PREFACE: Alice

My life had always been filled with endless darkness. Everything had always been a solemn repetition: pain and sorrow, pain and sorrow. As soon as I felt I've finally found a light, a soft candlelight that steadily grows to become a roaring fire that brightly illuminates my entire universe, someone just has to come along with a dark hole for a heart and pour a bucket of water upon my future.

But when the flame was extinguished this time, consequently, the darkness became even darker then what I remembered because the memory of the light would be forever locked inside me. And you can't help but hope that the light will someday come back, but with each passing day the hope dimes until, finally, it is gone. And when it is gone, all you ever feel like doing is curling up in a corner to be drowned in self-pity.

I slowly looked down at the letter in my hands, its crumpled surface tearstained by the droplets that still ran relentlessly down my pale cheeks from my violet eyes.

Why me?

I could only think of one thing that I needed to ever be punished for, but did God have to be so evil? I think that the path fate had pushed me down was treacherous and surely death was preferable.

Death was preferable…

I slowly and almost painfully lifted myself off the wine colored armchair that sat before an empty fireplace. As though I had age a century, I made my way to the polished wood staircase that glowered at me sadly in the dimly-lit room.

My arms barely holding my weight as they tightly gripped the forlorn handrail, I pushed myself desperately to my room and what I hoped could bring a certain amount of comfort. It did little help, the room held too many memories, memories I know I should forget, but I know I never will.

I lowered myself onto the bed and contemplated death. I wasn't scared of it. I've already attempted it, but then I was more fearful, left opportunities for people to stop me. No. Even if death sounded like the most comfortable thing I could imagine, I wouldn't go the easy way now. The easy way always brought me regrets. I have a reason o live, albeit a small reason in a way, it is still a reason and I will do it the hard way. I'll push aside my weakness, my thoughts of death, and let that small reason keep me going. The only question left was: how long can I keep that small reason in enough light, for me not to give up on it?

I guess fate will show its way…