Is Love Enough? (Sequel To Betrayal In The First Degree)
This story is dedicated toeveryone who reviewed to BITFD,because without their reviews this never would have gotten off the ground!
Hey everyone! I'm ba-ack! Geez, you all have to be so difficult. Do both! Start with two and then do one. I'm just kidding, I love y'all. So it'll be both, just to make everyone happy.Here are the guidelines for this story.
I've decided to give the jumping back and forth from person to person thing a break, so this whole story is in third person. Though, I still jump back and forth between the character's heads... You'll see.The italics thing still applies to dreams, thoughts, flashbacks, and stressed words. And I've given up on the lyrics, too much work! If I think they're really important, I'll work them into the chapter, like I have in this one!
Just so you know the setting, this is right after the last chapter in BITFD where Elliot leaves Olivia's apartment. It's nothing much,just a little something to tide you over until I write more.I have school, so I haven't had much chance to write. And, because I now have a life and responsibilites again, damnit ;), I can't update every day. But I will update as much as possible, whenever I can. Anyway, enjoy!
Chapter One - Denial: A River of Coffee and Alcohol
As Elliot drove along, he angrily fought back the tears that were trying so desperately to fall from his eyes. He felt like a teenager who just got dumped by his girlfriend. But he hadn't been dumped, or even rejected. Heartbroken, yes, but wasn't that his own fault? He'd been slowly chipping away at the professional relationship he had with Olivia, until it was completely gone, leaving a hole in their friendship. With nothing else to fill it, wasn't it just a matter of time before he started considering her as more than a friend? Wasn't it only natural? Put a man and a woman together long enough and eventually instincts take over, right?
Somehow, that logic didn't comfort him as he accelerated the car, flying over the pavement and missing his street, not that he noticed. He was too concerned with the arguing voices in his head. Half said he did the right thing and half were screaming at him to pull his car around and go back to Olivia's. Searching around the streets, he looked for something, anything to offer him a solution to quiet his thoughts. His eyes first landed on the obvious, a bar.
He shook his head and turned his eyes back to the road. Right now, with everything he was feeling, he couldn't afford to get drunk. If he did, there was a really good chance he would stumble over to Olivia's in the middle of the night, throw himself at her feet, and confess his undying love for her. Yeah, right. That only comes out okay in the movies. Since he couldn't drown them in alcohol, he decided to drown out the voices with music.
Turning his radio on, he starting searching through the preset stations. When he found nothing but the pop and hip-hop that his two older daughters listened to, he realized they had messed with the buttons. Frustration over-took him as he slammed his fist against the system, pressing a button that changed the radio to yet another pop station. Grumbling profanities to himself, he shifted his gaze back to the road and left the radio as it was, not much in the mood or budget for having to purchase a new car if he destroyed this one.
"Is there any single people out there tonight?" A smooth baritone voice came from the speakers. "Have you found that special someone but just can't bring yourself to tell them your true feelings?" Elliot's brows furrowed as he shot a death glare towards the offense radio system. Even some late-night DJ he'd never met could read him like a book. "Then here's a new one for you. It's the latest from Jessie McCartney, 'Why Don't You Kiss Her?'" A soft guitar solo filled the car as the teenage boy's voice came on.
"We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything that is on my mind
Oh, lately something's changed
As I lay awake in my bed
A voice here inside my head softly says
"Why don't you kiss her?
Why don't you tell her?
Why don't you let her see the feelings that you hide?
'Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
"Oh, I'm so afraid
To make that first move
Just a touch and we could cross the line
Oh, every time she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart knows
Hold her close"
Listening to each word, Elliot felt his hands release the white-knuckle grip he hadn't even noticed he had on the steering wheel. His foot also took some pressure off of the gas pedal as each verse struck a chord inside him.
"Why don't you kiss her?
Why don't you tell her?
Why don't you let her see the feelings that you hide?
'Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
"What would she say?
I wonder would she just turn away?
Of would she promise me that she's here to stay?
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself
"Why don't you kiss her?
(Tell her you love her)
Why don't you tell her?
(Tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see the feelings that you hide?
'Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
Why don't you kiss her?
(Why don't you kiss her?)"
"Why don't I?" He asked of himself as the song ended. Suppose he did go back to Olivia's and tell her his feelings? What would he have to lose? Listening to that song had made him realize that he could never just be friends with Olivia while a part of him still longed for so much more.
"Because she doesn't feel the same way," he softly groaned and answered his own question, his vision blurring as tears filled his eyes. Smacking the power button, he quieted the DJ's voice. Awkwardly running the side of his hand against his eyes, he attempted to dry them, turning his sight to the side of the road as he came upon a stoplight. The neon signs in the convenient store glowed under the setting sun, catching his attention.
A few minutes later, he emerged from the entrance, a twelve pack of beer in his hand. Since he couldn't get drunk in a bar for fear he'd lose control of his actions, he decided to lock himself inside his house and get drunk. No one to stop me… He tossed the box in the back seat of his car and drove away, nothing to look forward to but downing each one, trying to get too drunk to remember any dreams he may have of Olivia and what could never be.
--XXX--
Why can't everything be black and white? Right or wrong, innocent or guilty… I love him or I only see him as a friend… Olivia wondered to herself as she twirled the spoon around in her cup of coffee, barely noticing the stray drops splashing out here and there. There was only one person in her mind that stood out amongst her jumbled thoughts right now - Elliot.
They say that there is always that one moment in every person's life when you can just tell that things will never be the same again. Of course, for her that would be the night she was raped, but not for the reason most would assume. It wasn't because that was the minute her life was ruined, or was over, it was the minute her life just started, and became confusing as hell.
In all the time she'd spent with Elliot over the past week, he'd slowly grown on her to the point where she started feeling… different about him. But she just couldn't seem to put a label on the things going on inside her head and heart. Something in the way she regarded him had changed, that much she was sure of, but into what and to what extent? She didn't want to say love, but it was the closest thing to it she'd felt in years. She really cared for him, and not just as friends.
She'd been feeling this for awhile, but what really made it bubble to the surface was Elliot's appearance as he drifted off into some daydream while she'd been talking to him. It was a mix of longing… and wanting… Things she'd been feeling as well. For a split moment, she'd even entertained the idea that he'd been thinking about her. But even when she'd chased after him, given him the perfect opportunity to say anything he was feeling, he'd said nothing. Maybe seeing that look was just wishful thinking, her eyes showing her something that she only wanted so desperately to be there, to justify her feelings.
Either way, it doesn't much matter know, does it? A glum frown on her face, she rose from her dining room table and casually tossed the remains of her cold coffee into the sink. Maybe it would be better if she just forgot these emotions. No good would come from holding onto them, and she certainly couldn't act on them either. Ignoring them would be the best thing for everyone…
Flipping the kitchen light off, she checked the locks on the front door before heading off to her bedroom to try and sleep off the nagging feeling that was tugging at the pit of her heart.