So here I am with another humor fic. Probably plenty of OOC.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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Master Hand gave a sigh of satisfaction as he leaned back in his office chair. There was nothing like a deep kiss to finish off a romance story. "Zelink," he murmured dreamily, envisioning the couple on the top of romantic hill with the sun rising romantically over the horizon and random romantic roses framing the scene. Link would put his romantic arms around Zelda's romantic waist in preparation for their romantic kiss, and she would lean down... Master Hand's romantic ideal was shattered. "Link, why do you have to be so short?" he groaned. Now that he thought about it, Mario wasn't really meeting the standard either. He always had to wear platform shoes when he went to the amusement park, so he could ride the roller coasters.
Only three couples in the whole Mansion, and two had decidedly unromantic males. "Why are the Smashers so much more interesting in these stories than in real life?" Master Hand complained to no one in particular.
"I'm sure they just need a little help," Ridley's voice answered him from behind. "A guiding Hand, you know?" He chuckled, a surprisingly creepy sound.
"What exactly are you getting at? And why are you in my office?" Master Hand didn't bother to turn around.
"I'm employee of the month, remember?" There was the snapping pop of a can of soda being opened. "I get free snacks, but you keep them all in here. Tyrannical, really." There was a sipping sound.
Half of Master Hand wanted to order Ridley out, but half of him wanted to hear what the dragon had to say about the Smash couples.
"Take Samus, for instance," Ridley began. "Who would you like to see her paired with?"
"That's easy. Samarth has been around since Melee."
"Both Samus and Marth are single-"
"And married to it," Master Hand interrupted.
"But with a little encouragement, maybe a candlelight dinner or two-"
"Their true feelings are bound to show!" Master Hand was excited now, straightening in his chair. "They are destined for each other, Ridley. I know it. Nothing, not even their own misgivings can stand in the way of true love! Mwah ha ha ha."
Ridley took another sip of the soda. "All you need is a plan."
"Oh ho ho. This is gonna be so good." Master Hand spun around in his chair. "I've got to find Crazy right away. And I can count on you too, right? Great!" Master Hand went zipping past the dragon and out the door.
"Tyrannical, really," Ridley muttered. "Why's he allowed to fly around indoors, but I'm a 'hazard'?" He tilted his head back and poured the rest of the soda down his throat. He skewered the empty can on his claw with another creepy chuckle. "Samus is gonna kill me. Oh well. She's been trying that for who knows how long."
Short. I know. The next chapters are likely to be longer, this was more of an introduction. This is a pastime fic, so I have no schedule for updates. The chapters will come when they come.
So like I said in the summary, I already have some aspects of this planned out, but if there's a pairing you'd like to see Master Hand mess around with, LMK in a review. I'm not going to promise to use it, but you never know what might happen. :) I'm not going to do any slash pairings, though.