Introduction

Hello everyone...

I would like to present Forever and Always Book Three to you. It follows on from Forever and Always Book One and Two. It is the continuing adventures of Marian Hawke and Anders.

Please note that I will submit the chapters of Forever and Always Book Two once I have re-edited it, but I thought everyone would like to continue reading my story and that is why I have published Book Three. I will submit a few more chapters in the upcoming days.

I am currently working on the the fifth book, but at the moment I am a bit stuck with trying to put my thoughts to paper, but in the mean time, read the first chapter of Book Three and some of you may be interested to know that I am also currently working on a 30 chapter novel titled Salvation Book One...of which I have already submitted ten chapters. It is also about Marian and Anders, but it is the darker side of being a mage - blood magic and abominations.

If this is not to your liking, then feel free to read Healing Carver.

Thank you...

SammyGal123

Disclaimer

I do not own the names, locations and certain plot lines I may use as they remain the property of BIOWARE, however the story is of my own creation.

Forever and Always Book Three by SammyGal123

Prologue

The sun is setting and I'm standing on the deck of a ship that is going to take us across the Waking Sea, to the Free Marches where I hope I will be able to make a home for my brother and mother. It was not without difficulty we found ourselves here after agreeing to help Flemeth who saved us from the Darkspawn. I'm carrying an amulet I'm supposed to deliver to someone called Marethari. Flemeth told us that we would find her in a Dalish Camp just outside the walls of Kirkwall. As soon as we boarded the ship, I stuffed the amulet to the bottom of my bag under Anders' pillow. I did not like the way it felt and I had to put it somewhere out of my sight.

We fled Lothering because of the Darkspawn Horde. We barely escaped when they appeared on the horizon shortly after my brother stumbled into the house battered and bruised, but he was not seriously injured. He was at Ostagar for a month, but they were hopelessly defeated. They were waiting for aid and when the beacon was lit, the aid never came. The Darkspawn slaughtered everyone in sight except for a few stragglers who managed to flee the battlefield. We did not have much time and we only packed the essentials. I packed my journal and his pillow and a few items of clothing, but that was all.

Chapter One

Marian

"Marian, let us go below deck. It is cold," Carver says as he wraps his arm around my shoulder. I glance at him and there are dark circles around his eyes. He has been very brave and strong since an ogre crushed our sister, killing her instantly. It was traumatic for all of us, but more so for Carver. Bethany was his lover first, his sister second and he loved her with all his heart.

"I don't want to go, just yet. I don't want to have to look Mother in the eye and tell her I'm sorry I allowed her to charge off like that. I can't face her and as for Aveline, she is in deep mourning for her husband," I say softly. I'm numb to the core. I don't want to feel anything so I built a wall around my heart and I kept everyone at arm's length. The only person who would be able to find his way into my heart would be Anders and I'm leaving him behind not knowing if he is still alive. We have been apart for three years and it has been the most painful three years of my life. It pained me greatly when I though about it and what made it worse was that I haven't heard from him for six months.

"I blame myself, Mari. I blame myself for not protecting my Bethy, as I should have. It was my fault. I promised myself that I would not allow any harm to befall her especially after what I did to her before I joined the army. I failed her, Sis. I failed her and my heart is breaking...I feel...so empty. So much so, it hurts," he explains.

"I know you loved her, Carver, but she lives in you. She will always be in your heart and in the special memories you shared. Knowing my sister, I don't think she would want you to feel so sad," I say softly.

"I wish I did as she asked," he says quietly.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"She wanted to have a child with me, Mari. She wanted my child, but I refused her. If I gave her a child then we would have something to remember her by, but we...I have nothing, except for a void that no-one will ever fill," he replies.

"She never told me that, but then why did she ask Anders for a remedy to prevent an unexpected pregnancy?" I ask.

"So that explains why she never conceived. Mari, I told her it was too risky because of our blood and being twins. She was upset at first, but she realised I was right. That is one of the reasons why I joined the army. I knew it was going to happen. I knew she was going to conceive and I also realised we needed distance from each other," he says.

"But you hurt her, Carver," I remind him.

"I know and it hurt me when I realised it. It hurt me when I saw her bruised wrists and back. I could not believe I was so rough with her and all she had ever done was love me," he says quietly.

"Why did you hurt her? She never told me and neither did Anders."

"I wanted to make sure she would remain loyal to me. It was possessive jealousy. I could not stand the thought that she might find someone else, but she never did. She loved only me and now she is dead and I blame myself. Why did it have to be her, Mari? She was my love, my life and the Darkspawn took her from me. Is the maker punishing me for loving my sister in all the wrong ways?" he asks, tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Oh Carver," I whisper. I feel his pain and sadness as if it were my own. "I don't have the answer you are seeking. Maker knows why these things happen, but you must remember that she lives in you, in all of us."

He wraps his arms around me, he clings to me and all I do is rest my head on his chest. I hear the beating of his heart and I place my hand over it. I feel a small oval object and I unbutton his shirt. We gave the locket to her on her sixteenth birthday. It has her initials and seeing them, causes me to start crying for her, for Carver and for myself. I don't know how it happens, but before either of us realise it, he captures my mouth in a kiss. A kiss that is hungry and needful. It quickly deepens into something more. I feel his hands on the small of my back and I give a startled sigh when I feel the extent of his need pressing against my stomach.

Mari love, sweetie...Have you forgotten me?

"Carver, please stop," I say quietly as I gently push him away.

"No, Mari, please? It will ease our pain," he says quietly as he lean towards me.

"I...I can't...I'm sorry," I say softly.

"You want to, Mari. Please?" he asks. I look away. I feel confused and overwhelmed. How can I want to make love to my own brother when I am so deeply in love with Anders?

"He need never know should you find him and if I know you, and I do, you will do whatever you can to find him," he says softly as he gently massages my cheek with his thumb.

"Carver, I don't want to betray his trust," I whisper.

"One night is all I ask. Perhaps we will find some solace in that," he says softly as he kisses my forehead.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me below deck where it is warmer?" he asks as he releases me and any warmth I feel at being so close to him, disappears. I wrap my arms around myself and I turn away from him, deep in thought.

"Fine," he says softly. I don't turn around until I'm sure he is out of sight and I fall to my knees. I want it so much, but I cannot, I will not cross that line with him. I'm too tightly bound to Anders and I would never be able to forgive myself if I allowed Carver to make love to me. As much as I craved some sort of intimacy, I don't want him to be the one to give it to me. I take a deep breath and I look at the twilit sky. It is beautiful and the port of Gwaren is already disappearing from sight. I wasn't even aware we are moving and it fills me with sadness. I lift my hand in a sad salute as the final bit of land, disappears and I realise that there would be no going back now.

"Goodbye my love," I whisper.

It is not goodbye, my sweet Mari. I will find you...

"I hope so, Andy," I whisper.

I go below deck and I find my way through the many refugees to where my family is sitting. My mother is crying again and Aveline is speaking to Carver about the battle of Ostagar. I quietly seat myself next to him and I slip my arms around his waist.

"Got too cold for you?" he asks.

"Yes. What of it?" I ask as I remove my arms, but he reaches for my hands.

"If you are cold, then I am happy to share some of my warmth with you," he replies.

"That is what brothers are for," I tease and he gives me a cheeky smile. He turns back to Aveline and they continue with their discussion. I find myself drifting and it is not long until Mabari rests his head in my lap. I watch my mother bring herself under control and I reach for her hand. She looks at me and then looks away.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"That won't bring Bethany back," she murmurs. I look away from her feeling hurt. So much for a wall around my heart, is my last thought as I fall asleep.