A/N: Okay, so this gift!fic is for for juupke who requested T he Mentalist - pairing:Romantic!Jane/Lisbon - prompt: "Tell me something nice." I love the prompt, but the words just wouldn't come. I could almost hear the conversation, but not quite. So I decided to try a little experiment. The following fic is straight dialogue. That's it. I can get wordy and descriptive and this is kind of an antidote to that. I've done it once before, years ago, and it kind of worked, so I thought I'd try it again. I am both pleased with the result and considering a re-write with more description. I'd appreciate your feedback.
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Tell me something nice
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"I hate stakeouts."
"No, you don't."
"I really do."
"You don't. If anyone hates stakeouts, it's me."
"How do you figure that, Jane?"
"Come now Lisbon. You know as well as I do that I tend to ignore procedure if I can."
"What on earth does your inability to follow even the simplest instruction have to do with stakeouts?"
"They're very procedural."
"Not necessarily."
"How do you figure?"
"Jane, you do realize that you've initiated several impromptu stakeout of your own. After all, half the time your plans are, at their core, simple observation. You've camped out near a suspect many a time to observe and prove a theory. I've caught you at it more than once. You do it all the time; you just don't usually call it a stakeout."
"Lisbon, that's..."
"Don't even try and deny it! I told you, I've totally caught you at it myself."
"I wasn't going to deny it."
"Sure."
"I wasn't! I was going to tell you that your observation was very perceptive."
"Uncharacteristically so, you mean?"
"I didn't say that, Lisbon!"
"You didn't have to, Jane."
"I would never say that..."
"Sure you wouldn't..."
"I wouldn't! Has it ever occurred to you that I was just surprised because you usually don't call me on things so directly?"
"No."
"You're very contrary today."
"Yeah, that's why I'm unwilling to believe that you, Patrick Jane, were really just paying me a compliment because you meant it."
"I was."
"You don't do that."
"Yes, I do."
"No, you really don't."
"I say nice things to you."
"Occasionally. But not often, Jane. Mostly you say things designed to knock me off balance, or to figure out exactly what you've decided you need to know. Nice has nothing to do with it."
"I'm would never deliberately be cruel to you, Teresa."
"No, I suppose not. Sometimes I'm just no t a priority."
"Lisbon..."
"Look... Just, just tell me the truth, Jane. That's all I ask."
"Is it?"
"Yes."
"Even if the truth is that I think this stakeout is unbelievably pointless?"
"How many times do I have to tell you that doesn't matter? We have to do it, Jane. It's procedure. It's necessary."
"It's useless."
"It isn't."
"It is. And you are a priority to me, Lisbon."
"What?"
"You, Teresa Lisbon, are a priority to me."
"I heard... I... What?"
"It's true."
"Mmhmm."
"It is!"
"You're telling me the truth?"
"I am! The truth is..."
"The truth is... What?"
"Oh, you want the truth, do you, Lisbon?"
"I do. Just once Jane, I want the truth from you."
"Are you sure, Teresa?"
"Yes!"
"Really sure?"
"Of course I'm sure, you idiot!"
"Because once you get the truth, you can't take it back..."
"Who says I'll want to take it back?"
"Even if it makes things complicated?"
"Why do you always assume I want things to be simple? If I did, I'd have let you go off on your own devices years ago! You've certainly threatened to enough times over the years. Least cooperative consultant on the face of the planet is what you are..."
"So cranky, Lisbon..."
"Shut up. You drive me to this!"
"And I take offence to the implication that my leaving you would make things simpler! After all, I am a consultant; I do solve your cases."
"You also do things just this side of legal and almost get me fired in the process."
"That's only happened a few times..."
"The fact that you think it's acceptable that it happened at all is telling, Jane."
"My little CBI Agent, So caught up in the rules..."
"Yeah, those silly little laws society imposes. Such nonsense to an officer of the law..."
"Now you're just being pedantic, Lisbon."
"Tell me the truth!"
"I'm not sure I want to anymore."
"I hate you sometimes."
"You don't."
"You never had any intention of telling me the truth anyway, Jane. You just do whatever you want, whenever it strikes your fancy."
"That's not true."
"Isn't it?"
"No."
"Ah."
"It isn't. Christ, Lisbon."
"If you're not going to tell me the truth, then at least tell me something nice."
"I was telling you the truth! You just chose not to believe it!"
"Oh please!"
"And another thing, why do you assume that something true and something nice are mutually exclusive?"
"I... what?"
"Oh, Teresa..."
"No, don't you dare take that tone with me!"
"What tone?"
"The tone that says you pity me, that my life has been tragic or screwed up or..."
"I will take that tone with you, dear. And I'm sorry, but your life is screwed up if you think that nice and true are mutually exclusive!"
"Cut the crap, Jane. You're just bored because you have to sit here in this car and follow a plan that wasn't of your own devising, you're just..."
"Actually, I'm just in love with you."
"What?"
"I'm just in love with you, Teresa. Something which I think is both nice and true. Though I admit that it has very little to do with this utterly pointless stakeout we're on."
"Jane..."
"Go ahead, tell me I'm lying."
"I..."
"Tell me I'm crazy and terrible and cruel."
"I... No."
"Why not?"
"Tell me something nice again."
"My definition of nice or yours?"
"What makes you think they aren't the same thing?"
"Teresa..."
"Tell me something nice, Patrick. Please."
"I love you."
"R-really?"
"Yes."
"Even if I ask you what you mean by that?"
"I mean that I love you. I mean that I want you. And I mean that sometimes you surprise me, after all this time. And that even if stakeouts are pointless and dull, I don't really mind them when you're here."
"Jane... Patrick?"
"Yes Teresa?"
"Would it surprise you to learn that I might love you too?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Hmmm."
"Sh-shouldn't."
"Does. You taste delicious."
"Don't stop."
"Mmkay."
"Jane?"
"Mmhmmm?"
"Concentrate!"
"That's a little difficult right now, dear."
"S'important."
"Mmhm."
"Jaaa... Oh! JANE!"
"Wha...?"
"Love you."
"Really...? You know, you shouldn't hit me."
"I'll do whatever I... oh yes, there..."
"As you wish."
"Ja-ane..."
"Mm?"
"Is this stakeout really a waste of time?"
"Absolutely."
"Are you sure?"
"Very."
"You're not just saying that because..."
"Because I'm hoping to keep putting my lips on your skin?"
"Mmhm."
"No, though the idea did cross my mind. And if you don't move your hand soon, it's going to be completely irrelevant."
"In that case..."
"In what case?"
"In the case where this stakeout is pointless, do you think you could take me home and tell me more nice things?"
"Is it okay if I show you some of them instead?"
"I might insist on that."
"Then can I point out that technically you're the one in the driver's seat?"
"Can I point out that I'm hardly going to start the car while you're doing that?"
"Doing what?"
"You know very well what."
"I'm not sure I want to stop. Are you sure you want me to, Teresa?"
"Are you sure things wouldn't be easier without a console in between us?"
"I'm sure they would be."
"Well then?"
"Doesn't mean I want to stop touching you."
"Be reasonable."
"When have I ever been that? And what makes you think I'd want to start with you?"
"Shut up."
"Oh, Teresa, I'll be more than happy to stop talking once we get back to your condo."
"And until then?"
"Until then, I guess I'll just have to pass the time telling you more nice things."
"Patrick..."
"I have a list..."
"I... What? You do not!"
"One, your almost unwavering faith in the legal system you work for is inspiring, dear."
"Jane..."
"Two, your quite strength is more comforting than you have any idea of."
"You're not really going to..."
"Compliment you the whole way home? I think you'll find that I am. If you don't like it, I guess you're just going to have to break a few traffic laws to hasten the journey along, dear. Because three, you're a very beautiful woman."
"You'd better not be playing with me."
"I'm completely serious. Have you never looked in a mirror?"
"Of course I..."
"And right now, I really wish I was driving, since you seem to want to insist on obeying every single pesky little traffic law."
"Hush."
"Soon. Will you at least consider turning on your siren?"
"I've known you for almost a decade, Jane. You really can't wait another ten minutes?"
"Honestly?"
"Maybe not."
"Teresa, I love you. You have no idea how much of a relief it is to say it after all this time."
"Actually Jane, I really do."
"Oh."
"When we get home, I want you to be very, very nice to me."
"Yes."
"I might even return the favour."
"Four, you have the most delightful way of putting arrogant local cops in their place. Five, you kept me sane over the years. Six..."
"Love you too."
"Thank god. Now aren't you glad we skipped the rest of the stakeout?"
"Oh hush. Stakeouts aren't that..."
"Seven, your ability to get right to the heart of the matter..."
"Oh hell. Fine. I'll put on the siren."
"Thought you might see it that way. Now where was I? Oh yes, eight..."
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The End