While the father spoke a Church I couldn't follow him. Thoughts of Melchior ran through my head. I don't know what it was but whenever I saw him I got this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I never got that when we were kids and played pirates, but when I saw him days ago, he was grown up and handsome and not the little boy I remembered him as. He was beautiful. Then when I made him hit me, he scared me, but there was something in his eyes, they looked magnificent. I found his journal and after I got home that night I tried to read it, some of it I could not understand. But what I could understand, it made me think. He wrote about woman, and men, and God, and the Church.

Church. After reading Melchior's journal I don't know if I believe as I used to. The things he says… Mama said always to believe in the Church, and God. But I don't know if I can anymore. I looked around for Melchior, of course he hadn't come. Why was I so foolish to think he would join his parents at Church? "Mama?" My looked at me, upset that I had spoken when I should be listening to the father. "I am feeling rather ill. Mama may I please go home." Mama looked skeptical. "I am feeling rather faint."

"Fine. Go home and rest." She said back to me. I nodded and slipped out unnoticed. After I was out of the Church I went down the right road that led to the barn, instead of the left one that led home. Melchior wrote in his journal that he goes to the old barn when it rains. I started to run down the path, the sky overhead seemed to get darker, I knew the rain would start pouring any moment. I ran into the church, I saw Melchior sitting atop the hayloft.

Melchior had not noticed that I had come into the barn. He seemed to be thinking. "So here you are." My voice seemed to startle him. When he noticed it was me he turned from me quickly.

"Go away! Please." He begged. He ducked his head, and turned it away from me.

"There's a storm coming you know. You can't sit sulking in some hay loft." I tried to get him to look at me, or even turn his head towards me, but he didn't.

"Out." He said. I knew he didn't want me here, but I wasn't going to leave him.

"Everyone's a church, rehearsing for our Micolous corral. I slipped out." I tried again.

"Yes. Go." No.

"Your friend Moritz is absent. Someone said he's been missing all day." Maybe he'd talk about him, maybe he'd let me stay.

"I expect he's had his fill of Micolous." There was anger in his voice.

"Perhaps. You know I have you're journal…" There, he looked at me, his eyes softened.

"You do?"

"You left it, the other day." I started to move closer to him, but he turned his body from me. It did not stop me, but now I was right next to the latter that led to where he sat. "I confess I tried reading-"

"Leave it, please." I placed his journal on the ground, the cleanest spot I could find, and then I climbed the latter and crawled next to him. He moved as far away from me as possible, but I followed him, I wanted him to hear what I had to say.

"Melchi, I'm sorry about what happened, truly I am, I understand why you'd be angry at me I don't know what I was thinking-" The tears were starting to prickle my eyes.

"Don't!" He didn't want to listen to me, but I needed an answer.

"But how can I-"

"Please, please don't. We were confused, we were both just-" The tears were pouring out of my eyes now. I had to make him understand.

"But it was my fault-" I reached for his hand, but he was quick, he moved his away and crawled backwards until he hit the barn wall.

"Please, please don't. It was me all me. Something in me started when I hit you." I could see the pain in his eyes when he talked about that day. But he had to understand I made him to do it, it's my fault.

"Something in me too."

"But I hurt you."

"Yes but still-" I started to move closer again, our face mere inches from each other, but he moved away again, he turned his back toward me.

"No. No more, my god just no more, just… please. You should go." I was not leaving him, not now.

I place my hand on his back, I felt him shiver, was he cold? "Won't you come out to the meadow now Melchior?" I placed my other hand next to my first one, slightly gripping his shirt, begging him to look at me. "It's so dark in here and stuffy." I moved my first hand down his arm, and tried to pull him to look at me, but he was stronger. "We can run through the rain, get soaked to the skin and not even care-" Finally he gave in, we were facing each other once again.

"Forgive me."

I place my left hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. I started into his eyes, a beautiful blue. I tried to make him understand. "It was me. All me." I pulled his head to my chest, mama would do it sometimes when I was upset. Melchior wrapped his arms around my waist, his thumbs making soothing motions on my back.

"I can hear your heart beat Wendla." He whispered. He looked up at me, questioning.

"Melchior, I don't know." Suddenly my head was against his chest, his heartbeat was so strong. I noticed I tears were still pouring out of my eyes, I was happy thought, his heartbeat was comforting.

"Wherever I am, I can hear it beating." He held onto me as if I would disappear, but I did not want him to let go.

"And I hear yours." I replied. Mechlior then held me at arms length, starring deeply into my eyes. I looked at him, he was breathing heavy now, and I didn't know what he was going to do. Suddenly he pulled me to him, his lips pressing hard against mine. They felt incredible, but I knew I should not be doing this.

"No!" I tried to pull away but he held me there, I shuffled a bit and finally he let me be free. "Melchior we cant! We're not suppose to!" I tried to get out of his grip but his grasp on my arms kept me from going anywhere.

"What? Not supposed to what?" With every word he slightly shook me. "Love? I don't know if there is such a thing!" I looked up at him, his hand cupped my face, stroking my hair. I moved my hands up to his cheeks as he whispered to me. "I hear your heart. I can feel you breathing. Everywhere. The rain. The hay. Please, please Wendla." Again he forced his lips on mine, his arm encircled my back and pulled me to him tightly. His lips were soft and even thought I knew we should not do this I let him kiss me longer than before, finally though, I pushed away.

"No. it's just its-"

"What? Sinful?" He spoke with such passion, I was having such trouble refusing him. He pulled me closer.

I could not think of an answer to his question. I do not think loving is sinful. "No I… I don't know."

"Because it's good?" His hand gripped my hip, his hands digging into my dress. "Because it makes us feel something?" The tears were gone, and he was right, this time I pulled him to me. He smiled and laid us down on the hay, but it did not prick me like it used to, I could not feel anything, unless it belonged to Melchior. He pulled his lips from mine, and he could see the uncertainty in my eyes. He cupped my face once again. "Don't be scared." He whispered.

He kissed me again, and his breath started to become more frantic. He pulled me into him, our mouths moving together. Then his hand was upon my breast. "No!" I cried, and squirmed underneath him.

"Please?" He begged, he groped my breast this time, and it felt good, but I knew I should not be doing this. I tried to get his hand off of me but he would not move it.

"Don't!" I yelped, he moved his kiss to my neck, his hand still on my breast, mine still trying to move his away. Finally I pushed him away. He looked at me as if he had no control over what he was doing, like he wasn't the one control his body, but something inside him.

"What?" He asked quietly. He seemed to try to understand what I was nervous about, but I didn't know. This all felt right, so why was I pushing him away. I took his hand, placed it back on my breast, ready to let him do what he wanted, what I wanted. He seemed to be excited as he untied my dress. He opened the top of my dress, my breasts exposed to him completely. I felt nervous, no one had ever seen me like this, but he smiled, and then kissed me again.

His tongue trailed my bottom lip and I open my mouth for him, this kiss was different, but I liked it. Suddenly his lips were off mine, he kiss my jaw, neck, collarbone, breast and down my stomach all while his hand massaged my breasts. I heard myself whimper, I could feel my stomach get weaker and I ached for him. Then he moved his hand down to my legs, about to go under my dress.

"WAIT!" I yelled, I was not ready for him to go there.

"It's just me. It's just me." He whispered, I nodded my head yes and he open my legs. His hands immediately went to my underwear, and moved them aside, putting his fingers at my entrance, he smiled when he felt how wet I was.

"Not there!" I said, I didn't know what he was doing. But he didn't listen to me, he forced his finger into me, the feeling was incredible. I suddenly wanted him to continue, I laid down as a forced another finger into me, I moved my hips with his thrusts, he smiled when he saw that I was panting. "Almost!" I arched my back when his fingers thruster for the last time.

"Yes?" He asked, I knew he wanted to continue, so did I. His fingers were still in me, making different motions, I felt something in me explode.

"Yes." I answered, nodding my head. He smiled, rammed his fingers into me one more time. I arched my back and his lips came back to mine. His moved so he was in between my legs, and I felt something hard press against entrance, I moaned and he kissed my neck. Then he kissed my left breast while his hands worked on both of them, he moved to my right breast and bit on my nipple. I yelped. Then he kissed my stomach and then my entrance. Suddenly his hands were off my, I looked up to see him removing his suspenders. He unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down. He looked much different than I. he grabbed himself and position it at my entrance. I felt him go in slightly and I moved my hips to him

"Melchior." Said, begging him to go all the way in. He did, and that's when I felt it. A sharp pain, it felt like something tore. I moved away from him, wanting him out of me but he wouldn't have it. He pulled me to him, thrusting into me, I yelped in pain, I wanted it to go away. "STOP!" I screamed. He was suddenly off me, pulling his trousers up. The pain was unbearable.

"What?" He asked, I shook my head no. he grabbed my chin gently and made me look at him. "What?" He whispered.

"It hurt, I… I don't want to do it. I'm still hurting." Melchior opened my legs, looking to make sure everything was okay.

"You're fine. It might hurt for a little bit more. But I promise, it will get better. Trust me." I looked at him, and nodded. He pushed my legs wider apart and started to take off his trousers once again. I laid back down on the hay, praying the pain would leave. I saw him take himself in his hands and I knew what would happen next. This time, it didn't hurt as bad, he waited until I said it was okay, and then he thrusted into me. I grabbed his back and he grabbed my leg, pulling my hips into him.

He pulled out again and thrusted harder than before, immense amounts of pleasure washed over me. "Faster." I whispered, he heard me and we started to set a pace. I was meeting his thrusts. I moaned as he hit something in me, I felt myself shake slightly, I screamed into his shoulder and he kept going. Faster, until he finally thrusted one last time, and he screamed out. I felt warmth spread through me, and I felt him tremble above me. He was panting and he looked at me. He then removed himself from me and started to reassemble himself. He fixed his trousers and I moved my dress down. He looked at me and cupped my face.

"Are you okay Wendla?" He asked.

"Yes." I answered, reaching for him. This was okay, because I loved him. And he loved me.

So I watched Spring Awakening on youtube and I just loved Lea Michele and Jonathon Groff. They were amazing, and I've read some of the fics and I just wanted it to seem rough. I guess, but sweet at the same time. I hope you enjoyed.