Author's Note: Written for the Advent of Season Three Stories challenge, organised by the rather fab overnighter...not beta-ed! The promts were... stain, tomato, rain, shadows, lime jello and bonus points for danglies. All words had to be used in the fic.
Disclaimer- I own nothing
The Not So Galloping Gourmet
Seth panicked as he put the phone down. Summer was going to kill him; she would officially put his danglies in a vice and squeeze the life out of them. Shit, how was he supposed to remember every little detail about their relationship and what was it with girls anyway that they had to make an anniversary out of everything? So today was apparently their 18-month anniversary of the first time they had spent the whole night together. Seth had lost count of how many anniversaries that Summer had come up with…hell the girl had even come up with a 'six months after they had broken up the first time' one, Summer was crazy.
He needed a plan…more correctly he needed Ryan to come up with a plan because that took far less effort.
He approached the pool house and noted that all the blinds were down, that in its self was unusual, when he tried the door he found it locked. Ryan never locked the door. Part of his brain registered the fact that this was all indicating that Ryan did not want to be disturbed but he desperately needed advice on how to avert one of Summer's blackouts…now. Ryan would understand.
"Ryan!"
He knocked on the glass.
"Heeeeey Ryyyaaaaan…"
Seth waited.
"Buddy I know you're in there…open up."
He rattled the door handle a few times.
"Go…. Away…. Seth."
He heard the unmistakable bear growl that was Ryan in a pissed off mood.
"Come on Ryan, this is really important…really, really important, an emergency in fact. I need your help."
Seth paused and heard movement from inside, then he saw a Ryan sized shape cast shadows against the pulled down blinds. Yes…he knew Ryan would not be able to resist a plea for help, that's what Ryan did.
The door flew open and revealed a flushed, shirtless Ryan doing up his jeans. Oops…he looked passed Ryan to see a flustered looking Marissa smoothing down her dress.
"Sorry Buddy…. hope I didn't interrupt anything?"
The look Ryan shot him as he shut the door told him he had and it made his stomach lurch…this might just be the time when Ryan finally snapped and ripped his head off and stuffed it where the sun didn't shine.
"What!" Ryan barked. "This had better be important Seth."
Ryan folded his arms and tilted his head…yes, he was pissed that was for sure but he was vertical now and he needed advice.
Seth started gabbling in full throttle.
"The thing is I forgot my anniversary with Summer and she's coming over in an hour, I haven't enough time to go out and get her something and you know Summer …the thing is …have you got anything remotely like a present lurking around…a bunch of red roses or some fancy perfume?"
Seth balked at the look that he was receiving from Ryan.
"You interrupted me for this…this is the emergency! …Jesus Seth, I have no words to describe the pain I want to inflict on you at the moment. I was that close to…"
Ryan made a small gap with his thumb and forefinger in front of Seth's face…he shook his head.
"Never mind what I was that close to doing…Goodbye Seth!"
Ryan turned and opened the door.
"Ryan. …Please…Summer will kill me. Do you want it on your conscience that you chose carnal pleasure over helping a brother out of a sticky situation?"
Seth gave his best puppy dog look.
"I'm disappointed in you amigo. Please."
Ryan narrowed his eyes. Seth smiled inside, guilt always worked on Ryan.
The blond boy sighed and ducked his head inside the pool house.
"Just hold that thought Marissa, I'll be five minutes. I promise"
Ryan stalked to the kitchen.
"I knew I could count on you buddy. What's the GP RA?"
"For a start if you continue with that abbreviating shit I'm outta here…got it?"
Seth was just about to comment on how grumpy Ryan was but thought better of it; being interrupted on the job was not something that was going to make a guy all sweetness and light.
"Kay…I'm all ears master."
"Right…you want to impress her? You want something that will make her think that you have put a lot of thought into this even though you haven't."
"Spot on!" Seth rubbed his hands together.
"Cook her a meal…women love a man who cooks for them believe me…it works every time."
Seth liked the plan but saw one flaw in it.
"Ryan you are forgetting one thing…apart from fixing cereal, making eggs and grilling the odd steak, I don't cook…that's all part of growing up in a bubble where you have every whim pandered too."
Ryan sighed and opened the fridge. He stuck his head inside and started pulling stuff out and pilling it on the side.
"Listen…starter…salad on a plate…crumble up this blue cheese over the top, slice this pear and add…drizzle with this."
Ryan held up a bottle of honey and mustard dressing.
"That's doable." Seth grinned.
"Main course, make a tomato sauce with the garlic, onions, red chilli add some herbs, boil some pasta and grill the chicken breasts…."
Ryan laid out the ingredients.
"That sounds complicated."
" Fuck Seth it's easy… you chop the chilli, onions and garlic sauté in a little olive oil then bung in the chopped tomatoes…how complicated is that? A trained monkey could do it!"
"I don't suppose you could…"
"You have got to be kidding me."
"Just a thought buddy…you seem to know what you are doing and…"
Seth panicked as Ryan strode over to the door.
"O.K…Sorry…sorry. It's just that I bow to your culinary skills Ryan."
Ryan turned back.
"Right…you ask me to cook this again and I swear I'll thump you."
Seth had no doubt that Ryan would indeed thump him…he'd begun to do so recently on a regular basis and it always hurt.
"Please don't I can't cook with a dead arm…what's next." Seth absently rubbed his arm at the memory of past encounters of Ryan's fist.
"Dessert…Fresh strawberries dipped in melted chocolate. Trust me a girl will do anything to you after those."
Ryan phased out and got a dreamy look in his eyes as he obviously relived past strawberry induced pleasures.
Seth clicked his fingers in front of Ryan's eyes.
"Hey…I don't even want to know what you were thinking about. As much as I want to experience the aphrodisiac qualities of the ol' chocolate covered strawberry Ryan, that all seems like an awful lot of work. We've got some lime Jello on the fridge…can't I just give her that?"
"Seth …do you want to impress Summer?"
"Yes."
"Lime jell-O does not impress girls…although you can get up to some neat stuff with it…there was this girl in Chino who would…"
"Dude…enough with the food porn. Right…so jello is out if you want to impress…jello is in if you want to be just down right dirty!"
Ryan grinned.
"Right… you're on your own now. Have fun."
Ryan walked towards the door then paused, Seth watched as he walked back over to the fridge and remove the jello,
"Bye Seth." He winked broadly as he shut the door behind him.
Seth didn't know what went wrong. Things were going so well, Summer was due in thirty minutes, he had plated up the starters and they were happily sitting in the fridge. He had spread the table with a fancy cloth and put some flowers he'd found in the hall in the center of the table. He'd raided his mom's good candles…ready for the romantic lighting…it was all perfect. Until…
"Ryan…Ryan…you gotta help me!"
Bang, bang.
"Ryan."
The door swung open.
"What… what the fuck do you want this time!" Ryan's exasperated voice barked.
Seth tried to ignore the smell of lime that was wafting up from the vicinity of Ryan's body, was that jello in his belly button?
"Dude…I'm so sorry but I've had a major catastrophe in the kitchen."
"I'm so going to kick your ass Seth."
Ryan stomped his way to the kitchen. Seth bumped into him as Ryan stood stock-still in the centre of the kitchen and took in the mess.
"What the hell happened here?...What did you do?"
Ryan gazed at the ceiling or more precisely the large stain of tomato sauce that was raining and dripping down off the said ceiling.
"Well, I don't think I chopped the onion finely enough and the sauce was a bit lumpy so I used my initiative and though I'd put it in the blender…but I was distracted, you know I don't work well under pressure…I forgot to put the lid on…sauce apocalypse is what happened Ryan…mom and dad are going to kill me!"
Ryan looked like he was ready for the arm punching now but he turned to Seth and quietly responded.
"You are worse that a five year old Seth… you get the get the mop…I'll start running the soapy water."
It took fifteen minutes of solid scrubbing with the mop on the ceiling to remove the sauce. Seth looked down at himself; both him and Ryan were splattered with red.
He checked his watch. Ryan shook his head.
"Go get changed and I'll make some more sauce…we've just got about enough time."
Seth didn't need to be asked twice he hurtled up the stairs shucking his clothes as he went and dove into the shower.
Summer arrived dead on the stroke of eight. The aromatic smell of pasta sauce invaded the house and as Seth went to answer the door Ryan retreated back to the pool house and shouted.
"The pasta only needs five minutes in boiling water Seth…even you can't fuck that up!"
Seth led Summer to the beautifully decorated table. Seth proudly ran through the menu. Summer squealed and launched herself onto Seth's neck.
"I knew you hadn't forgotten. Baby you are going to get so lucky tonight!"
The sound of a slamming door made them both jump. They both watched as Marissa stormed past followed by Ryan.
"Marissa I'm sorry…I swear that you have all my attention now...please!"
"Let's just call it a night Ryan…I might ring you in the morning…if I can fit you in."
Summer looked smug. And whispered at Seth.
"See…I'm so lucky lucky to have you. What does Chino know about romancing a girl?"
"Come on…don't do this to me…Marissa…."
Ryan reached out and tried to grab her arm, which she pulled away.
"Don't touch me..."
Ryan followed Marissa out to the hall; the next thing they both heard was the sound of a revving engine and the front door slamming.
Ryan walked back through the house, he paused briefly and punched Seth on the arm as he passed; he added his own door slam as he went back to the pool house.
Summer rubbed Seth's arm and wrinkled her nose.
"Seth...why does Ryan smell of lime?"
Fin.