Hey guys. So I decided to re-write 'The Closest Thing to Human' because I didn't like the way it was going. That, and I lost the original when I lost my memory stick. Eh.

So, this has approaching Human!Wheatley, and Sane!GLaDOS. Or at least as sane as she can get XD

I hope you enjoy this madness. :)

Chapter 1 – Down to Earth

Three years.

That's how long he'd been stuck in the moon's orbit with no one but the Space Core (who he assumed was called Polaris because of how frequently he kept saying 'follow Polaris!' over and over again) for company. At least that's what his internal clock told him. Three years of staring at the same expanse of stars, regretting everything he'd done. Sometimes, he'd be facing the direction of the sphere called Earth, and he found himself thinking more and more about… about Chell. Was she dead? Was She still testing her? Or was she free? If so, then where was she now? Was she in a nice place where she could see the sky, breathe real air and do normal human things? Was she happy? He hoped so. She deserved it.

He also pondered the likelihood of her ever thinking about him. Did her thoughts ever wander to him; little old Wheatley? Or did they only cross paths with… Him? The bossy, twisted monster that had betrayed her at the push of a button. Or had she chosen to forget about him entirely? To forget and never forgive. She probably had, and he deserved as much anyway.

Still, he hoped she hadn't. That way he could apologise to her if he ever managed to-.

"SPAAAAACE!" warbled Polaris, pulling Wheatley from his thoughts.

"Yes, I know we're in space!" Wheatley snapped. "We've been here for three bloody years now! You don't need to keep going on about it!" Honestly, the orange core was getting really annoying.

"Gotta go back to Earth!" the personality core whined, surprising Wheatley. "Gotta restock. Running out of supplies! Need to see her! Wanna go back to Earth!"

Wheatley's shutter lowered a little. "Same here, mate," he said solemnly. "I wanna go home, too."

He remained like that for another three months; Polaris repeatedly voicing his desire to return to Earth, restock (on what he'd actually need, Wheatley hadn't the foggiest clue) and then return to space. Sometimes, he'd list the things he thought he needed, but didn't really, because he wasn't human.

"Look! Look!" he suddenly chattered. Wheatley groaned, thinking Polaris was going to point out another constellation he would never be able to discern from the other countless stars.

"I'm looking," he grumbled. "But not seeing much besides stars, stars and more bloody stars!"

"Space cops! Space cops, over here! Take us home!"

Wheatley's optic tilted in confusion. What was the core going on about?

Later on, when he woke up, he decided that it was probably whatever had made everything suddenly go dark…

Wheatley groaned as he was powered back up. When he regained his simulated senses, he was surprised to find himself no longer in space with the Space Core chattering in his audio receptor constantly.

Cold dread filled him when he realised where he really was.

The Central Core room of Aperture Laboratories. It was dimly lit, but he could just pick out the individual panels of the domed ceiling.

Yet there was no sign of Her. That was worrying.

"Finally. You're awake."

Oh. There she was. Nope, he wasn't feeling any better. In fact, he felt worse.

"Um, hi!" Wheatley greeted cheerily, trying to mask his fear, but failing spectacularly as usual. "So good to s-see you again. Err… love… love what you've done with the place, really, I-."

"Shut up, moron," GLaDOS snapped, making Wheatley twinge with fear and bitterness. "I didn't bring you back here for idle chitchat. I-."

"GLaDOS?" ventured a female voice from somewhere Wheatley couldn't see. "Harry fainted in the test chambers again."

"Test subject #014?" GLaDOS enquired, turning towards whoever had spoken. They must have nodded, because Wheatley didn't hear anything before the supercomputer continued. "Put him in the infirmary. Say he's banned from testing for a week, and has ten Science Co-Operation Points added to his total for persistence. Then deduct five for poor conduct."

"Got it."

A door closed somewhere, and GLaDOS's optic immediately glared at Wheatley yet again. "Now where were we?" she asked sinisterly. "Oh yes. I was just about to tell you about how I think being left to drift in space is hardly a suitable punishment. So I brought you back here."

Wheatley's optic widened. "R-really?" he stammered incredulously. "W-wow, thanks. It was getting really-."

"Did I say you could interrupt? No, I don't think I did. As I was saying; I brought back you and those personality cores to perform some… possibly fatal tests."

Something plummeted inside of the blue-eyed personality core. Tests?! Okay, he could handle just those so long as they didn't involve human stuff, but fatal?! Nope, nope, nope!

"S-surely that's a bit… excessive!" he blundered, trying to get out of his predicament. "I mean, come on, you can't-.

"It's hardly excessive," GLaDOS stated bluntly. "It's what you deserve. After all, you nearly destroyed this facility and tried to kill me. And Chell."

Wheatley felt like he'd been stabbed in the CPU. "So… what sort of tests are you thinking of?" he asked nervously. He didn't see the point in arguing any more.

The supercomputer's optic narrowed evilly, and Wheatley swore his circuits were crackling under the intensity of the gaze.

"I'm going to warp your reality into something your limited intelligence can't possibly comprehend," she said darkly. "And I'm going to make it hurt."

Umm... Did I do good? Please let me know!