seen to purge himself of these feelings, they seem to get worse as time went on. There wasn't anybody that would understand what he was feeling.
"I'm doing this for your own good Obi-Wan. I'm trying to keep you from turning. Now let me hear it again."
Obi sank to the back of the closet and began to recite the phrase again.
~~~~~~~~~
"No, no, no!" Master Pradi growled. "Are you that dense. How many times do I have to show you? You make the turn on the fifth movement, not the forth. This is a simple kata any initiate can do. Now do it again!"
Soaked in sweat and exhausted, Obi-Wan tried not to let his frustration show. He had been at this for hours and still couldn't get it right.
"I'm sorry master, I'll get it right this time."
"FORCE BE DAMNED BOY!!! You keep saying that but I don't see any changes!!" With a wave of his hand Pradi used the Force to knock Obi-Wan across the training room. The force of the blow left him momentarily stunned.
"I don't need a weak fighter by my side. I'd hate to think what would happen if I were in trouble and only had you to rely on. You call yourself a Jedi, a disgrace is more like it. Everyday I work with you but you're getting worse."
Obi-Wan stumbled back on to his feet and stood back in front of his master.
"My stomach turns just looking at you. I can't understand what went wrong. That darkness in you keeps growing. The Temple should have spotted this earlier, should have killed you in the crèche. Save everyone the time of dealing with you."
Obi-Wan's head snapped up at that statement. It felt like all the blood drained from his head. He didn't know what to think. 'Killed him, should have killed him.' Was he that deplorable that he should be killed? Dropping to his knees he knelt at his master's feet.
"P.. Please Master," His mouth was so dry and he couldn't get his brain to think. "I. I. beg you. Spare me, please. Spare me, spare me." He could feel his master's venomous anger and hate channel to him along the training bond they shared. It left him feeling nauseated and dizzy. His vision grew fuzzy and dim as his body threatened to black out.
"Accursed padawan!" His master swore at him.
Obi-Wan heard his master walk away and out of the training room. Remaining in a kneeling position Obi-Wan was still overwhelmed from the emotional overload from his master. He didn't know how long he knelt there on the floor and was startled when a hand touched his shoulder. Abruptly he tensed up awaiting another reprimand from his master.
"Are you all right padawan?" Obi-Wan looked up into the face of Qui-Gon.
'How much had he heard.' Obi-Wan thought. 'Could he see the darkness in him too.' He stared back down at the floor unable to speak.
"I came in to do some light work outs and I saw you here on the floor. Are you hurt, do you need the healers?" Qui-Gon asked.
Shaking his head 'no', Obi-Wan, with the help of Qui-Gon, stumbled clumsily on to his feet. Qui-Gon held on to Obi until he regained his balance.
"I can help if."
"No." Obi-Wan said pulling out of Qui-Gon hands. He fled from the room and the look in Qui-Gon's eyes.
~~~~~~~~~
Those eyes. He could see the pity in Master Jinn's eyes. He knew Jinn could feel the darkness that permeated his soul. He couldn't bare the thought that others could see how bad he was. The shame he is causing the Jedi made him so angry. He just wanted to smash something. No matter what he did or how hard he tried he couldn't shake the stigma of being a bad padawan.
He didn't bother to change from his training gear as he made his way back to his master's quarters. He barely managed to get to his bed before he completely collapsed and blacked out.
~~TBC~~