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Chapter 1

The Snake Butted Dude vs. Magenta's Snark

Why can't we high five properly?

Oh, sorry. Wasn't talking to you. But, now I am. So, hi! If you're hearing this, then you're most likely a demigod. You know, half God, half mortal? You're supposed to know that by now. I hope you do, otherwise I'll seem like a crazy nut to you. [Well, I know I am, and you know I am, but they don't have to know that!] Sorry, that was Magenta. She's my bestie….for some reason. [Ow! Stop jabbing me!]

Chiron asked us to record our adventurers down. Hopefully you already know the guy. He's kinda hard to miss-that is, if he's in his actual form. If he's hiding the bottom of a horse in his wheelchair, you might just think he's some old teacher. [Yes, okay, technically he is, but that's besides the point! Magenta, stay on task or get out]. Since both Magenta and I are too lazy to actually write, we're going to do a little something inspired by our Egyptian friends Carter and Sadie Kane. They're epic. If you ever get a hold of their records, you should totally give them a listen.

Right, so. Chiron asked us to do this because he wants to try a use of this new technology. Hermes, the god of thieves and messages, originally invented the Internet-did you know? [Magenta, thank him later.] Because he didn't want his children being left out of the loop, he finally came out with this awesome new version of the Internet-and really, technologies. I don't know the details. What did Dionysus say? Something about how he snuck into Apple headquarters and got the one guy to magically make it-I don't really know. Don't really care, actually. The point is, now we can actually use technology of the twenty first century without the worry that we're alerting the attention of every monster in the area. Oh, but if you have a phobia of snakes, you won't enjoy the experience too much. No matter what, you'll always get these weird pop ups of two snakes-one blue and one red. They're not viruses, don't freak. They have working exit buttons, but it's almost like...they just want to let you know they're there. Ugh, I'm not making any sense. Anywho!

Camp Half Blood has just been upgraded.

For tumblr-obsessies like Magenta and myself, this is a godsend. Literally. I think.

Oh! I'm forgetting my name. My name's Ann. Nice to meet ya!

So, I guess I should finally start this weird little story of ours. Be warned, there are a lot of plants involved.

It really started back towards the end of Junior year-beginning of May, I think [Magenta is now informing me it was actually mid-May. Whatever]. That's when we finally made sense of all the weird stuff that had happened to us in our childhoods. Now, our childhoods weren't messed up, exactly. I think we had pretty good childhoods, really. But every now and then, something weird would happen to us we couldn't explain. Like how I walked in my first day of any school ever, completely hysterical because no I don't want to go in there I want to go home. Smart kid, what can I say.

Anyways, as some kind teachers shepherded me down the hallway, both drinking fountains at each end of the hallway exploded. The fountains were blasted right off the wall by two jets of water, which then lowered into a steady waterfall, plopping onto the floor and causing a proper mess.

Once Magenta, in 3rd grade, had mentioned how she liked a girl's bracelet. Everyone else claimed Magenta stole it, but Magenta swore that the bracelet just flew into her hand the moment the girl took it off. Still, no adult believes a 3rd grader saying this, so she had to sit out the rest of the day in the principal's office. Jeb couldn't pick her up then, and her mom was at work, of course.

Then, our 7th grade class had participated in a park clean up. This was a weird day. First, all the kids Magenta didn't like just kept stepping into sinkholes that seemed to pop out of nowhere. Second, when Magenta got a little ticked that she couldn't play on the roundabout since it was so full of kids...when all of a sudden the ground seemed to just...shift. Thanks to that, the roundabout spun so quickly it was basically the song "Raining Men"-but with kids instead. No wonder they're considered safety hazards nowadays-I clearly remember a few kids actually flying over my head-and I'd been a good thirty feet away. Finally, in 9th grade-and now this was creepy-we'd been running late, so Ms. P had decided to take a shortcut to school. This involved passing a graveyard. We were so elated about how fast we got home, that Magenta and I decided to walk home after school that way….Only….Well, the bones of all the dead people buried? Yeah, they were no longer buried. All of them lie right in front of their gravestones. We were so freaked, we never even spoke of going down that way again. We'd deal with the detention of being late before ever walking that way again.

Weird, right? Maybe all of these are coincidences, but Magenta and I never really thought so. They were too...often. Something wasn't right.

Turns out, we're demigods. Both our mom's did the do with powerful beings of pure energy and general awesomeness. For you, whoever you are, listening to this, maybe it was your dad. But my mom had little baby me with the God of the Sea, Poseidon. I don't know how she met him[How do you stumble across a god? Oh shush, Magenta. We don't have time for your nutty explanations], since my mom died giving birth to me. Unless Poseidon sends letters(he doesn't), I will probably never know. Luckily, Magenta's mom happened to be there when my mom died. Magenta's mom was preggers with Magenta at the time, but she hadn't yet left for maternal leave, so she saw the whole thing. Magenta's mom has never been married. She took me in, and I've lived with the human color ever since[Ow! How was that even offensive to you?!].

Magenta was born a few months later on Thanksgiving. Right before Magenta's Mom went into labor, Uncle Jeb came and joined the party. Uncle Jeb is Magenta's mother's brother[Don't you "duh" me!], and he's more of a housewife then Ms. P could ever be. She's so busy with her work, he's normally the one who cooks, cleans, and tends to our needs. But he does work-he's a tattoo artist. He promised me a free one forever ago, and now I've got a sweet hippocampus on my forearm. I didn't get that until last year, though. That's not relevant to the story. Why am I telling you this? Whatever.

Uncle Jeb also once did something weird. He came home late, all sulky and quiet. Now, if you know Uncle Jeb, this either means he's sick or he messed up someone's tattoo so badly they're suing(it's happened). Instead, he looked at Ms. P., then tossed me this italian Charm Bracelet. It was one of those bracelets that most people either wear forever or they don't even look at because they can pinch your skin. Back then, I was...how old was I? Eleven? I think I was eleven. At first, I barely wore it. But Uncle Jeb noticed me never wearing it and practically begged me to keep it on me forever. When that didn't work, he just guilted me into it. P.S, don't do that. He was technically saving my life, but you shouldn't guilt people to get them to do stuff.

Eventually I wore it everyday. It only has 6 actual charms with something on them, and all represent my personality pretty well, so I never thought anything of them. The rest of the charms are this cool blue color, although the paint has chipped off a lot. Nowadays, I feel naked and afraid if I don't have it on. Back then, before I knew of my demigod-isness, I just felt naked without it.

One charm is a round painting of a chestnut horse. It has a white strip going down it's face, and it's black mane is swept to the side like a wind is blowing it. You can see a farm in the background behind it. That's my favorite charm. You'll see why in a bit. Another one is a silver dolphin. It's made so it looks like it's jumping out of the water. Then there's a sun, one with some music notes on it, and finally, a glued on horse pulling a carriage carving.

Pretty cool stuff, I thought.

Uncle Jeb gave Magenta her future weapon and life safer too, but I'll let her tell you about it. For now, I'll just say that it's this long chain of a necklace with a cluster of rings on them.

Ms. P. never liked the bracelet. She always scowled whenever she saw it and shot Uncle Jeb dark looks, which I didn't think was fair, and didn't understand. She never spoke out against me having it, besides from the look of pure horror on her face that one fateful night at the dinner table when Uncle Jeb had given us our new accessories.

Now, our story doesn't really start until the dude with the snake butt[A gemini, they're called. Not as in the sign, I have nothing against geminis, but these gemini's are...well, different] attacked us.

We were in school, and both of us were in separate classes. Our school was weird in the fact that instead of 8 forty minute periods, we have four eighty minute blocks a day. I was sitting, bored out of my mind, in my Microsoft Word and Excel class-where they taught us how Microsoft Office work. I was using(by some luck), a newer Apple Computer that had the design of a caduceus-the staff with the two snakes looping around it, where the Apple was supposed to go instead. That was weird to me, but I never questioned it. Tip to all demigods: only use tech if it has that mark on it somewhere. That means it's Hermes special brand, and you will not be inviting the monsters over for dinner.

Anyways, I was sitting there, clicking on the keys with one finger while the other hand pressed against my cheek to keep my head up. I was contemplating a nap when the phone rang.

The teacher picked up.

I waited for some other kid to be told that he was needed down at the Guidance Office or that someone's parents were there, but to my surprise, my teacher turned to me. "Ann, they need you downstairs in the basement. Room 2." She hung up her phone.

"Should I take my stuff?" I asked.

My teacher nodded. "Probably."

I blinked, then logged out of my computer and shut it down. I snatched my bag, standing and throwing it over my shoulder. I internally groaned at the weight of it, and marched out of the room. Thinking about it now, I wonder if my teacher was secretly a monster too. She was boring enough for it.

Outside, I turned towards the stairs. I wasn't really paying attention until I actually turned and stared down the stairs. Who else but Magenta was standing at the bottom of the staircase, doubled over and breathing heavy. [Ow! What? You were!].

"I can't even escape you for a minute, can I?" I asked, hopping down the stairs towards her.

Magenta turned, and a smile pulled on her lips as she turned and groaned. "Noooooo. Not you again."

I laughed and teasingly punched her in the shoulder. "What are you doing out of English?" I nodded to Magenta's bag.

She tapped mine. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I apparently have been summoned to the basement. I don't know why, though."

"Same."

We blinked at each other. It was like all those moments before-where we both knew something was wrong and it didn't click. Who needed us? And...why in the basement?

Nevertheless, we were good, obedient high school students and we headed down the stairs together.

Word to the wise: never be a good, obedient high school student.

The school's basement was half illuminated by lights, half left in the dark. There were a few windows, but they were those small, tiny windows you couldn't really make anything out of it. It smelled like dust and was stuffy. There were a few classrooms, but they were never really actually used.

Magenta and I looked around. From the stairs, the basement lead off from the base of an L shaped hallway. We couldn't see anyone, so Magenta casually poked her head into a closet. She pulled her head back out and shook her head, closing the door. "No one is in there."

"It's a broom closet." I informed her. "Who did you think was going to be in there?"

"The janitor? I don't know, don't question me." She bopped me with a pen and strutted down towards the classrooms-the hallway where the lights were on. I followed, looking around. A feeling of dread had started to weigh down on my chest like a hot iron. I found my hand going to my bracelet, and I noted how Magenta started to feel for her necklace of rings. She always kept it hidden in her shirt so it didn't bounce around so much as she walked.

"Room 2." I said.

"I know. I'm looking for it."

"Which is why you walked right past it?" I said, resting my hand on the door handle as

she stopped. The handle was ice cold and I resisted the urge to pull away. Magenta joined me at the doorway and poked her head against the glass. She looked around.

"I don't see anyone in there."

I twisted the handle. "It's not locked."

Magenta stepped back, looking a little uneasy. "What do you think we did?"

I shrugged, and pushed the door. It swung open, revealing an old lecture know how those rooms are shaped, right? Like, they're tilted so that the next row of seats can see the instructor. Everything was off, nothing was on...but there was a dark lump in the high left corner. A low hissing filled the air, and I looked at Magenta, but she was looking back at me.

So, neither of us had made the noise.

Then the thing moved. It uncurled itself, leaning out. Hissing was now accompanied by a scratching sound-like someone was ripping a carpet off the floor. The thing twisted, and when I saw what it was, I grabbed Magenta's arm as we stepped back towards the doorway.

The thing leaned forward, grinning. "Hello, girlssssssssss." Hissed the thing.

How do I describe it? [Yeah, yeah, I know it was a snake man! But I want to give them a clear picture….Don't make that face!] The thing had the upper half of a man. He wore a blue and white striped shirt, with a little dark blue bowtie at the base of his collar. His hair was nicely waved so it all was facing one way. He looked...well, like a teacher...until you noticed the sickly green shade of his skin, or the way his face was too jutted out. His eyes were not human-slitted in the way a reptile's would be. His grin revealed a mouth full of sharp teeth. Plus, he had a cobra's hood going from the top of his head, down to the bottom of his waist. That's where the human stopped. The rest of his body was one of a massive snake. Now that I saw all the green and black scales, I could pick out the lump that was the rest of his body. He'd been curled around in the way a snake sleeps.

"You...You're…..What?" I muttered, intelligently.

The man chuckled-which sounded pretty human. But then he lifted himself up and lied down across the desks, slowly moving down towards us. While doing this, he started to roll up his sleeves, carefully tucking them in.

My heart crawled into my throat, and I felt like I could barely breathe. I was gripping Magenta's arm so hard I thought it'd burst off. Suddenly Magenta did the only thing she's good at-get us into more trouble[Ow!]. "Well, that's unexpected. How long have you been teaching here? I haven't seen much of Jeremy around lately-he's this annoying kid in my Chemistry class. Did you, by any chance, eat him? Because, if you did, I owe you a thanks."

I looked back at her in horror, while the monster stopped, confused. He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head at Magenta. Magenta's overall appearance was calm, but her lips quivered and she was clutching her bag like it was a lifeline. Her knuckles were white.

"I am no teacher. I am a gemini. We are snake-people." He looked like he was going to continue, but then Magenta said.

"That's cool. I'm a Sagittarius. And I could have told you that." Magenta said. She finally grasped my wrist. "Well then, Mr. Snake Man, we'll just be going back to class now."

"Oh, will you?" He laughed, a quiet sound. He began to move forward again, faster this time. He suddenly put on a burst of speed and loomed over us, spreading his snake hood and blocking the low light from the small windows. "Powerful demigodssssss. You will tassssssste delicoussssssssss."

Magenta reacted before I did. We'd already left the door open, so all it really took was her grasping both my arms and yanking us backwards as hard as she could when he lunged down towards us.

I finally jumped into action, adrenaline pumping through my blood faster than lightning. Magenta's tug had knocked out feet out from underneath us, so we were on the ground. I scrambled to my feet, my bag bumping around my shoulders awkwardly. "Go! Go go go!" I screamed at Magenta, pulling her too her feet and bolting for it.

But something grabbed both our bags, and we squawked like birds as we were abruptly stopped. The gemini laughed cruelly. "Silly girls, you can't outrun me."

I slipped my arms through my bag and dropped to the ground. I was so busy freaking out, I hadn't realized he'd lifted us off the floor as well. Magenta followed suit, and we started to run again.

However, just as we reached the staircase, the monster lunged-throwing itself forward so it's body landed on the railing, slipping down like a slow, creepy waterfall to the actual stairs. He made a face. "Oh, why do you have to leave? Classes are no fun, stay and have some dinner with me." At the last few words, his mouth opened in a grin and he showed his teeth, widening his eyes in a horrifying copy of Michael Jackson at the end of Thriller.

Magenta snorted. "One, it's only 1:20 something. Two, I'd rather listen to my classmates monotone version of "The Crucible" then grab a burger with you!" She called, already bolting down towards the other end of the hallway.

The snake man's grin faded and he looked at me in confusion. He jabbed a thumb in her fleeing direction. "Is she always like that?"

"Yeah, pretty much!" I called, locking my eyes on my friend's long, dark brown hair as she ran. I sprinted at full-speed...which made for a very painful faceplant when I tripped over my own backpack[Sorry, Magenta's screaming something about betrayal, try to block it out].

The snake man's hand grasped my ankle strongly. I twisted and screamed. He was lowered so his chest was on the ground. I almost found myself envious of the way he could move. I loved swimming for the reason he embodied-free movement. Underwater, I didn't need any point of gravity. I could flip and twirl and spin and lie down and still move. This guy seemed to be able to turn his body any way he wanted. "At least one of you is staying for lunch!"

I screamed again, and instinct kicked in. Where the moves came from, I don't know. Maybe my adrenaline, maybe pure luck, maybe I was actually good at hand to hand combat and I just hadn't known it yet. I twisted back onto my belly and pulled my leg that he had grabbed forward, forcing him to lean forward a bit. Then I lashed out with my other leg, nailing him across the face so hard, I saw...well, not blood, but little dust particles shoot from his nostrils and towards the floor.

Magenta's hero instincts must have been kicking in as well, because suddenly she was there. She grasped the monster's wrist tightly, and twisted.

I winced, the monster's screaming was high pitched and annoying. He released me as his fingers jerked uncontrollably, and Magenta hauled me to my feet. As we ran, I looked at her. "You just broke his wrist!" I shouted.

"I saved your life! Now, run, you fool!" Of all the times for a Lord of the Rings reference. She shoved my shoulder and pushed me towards an emergency exit. I lunged for the doors, relief filling through me like bubbly spring water.

The spring water turned to boiling hot lava as I pushed and pulled and rattled, but the door didn't budge.

Magenta groaned, spinning on her heel and letting out a little yelp.

I turned around too and immediately slammed my back against the door. Right in front of us was the snake man. He was clutching his wrist, little dust grains slipping from his nostrils, his eyes narrowed angrily. His hand was twisted at an awkward angle, his fingers pointing in, and I couldn't help but look at Magenta in complete awe. Where in the world did she manage the strength to do that? She couldn't even jump up onto the bleachers in Gym!

"What kind of emergency exit is locked?!" Magenta yelled desperately.

"Now," the man stated, his voice strained in a hiss again. "you will die!" He lunged for us, but just then the window above our heads shattered.

Snake man went down in a beautiful display of shards of glass, too-big hooves, and brown fur.

We stared down at him, watching as, starting from his head, his entire body slowly swirled away into dust. Like a wind was blowing them away, they swirled around themselves, then vanished into nothing. The only thing remaining was a small little bowtie.

Then the smell of goat fur infiltrated my nostrils, and I looked up to see a dark-skinned, somewhat familiar looking guy, looking down with a frown on his face. From the tops of his head, two small horns poked out in a small little curve. He was wearing a green shirt with a big red X over a tree being cut down. But it was the bottom half that was the most unbelieveable. Instead of pants and shoes, he had fur. All the way down. On the floor rested two hooves.

He looked up at us, taking us in slowly. "Are you alright?" He spoke in a deep voice.

"No." Magenta offered, crossing her arms, apparently over the shock. "We were nearly eaten by a snake monster dude. We then were just saved by a donkey monster dude. Thanks, bro."

The donkey monster dude looked offended. "I'm a satyr. Not a donkey. And you're welcome. I meant physically."

I shook my head. "Who-who are you?"

He looked me in the eye. His eyes were a startling green-it was more like I was looking at the entrance to a deep forest then into two eyes. He dipped his head. "I'm Simon Greene. Your protector."