BPOV

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I touched the ocean water with my palm. It had been two years since the Cullens left me. And if it shouldn't add to my already soaring depression, it was my birthday. If Edward didn't want a 17-18 year old human then there was absolutely no way he would want a 20 year old.

More tears fell from my eyes and landed in the water of First Beach. Jacob and Charlie had been so nice. They tried to throw me a surprise birthday party when I got to Billy's house. They couldn't have predicted all the painful memories that flooded my mind when I saw the cake and balloons. It looked too much like the Cullens birthday party for me. The one they through me before they left.

When I saw the birthday surprise, I burst into tears. I turned and ran out the door as fast as I could. And thankfully I didn't trip. I ran all the way to the beach where I fell over from the pain. I cried in a fettle position, trying to hold myself together.

When I was all cried out, I lay down on the sand. The hole in my chest had grown and now I didn't think even Jacob could mend the tiny pieces left over.

Oh Jacob. I really did love him, but not in the same way he loved me. He tried to make his play for me many times, once even kissing me. But I felt empty whenever he tried. Because when he didn't try, there was an unbearable pain and when he did try it numbed the pain until I felt nothing. But that's just it. I felt nothing. No love. No pain. No anger. No sadness. No happiness.

Tears found their way back into my eyes and a dark sand started to appear under me from the water. Why was I so weak? Why couldn't I get over Edward? Why couldn't I bring myself to hate Edward and his family for what they did and just settle for Jacob?

I sighed. I knew the answer to my questions. I loved Edward and all the Cullens. I could never hate them for what they did. They left because I was boring. Because Edward didn't love me anymore. Correction. Because Edward never loved me. Only liked my smell and thought I was interesting for a short while before he got bored of playing a human. But I couldn't blame him for what he did. If he did that kind of thing, I would always except it no matter what. I would except him for anything because I was in love with him.

More tears fell from my face onto the sand. Huh, I wonder why Jacob or someone hadn't come for me yet? Oh well, I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

How I wished I was somehow less boring. Worthy of standing next to Edward. Worthy enough for Edward to love me unconditionally and forever. Wishing could only get me more heartache.

I cried even more as the hole in my chest grew larger. Only one thing could even possibly begin to cease the hole from growing. And that one thing was the one thing I couldn't have, but wanted more than anything in the world. I wanted Edward.

I still lay on the sand. I started crying from silent tears that flowed to loud sobs. This is how I fell asleep. Even when I could feel the tide getting larger and touching my body I didn't move. If I moved at all I was surely to break in millions of pieces. As the sea water was slowly consuming my arm and I was falling into a deep sleep, I heard my name being called out from far away. I payed no mind to it only whispering the name of the thing I wanted most.

"I will become worthy, Edward. I love you and I always will. No matter what," I mumbled. I didn't even realize what I was saying. This may sound weird, but the wind told me to say it. It told me I would become worthy. And the words just felt so right coming out of my mouth.

I fell in to a deep sleep with tears flowing out of my closed eyes as the ocean started consuming my torso.