Armor for Sleep
The Truth About Heaven
Walk past my grave in the dark tonight,
Saw the stone and the note you left for me,
to answer your question I just had to leave,
I just had to leave,
But that's not why I'm here,
I came down here to tell you it rains in heaven all day long,
I wanna find you so bad and let you know
I'm miserable up here without you, miserable up here without you
Found my way back in the dark tonight,
Couldn't wake up not right next to you,
I'd trade in forever to just hear you say the sound of my name,
But that's not why I'm here,
I came down here to tell you it rains in heaven all day long,
I wanna find you so bad and let you know
I'm miserable up here without you, miserable up here without you
Don't believe that it's better when you leave everything behind,
Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die,
Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die
I came down here to tell you it rains in heaven all day long (all day long),
I wanna find you so bad and let you know
I'm miserable up here without you, miserable up here without you
-+-
It's been…awhile, since his death. The years passed by in a blur, an agonizing grey blur. Like a bruise just underneath the skin, you don't have to see it to know that is there. The pain is a suffice reminder. Each shuddering breath I take, feels like my chest might break at any moment.
My heart died a long time ago, right after I saw his…eyes. It hasn't been the same for me or the flock. Everyone is…distant. It seems that Iggy has gone mute along with his blindness; he hardly speaks to anyone at all. His wise cracks and perverted behavior does not even exist for my older brother. He's just as an empty as his sightless eyes.
My little Angel cries every night. She's the only that still sheds a tear for the brother that read to her at night, the brother that protected and loved her. We only speak in passing, she never speaks of him. She knows that only brings more heartache to my already deaden heart. The flock tries to get along as usual, but it's not the same, it's never the same.
Her brother, her younger brother has matured. Like Iggy, his bomb-making days are over. His pranks and tricks are a thing of past. Only if he needs to, Gassy will construct and build explosives. They don't have the same affects as they used on our enemies. I remember them much bigger, and louder. The little guy just lost his motivation.
Poor Nudge, she's just as quiet as Iggy. Never in million years, did I wish for Nudge's motor mouth to start up again. She speaks more than the other's but less than before. Nudge is the only who hasn't changed, she still loves to shop and do all the girl things, but when she gets home she throws down her purchases in frustration. I don't blame her.
No, we blame ourselves. It wasn't supposed to happen. It shouldn't have happened but it did. We were holding our own in a fight, doing so well too.
Both my pyros were whipping out bombs faster than a baseball launcher. Exterminating M-Geeks left and right, incinerating and falling from the sky to their rocky graves below. Nudge, swift and agile delivered accurate punches and kicks right into their weak points. Their bodies crumpled under her blows. And Angel, with her size she easily dodged incoming attacks. Too bad about her mind control abilities, couldn't help her there. She was able to confuse and direct several of her enemy's right into each other, destroying themselves in a M-Geek suicide masquerade.
My hits were flawless, perfect. With my turbo speed, no one saw me coming. Many of the M-Geeks couldn't calculate fast enough my moves. With a round house kick, their heads fell off. Without their heads, their bodies were totally useless. Then, a bang.
A deafening sound that echoed throughout the atmosphere.
I froze, my insides turned to ash. Spinning around just in time, to see a black dot descending faster and faster below, my mind screaming one word over and over, No!
My wings tucked in on a reflex as I dived for him. He just kept getting further and further away, kicking in speed I was able to scoop him up into my arms. Our wing meshing together, he felt so cold and limp in my grasp. And I feared the worse. We landed awkwardly, with arms and legs merely dangling, almost tripping over ourselves, when I finally fell to my knees I was short of breath. Then, I looked at his dark, cold, glassy eyes.
Someone was screaming, hysterically. I clutched the boy closer to my chest, ignoring the gushing blood that came from his forehead. I realized that someone was me, screaming his name again and again. Rocking his body against my chest, letting horrible tears come down my cheeks.
I blink back to the present, the rest you can probably figure out for yourself. We took his body, and buried here. Nowhere, special really, just under the base of an Oak tree as a grave marker. I initialed the tree with his names followed by the ones that loved him and love him still.
With my knees drawn up to my chest, I look solemnly at the grave marker. Feeling a giant lump gather in my throat, my lips tremble and the tears come, an unyielding river pours down my face.
To the side of our names is note I left for him, dirty and torn and places. If his spirit ever happened to wander by hoping he read it, I doubted his spirit did, honestly I don't know if a heaven exists, but I know hell does .I'm living in it.
I Love You, those three little words scribbled on the paper, with a such a big meaning.
A shuddering sigh escapes my lips, hoping that whatever part of Fang (yes, I said his name) is out there I hope he finds it and knows that I love him.
A slow drizzle descends from the sky, a rumble of thunder is overhead. Taking my leave, I let my hands linger on his name for minute before returning to my flock.
"Goodbye" I whisper, and I kiss his name.
My hand brushes away from the bark, as I turn. It feels like my insides are frozen again. He's translucent, that much I can tell. He's smiling that crooked grin that I love. But he's not real, I tell myself. He's dead, never coming back, never. Again, tears pour down my cheeks. My mind is so evil, aside from the voice, playing tricks on me again. Making me see him, one last time.
Something warm cups my face, lifting it to meet his dark eyes. "I love you too". His voice, it's his voice! I went to touch his wrist, making sure he's real. When my hand meets empty air, again the tears come. His thumb comes to brush them away, but they go through my face. He sighs; his sadden eyes boring into mine.
"Why are you here"? He must have known this wasn't making it easier for the both of us. It was shattering my chest, I couldn't breathe correctly. His eyes searching mine, before he took a deep breath, "I miss you". I gave him one of my 'duh' looks, like I don't miss too.
"Don't be like that", his voice was gentle, tender almost. His hands, no the warmth emanating from this spirit did not move from my face. Slowly, they withdrew falling to his sides. "I'm so…" he began, his eyes never wavering from my face, "…miserable, without you".
His finger came up to brush my lips, inches from them when he realized he couldn't even touch them. So he just held them at bay for a moment, before he traced the outline of my jaw. "You're here". I said, as if I was just finally realizing it. He smirked, "I 'am".
Hesitantly, he wrapped his warmth around me, his arms around my form like protective cocoon. I could feel his tenderness around me, heat maybe. When I tried to return the embrace, my hands went through his back. I almost cried that time; instead I rested my hand on the outline of his shoulder. "It's raining", he said it like a fact.
"Yeah" I murmured. "What's it like"? I asked after a moment. He was quiet, the silence stretching on forever, I knew he trying to take in as much as he could around him. My face, my wings, and maybe my scent.
"All day", he murmured into my neck, "all day, it rains in heaven". Again, the tears came ever flowing from my face. "Oh, Fang". His name breaking me down, again. "It feels so good to hear your voice… say my name". We were on the ground, holding each other. My eyes closed, not wanting this moment to end. But we knew the truth, this moment couldn't last forever and it didn't.
The sky above was breaking, sunlight pierced through a cloud. Fang's body was disappearing. I would of guess he was blending in, but not this time. He was fading, going back to the other side, wherever that was. When I opened my eyes he was gone.
I stood up fast, looking towards the sky for answers, my eyes red and wet from tears.
And I screamed his name like I was in pain like never before.
-+-
This made me cry, like again and again. And I had to stop there or I wouldn't have never finished.