THE SUPER BADASS ULTRA AMAZING DIARY OF TOPH BEI FONG
Look inside if you dare!
(Or happen to feel like going to court. Because, seriously, my controlling, obsessive, demanding parents will take you there. Scared? I try.)
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A SHORT BIOGRAPHY:
Name: Toph Bei Fong
Age: 16 - the age of drugs, sex, and underage drinking! Or so everyone at my school seems to believe.
Theme Song: Runaway, Avril Lavigne
Favorite Color: green
Favorite Music:UM, FALL OUT BOY, DUH??? Even though Pete Wentz can be slightly creepy at times. Well, REALLY creepy. And Panic! At the Disco, as well as My Chemical Romance. And Boys Like Girls.
Favorite Food: pot stickers. Specifically the kind they have at the mall food court - all crispy outside and soft inside. God, I LOVE those pot stickers.
Favorite Activities: skateboarding, DUH. What else? Playing guitar, I guess. Going to concerts and hanging out backstage with the band members (the one advantage to being rich). Teasing Aang.
Favorite Saying: Don't walk behind me, for I may not lead. Don't walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Don't walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
AND, AND, AND -
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
(Story of my freaking LIFE.)
Personal Quote: "Screw you! Screw the universe! Hell, screw EVERYTHING! Except for pot stickers, Chuck Norris, and my iPod."
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OBJECTIVES:
1. Stay as far away from Mr. Sozin (AKA "Iroh") and the school musical as humanly possible. ESPECIALLY if Disney musicals are involved.
2. Ditto for staying away from Suki Kwan. Let her kick ass on the soccer team if she wants. I have SKATEBOARDING, dammit! So what if it's not a "team sport." It's freakin' BADASS.
3. Hook up Aang and Katara and/or Zuko and Katara. (Decisive action postponed until I decide which couple would be funner to torment.)
4. Enjoy my single status while everyone else is griping about their love life. Yeah, whatever, you're in love. Good for you. But I am not retarded enough to go messing around with love, thank you very much. NO FALLING IN LOVE.
Actually, that's not specific enough - seeing as there's only one guy I've ever liked enough TO fall in love with. Do NOT fall in love with Sokka Kuruk. Sure, I hardly ever see him. Yeah, there's as little of a risk as is humanly possible. And whatever, I haven't REALLY liked him since freshman year. There's not really much of a risk.
But, still. Anyone ELSE is fine - JUST NOT SOKKA KURUK. Because he is annoying and dense and one of my closest friend's older brothers, which is SO cliche.
Besides, I'm not in seventh grade anymore. Repeat: I AM NOT IN SEVENTH GRADE ANYMORE. It's time to get the hell OVER that loser.
...Right?
Hahaha, ignore my uncertainty. Sokka doesn't even deserve a place up here - I'm just writing it in because I have to be sure. 'Cause there really ISN'T any chance of it. UNLESS Sokka starts hanging out with me and Katara more, now that I'm her best friend. Which would never happen. And even if it DID, I have will power! There is no WAY that I'd fall for him again - unless he was sending signals or something. Which would never happen, EVER.
...I think.
5. Break my addiction to caffeine. I mean, it's not like I have a CHOICE. Can you believe it? My parents TOOK AWAY MY SECRET STASH OF MONEY TO WASTE AT STARBUCKS. I have currently been coffee-less for forty eight hours already, and have barely survived on Coke and Dr. Pepper. This can't go on!
6. Stop Katara from getting into a fight with Azula Sozin AGAIN. I mean, JEEZ. It was kinda funny when Azula got dunked in mayo, and then when Katara got hit in the face with a corn dog, and when they accidentally kissed each other in ninth grade. But SERIOUSLY. She's done it AT LEAST every year since they met! No offense, but it's getting sort of OLD.
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And...I think that's about it.
I have my objectives. I have the will to go through with them all. This is gonna be a piece of cake. Yeah. A piece of gooey, fudgey, chocolate, sprinkled cake.
(I'm sure.)
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Date: Thursday, August 22
Time: 8:01am
Location: the limo. Because I totally don't have a skateboard or anything that I could ride. Nope - no WAY, Mom and Dad! And it's not like I DON'T WANT TO ATTRACT ATTENTION TO MYSELF OR ANYTHING.
Mood: bitchy
Music: Am I more than you bargained for yet? I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear, 'cause that's just who I am this week.
I want coffee.
I mean, seriously. My parents just slapped this chocolate muffin into my hand, alright? And that's fine - 'cause if it's chocolate, than, obviously, it's NOT a muffin. It's a cupcake. I LIKE cupcakes.
But they neglected to realize that muffins would remind me of Starbucks which would remind me of coffee which would remind me of the fact that I CAN'T HAVE ANY because they TOOK AWAY MY COFFEE FUND.
Sigh. Why are parents so...parent-y all of a sudden? Normally, they don't have a problem with me spending a gazillion bucks. We're one of the richest families in the nation (I think we surpassed the Queen of England's family last week). But NOOO. Apparently, my love affair with coffee turned into an ADDICTION.
Mmm, this muffin IS really good, though. It has chocolate chips in it, too.
Oh, wait, this is Aang's neighborhood. I think we're picking him up. Yeah, we are. I'd better tell the chauffeur to put on my Indie playlist.
Aang sighs in relief as he ducks into the car. "Thanks," he tells me. "I don't think I could handle all of that...SCREECHING." He shudders.
SCREECHING? What the HELL? Fall Out Boy only screamed a few times an album, seriously!
I swear, I have no IDEA how I could ever had become best friends with someone who has so little appreciation for Fall Out Boy. And Panic! At the Disco (I REFUSE to drop the exclamation point, dammit!). And My Chemical Romance. And -
...WHY am I friends with him again? Seriously. This isn't just the BIBLE or ZEN or other stuff that people constantly go around ignoring. You can't just DENY the badass awesomeness of my playlist. Come on, Aang, cut the shit.
Oh jeez. Now he's going to write in here...AGAIN. Way to be nosy.
Really, though. Your musical tastes pretty much equal WTF, amirite?
This could all be averted, Toph, if you'd only see the light of Death Cab, Azure Ray, Bright Eyes, Modest Mouse..
HELL naw. Did you just CONTAMINATE my journal with your NEAT HANDWRITING? I thought you knew to at LEAST make it SLIGHTLY messy! And get your freaky "alternative artists" AWAY from me.
Did you just call them "FREAKY?" Oh, Toph...I think I'm going to cry.
I should be the one about to cry. Look at how sissy and proper your handwriting is! Just...just go away and repent for fifteen years or something, okay?
So...are you looking forward to the new school year?
Take a guess.
I'm assuming that's a 'no.' C'mon. Be positive, Sifu T!
...I will NEVER understand why you insist upon calling me that, TWINKLE TOES.
Do you think Katara will start to LIKE me this time around?
Maybe. If you stop clinging to Zuko so much.
It wasn't CLINGING! I was...I was...
Face it: you were clinging.
...
Just stop being positive and get ready for a really crappy year. And a bunch more people who think that you're gay.
Roger that. Over and out, Sifu.
Sigh. I WISH I could tell you that Aang is right and that I'm just being a cynic, but sadly, I am not. It's true. My school sucks. I'm sadder to say that the people suck even MORE. It would be a big help if the universe would just smite them already, y'know?
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Date: Friday, August 23
Time: 10:37am
Location: Room 134 - free period. Fortunately, I can listen to my iPod in THIS class, and no one cares. (That's right, loser faculty. I'm talkin' to you!)
Mood: pining
Music: Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
Day four without caffeine. I think I should turn this into some sort of science experiment. Y'know, see how desperate I get. Robber. Murder. Prostitution. They're all options.
OR I could just get a hall pass and go to the soda machine in the hall. Which is probably the better choice of the four - although I'm not sure I could market my vending machine adventure to CSI. Still, you never know.
There's Aang, doing his math homework. Y'know, he's actually kinda cute.
...What. The. Hell. Okay, Aang may not be UGLY, but he's a wimp. I'd NEVER write that! It HAS to be a side effect from lack of caffeine. DAMMIT, this is a danger to my freaking HEALTH!
That's it. I don't care if I can't drink coffee - I'm going to the vending machine!
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Date: Friday, August 23
Time: 11:03am
Location: Room 134
Mood: depressed, homicidal
Music: I chime in with a, "Haven't you people ever HEARD of closing the goddamn door?" No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
As you can see by my current music choice, I am very, VERY depressed and upset right now.
I'll give you a hint: it has to do with caffeine - the only substance that's gotten me through end-of-year finals for the past two years, and most probably the greatest invention in the history of the world.
And also what I currently am NOT in possession of. Because I forgot that my parents STOLE MY FRICKEN MONEY SO I COULDN'T GET ANY.
Please, I'm begging you. SOMEONE JUST KILL ME ALREADY.
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Date: Monday, August 26
Time: 11:49am
Location: cafeteria
Mood: satisfied
Music: Oh, HELL yes! (Actual lyric from West Coast Smoker.)
After nearly a week of sluggishness (I was unable to secure coffee money over the weekend, despite the dropping of many hints to my parents)...I have my caffeine!!!!! And I am completely authorized in drinking it, because I bought it with the money I magically discovered in my pocket. Naturally. Because the Universe is suddenly in love with me.
Excuse me while I laugh myself to death.
No, actually, that's NOT what happened. Someone else secured my coffee for me (definitely not Starbucks, but coffee is coffee), and you'll NEVER GUESS who it was. Seriously, you won't. And I'm not gonna tell you, so you'll just have to read and find out.
I was so incredibly pissed by the lack of caffeine in my veins that I decided I should probably go to the vending machine during lunch and just...y'know...see if staring at the pictures of caffeinated drinks would make me feel any better.
It didn't work. In fact, it just made me feel even MORE pissed off. How DARE the caffeine have the gall to exist when I had no way of drinking it!
So, in a fit of rage, I directed all my anger towards - well, the thing my anger was ALREADY direct at: the soda machine.
"Stupid...freaking...machine!" I growled, banging my fist against the plastic. That was all it took for the utter helplessness of the situation to sink in. Sure, I was:
a) totally over reacting, being utterly irrational, etc
b) screwing over one of my all important objectives for this year
c) making a complete fool of myself in front of the entire student body,
but, really? At this point, I didn't give a crap.
"I need my caffeine," I moaned, loosing all of my fighting spirit and leaning my forehead against the giant Coke can. 'WHY, God?' I thought despairingly. 'For the love of Pete (Wentz, obviously), WHY?'
Just as I was preparing to tear myself away from the sodas again, I heard, "Wow. You sure look desperate."
At first, I was surprise. The voice was recognizable, but only slight familiar. I hadn't heard it in a while. So...why was Sokka talking to me? We were friends, sure, but the kind who only saw each other in the hall - maybe at lunch - and never met up during their free time. Of course, back when I was still caught up in the dark depths of puppy love, we were pretty close. We hung out on weekends a few times, and cracked a few inside jokes. Whatever. It's all in the past.
But now? Who could even say if he remembered those days like I did? So odds were that to Sokka Kuruk, I was just some chick - well, his little sister's best friend - who loved Fall Out Boy and happened to be going through caffeine withdrawal in his presence.
This is detracting from my journal entry and the story. Shut up, strangely functioning brain! Don't make me take you to the repair shop again! And if the part that's forcing me to write these words doesn't shut up as well - that goes for YOU, too.
So...Sokka just called me desperate, right? Except not for sex. For caffeine. 'Cause that's just how my hormones work. Get used to it, bitches.
"OBVIOUSLY I'm desperate. My parents took away my coffee and soda fund," I huffed, turning to face him and slumping against the soda machine.
"I think something needs to be done about this. You need caffeine fast," Sokka dead-panned, after a moment with his eyes on me. "Come with me."
"Why can't you just give me two bucks?" I pointed out, "Anything else isn't really worth the effort."
Sokka pouted. "But that would be boring. Besides, I'm broke," he added, as I sighed in exasperation. I HATED people who wouldn't take the easy why out. Who freaking CARES about "The Climb?" Obviously, Sokka didn't share my philosophy, so instead of being efficient and helping me find someone ELSE to borrow money from, he called, "Just follow me." And with that, he was off.
I didn't know where the hell he was going, but I decided that caffeine wasn't just gonna grow legs and walk to me (sadly). I had to come to it.
So again, I sighed, and picked up a jog as I trailed him through the halls. I had to admit it, I was getting curious about where we were going. Were we gonna break the rules, leave the campus, and run to Starbucks? Or was there another source of coffee in the school that I, for some reason, was unaware of?
As it happened, there WAS another source of coffee that I'd never even thought about:
The teacher's lounge. (If Iroh starts to feel a little more charitable towards me, I will DEFINETELY be there again.)
I looked from Sokka, to the door in front of me, and back to him. "Sokka, you're a freaking GENIUS!" I said gleefully, leaning over to squeeze him in my exuberance. I let Sokka think it was just the overwhelming joy clouding my judgement, and muttered under my breath, "You have no IDEA how freaking much I've been wanting to do that in ninth grade."
That is, how much I WANTED to do it in ninth grade. Because at this point, I honestly do not have a crush on Sokka. And I plan on keeping it that way - as you probably could've guessed from my objectives. If it starts to happen, I GUESS I won't try to stop it. But there's not much of a chance he'd ever feel the same way, and who wants THAT?
I opened the door and tip-toed in the teacher's lounge while Sokka kept watch outside - just like you see in really bad spy movies all the time! I was pretty sure no one was gonna be there, seeing as it's common knowledge that the teachers all flee campus for lunch at fancy downtown restaurants anyway.
It was empty. I ran over to the coffee pot and inhaled deeply for a moment. Ah. They'd gotten a GOOD quality coffee maker. Then, I poured myself a cup, and grabbed some sugar and cream.
Voices clamored outside. Sokka's, and - WHO was he talking to? I stopped my brain before I had a chance to think, 'teacher,' as it so obviously WAS, and focused really, really hard on convincing myself that there had to be at least ONE student in the school with a voice that deep.
Sadly, my facade came to an end when the door opened, hit the wall with a frustrated bang, and I felt the distinct presence of eyes against my back. With a gulp, I turned around, wondering who it was. 'Anyone but Long Feng,' I prayed. 'Please, PLEASE not Long Fen.'
Fortunetely, it wasn't Long Feng. It was Iroh, our drama teacher.
We stared at each other for a moment. Then, I said, "Hi."
Iroh looked at me, glanced over his shoulder, and chuckled to himself. "You must have really wanted some coffee," he commented, in that wierd accent of his.
"You must have really wanted your tea," I shot back at him. Iroh laughed again, but called us both into the teacher's lounge. He told us he wouldn't tell anyone that he'd found us, but that we owed him a "favor" in return.
Let me tell you, there was a PRETTY evil gleam in his eye when he said that. Still, I didn't let it get to me. I was too intoxicated by the smell wafting up from the coffee in my hand.
But, yeah. I'm not considering that objective screwed JUST yet, seeing as he'll probably just ask me to buy him some high quality tea or something. Hopefully, nothing sexual will be involved.
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EW, I just creeped myself out big time. I think I need to go watch some FOB music videos to clear my mind of the mental images.
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Date: Wednesday, August 28
Time: 7:06
Location: my bathroom
Mood: puzzled
Music: Hell or Glory - I don't want anything in between.
Wait.
Sokka just helped my to get caffeine after a year of...of not hanging out. Of practically not knowing I EXISTED, actually. And the year before that, he was so caught up with Yue that you could barely tell he did know I was around, anyway.
So why'd he help me get caffeine?
Hm. I have to decide if the reclassification of the "Sokka and Toph" case from "Utterly Hopeless, So Just Get a Life and Stop Thinking About Him, Bitch!" to "Okay, So MAYBE There's a One and a Million Chance that You Two Could End Up Together" merits a change of objectives.
Nah. He was probably just suffering from heat stroke. Even though it wasn't all that hot last week. But there's no OTHER excuse for his behavior...is there?
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Date: Thursday, August 29
Time: 10:51pm
Location: my bedroom. Gotta love the posters of FOB, PAD, and MCR.
Mood: suspicious
Music: I've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match - what a catch...
I'm starting to get worried about this whole Professor Iroh thing, 'cause Sokka just called, and...well, he was acting WEIRD, to say the least. It went something like this:
Sokka: So, Toph. Hi.
Me: Yeah? What's up?
Sokka:Y'know how Iroh said we owed him?
Me: Yeah.
Sokka: Um, well, he called me, and, err, talked to me after school today.
Me: What did he want?
Sokka: ...
Me: Seriously, what do we have to do? Wash his car? Clean the drama closet?
Sokka: I'll just...talk to you at school tomorrow, okay?
Then he hung up.
I'm getting a little nervous, I have to admit. It was like he was scared of my reaction or something. Whatever Iroh wants, it can't be THAT bad, right?
...I have a feeling that Fate is going to really screw me over for writing that. Whatever. I'm going to watch Jon Stewart mock people now.
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Date: August 30
Time: 4:14
Location: our kitchen
Mood: furious
Music: I will never believe in anything again, I will never believe in anything again!
Like, EVER.
Because you know what? I'm going to answer the question I asked myself last night: it CAN be that bad. In fact, it is WORSE than that bad. It is ABSOLUTELY FREAKING HORRIBLE. Sokka recounted it to me before school today, and you don't even WANT to know how angry I was when I heard it. Get ready for this:
At FIRST, Iroh only wanted us to help him do some volunteer work for the next few weekends. We're helping people! That's great, right?
Well, apparently for SOKKA it isn't. His shitty BAND has PRACTICE on Saturday's, so NATURALLY, he had to ask him what ELSE they could do - 'cause, obviously, his band TOTALLY outweighs the health and happiness of people everywhere. SURE.
So guess what Iroh said we had to do instead?
THE MUSICAL.
Not only do we now have to try out for the school musical next week, but we also have to accept whatever part we land in the musical. The musical I swore to stay the hell AWAY from! Yeah, that's right! Because of Sokka, I have to SING and DANCE and relive High School Musical OVER and OVER for the next four months!
Luckily, we aren't actually PUTTING ON High School Musical. It's some Broadway musical, Wicked. The title sounds awesome, but most of the time, that ends up being the only good part of the book, movie, album, song, etc, for me. Let's hope that the musical lives up to it's title.
Oh, wait, that can't happen, can it? Seeing as I HATE MUSICALS WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY FREAKING BEING. Exactly why I DON'T want to be in one!
CRAP. DAMMIT. SHIT.
I HATE my fucking life.
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A HAIKU FOR SOKKA KURUK
So you've got a band.
Your decision making skills -
Honestly? THEY SUCK.
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August is coming to an end. (Thank god.)
Sadly, September will be FAR worse.
The absolute most horrible that it could be is Iroh forcing me to audition for anything other than chorus. I just don't think I can handle a re-run of the dark years of my Childhood. (So horrifying that it MUST be capitalized. And don't worry, I'm sure you'll find out about it later.)
(Or WILL you?)
(MWAHAHAHAHA!)
(Sorry. I couldn't resist.)
OVERALL STATUS OF OBJECTIVES -
Two failed, six to go.
(As far as I'M concerned, next summer could not come fast enough.)
A/N: Does it seem similar to I'd Lie thus far? I hope not. If it does, be assured that Toph will be changing her tune REEEEAL soon. ;D And I am totally serious about that. Seriously, you only have to take her indecision for, um...another chapter, MAYBE? Each one covers about two weeks, after all. So, yeah.
Bad news: however much I like this, fifteen reviews is the minimum continuation mark. Nothing you guys did wrong; I just set high standards for myself. :3 So if you like it, and want to find out what happens next, reviewing is a good idea. Thanks! :D