Title: Weird
Pairing: NaruSasuNaru
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It's probably (definitely) a good thing.
Summary: Sasuke, Naruto realizes belatedly, came back weird(er.)

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Sasuke, Naruto realizes belatedly, came back weird(er.)

Not that it matters. Much. Sasuke is back. Naruto had affirmed that under bloody skies and settling dust. He's back and he's real and he's there, right there and just…incredibly, incredibly weird.

In ways Naruto can't even begin to explain.

'Uh, teme,' Naruto says as Sasuke presses into his side, too warm and too close, and reaches for the ketchup. 'You could have just asked me, you know.'

Sasuke smirks. 'I know.'

It's probably trauma, Naruto thinks, nodding to himself. Or maybe just the fact that he has no one left to avenge, and so he needs to find some other constructive ways to project his emo.

But the important thing is that Sasuke's back, and that's all Naruto really, honestly cares about – and so he has to support him. And accept him with all the creepiness. Even when there's hot breath ghosting the shell of his ear, and his stomach is clenching with (obvious) discomfort, and Sasuke's looking at him. Like that.

'Something wrong, Naruto?' Sasuke asks.

Naruto rapidly shakes his head.

'No, nothing. Absolutely nothing,' Naruto smiles broadly. 'Go right ahead. Do whatever. I understand. I don't mind. The weirdness, I mean. Take the ketchup yourself if that's what it takes to assert your independence. When there are, uh, twenty guys from the anbu guarding the pla – OW!'

And Sasuke's gone, the bedroom door slams shut, the bottle of ketchup is in pieces, and Naruto's hair is no longer blond.

*

'…seriously weird,' Naruto finishes, following Sakura into her office.

'Naruto, for the last time,' Sakura groans. 'STOP boring me with your, your issues while I'm at work. Or otherwise. They piss me off. Now get out.'

Naruto reels back, stung. 'Sakura chan! How can you say that?'

'After the, let's see, twentieth time you've marched into this place bitching about Sasuke, and terrifying my patients,' Sakura shoves a pile of papers into a drawer. 'With immense ease.'

'But,' Naruto protests. 'He broke a bottle of ketchup on my head yesterday.'

'Hmm,' Sakura mutters, ticking something on a chart. 'Don't worry, you heal fast.'

Naruto folds his arms, and says with extreme dignity, 'And I can't believe I came in here expecting help.'

Sakura finally looks up and gives him a small smile. 'You'll figure it out, Naruto. Now shoo.'

On his return, he finds an extra pair of shoes outside the entrance door.

'…I don't care why you think we should be friends,' Sasuke was saying acidly. 'Now leave.'

'Naruto and Sakura seem to value their bonds with you,' Sai says. 'Now that we're in the same team, I would like to establish similar bonds between us as well.'

'…'

'Tell me, Sasuke kun. Which is your favourite colour?'

'What?'

'I've heard that that is one of the basic questions children ask each other before forming a friendship. Since Sakura calls you as well as Naruto idiot kids, in varying baritones, I thought it reasonable to –'

'If you don't leave my house now, God help me, I'm going to kill you.'

'I understand.'

In the silence that follows, Naruto bites the insides of his cheeks to contain his laughter.

'Why aren't you leaving?'

'Well,' Sai says, sounding almost amused. 'You asked me to leave your house. However, this is Naruto's house. They're putting you up here, isn't that right?'

There was a moment of terrible silence.

'I can't believe they chose you to be my replacement.'

'Naruto says that I'm not a replacement. I'm the fourth member of the team.'

A pause. Then. 'I don't care what that idiot says.'

'He's right outside the door.'

'I know that!'

Naruto swears.

*

'BASTARD,' Naruto yells. 'My underwear are all missing.'

'Are they?' Sasuke asks mildly.

'I can't find them!' Naruto wails. 'There's just your purple boxers in the wardrobe.'

'Hmm.'

'On second thoughts,' Naruto peers closely at the vast collection of amethyst on the shelf. 'There are too many of your – DID YOU PUT MY BOXERS IN THE WASH ALONG WITH YOURS?'

Sasuke takes a calm sip of his tea. 'Maybe.'

'They're all –' Naruto stares aghast at what used to be a white pair with orange swirls on it. A thing of beauty. Now it was –

'PURPLE!' Naruto shrieks. 'FUCKING PURPLE!'

Sasuke narrows his eyes. 'And what exactly,' he says, pointedly fingering the material of his purple….wrap around? Naruto would have snorted at the thought if he wasn't so busy being appalled. 'Is wrong with purple?'

'The fact that it's on MY underwear! Couldn't you…I dunno, buy stuff that doesn't run colour?'

'I'm sorry,' Sasuke says icily. 'I didn't exactly get time to go around looking at the brands. You, on the other hand, obviously did. It shows in the way you take a beating every time we spar.'

The lie is as evident as the big white elephant wearing a pleated mini skirt in the room. Naruto wonders who taught Sasuke to bullshit like that and be so composed about it.

'I DON'T take a beating from you, bastard. And you're BUYING me new boxers,' he says finally, and goes to dispose of the purple nonsense in the trash.

And just because he's an asshole, Sasuke buys him briefs. A size too small.

*

'Maybe,' Ino muses. 'He's trying to push you away.'

'What?' Naruto splutters into his ramen. He turns to Sakura. 'Do you tell her everything?'

'Uh huh,' Sakura says. 'And he's not, Ino.'

'But think about it,' Ino persists. 'Analytically. He walks around being a moody bitch, kills Naruto's wardrobe, smashes things on Naruto's head, looks at Naruto funny…And we all know Sasuke kun has commitment issues so –'

'What commitment?' Naruto asks, bewildered. 'As best friends? Sasuke's never had issues with that. I mean, he pretends to, but he doesn't actuall-'

He breaks off when he sees Sakura and Ino staring at him. Meaningfully.

It was quite terrifying.

'Oh,' he breathes. 'God, no.'

*

'TEME,' he bellows, slamming the door shut behind him. 'Are you afraid of commitment?'

Sasuke looks up from the book he was reading and raises a single eyebrow. 'What?'

'You ARE!' Naruto gasps, and points a shaky finger. 'You fancy me.'

There was nothing but the sound of the ticking clock. Then –

'When you met the fourth and all,' Sasuke says deadpanned 'Did he tell you all about how they dropped you on the head as a kid? About five times a day? Because that might just be the answer here.'

'Shut up!' Naruto says. 'I'm trying to talk about you here. You fancy me. That's why you're trying to push me away.'

Sasuke massages his temples with the tips of his fingers. 'I don't have time for this.'

'Oh, what now?' Naruto snaps. 'Do you need to recheck your schedule? Take down additional notes on how you can evade me –'

Sasuke's always been fast. Naruto knows that even though he'll never admit it. He's as fast as a breath of wind, and that's all Naruto gets to feel, fanning lightly at his face before he blinks, and Sasuke's right there in front of him.

'I'm not trying to push you away, Naruto,' Sasuke says. 'I'm done doing that.'

'Oh,' Naruto says, and something – relief, and happiness – catches his throat. 'Okay. Good.'

And then Sasuke smirks, leans in, and licks at the corner of his mouth.

*

'So it wasn't a commitment issue,' Sakura concludes. 'Big surprise.'

Naruto grins broadly and slips an arm around Sasuke's waist. 'Nope. The bastard just had a huge, embarrassing crush.'

Then he's falling and the spot under his left cheekbone gives birth to a promising new bruise.

Which was purple. Figures. Now Naruto was marked! Marked!

'Oh,' Sai says quietly, and then he smiles. 'I think…I understand now.'

Naruto turns to him inquiringly, but Sai isn't looking at him.

He's looking instead, at Sasuke.

'Sasuke kun, if you didn't appreciate being treated like a child, we could discuss reading material if you'd like.'

'…fuck off,' Sasuke says and glares at Naruto like it's all his fault.

But Sasuke's weird. So, Naruto thinks, it's all cool.

*

Notes: Written after seven cups of coffee and three hours of packing for college. No trace of plot. And I'm so sorry about the OOCness. The nonsense will eat your brain.. I mutilated them. All of them. Yes. Er.